Please give me some responses (sensible and flippant equally appreciated) for my Dh's unsupportive questions/comments about extended breast feeding

[popsycal]

FFS
I feel ill
I have to respond to questions about breast feeding regularly from family and friends. The least I expect is DH to be supportive. Well, at least not critical.

But tonight, he has just confronted me with:
'so give me a ball park figure (twat) for when you are going to stop breastfeeding'
'whenever ds2 wants to'
'people think it is getting ridiculous'
'which people?'
'just people. my mum, people I work with'
'what does your mum think is ridiculous and what has it got to do with people you work with who don't know me and who i have never met?'
'but it is getting ridiculous'
'is it?'
'yes - he would be sleeping through by now if you did not breast feed?'
'would he? which research is this based on?'
'my research (twat)'
'where is your research?'
'in here.... (twat)
'what are your objections?'
'it is getting ridiculous'
'what is ridiculous?'
'that he is nearly two and even people who breast feed think it is ridiculous'
'why?'
'why do you have to do it for so long? you are being selfish. it is nearly all for selfish reasons'

at which point i left the room before i exploded
so bloody cross

oh yes
somewhere amongst that he asked would i be feeding when he was 5 or 4 or 3. give him a rough date

so i told him 30th february 2010
;)

Message withdrawn

that response 'twat' will help me to feel a little better though

why so cross ?

If you feel you are doing the right thing then cant you explain your reasons to him

he is asking and you are calling him a twat and storming off ,thats a bit of an OTT reaction isnt it ?

Would he have less of a problem if ds was sleeping through? Or is he simply gettign embarrassed about it?

Tbh I'm not sure that your responses to him are going to help things between you. It sounds as if he doesn't feel involved in the process or the decision. If dh were to give me similar responses on a topic then I wouldn't be feeling on iade or part of the team. Wouldn't you be better off explaining why you don't want to stop? I find that I support dh much better when I have an inkling as to why he is doing something.

I'm with you. Just stopped with Dh in last three weeks, he's 18 months. Gobsmacked at interest from other people and their their bloody rudeness.. "what REALLY? Still?". So hard not to tell them all to Eff Off...

sorry lorina but he is being obnoxious.
the tone of the questions diesnt come across
it was an inquisition with an agenda
i feel really poorly and cant be bothered to deal with this

i cant vocalise my reasons - it is odd
it is just what i do

Oh, god, he's a moron. Sorry, Popsy, but he is.

I can hear his tone in your post.

Have you shown him the kellymom page lately?

As for "my mum and the people I work with" - ffs!

AND he'd be more likely to be sleeping through if your DH pulled himself out of his pit in the night and did the settling back to sleep for a few nights!

Is he upset because of the sleeping? Just trying to help, because those questions and the implication that the opinion of his dickhead workmates is remotely important would wind me up too! If it is the sleeping, could you tackle that? If it is any help, my dd (nearly two) is still breastfed and sleeps through beautifully. And I don't think you are ridiculous!

Popsycal: if it makes you feel any better, I thought his twatishness came across loud and clear.

If you're already being criticised by other people about it, he should have an inkling that it may be something you feel sensitive about, and not be so heavy-handed when bringing it up.

And WHY is he discussing it with his workmates?? Twat.

Twat

Why are people at his work even discussing your breastfeeding?

Sort of agree with pps in that it might be helpful for you to talk him through exactly what is bothering him about you continuing to breastfeed - is he jealous???? Embarassed? If so, he needs to work on this as they don't seem good reasons for you to give up if your ds doesn't want to.

I don't know enough about it to give you any advice on selling the virtues of extended bfding but it doesn't sound like he's very informed about the reasons to give up either.

I would be upset too popsycal - great in theory for him to feel involved in the decision, but saying things like 'give me a ballpark figure' and 'people think it's getting ridiculous' would not make me feel inclined to talk sensibly back to him. Regarding what exactly to say, how about something non-inflammatory like 'ds and I are happy with the arrangement. What is making you unhappy?'

If he answers something about other people, then you could stop him and say 'No, I mean what about it is making YOU unhappy.'
If he mentions that it's selfish, tell him you truly don't understand what is selfish about it.

Does it disturb your dh's sleep when ds wakes up in the night?

Would he like to give your ds a bottle sometimes, is he feeling left out?

The way I read it (wrongly obviously) was that he was sad and confused and probably was missing you ,IYKWIM.
I also wondered if it was because he wanted another baby?

Sounds like I am way off the mark though.

It is horrible when your Dh's needs conflict with your childs. I think the child comes first when it does happen though.

And along the lines of Aloha's post, I know a two-year-old who hasn't been breastfed for a year and is a poor sleeper. I don't think the two have to be related.

Agree you need to say, 'what is upsetting YOU about this?'. Very good point.

Agree with HM that if the night feeds are such a problem for your dh, then he should do something about it.
With us, once I'd decided to drop night feeds, dh took over all night wakings until the dc's got used to no milk at night.
Was a good deal, because meant that when ds was born, I knew that at some point I'd have my sleep back.

thanks folks

lorina
you are way off hun. he really never ever wnts another baby. not enough to get the snip rhough

he is being a twat
he has been tons better recently and this has come out of nowhere so i think it must have been something talked about today
he has come home in a stinking mood

lio - your suggestions fr my answes are reaally good. i am just too emotionally involved and feel yoo ''got at' to make ratuinal comments

the sleep thing
i know more friends with bottle fed babies than breast fed babies who dont sleep which i pointed out to him to which he responded some crap about percentages and how no one breast feeds this 'late ' (restrained pedantic grammatic opinions and refrained from pointing out that it was not even 7pm yet )

But should add that if I wanted to keep up with night feeds he would not have been fussed.

fwiw i am desperate to stop the night feeds
we (hahahahah I) had him virtually sleeping through in early oct then the clocks went back then we have had 4 or 5 different illnesses which have put off d-day over and over again
was going to do it tongiht but now i feel really poorly
tempted to do it anyway
he is really acting like big sulky child

I should also add that even once the ds'c no longer fed at night they both woke up. DD for ages and much more frequently than ds. But then all babies are different.

he is being a dick.

goes back to read rest of thread with steam coming out of ears on popsy's behalf.

Sorry to enjoy your upset but your multiple "twat's" in your post made me laugh out loud Am feeling miserable at the moment and you and the twat cheered me up.
Tell him to bugger off!! I hardly breast fed at all but I still know that you have the right to feed for as long as you want to. You're great!