Please give me some responses (sensible and flippant equally appreciated) for my Dh's unsupportive questions/comments about extended breast feeding

[popsycal]

FFS
I feel ill
I have to respond to questions about breast feeding regularly from family and friends. The least I expect is DH to be supportive. Well, at least not critical.

But tonight, he has just confronted me with:
'so give me a ball park figure (twat) for when you are going to stop breastfeeding'
'whenever ds2 wants to'
'people think it is getting ridiculous'
'which people?'
'just people. my mum, people I work with'
'what does your mum think is ridiculous and what has it got to do with people you work with who don't know me and who i have never met?'
'but it is getting ridiculous'
'is it?'
'yes - he would be sleeping through by now if you did not breast feed?'
'would he? which research is this based on?'
'my research (twat)'
'where is your research?'
'in here.... (twat)
'what are your objections?'
'it is getting ridiculous'
'what is ridiculous?'
'that he is nearly two and even people who breast feed think it is ridiculous'
'why?'
'why do you have to do it for so long? you are being selfish. it is nearly all for selfish reasons'

at which point i left the room before i exploded
so bloody cross

t
w
a
t

print some stickers, apply them liberally to lampposts, people's foreheads and your front door. oh and your arse of a husband:

"I do not agree with your (ill informed) opinions on extended breastfeeding, so please do not bring the subject up as it causes unnecessary stress and tension for everyone. I do not interfere in your parenting/other decisions, so please do not interfere with mine which will incidentally reduce my risk of breast cancer, and my son's risk of developing a whole catalogue of conditions including gastrointestinal and respiratory infections"

(ps popsy i had all this with dh - but to a lesser degree, with dd1 who i fed for 2 years. i fed dd2 for 3 years )

Thank you every one for your (ON THE WHOLE) generally supportive comments. Hunker and VVV's comments on the history of all of this are all correct. Things have been much better recently but last night, he was, and continued to be, a complete nob. It IS a sleeping thing. I confronted him with all the really good questions posted lower down the thread and he had no rational reponse.

To those poster who expressed YUK, etc, thank you for your opinion, but your opinion is at best, misjudged, and at worst, totally and utterly wrong.

DH is going away for a boys' weekend tomorrow and to be honest, I am desperate for some time by myself with my gorgeous boys.

Depending on how well I feel tomorrow night, I am going to go for it. I hate the night feeding myself, but for the last few months, it was the best of a bad bunch of options.

Again, folks, thank you for all of your posts

good for you popsy

go on then speccyseccie tell us why you think bf a toddler "ain't great"
though I shoud warn you that if you use the words "yuk" or "weird" then sarcasm may be deployed again without prior warning

specciespeccie

I have just re-read your post. I have heard him out an many occasions but his 'opinions' have become more and more irrational on this matter. I have listened and listened and listened. He is being twatful. I am not simply being obnoxious to his request to have a grown up, sensible, mature discussion on the impact of breast feeding a toddler on our relationship and our family life. I am more than happy to discuss this and to acknowledge that there are certainly some stressful aspects that have arisen over the last 2 years that were, at least in part, related to breastfeeding.

Do you have any personal experieence of breast feeding a toddler? Why 'ain't it great?' Did you not enjoy it?

You also enquire about my sex life. Nice that you show an interest seeing as I have never come across you before. How's yours?

Is there some research about an inverse correlation between how good one is in the sack and how often they get their norks out for the dreadful deed of providing their toddler with the milk that nature intended them to drink?

Had a look in the 'The Sun' but could not find it anywhere....

Specciewotsit, I make the sarky comment.

I think you'll find I'm a bit given to those.

It's my motif.

My raison d'etre.

My life, dammit!

I feel judged.

Used.

Scorned.

Cast aside.

Worthless.

Ashamed.

Judged (did I say that?).

Hurt.

Abused.

Shit, I'm doing it again.

Tell him this...

'Many people find bf a 5 year old child weird, freaky etc even tho it is perfectly natural and the best nourishment for young children.

Therefore my social conscience will not allow me to stop as I wish to educate those who are ignorant of the benefits.'

That'll confuse him!

He's a twat. Lynch him. Divorce him. That'll be an end to it.

He's your husband, he's a man, he's their dad, he's not able to breastfeed. Talk to him and try to sort out both your feelings instead of creating a 'me and my babies' divide.

You know, I'm STILL trying to imagine the conversation my DH might have with his colleagues that would result in them giving him their unvarnished opinions of my still bfing our toddler.

Good luck Popsy for tomorrow night. Any chance your MIL might come over and help out again?

pointydog.
thank you for your sarcasm and vastly incorrect interpretation of the dynamics of my family life

sorry. obviously everyone else is so right and understands him perfectly

lol at Bundle's stickers.
Can I order some?

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Dh was breastfed till he was 4 and has always been totally supportive of my breastfeeding. I think he has mentioned this when talking to his female friends if the topic arises but would never allow anyone to criticise it.

pointydog.
I really don;t wish to get into an argument. I am feeling mightly p'd off with a variety of things and the last thing I can be doing with isd spending my weekend arguing on the internet.

I hvae posted about this subject many times before. It is well documented a=on here of the unsuopportiveness of dh in this area. If he could give rational reasons the I am all ears.

FWIW I sat down with him last night and asked him sensibly and calmly if he wanted to talk about what is was that was bothering him so much about it. That we needed to talk, discuss and work a solution as he was clearly upset/disturbed/embarrassed. I asked if I could reassure him about breastfeeding a toddler and offered him a print out of factualinformation about the benefits. I asked him if he would be willing to help me to sort out ds2's sleep. If he could pinpoint a day when he wasn;t at work the next )I am just a part-timer you see, who only 'works' 2 days a week...) so that we could have a really good go at sorting out the nights so that we could get our bed back after a few months of co-sleeping with ds2.

His response?
Along the lines of: 'p off with your pop psychology and pseudo-counsellor shT'

Then he went round to his mate's house.
I didn't post this before as I bizarrely did not want to tarnish him too much.
Still on his side?

I'm not on his side. I know it is very easy for me (and everyone else on a message board) to make comments which just reflect their own point of view and take no account of all factors. And I don't want to piss you off more about something that is very stressful for you.

I just feel sometimes it gets to the point where compromises have to be made to smooth the relationship as I think that's more important. But this thread is obviously a very personal, long standing thing and you're looking to others for comfort. sorry for pissing you off.

Aw sorry to hear that popsy.

Twat.

You've been extremely reasonable. It's so unfair that he should be so nasty to you when you're doing something so natural and good and right for the son you have together.

What an arse.

As for ignorance on here - don't let it get to you. This subject always shows up the ill informed. Let it wash over you. You ARE amongst friends.

pointydog - a compromise does have to be reached.
but my opinions and feelings don;t seem to matter
ho hum

The trouble is pointdog Popsycal is doing something to benefit their child. I disagree that it's a joint decision that his feelings need to be taken into consideration. Of course it's great to discuss how he is feeling but when he says that feeding a near 2 year old is ridiculous and other people he has discussed it with say the same, well, that makes him a twat.

Message withdrawn

hercules, I disagree with you. And that's where I'll leave it.

that i anm ridicukous cod?
please explain

On what point do you disagree?

I'm totally agree with your Hercules.

My God if we women can't have the final say over breastfeeding FFS what on earth have we got left?

This is what usually happens. Noone is able to give a logical reasonable explanation about why they dont like the idea of toddlers breastfeeding and revert to yeuch and the like.

ahh but they are his breast too you know ..