Breastfeeding - a contentious rant!

[jenbird]

I may get flamed for this post but here goes:

I am very pro choice when it comes to breastfeeding. I have breastfed all 3 of my babies and I plan on doing the same with this one. However I would never say just because that is my choice it is right for everyone. I understand that different people have different needs and that actually although nutritionally BF may be best if it is making the mother incredibly anxious or miserable then I believe it is not necessarily the best thing for that mother or baby.
What I do hate though is people who say "I just didn't have enough milk" when actually what they mean is "I tried breastfeeding for 2 days, I didn't like it, it didn't work for me and I have decided to bottle feed".
This has happened very recently in my life. A very good friend said she couldn't feed her baby as she didn't have any milk. The reality was that the baby was unsettled a lot and she wasn't sure what to do. Her mother said she "needed" a bottle so she went with that. Her baby is sleeping pretty well at night now and all is fine.
Breastfeeding your first can be really hard work. It hurts, it comes with a huge uncertainty and you seem to spend an inordinate amount of your time feeding but it does have it's rewards too and once you get going it is far easier.
I just hate those flippant comments about not having any milk when actually it is just about choice. Don't devalue the effort I put in just because you didn't want to go down that path.

I obviously can't say this to my friend in RL so I bite my tongue.

Rant over. Hope I don't offend anyone. If I do blame it on crazy lady hormones!

I admit I was a bit of a bf tyrant when dd was little but I'm over it now. I think parenting is important - much more important than feeding eventualities. All I care about is other parents (and me!) having the resources to make informed choices about everything from nappy brands to vaccines to nurseries. That's me

dreaming I hope I didn't offend. When I was talking about people I know saying they didn't have enough milk, I found it strange there were so many, and turns out none of them tried for more than a couple of days, did produce colostrum, and generally had poor advice from hcp/family. I do realise that some genuinely don't have milk, and all the support in the world doesn't change that.

lara, you chose to ff armed with all the correct information and support from hcp. That's exactly how that choice should be made. With full knowledge of the facts, so you decide whats best for you as well as your baby. There's no point being bullied into a decision that's not going to work for you or make you happy. I have no problem how people feed their baby so long as they feed it, like you said. Its just a shame that not everyone had supportive and knowledgable hcp's like we did

And finally -new mums should all be shown/given a non branded instruction card about how to safely make up a bottle and store formula milk - the fact this isn't done is so bloody negligent.

jenbird your post is riddled with contradictions.

"I am very pro choice when it comes to breastfeeding. "

and then go on to judge someone it didn't work for. for the sake of your friend i do hope you continue to bite your tongue.

I agree with you OP, and I think it also has a detrimental effect on other women trying it.

Before I had DD, I mentioned to my MW that I would like to BF but I understood it's not always possible as I know so many people who had tried and didn't have enough milk (about 5 at that point, and only my mum had succesfully BF). I genuinely thought it was more common than not that people wouldn't have enough milk. She put me right and now I realise we'd probably not be doing too well as a species if that were true (doh).

But before anyone gets narky about it - I wanted to BF and the women I knew who had tried and "failed" had all wanted to BF too, and at least 3 of them had had MWs who pushed formula onto them. I don't give a toss how anyone else feeds their child - it is none of my business. But I do care that these women were given bad advice and couldn't exert choice because of that.

So you want someone to come and give you a big pat on the back and say 'Well done'? Sorry but life doesn't work that way especially not motherhood.

Why do you need recognition from other mothers who are working just as hard?

I formula fed my ds after being very ill, so forgive me if I don't get my party poppers out for breastfeeding mothers whenever I talk to one!

I am also not commenting on her decision not to breastfeed. As others have said it is not really my business other than to support her. My post wasn't about her it was about me and my feelings.

And for those who 'couldn't' it's not a choice BTW. And couldn't doesn't just include those who have no milk but what about those with severe PND who feel the urge to throw their baby across the room when they start crying to be fed?

What on earth has the way she feeds her baby got to do with you though?

Unless she said my milk didn't come in, not like you you've had an easy ride and your lucky and didn't have to try, in which case correct her?

This is a shit thread, it's not going to encourage anyone to get better help its just going to cause a bloody ff v bf ruckus again.

Which won't help anyone.

Pickles I think you are missing the point. I am not saying others didn't. I am just saying I did.

jenbird what does your feeling have to do with whether she breastfeeds or not? there is something very wrong with you if someone else's choice to breastfeeds is tied into your feelings

I had plenty of milk and chose to start ff after the first two weeks. So that makes me a really bad mother doesn't it

I chose to stop for a number of reasons firstly I HATED it, DD fed for 22 hours a day non stop, DH went abroad with work after his paternity leave leaving me with no support whatsoever as we were 400 miles from either of our families. I have two dogs that needed looking after which I simply couldn't do and then got a serious infection which wouldn't go with ordinary antibiotics and needed heavy duty ones that weren't compatible with breast feeding.

I have never felt such relief as I did when DD finished her first bottle of formula and fell asleep. I feel no guilt whatsoever as I have a healthy, happy daughter.

Judge away, I couldn't care less. I did what was best for me and my family and I would do it again without a second thought.

Terrible place to post this by the way - maybe the breastfeeding/bottle feeding section would have been better.

I grew up in an African country where breast feeding is as normal as chewing. Of course people do FF too but it's not as common, usually done together with BF when the mom goes back to work. FF is also common there now because of HIV/AIDS as it stops the spread of the disease to the baby.

Anyway, my point is I only realised how much BF is such a "controversial" issue when I had my first baby here 10 years ago and sometimes I think it's because we here have a readily accessible and affordable alternative which makes our choices easier. I'm not suggesting that people chicken out because of course it's a hard thing to master.

I breast fed 2 of my DCs up to 7 months and plan on doing same to this one too. I always say, I can't be bothered to get up and make bottles at night when ive ready made stuff on me

But it doesn't need to cause a ruckus and that's the whole point. It is such an emotive issue and it shouldn't be. It should be about personal choice and circumstances without the need for anyone to feel defensive whatever their choice.

I tried to bf my first for 4 months. I did skin to skin. Fed on demand. Drank fennel tea and even tried medication. I attended breast feeding clinic. I took all the advice. I never had a let down feeling or leaked or managed to express any milk by hand or pump.
My boobs don't work.

But then why does it bother you what your friend said? I'm very confused.

Well if I've missed your point I don't see what it is?

Sorry OP, I think Tango's nailed it. Why do you want so much recognition for breastfeeding? Motherhood is hard work, period. BF is just a small part of it. Your FF friend probably has other aspects of parenting that are just as hard for her. In my case, my DS was a horrible sleeper when young, should I have expected a medal for coping with it while my friends sailed through life with lots of sleep?

Nothing that other people do devalues what you do. Seriously, take pride in your own achievements, you'll feel much better for it.

ipswich no worries, you didn't

just exactly what is your point jenbird i am really trying to see?

people should try harder at it? or people should have a choice to do it or not without judgement?

Your saying your mate is devaluing your efforts and in your own words "ranting" about it?

Then said its about you and your feelings?