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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

"Breast feeding is disgusting"

196 replies

TheBookofRuth · 02/02/2014 20:01

So said my best friend over a group lunch today. I held my tongue - yes, it was an insensitive thing to say in front of me as I'm still bfing my two year old DD and planning on bfing my second DC who's due in July, but it was hardly news to me that she thinks that and we are good enough friends to survive a difference of opinion.

However, when she followed that up with "there's actually no evidence that it's any better for babies than formula", I had to speak up. Eventually someone changed the subject to Palestine on the grounds that it was less controversial.

OP posts:

givemeaclue · 03/02/2014 09:28

Could she have meant that after a child turns 2 there are no medical benefits to breast feeding over other sources of milk?

tracypenisbeaker · 03/02/2014 09:29

Trying my best not to be controversial here (its bloody hard on this website) but i have come across many people who, in my honest opinion, have shit reasons for at least not having a go at BF. Like my colleague who said 'my boobs are my boyfriend.'How fucking stupid.

I genuinely sympathise for those who want to do it, but physically cant. That being said, I definitely agree with the notion that the decision not to BF is frequently a cultural/ society based one based on the vast amount of FF babies, as opposed to being physically unable. I know i should technically be supportive of other womens decisions, but when a baby isnt receiving antibodies in their milk because someone wants to 'keep their boobs' for their boyfriend, it gives me the rage.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 03/02/2014 09:30

givmeaclue. That's simply not true.

Juno77 · 03/02/2014 09:33

playfellows please try not to be so nasty.

Of course I give a shit about other women, are you serious? That's why I am posting. Because comments like yours can be really, really hurtful to women who for whatever reason aren't able to BF.

Being told that they just haven't had enough education, or that their problems could have been fixed easily, or they didn't have enough support, is really patronising. And upsetting. It just is.

You need to be able to accept that not every woman can BF. And there are lots of reasons for this.

Some women, of course, haven't had enough education, don't get enough support and possibly could have carried on. But please don't call it the majority.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 03/02/2014 09:36

Most breastfeeding problems are solved easily with solid support.

More than that, I would say that a significant proportion of breastfeeding "problems" are created by the people who are supposed to be giving that support.

A close friend is trying to breastfeed her baby (her 3rd, FF 1st, BF 2nd) and is under ENORMOUS pressure from her midwife to supplement with formula because the baby "is taking too long to get milk"

This is a woman who has breastfed before, whose mother breastfed her, who has tons of friends who have breastfed their babies.

But she's just had a baby and she has a woman coming to her every day telling her her baby will starve if she doesn't give him a bottle.

There can be A LOT of pressure on women to admit that they "can't" breastfeed.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 03/02/2014 09:38

Being told that they just haven't had enough education, or that their problems could have been fixed easily, or they didn't have enough support, is really patronising. And upsetting. It just is.

It's not patronising, it's the truth.

If after exhausting all avenues a woman continues to have major problems and cannot continue then at least she gave it her best shot.
She can switch to formula with out guilt or upset knowing she tried her best.No need for guiilt or upset.

gamerchick · 03/02/2014 09:39

Givemeaclue you obviously have no idea what you're talking about.

Also why is it more preferable to give animal milk instead of human which is tailor made to each child?

TerribleMother · 03/02/2014 09:40

In which case, givemeaclue, she would have been every bit as wrong, as when she called it disgusting.

tracypenisbeaker · 03/02/2014 09:41

Atthestroke

I agree with lots that youre saying, but i imagine the guilt wouldnt just go away just because someone has tried their best, especially if it something you always imagined yourself doing.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 03/02/2014 09:41

Playfellows, that's why I used the term "solid" support.

I agree there is a lot of very poor breastfeeding support around and this perpetuates the myth that lots of women are unable to breastfeed.

SquigletPie · 03/02/2014 09:43

Weebairn, my understanding from the OP was her friend said 'bf was disgusting' not her actual friend. It was perhaps a gut feeling about bf not a considered observation of her friend or even other mothers?

