Husband/Partner's opinion on feeding baby

[WhatTheHellJustHappened]

Did anyone face opposition from their SO regarding formula feeding?

I will most likely formula feed. Most babies in my family are formula fed. I'm aware of the benefits of bf but I just don't think it's the end of the world to ff.

My husband is constantly arguing with me over this decision because he wants me to breastfeed the baby. Anyone else faced a similar problem? What did you do about it?

Let's not turn this into a thread where I get lectured about the benefits of bf because I'm well aware of them, but I just don't think it's the right choice for me.

I think the best advice you've had was somewhere in the middle of the thread from someone who said: tell your H that you will see how you feel once the baby is here and that you will not discuss it any further till then. He's made you aware of his opinion, which is fine, but other than that he can butt out, because it's not up to him what happens either WRT birth or BF/FF.

And also, just FYI, my DS was FF and is tall, healthy and on the Gifted and Talented register

SGB dont tell porkies, we all know ff fed babies cant even tie their own shoelaces

This decision is up to you and you alone. It is your body after all and I assume you'll be the one doing the bulk of the feeding whether it's formula or breastmilk.

The more people nag you and put you under pressure to BF the more stressed you'll be and the harder it will be all round, including to BF.

I formula fed my DD who is my eldest. I did try to BF but it didn't work, she hated it, I was stressing so making the whole thing worse. I ended up on ADs for PND after 3 painful weeks of beating myself up for failing miserably at being a mum, solely because I couldn't BF.

The minute I got pregnant with DS I swore I would even bother to BF and go straight on bottles of Cow and Gate for him. I did actually end up attempting to BF for 3 days as DS enjoyed it. But stopped so soon as I started to feel myself obsessing when it went wrong and honestly I know I sound a wimp but I found it very painful, more so than the crowning part of childbirth. I must have very sensitive nipples! I have formed a much bond with DS than DD and I think a lot of that is because I didn't put myself under so much pressure after having him like I did with my DD. I still have ended up with PND but it isn't so bad this time round.

Basically what I'm saying I suppose is, you've made your decision based on what you think is best for both you and your baby. You both matter, not just baby. You may change your mind after you have him/her but I don't think you will if you feel bullied by those around you about your choices.

Best wishes OP.

OK. If your objections a all of a practical nature, then why not say you'll bf for a limited period- say 2 weeks. You won't be going out much in that thine anyway, particularly if you've had a caesarian, and your dp will be on paternity leave anyway so he can do absolutely everything else that needs doing.

Seeker op said they are some of the sillier reasons. Whatever the other reasons op, at this time, doesn't want to bf. What do you hope to acheive by badgering her?

Breastfeeding isn't something that has to be sustained. If you struggle or simply don't like it, you can stop. 6 months isn't a magic number. If a mother manages two days, two weeks or two months, that's still beneficial for the baby.
Every drop counts. (far, far better than breast is best IMO)

^^ The above isn't meant to pressurise at all, just that your main reason for not trying (that ive read here) is that you don't think you can sustain it. I just wanted to point out that just because you start, doesn't mean you have to carry on regardless. :)

Look, as long as you have access to clean water and a sterilization method, there really isn't much difference. The main problem is the deep-rooted cultural assumption that everyone has the right to bully and harass pregnant women and new mothers about everything they do, especially if they dare to mention their own wishes or needs or convenience.

1. The op is obviously very good at speaking for herself.
2. Badgering? Really?
3. this is a situation where, it seems to me, that some sort of compromise would be best, in the long term- I suggested one. If that's all right with you.

"Some people can just not want to try things if they dont fancy it. They shouldnt be guilt tripped into it either."

Not wanting to try something that is best for your baby because you "don't fancy it" is pathetic.

Sure, every woman has the choice to deny their baby the first thing that baby will look for after birth, but that doesn't mean it is a good choice to make.

Your breasts are full of colostrum, your minutes old baby is rooting looking to latch on, but you're going to express (if you can even get anything) and give her a bottle?

Because you want to go back to work at 6 months?

Um, OK.

1/ ah so you do realise the OP can do things for herself, like deciding if she wants to BF or not?
2/ yes badgering
3/ You are saying a woman should compromise on what she wants to do with her own body, I dont think that is right and I'll say so, if thats ok with you too?

Oh, don't be so stupid, hairylemon.

I think it's weird to not want to even try to bf and I think your DH has a right to want the best for his baby. I know there are sometimes valid reasons why people don't want to bf, like pigeon chested or inverted nipples.... but come on.

