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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding - a contentious rant!

432 replies

jenbird · 22/08/2012 23:51

I may get flamed for this post but here goes:

I am very pro choice when it comes to breastfeeding. I have breastfed all 3 of my babies and I plan on doing the same with this one. However I would never say just because that is my choice it is right for everyone. I understand that different people have different needs and that actually although nutritionally BF may be best if it is making the mother incredibly anxious or miserable then I believe it is not necessarily the best thing for that mother or baby.
What I do hate though is people who say "I just didn't have enough milk" when actually what they mean is "I tried breastfeeding for 2 days, I didn't like it, it didn't work for me and I have decided to bottle feed".
This has happened very recently in my life. A very good friend said she couldn't feed her baby as she didn't have any milk. The reality was that the baby was unsettled a lot and she wasn't sure what to do. Her mother said she "needed" a bottle so she went with that. Her baby is sleeping pretty well at night now and all is fine.
Breastfeeding your first can be really hard work. It hurts, it comes with a huge uncertainty and you seem to spend an inordinate amount of your time feeding but it does have it's rewards too and once you get going it is far easier.
I just hate those flippant comments about not having any milk when actually it is just about choice. Don't devalue the effort I put in just because you didn't want to go down that path.

I obviously can't say this to my friend in RL so I bite my tongue.

Rant over. Hope I don't offend anyone. If I do blame it on crazy lady hormones!

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 24/08/2012 16:54

ps, I am still alive to tell the tale Wink

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 24/08/2012 16:54

My nan used to be fond of telling me how she cleaned steps on the way to school on a burlap sack.

She probably fed her kids mashed bibles. Bless.

vezzie · 24/08/2012 16:59

duelingfanjo, I often think of my grandmother doing all of those things (the house where my mother was born and brought up is still standing, just, and you can see the range in the kitchen). It's clearly possible! But I refuse to feel bad about feeding my effortlessly-bathed babies while watching the Wire and eating delicious takeaway curry, while the washing machine rumbled stalwartly away and DP popped to the shop for a nice Rioja.

schmee · 24/08/2012 17:04

YABVU - some women don't have enough milk, or the babies have sucking problems which disrupt the supply. But the NHS conspires to make these women use formula instead of helping them to develop their supply.

With my premature twins who wouldn't suckle I listened to the midwives and started to mix feed. I never managed to get my supply back up, and it was a source of desperate sadness to me that I never managed to exclusively breastfeed. That said I mixed fed for five months which is a lot more work than either ebf or exclusively bottle feeding.

This time round I was told that I had to stay in hospital in a specialist unit unless I formula fed. When home I was told I had to ff or my daughter would be sent to a paediatric unit. This time I lied. I managed to get my supply up by feeding around 12 hours a day whilst looking after 3 children single handed and despite between readmitted to hospital myself twice with septic shock.

But this time my daughter was nearly 9 pounds and had an amazing suck, so I knew we would get there.

Bellyjaby · 24/08/2012 17:06

Reminds me of my gran when she heard I was divorcing my ex. "these youngster just don't try anymore, me and were together 60 years until h died". Yes gran, but you hated each other. "that's not the point". Lol.

Sioda · 24/08/2012 17:13

tethers Only if I get a mahoosive sparkly ring out of it....

vezzie Here's hoping your fellow trainees adopt your attitude along the way!

WednesdayNext · 24/08/2012 17:20

Bellyjaby actual PMSL @ "that's not the point". We had to get my grandparents a dog to stop them divorcing in their late 60s. They were so used to looking after my great grandmother that, when she died, they realised they didn't like each other that much.

vezzie · 24/08/2012 17:23

Bellyjaby, that is magnificent. I can just imagine your gran.

Badvoc · 24/08/2012 17:34

I think you will find I win actually....
I ff, used disposable nappies, weaned before 6 months and my ds2 occasionally drinks fruit shoots.

Bellyjaby · 24/08/2012 18:05

Ah my gran was that special sort of person who gets banned from her local hospital in her early 90s for 8 pages of violent, abusive and racist behaviour. She wasn't a shining beacon of humanity but she was there for me and my sister which is more than the other side did. If she was still alive there she would be 99, dad is 66 and I'm 33. I'm proud to be carrying this on by having a baby this year too! Totally off topic, sorry.

Badvoc - you mean they're not meant to have fruit shoots Shock?

Badvoc · 24/08/2012 18:07

Apparently not belly :)

BlackOutTheSun · 24/08/2012 18:16
Grin

The fact is that 100% breast feeding rates are never going to happen. While the 'bf nazi' and 'selfish' isn't going to change anything either.