I have friends (and family) whose political and child rearing views are on the other side of the spectrum from mine (including feeding choices) but I see what we have do have in common and the wonderful positive characteristics of all my friends so would not condemn one of them because they don't agree with me.

If a friend specifically said 'you are disgusting for bf,' whole different story......

Juno77 · 03/02/2014 09:46

Being told that they just haven't had enough education, or that their problems could have been fixed easily, or they didn't have enough support, is really patronising. And upsetting. It just is.

It's not patronising, it's the truth.

How can you say that? How can you possibly say that?

There are thousands of women who can't breastfeed - nothing to do with lack of education or support. And you are quite happy to just tell them that they are wrong? Really?

Juno77 · 03/02/2014 09:48

stroke
this perpetuates the myth that lots of women are unable to breastfeed

PLEASE, for the love of god, please stop calling it a myth. Please.

Whilst I am not arguing with you that the percentage of women who can't may be lower than the percentage of women who think they can't, there are lots of women who can't so please stop calling it a myth.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 03/02/2014 09:48

I know that there are very few breastfeeding problems that can't be solved.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 03/02/2014 09:51

Being told that they just haven't had enough education, or that their problems could have been fixed easily, or they didn't have enough support, is really patronising.

So your position is that we need to tell lies about the reality of breastfeeding so that women who didn't or couldn't breastfeed don't get upset.

And that's NOT patronising

atthestrokeoftwelve · 03/02/2014 09:53

It is a myth juno that LOTS of women are unable to breastfeed. You are not reading my words.

weebairn · 03/02/2014 09:59

Juno I posted that statistics that show in some countries the breastfeeding rates at 12 months are as high as 97%. Surely this shows the vast vast majority of women are not being helped to breastfeed, not that women can't.

MPB · 03/02/2014 10:01

I couldn't BF.
To the point my baby was re admitted at 5 days and I had to FF otherwise he would probably have died.

I BF, FF and pumped until 2 weeks, and finally threw the towel in after attending BF network at the hospital and the BF midwife started talking about introducing a formula feeding line down my nipples so it would stimulate BM whilst baby was feeding. Also mentioned an anti sickness drug that had the side effect of lactation. my GP thought she was insane and quite dismissive of her reasons - BF targets!

I was so down, sore and vulnerable. And physically not producing milk - less than ounce a day. Maybe I could've continued but it would have broken me.

I am one of the small number who couldn't BF don't anyone dare try and tell me I could've done it because I couldn't.

Juno77 · 03/02/2014 10:01

Really? Maybe it isn't me that's uneducated then...

How about women with no breasts?
Women who have had their milk ducts removed with breast tissue?
Women with HIV?
Women with severe anaemia?
Women who have drug or alcohol addictions?
Women having treatment for cancer?
Women with serious infections?
Women who develop a breast abscess?
Women with hormonal disorders?

Juno77 · 03/02/2014 10:04

I am reading your words.

Because 'lots' is a subjective descriptor, I think you really need to stop using the word myth.

I am asking politely, as someone who finds it offensive.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 03/02/2014 10:06

MPB- SNS can be very effective, it's a pity you didn't want to try it.

weebairn · 03/02/2014 10:07

Of course there are some rare medical conditions and drugs that mean you can't breastfeed. Nobody is debating this.

You are out of date with the HIV point.

Juno77 · 03/02/2014 10:08

atthestroke

It's not a pity. Her baby is healthy and well, and she is happy and not stressed.

How dare you say it's a pity she didn't try it.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 03/02/2014 10:10

How about women with no breasts?

Oh Christ, not more of your ridiculous shit like the one about how it's offensive to say that mothers are important to their children because some children don't have mothers.

Juno77 · 03/02/2014 10:11

Okay, I shall rephrase that to 'women who are receiving antiretroviral drugs'.

And I don't think half those reasons are rare.

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