Why can't people just try to be more open minded?

I have a lot of thoughts on this thread...

Yes, breastfeeding is healthier for the baby, no, formula milk will not hurt the baby.

I personally would give breastfeeding a try, and if for whatever reason it wasn't working out, or if it wasn't for me, then I would move on and start formula feeding.

If someone doesn't want to breastfeed, it's not going to end well, it's hard enough breastfeeding when you want to (although yes, some people are very lucky and don't understand all the fuss as they found it easy).

Yes the baby is important, but so is the mother, if the mother is stressed, how is that going to help the baby?

As for how to give birth, well, I was lucky and had a good 'natural birth' with gas and air, but that doesn't mean that I expect everyone to have an identical birth to mine! The important thing is that the mother and baby are safe and well, and that is physically and mentally.

OP, I really think you need to try and talk about this with your husband. Let him have his say, but ultimately it is your decision as he can't give birth for you or breastfeed the baby. I really hope that he ends up supporting you in whatever you choose as you need to be a team and work together.

AThing, if someone doesnt want to BF its not pathetic, might not be the choice you'd make, but calling another woman pathetic because she doesnt want to bf, does it make you feel good or something?

FWIW both my babies didnt root for the boob first thing, I could wake them up for about a day (along with most of the other mums on the ward with me!) but to be fair having that image isnt quite as emotive as thinking of a tiny helpless baby searching for boob and having the evil plastic teat instead

I suppose Im trying to show OP and others that not all bfers are bothered about how other people feed their babies, I think IRL most of us couldnt give the tiniest shit as long as the babies are fed somehow and looked after and loved. Infact saying that its only on MN that I see this level of obsession with other womens breasts and what comes out of them, thankfully.

couldnt wake them up that should say.

"Oh, don't be so stupid, hairylemon."

Ahhhh, come now, dont resort to playground shite please.

I forgot to answer the OP's original question

No, I did not face opposition from my DH regarding how to feed our DS. DH supported me and tried his best to help me with breastfeeding, bringing DS to me when he was hungry, encouraging me, taking me to see the resident breastfeeding expert at the hospital, buying a breast pump etc etc. When I was in tears because it was such a nightmare and I asked him what he thought, he admitted that he would rather I switched to formula feeding instead as it would take the pressure off me and I could enjoy my newborn baby, but he would support me if I wanted to continue trying to breastfeed.

hairylemon I think people are more outspoken on MN than they would be in real life, or at least I bloody hope so! Could you imagine calling a woman who has just had a baby pathetic for formula feeding to her face?!

Just off to give DS his poison formula milk now

interesting Posie, so even though some (most?) people with those afflictions can still bf with no problems for you they are valid reasons?

Would you not agree then that for some women simply not wanting to do it is also a valid reason?

I didn't even try and BF dd1 because i didnt want to.

I gave dd2 one BF and when i tried again it was awful and i knew i didnt want to.

When i was pregnant with ds1 i decided i REALLY wanted to after reading about benefits,how lovely it can be etc (nobody had ever spoken to me about it before and i was in a foreign country) I was determined and spent months reading about it, saw mums in public bf'ing which i had never seen before abroad and it became strange to even think of not trying....i am currently EBF ds1 who is now 5 months and i LOVE it.It makes me very sad to think my other children and i missed out on this experience and as silly as it sounds i am dreading having to explain it when they are older.

Not BF'ing my first two comes high on my list of biggest regrets but i know i wouldn'tve been able to with where i was mentally at those times.
If you go into it not wanting to, like others have said, it wont work out.

I would personally try and then you can say its not for you (or it might turn out it is).It gets everyone off your back too but thats up to you obviously.

My DH has supported each decision i have made and not batted an eyelid but he knows to obey .I can see why your DH is wanting you to BF as he only wants the best for his child but it is ultimately your decision.

Good luck with the baby whatever you decide

Cherry I seriously doubt they would because deep down it is a shit thing to even think, let alone say out loud. We're all mothers just trying to do our best and I would like to think IRL that people are a lot less judgey about this subject and engage their brain before opening their mouth.

Re read my very gentle post suggesting a possible compromise position, and decide whether or not I am being "outspoken" in suggesting that the person who characterises it as "badgering" is being stupid.

Seeker I dont think a woman should have to compromise anything to do with her body to appease her husband, which is what you are suggesting which is why I use the word badgering. Replace it with whatever other relevant word you prefer.

I think we are going round in circles tbh so I'll leave it there.

I like the subtle personal attack btw, very clever. I shall use that tactic in future