Again, I agree that there are myths around bf. The one I remember most was that bf babies don't need winding I found out the hard way that they do . So instead of the nitpicking on either side, there is always going to be a need for formula and that we are lucky that in 2012 that its as safe as its ever been. But we must also show support for woman who do want to bf, but that is going to be hard as we need better trained hcps which I doubt is going to happen soon. So what else can we do?

Mothers must be made to feel that they can feed their babies wherever they are, either breast or bottle. That it must be seen that feeding a child is normal so no one either side gets any nasty comments.

tethersend · 24/08/2012 18:23

Sioda, I am going to try very hard not to make a honeymoon/massive ring based pun.

It's killing me Grin

Is this a record? Is this the first ever FF/BF thread to end in a love-in?

BlackOutTheSun · 24/08/2012 18:31

Formula is poison and breastfeeding is iccky Grin

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 24/08/2012 18:41

It's been a journey. I love you guys.

maples · 24/08/2012 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

naturalbaby · 24/08/2012 19:42

What? What have I missed? I missed the love in?? Well if it aint natural I aint playin Wink

Figgygal · 24/08/2012 19:56

Here here blackout!!

Didn't bother wading in earlier as I too am 1 of those women who should have let their babies starve and ignore dr advice when readmitted to hospital on day 5 with a almost jaundiced baby and 13% weight loss. 8 weeks later he was fully ff because I apparently didn't try hard enough.....if there was an eye rolly icon I'd be using it right now

WednesdayNext · 24/08/2012 19:59

A love-in on a BF/FF debate thread?!?!

tethersend · 24/08/2012 20:03

Shhh, Figgy... Join the love in...

daytoday · 24/08/2012 20:21

What an idiotic rant.

I've breastfed 3 babies and I really couldn't give a fig what another mother decides to do. My decisions my life - their decisions their life.

I actually can't believe you are annoyed by this. Why do you need other people to validate your efforts to breast feed?

I do think there is an issue with not enough support for women who are struggling - like breastfeeding councillors - but that's not the new mothers fault. I think you are perhaps simplifying the experience of those women who have had newborns with serious weight loss - coupled with distressing feeds.

Sioda · 24/08/2012 20:39

tethers oooh naughty!!

Rowanhart · 24/08/2012 21:55

I am due to give birth to my first dd in 11 weeks.

I've been toying with mixed feeding as I'm going back to work after 18 weeks maternity leave.

After reading this I am utterly convinced of one thing. I am not going to castigate myself over this.

If I am suffering physically and it is making me emotional, if DD is suffering in any way, if I'm too tired to function because of feeding all night you know what I'm going to do? Stop breast feeding.

I have precious little time with DD before I have to go back to work and I'll be buggered if I'm spending it miserable or feeling like a failure because of breast feeding. Dd deserves a non stressful happy mummy in a calm place. Not one weeping over a perceived failure in feminity. I hope what we achieve is four months of enjoying eachother.

If that makes me selfish in your eyes then so be it. I thank you all for ensuring I have some clarity and my priorities in order as I was starting to buy in to the hysteria.

hugoagogo · 24/08/2012 22:04

The point is and I am sorry if someone has already made it because I have only skimmed the last few pages.

Women should not be judged on decisions that they make in the first few days or even weeks of their babies life everyone is just trying to do their best at that point.

I had my 2 babies by cs and I ff them both although I did attempt bf with both; you might feel that I was 'too posh to push' and that I was somehow too lazy to bf. Hmm

But, I know that without these 2 medical miracles me and my baby (dd would have remained a twinkle) would have died. Then at least I wouldn't have been judged for my so called choices.

If you want to improve bf rates (or lower cs rates for that matter) the system needs to change, it's no good berating individuals or looking down your nose at them.

Softlysoftly · 24/08/2012 22:42

Is the entire 5 pages worth reading or will I just get rapidly more pissed off?

DD2 is bf, for 12 weeks she has been a constantly feeding, screaming, unable to sleep upset mess. Last week I introduced a bottle to check she will take one when I have to go to work.

She smiled, she slept, she played without screaming.

EBF for 12 weeks latch etc professionally checked, fed on demand however hard that may have been and I realise all that time my baby was hungry. Don't tell me you always have enough milk. I still bf, only one bottle a day but those times when she is screaming hungry and I know I could stop her upset with a ff break my heart. Posts like your judgemental crap, requesting a large shiny for succeeding is what makes me do it.

Thanks.