Husband/Partner's opinion on feeding baby

[WhatTheHellJustHappened]

Did anyone face opposition from their SO regarding formula feeding?

I will most likely formula feed. Most babies in my family are formula fed. I'm aware of the benefits of bf but I just don't think it's the end of the world to ff.

My husband is constantly arguing with me over this decision because he wants me to breastfeed the baby. Anyone else faced a similar problem? What did you do about it?

Let's not turn this into a thread where I get lectured about the benefits of bf because I'm well aware of them, but I just don't think it's the right choice for me.

I would argue that, as his child, he has a right to express an opinion on how he would like his child to be fed.

Also, is this your first child? If so, then he's probably just frustrated that you don't at least want to try BF before deciding it's not the right choice.

If this isn't your first, and you've had isssues BF in the past, then he should remember those issues and be more understanding about your position.

I am pro-breastfeeding but I don't think it's up to your partner to decide whether you do it or not. It's your body.

I personally ignored my partner's views on where I should give birth, on the same basis. He didn't want a home birth. I did. I had one.

whilst i agree its his child and his opinion does matter i mean we'd all agree he was an utter arse if he tried to stop you breastfeeding... and how would you feel if it was him stopping your dc from having something deemed the 'best'.

that said i have one ff and one bf child, both are exactly the same health wise, i did what was right for each. I loved bf after initial hestitation, i always recomend people try in hospital and then if they dont like it fine, atleast you have that to back your feelings.

This is my first child.

I don't want this argument to continue endlessly with him. I respect the fact that he has a right to express an opinion, but this feels like if I don't listen to his way he'll make me feel guilty and act all disappointed.

We are also having arguments regarding mode of delivery, but I'll post about that in the childbirth or pregnancy section later.

stateofconfusion

If he were stopping the child from having something deemed the best, I'd have no say at all if it involved his body and him doing something he didn't wish to do.

Is he suggesting BF because then he can't be asked to do any feeds.....

amothersplace

I don't think so. But I'll definitely ask him!!

Suggest he breastfeeds him/her himself then. Oh wait, that's right...

It'll be you who spends endless hours feeding and pumping, deals with every night waking, worries about your diet and alcohol intake, never gets a break from the baby. Not him.

I've breastfed two so am usually pro bf but it's not something you can go into not really wanting to. You are likely to resent him in the low moments which will be a killer. You will lose your mind. That is all.

Why don't you think it's the right choice for you?

My dh is very harsh about ff. he coined a phrase "obesity starts with formula". I think if I really wanted to ff he'd support me but wouldnt be his choice. However when it has got tough (bfing) he's been a great support.

I am very much in favour of bf, and I can sympathise with your DP's position. He is the baby's father, and has a right to an opinion. It's natural that he should want what he perceives to be the best for your child.

But ultimately, it's your body and nobody can dictate that you should breastfeed if you don't want to do that. It might not be fair that your choice trumps his, but that's just biology.

I think there are plenty of ways in which fathers can play an active co-parenting role in their children's lives without directing what the baby's mother does with her body.

Oooh very tricky!

I was adamant I would bf and nothing my dh would say would have stopped me, as it happened he shares the same views and would have been pretty horrified had I not even tried it, and so I wondered about this situation arising!

It's difficult though as it is your body but as everyone knows bf is the best for your baby. What are his actual reasons for wanting you to- does he really know all the benefits or is he just assuming that's what you should do? How would you feel if you came home one day to him feeding the baby/child a processed pasty and fruit shoot whilst watching endless hours of telly etc, I know I would go mad but then perhaps these things really don't bother you? Or feel that while he cares for the child it's his decision how he does it?

As the child is 50% his I do feel the father has a pretty fair place to at least have an opinion on how the child is fed provided he has valid reasons, and perhaps you should at least consider them a little as you would like him to consider your views on the child's health...?

Why would I not care if fed the children saturated fats and let them watch telly all day? Thats completely different! That involves discipline and a basic parenting strategy. Furthermore, while we know that bf is better formula is hardly poison and can't be compared to greasy, fried and junk food being given to older children.

I believe in joint decisions when it comes to the children, but only when they don't involve my body. I don't want him to have a say in how I give birth and what I do with my breasts. Other than that, it's totally 50-50.

I've already considered his opinion and my answer is no. My reasons for not attempting it are complex and IMO irrelevant here. I just know it isn't something I can sustain.

I was hoping to get in touch with other women who formula fed and find out how their SO reacted and what they did about it,

talhotblond

Exactly.

I breasted. I think it's best. BUT I very much also believe a relaxed mum makes a happy baby.

natashabee

Natasha, there is no point in me attempting it, because it isn't something I will sustain. I cant see myself doing it. Call me lazy, selfish whatever you'd like, but I know this isn't for me. I'm willing to pump colostrum and give it to the baby but I doubt that alone will appease DH.

Given the judgey midwives in hospital, if I agree to "try" it they'll make sure I don't leave without doing it their way. I'm already going to have a hell of a time convincing them that I'm ff.

At the end of the day, it's a big ask for your DH to expect you to bf because he wants you to. It's 6+ months where your body is, once again, not wholly your own.

If you wanted to keep the peace you could certainly give it a go just to see but I can guarantee you won't keep it up if you aren't committed. Bf-ing is not something people can make you do or bully you into, despite the best efforts of lactivists, NHS midwives, public health campaigns etc.

To breastfeed successfully you have to be committed to it and happy to do it so really, I think you actually CAN'T fulfill your DH's wishes anyway given your mindset. All you could possibly do to keep him happy is give it a go. Would you be willing to do that? If not, then just put your foot down. It's your body, your choice even if many won't understand that a woman who chooses to ff is as entitled to make that decision as a woman who chooses to e.g. do extended bf-ing or any other alternative to the mainstream idea of 6-12mths EBF.

I was exactly in your position and as you've prob noticed even people "supporting" your choice here lace it with "but obviously it's better to breast feed" which isn't supportive at all.

Yep the nurses at hospital will pressure you but that wasn't a concern to me. It was easier when I was home and noone ever commented again.

Once you're in the swing of parenting you won't give your guilt or method any thought. Many people actually told me later that they admired how strong I was and they were amazed how much easier and stress free my first few months were and my husband and family loved the opportunity to bond with the babies and help feed. I also loved watching my husband feed it made me feel very united/complete.

With one of mine I gave breast feeding a go. Just if I felt like it for the first couple of weeks. Meh. Some people love it. You choose, your husband will have other things on his mind soon!

I don't think the reasons are irrelevant tbh, it's abit like saying no because I said so. If tgat is what your saying fine but explaining why you feel a certain way does not mean you can be swayed.

Is it possible he's feeling like he has no input given your comments about the birth too ?