Please give me some responses (sensible and flippant equally appreciated) for my Dh's unsupportive questions/comments about extended breast feeding

[popsycal]

FFS
I feel ill
I have to respond to questions about breast feeding regularly from family and friends. The least I expect is DH to be supportive. Well, at least not critical.

But tonight, he has just confronted me with:
'so give me a ball park figure (twat) for when you are going to stop breastfeeding'
'whenever ds2 wants to'
'people think it is getting ridiculous'
'which people?'
'just people. my mum, people I work with'
'what does your mum think is ridiculous and what has it got to do with people you work with who don't know me and who i have never met?'
'but it is getting ridiculous'
'is it?'
'yes - he would be sleeping through by now if you did not breast feed?'
'would he? which research is this based on?'
'my research (twat)'
'where is your research?'
'in here.... (twat)
'what are your objections?'
'it is getting ridiculous'
'what is ridiculous?'
'that he is nearly two and even people who breast feed think it is ridiculous'
'why?'
'why do you have to do it for so long? you are being selfish. it is nearly all for selfish reasons'

at which point i left the room before i exploded
so bloody cross

Not drunk love. Just late at joining in the threads.

Off now anyway cos I have a co-sleeping 3 year old who stopped being breasted 6 weeks ago who wants her mummy in bed to cuddle up to.

If that offends anyone stick it in your pipe and smoke it.

NIGHT

VVV-xx

i fit's the typing that made you think I was pissed then nah- It's my typing that's carpa

I have a 3 year old sleeping on my lap who cosleeps and stopped bf about 4 months ago.

wrinklytum.... was wondering why you were wishing me luck!

wine and not reading threads correctly!!

pixiefish

night all.

x

night vvv.

sounds like my ds has finally gone to sleep (my bf ds and mostly thanks to dp i should add! )

I'm probably way too late with this but, popsycal, I just wanted to add my 2p.

Babies and toddlers are good at knowing instinctively what they need. I think most would agree with that.

You can't bf a child who doesn't want to bf. I think most would agree with that too.

If your ds2 is still bfeeding then it's because HE wants to. He wouldn't bf otherwise.

If he wants to, that's probably because he's sensed that he NEEDS to.

Does your DH really want to deny ds2 something that he needs? I bet he doesn't.

Am saying this because maybe it could be useful to you as an approach: ie, make it clear that the bf decision is ds2's, not yours or DHs. Then you can put that aside and concentrate on the deeper issues.

Whilst I would never tell anyone what is right or wrong in breastfeeding (I personally wasn't happy to extend my feeding but if someone wants to continue into school age, of course it's your right)

I have read this thread and I don't see it as a breastfeeding problem. Sounds like your dh is uninformed to the merits of breastfeeding (as in the important bond between mother and baby) We are not encouraged to BF any age children in this country and many people are embarrassed/offended by the sight of a nursing baby) This does not excuse his behaviour but does explain some of it. He is unsure of extended BF as it is out of the ordinary (for him)

Also, many men struggle with jealousy when a baby is added to the mix of family. You used to be his, those breasts were his!! Now you and your breasts are your baby's. Maybe he feels baby is getting in the way, you are putting him last. Again no excuse, he is an adult and should be able to cope but every mother should make sure their partner isn't excluded. So many famillies break down over this reason

I'd suggest relationship counselling as I fear for your family. Sorry if this sounds harsh. Too many people fight over topics but rarely cover the issues beneath

sorry, popyscal . A lot here isnt useful and got sidetracked but there are a few people who did stick to the thread. Apologies again.

Morning all.

VVV

Popsy- sorry we all digressed last night.

How do you think your dh would react if he saw the distress that your DS would be in were he refused milk? Just a thought but perhaps prove your point by letting him see that- or would it not affect him.

I was/am lucky in that Dh behaves himself No sorry, he is very supportive of how i parent my dd and he agrees with me on the majority of things. Attachment parenting and baby led everything meant that he stuck to that.

I'm sorry your dh has issues but lots of people don't approve of it and so he is coming under pressure- perhaps if he has ammunition to throw back at these people he will find it easier to deal with

Aloha,I think you have raised an extremely important point in your post of 11:58 pm last night.
It is so true that those who bleat about fathers being 'excluded' when women bottle feed also claim to see breastfeeding as nothing more than a choice of feeding method.

The logic is completely skewed because if it was as mundane as that,people wouldn't be feeling excluded.

Geddit???

Frankly if my dh had moaned and whinged about feeling 'excluded' I would have gone off him so fast it wouldn't have been true.

A great big hairy arsed bloke vying for attention with a tiny baby??

Fucking pathetic

Er. ..when women breastfeed I mean obviously.

Quite, Moondog.

However, its very likely to find contradiction from someone who apparently, just wants to play devil's advocate on every single point, just for the hell of it.

I don't think she does QV. I don't wish to stir but I actually think Zookeeper was making her point calmly and was rounded on. I backed out of this thread because it seemed so one sided. I disagree with ZK's point of view but I think she makes it calmly in the face of quite a pronounced drubbing tbh.

She has said nothing offensive and even if she had surely people are comfortable enough with their views not to take anything personally. She was certainly heavily out numbered.

Message withdrawn

Spidermama, I'd agree if I hadnt seen similar happen before. Which is why my tolerance level is that much lower.

Great big hairy arsed bloke vying for attention with walking talking toddler.

Fucking pathetic.

yes the child is a toddler
so bf is a small part of the feeding experience
I can't see how it can possibly interfere with "bonding"
if the father wants to be involved in feeding, then he can make the three meals a day, feed the child, clean up afterwards, do the shopping and meal planning.
that should give him some uninterrupted one on one time

spidey, nice point.

I have nothing more to say at all but zookeeper, I agreed with the main points you were making. And, like you, I accept that others will not agree with me.

bloody hell
just scanned this
sublime to the ridculous
breastfeeding equated with having a shit
nice

soapbox - many thanks for your post - really does make sense

I suppose this thread really was more about him being a tit rather than what he was being a tit about iyswim

anyway
letting this one die a death now....

Popsy if you are still there
Have reread the entire thread. Do you think that it was about the feeding or do you think that dh was just picking a fight?
I hope that things work out for you {}.
I agree that in this situation there is no compromise, if you would like ds to self wean and dh wants you to stop 6 months ago you are neither happy with stopping at a fixed date.
Good luck.

Ok, couldn't read whole thing but we had the whole dp getting anxious over she 'should' be sleeping through by now (bottle-feeding from 3 weeks!).

We have had lots and lots of discussions why CIO/CC is NOT the best thing and why in an ideal world she would be sleeping with us... finally he agrees, well mostly, we have come to a compromise. I do have to gently remind him that he does not actually do any reading around the subject and is only going by 'well, this bloke at work said his baby sleeps 7-7...' hmmm... we all say that don't we (well, i say 'she's sleeping alright, a few wakings...' but still rosy-tinted).

Anyway, other suggestion is to leave literature in the loo - seriously! was the only way I could get dp to read anything about the birth

Popsy,

Taking ur DH's comment literally sounds like he is blaming u BFing for ur son not sleeping through the night.

My DD is bf and has slept through the night since she was 4 days old. Is now 3m and sleeps for 8-12 hours overnight.

Tell ur DH to stick that in his pipe and smoke it!

I wonder if Popsy dh complains bitterly when Popsy is changing nappies that he is being 'excluded'