"Breast feeding is disgusting"

[TheBookofRuth]

So said my best friend over a group lunch today. I held my tongue - yes, it was an insensitive thing to say in front of me as I'm still bfing my two year old DD and planning on bfing my second DC who's due in July, but it was hardly news to me that she thinks that and we are good enough friends to survive a difference of opinion.

However, when she followed that up with "there's actually no evidence that it's any better for babies than formula", I had to speak up. Eventually someone changed the subject to Palestine on the grounds that it was less controversial.

The study was four years ago. It was roundly dismissed at the time. It was poor science. In any case, it does not indicate formula is better than bf.

atthestroke most people would not recognise Glaxo as a formula manufacturer.

I don't have particulary good support in my area- like all breastfeeding support it can be difficult to find- but it does exist.

Formula is to blame for the lack of breastfeeding support. Its widespread use has mean that in only a few generations the skills which existed in the community have been lost.
Breastfeeding support has landed in the lap of the NHS like a white elephant.
Breastfeeding support is timely and subtle- most breastfeeding problems are initially not medical, but if left they will become just that.

Squiglet I don't disagree that education is sorely lacking in a lot of places but it DOES matter whether or not people BF. It matters hugely, both on a micro and macro level.

An individual baby's health will be improved through being BF (a baby who has no say at all about what sort of milk it is given), and if more people BF the NHS would save huge amounts of money. Huge. So saying that it's a mum's choice is correct, but that choice has much wider ramifications. Arguably someone has to fight to get that baby the best possible nutrition (which is breast-milk) in the same way that women are encouraged not to smoke/drink alcohol during pregnancy: we are thinking of the health of the baby, not necessarily the mother or her preferred lifestyle.

I agree in an ideal world we'd all be able to BF perfectly from day 1. However, it doesn't happen like that & sometimes the support isn't there. But making out we'd all (bar 3%) be able to BF if we'd tried harder is insulting.

I admit, I'm very sensitive about BF as I tried & failed (failure is my word not anyone else's) and to be told I should have done more hurts. And making out we're not committed enough to the wellbeing of our babies is ridiculous. BF is great but it honestly isn't the be all & end all. My boys were FF and are perfectly healthy & happy. We have a great relationship. Surely the wellbeing of the mother is important too.

hellsgranny
"BF is great but it honestly isn't the be all & end all. "

If you think this way then I don't see why you feel bad about your choices.

Breastfeeding matters more to some than others.

I find alot of people lately are having bad thoughts about breastfeeding, especially younger people never even think of breastfeeding just straight to the bottle. when I was breastfeeding I found with some people if they wanted to know what bottles I used or something and I said I was breastfeeding, there would be alot of awkward looks. and as for 'formula is just as good as breast milk' NO you obviously havent been told breast milk contains antibodies which prevent babies from getting colds, ear infections ect

Because I wanted to BF and I'm very hard on myself, things have to be perfect or I'm a total failure (but that's a whole other thread).

But hellsgranny- you said yoursel- "My boys were FF and are perfectly healthy & happy." So what's the problem?

Why did you switch to formula?

First born was hospitalised at 4 days due to worrying weight loss and jaundice (his bilirubin was double what it should have been). He had an NG tube put in. I miserably continued to pump for 3 weeks, got very severe PND, had to be put on medication that would have harmed him so was told to stop.

With DS2 I admit I didn't have the confidence to BF, I managed a week and panicked & went onto formula. I was expecting engorgement & floods of milk & didn't get it. Tried LLL but couldn't get hold of anyone & I just lost it.

What medication were you prescribed?

Prozac but on a very high dosage, and Valium. I was in a very bad way after he was born.

Fluoxetine is compatable with breastfeeding, diazepam is not. Your HCG could have discussed other options.

I think the problem is that people feel judged for not breastfeeding. It should be more acceptable for women to say, I found breastfeeding difficult so chose to stop. Or I didn't want to breastfeed.

At the moment people feel that they can't say that and so answer with I couldn't breastfeed. If a mother is struggling with breastfeeding but WANTS to carry on, then reading about how lots and lots of women simply can't just isn't helpful. It would be better to read the truth that it is very difficult but there are few problems that can't be overcome if that is what you want to do. That's not to say that they SHOULD overcome the problems but surely it is better to know that they can?

If everybody was more accepting of peoples feeding choices then it would be easier for those that want support to get it. Be that the mother who wants formula feeding advice or the mother who desperatley wants to breastfeed.

As long as all the babies are fed then surely that is ALL that matters? I formula fed my first two children and am breastfeeding my third at 18 months having battled through tounge tie, thrush, mastitis and cracked bleeding nipples. I don't love my third child any more because I breastfeed him. I do wish I had been prepared for the reality of feeding him though.

I'm not sure I agree with that. Breastfeeders get balmed for lots of stuff- like making ffers feel guilty.

The overwhemling majority of even breastfeeding women will stop and switch to formula at some point- how can such a huge majority "feel judged".
Women who never use formula are rare.

I think for people to get so defensive about it they must feel judged to some extent. Why else would people feel guilty or that they are letting their baby down.

I feel judged (I am judged) for continuing to breastfeed to this age so it does go both ways. I have never met another person who has fed as long as I have and I have only met a handful of women who have breast fed at all. I live an area with a very low rate of breastfeeding. If I thought that all the women I met that formula feed did so because they couldn't breastfeed then I would have probably given up when I met so many barriers. It is only because I knew that most women I know didn't want to breastfeed that I looked elsewhere for support.

^ as per Nachos post above - I feel judged and am judged for bf'ing. I ff my ds2 and never once felt judged or had any issues, comments etc.

cake I have had people at work ask if I am still breastfeeding. I answer honestly that yes actually I am and am told that I need to stop. Or asked if I am going to be one of those mothers feeding through the school gates.

I think people are quick to criticize anything that is different to what they did, as if by making a different choice we are undermining their decision.

If people are being deliberately controversial the thing they hate is to be ignored. Therefore best to just dismiss with 'really' and change the subject. Not sure why you want her as a friend though.

Don't you think that maybe you should wind your neck in and take your own advice bellablot? Dogooders and defensives? Really? I take it that because I've exclusively breastfed four, exclusively without formula, to well over the age of one then I fall into the former category? Laughable. Or do I fall into the latter because I don't like to be told I'll be sticking my tit through the school railings? Grow up.

Katie Hopkins on the thread?