Please give me some responses (sensible and flippant equally appreciated) for my Dh's unsupportive questions/comments about extended breast feeding

[popsycal]

FFS
I feel ill
I have to respond to questions about breast feeding regularly from family and friends. The least I expect is DH to be supportive. Well, at least not critical.

But tonight, he has just confronted me with:
'so give me a ball park figure (twat) for when you are going to stop breastfeeding'
'whenever ds2 wants to'
'people think it is getting ridiculous'
'which people?'
'just people. my mum, people I work with'
'what does your mum think is ridiculous and what has it got to do with people you work with who don't know me and who i have never met?'
'but it is getting ridiculous'
'is it?'
'yes - he would be sleeping through by now if you did not breast feed?'
'would he? which research is this based on?'
'my research (twat)'
'where is your research?'
'in here.... (twat)
'what are your objections?'
'it is getting ridiculous'
'what is ridiculous?'
'that he is nearly two and even people who breast feed think it is ridiculous'
'why?'
'why do you have to do it for so long? you are being selfish. it is nearly all for selfish reasons'

at which point i left the room before i exploded
so bloody cross

i didn't hijack the thread at all. she asked for all responses, flippant or otherwise, am i not allowed an opinion?

well you can obviously think its as wierd as a very wierd thing if you want.... but you would be wrong

You can say what you want, Yeahyeahyeah. Just don't expect anybody to let you spout ignorance unchallenged.

no yyy, popsycal asked for responses to her dh being ANTI bf, not a cheerleading squad for him.

so i take it none of you (honestly) would bat an eyelid at a toddler or older being breastfed infront of you?

Of course not, but it would probably lead to my dd (2yo) diving under my shirt as she was reminded what was in there!

Quite jealous of all you tandem feeders, if I'd known earlier all that I know now, I'd probably have fed ds much longer than the 9 months I did, which would have led to tandem feeding as they're only 18 months apart.

Thanks in part to mumsnet, I'm much better educated now!

I have a 16 month who hasn't been breastfed for about 5 months. She is a pants sleeper.

yeahyeahyeah...read through the WHO pages and you will see that they recommend bf until age 2 and beyond...and no that is not just for 3. world countries...just cos it isn't that common in our society doesn't make it wrong or weird, weird is, tbh, that people have such strong opinion about something they don't know anything about!

To OP, never got as far as you, but would have loved you, but of course, my sons are a brilliant example , that you can't force bf, therefore nothing selfish about it...!
But yeah, get properly talking to that man of yours and explain your reasons, and ask him if he is willing to sacrifies your childs wellbeing just because some people may find it weird.
In the end, you are doing what is best for your child, and you and your child are happy as things are, so, not anyone elses beeswax really!
BTW, must admit, your post had me in stitches, I could just imagine that conversation.

BTW yeahyeahyeah, until ds 2, I may have felt it was weird, too....until then I had only seen up to 1 year olds bf'ed...but then saw a 2 1/2 year old Toddler feed, and it was most wonderful, really, she had hurt herself and it was just like a magic potion...that was the day I decided that extendet bf was for me...sadly ds2 and 3 both disagreed on that one....lol...sigh...

No eyelid batting from me.

Apologies, Popsycal, appear to havebeen inadvertantly drawn into this hijack. No advice from me, I'm afraid, but to echo the support from other posters. Good luck with keeping cool in the face of extreme provocation.

Oh Popsy, I am cross for you too. I was asking dp what his colleagues thought of me still bf ds at nearly 2yo. He said that it never comes up in conversation - it's not a secret, but just that people assume that you've stopped once the baby is past 6-12mo. So I don't really get why it is being discussed unless he is bringing it up... And even if other people do think it's ridiculous - it's totally irrelevant isn't it. I mean, unless you have first hand experience of bf a toddler you have no idea what it is like, how un-weird it is.

YYY - my toddler feeds right in front of me all the time. I never bat an eyelid

a freind of mine, who was still bf her ds when he was 3, but not sure if they still sre now, (they are 4 now), said that she can understand why it might seem weird for others, but to her, well, it just develooped in that way...it isn't as one day you feed a ickle Baby and next day they are 3...for her it just happened that way, and because it was all they knew, it never felt odd or weird to her....

Goodasgold - do I know you? Name changed for this obviously but am on this thread.

him = twat
you = not selfish (how can bf be selfish - opposite I thought.)

PMSL! I just asked DH what his colleagues thought of me still feeding DS2 (who's only 12mo, but still that's a bit "weird" to people who think of bfeeding as for ickle babies). He said he's only said about it to one colleague, who just said, "Oh, right, I didn't feed for that long".

I asked how it came up. He said "We were in M&S talking about sandwiches".

I waited for him to say something else.

Nope, that was it, the explanation of how me bfeeding was suddenly a topic of conversation.

Loon!

Ah, hadn't seen the thread was now officially a Kicked Off one.

YYY, I'm sure you hold some intelligent opinions on other subjects. I like to give the benefit of the doubt, you see.

Jools, but he IS being moronic.

Confusedinscotland I have not name changed.
Am paranoid now that I have posted mils christian name...Hello Linda...Confused, do you mean in rl?
I hope we do know each other.

Yeahyeahyeah no I wouldn't bat an eyelid if somebody bf in front of me...I think THAT would be weird.

aha Goodasgold makes more sense now. We do not in fact now each other in real life but I am in fact a Linda. Thought I was rumbled on my usual chat name.

hey! my name is Linda too!

not really but I was feeling left out

Wow!! My name is Linda!!!!!!

Small world, innit?

So Confused, we don't know each other and you are not my mil.
So I won't be getting my tits out in front of you in the near future.
Goodasgold is pleased that her mil is not posting here.

A brilliant book by Gabrielle Palmer,called "The Politics of Breastfeeding" might provide you with some ammunition!

Popsy, I sympathise. You are on your own pretty much with the whole sleep thing, and he deigns himself able to comment on how you are dealing with it? And all because he's worried about what his ignorant family and colleagues think? Wow, what a supportive 'man'. Twat is suitable. He's being a nob.

DP is starting to make grumblings too. We had a discussion a week or two ago where he asked 'when' would I stop feeding DS. I told him it would be when DS doesnt want to anymore. He said "But, what if he never wants to stop???". To which I replied "How is that ever going to be the case??? Have you ever seen a teenager b/feeding?" He thne mentioned "Little Britain" and "Bitty" . Pretty much every day he points out how little I am expressing of an evening, asks why I am bothering, coz he'll drink cows milk anyway, and then proceeds to tell me that my milk is drying up.

Er, clearly not. Fortunately, he is just a bit ignorant - he isnt a twat with it

Plus, I blardy love him and he fixed my laptop AGAIN this evening.

Popsy - you gotta make a decision. Start the patting/shushing again, or stopping the night feeds, or accepting the status quo and going with it. I think maybe part of why you are so angry is because you arent confident in the choices you are making, and he is coming along and undermining them. You know best.

x

Popsy, ask him to give you a ballpark date as to when he is going to start helping out at night with ds2.

Just tell him to stop talking to people (including you) about it. And carry on as before. Twit.