Never thought BF counld be so hard

[Gina1981]

DD is over 8 weeks now and EBF, but I never thought it was going to be this hard!

Ive been to bf clinic twice this week as I've been so close to giving up! I've started many threads on here re feeding as its been so difficult!

After 8 weeks of question re poo colour, being unsettled bla bla I've now come to the conclusion that she isn't getting a full feed and snacking instead! Sol I'm now on a journey to resolve this! If I'm being honest in so tired and fed up I'm now thinking is any of this worth it!

I don't know how long to keep going until I lose my mind! I have 2 other DC and I hardly have any time for them!

Advice please xxx

You know your baby is 'getting enough' by her health and growth, Gina.

Who's been telling you that you need a feeding pattern???

No one sensible, no one who knows about bf, no one who really understands how it works, would ever advise timing a baby at the breast (exceptions: tiny or sick prems).

I think one difficulty for you is you are asking for information a lot of the time, and asking many different people - on here, at your group, your HV etc etc. You will get different answers, and different 'shades' of answers, and because you are trying to reconcile them all, your head must spin :) You are overloaded!

Building up your own confidence in being able to judge for yourself that your baby is ok has been difficult for you - hence all the concerns about her poo, her latch, her timing, her frequency, her clicking and so on. Some of your issues have been technical and physical, of course, but a lot of them have not....and that's why you want to go back to the beginning!

That's exactly how I feel tiktok!! Overload!!

Everytime I go to bf clinic they bring out the sheet that has the feeding pattern! Which goes, fast suckin at the beginning then it slows down then the fluttery sucks!! Then I get told to space her out and not to allow her to feed frequently! I'm also told that any feed over 15 mins is considered a "good" feed! And to offer both breast and DD must have both!!

So I come away and feel like I've failed as none of the above applies to us!!

Oh and not to forget I keep being told that DD isn't latched on properly!!

It sounds like the BFing group has been run by people who have a rudimentary knowledge of bfing - the rest they have made up or cobbled together from 'anecdata'.

Would you be able to have a word with who ever runs it to ask why the volunteers/staff are using hand outs inappropriately and are passing on outdated and unsubstantiated 'advice' as it is confusing to you as a new mum?

I don't get the info you've been given. Why is only a feed over 15 minutes a good feed?!

And Gina, apart from during growth spurts, DD doesn't ever get to the second breast as she gets full up on one alone so I wouldn't worry about that too much either.

"Everytime I go to bf clinic they bring out the sheet that has the feeding pattern! Which goes, fast suckin at the beginning then it slows down then the fluttery sucks!! Then I get told to space her out and not to allow her to feed frequently! I'm also told that any feed over 15 mins is considered a "good" feed! And to offer both breast and DD must have both!!"

Sheesh - nothing exactly wrong except it's so prescriptive and it should not be on a sheet as if every baby has to do it like that. It's very typical that new(ish) babies feed with that fast sucking which fades to fluttery sucks, but it's not the law :) However, spacing feeds out is just wrong for most babies, and 15 mins as a minimum is just wrong too.....the one/two breast thing is too prescriptive.

Tell them what a mess they are making of their 'support', won't you!

Hi Gina. Sorry haven't posted so much over the weekend. I read up on the latest, sorry to see you're not feeling too positive with the feeding, but well done for hanging on in there.

I'm with truthsweet re. offering the boob when they cry (if it wasn't cold, soiled nappy, obvious tiredness etc). Other people will tell you 'you're making a rod' etc., but I just found it easier to comfort my DSs like that and if they got a feed at the same time - hey, so what?

If you are feeling overloaded and over-analysing things, perhaps an earlier visit to your baby clinic to get an accurate view of weight gain would set your mind at rest. Although, bear in mind that sometimes they grow more in length one week rather than putting on the ounces, and that they don't necessarily put on weight in a linear fashion if BF.

WRT frequency of feeds, if you're offering a boob when she cries, then she should be getting what she needs. FWIW both of mine were on both breasts for about 10 minutes a shot, about 8 or 9 times a day at this stage - but I can't remember now if I was counting those 'comfort sucks' (don't think so). I don't know if that is any use to you as surely the size of the baby must make some difference, and both of mine were big lads (above the 50th centile).

WRT PND, I was as stressed out as you sound when my DS1 was 10 weeks. It exhausting, it is stressful - especially when you get complications, and - like you - I was soooo driven to continue that everyone around me must have thought I was little bit bonkers and losing the plot... But if that's how you feel, you can't help it. Don't lose sight of the fact that you've successfully raised 2 other kids (and I think you said that you BF them), and so you know 'it works'.

Is your partner broadly supportive of your attempts to EBF to 6mths? If so, does he know the strength of your convictions and have you discussed what he can be doing to help you and the other DCs?

Wishing you well.

I'm sure they all think I'm bonkers!!!

DH is fantastic and very supportive but January Is an awful
Month ad he is an accountant and works the whole month and over 14 hours a day! Not even Sharing a room let alone a bed at the mo! Very happy it's the 31st today!

I only bf dd1 for 2 weeks and dd2 didn't want to know!! So I feel like dd3 is my first as I've never bf further than 2 wks!

The one thing I get very confused about is when to offer the other breast? How will I know that it's time that she needs 2? I only ever feed DD with 1 each feed and then keep offering her the same within 3-4 hours because of my oversupply! Should I switch to the next breast sooner than 3 hours?

GIna, my guess is you will always have more than sufficient milk to feed on one side only each session. I don;t think you need ever worry about whether your dd is getting sufficient.

Gina, I'm the same. I only give one breast as DD is milk drunk after having only one. There's no point trying to shove her on to the other boob. And when I have offered the second one, she's eaten half heartedly and then thrown it all back up again!

My HV is popping to see me this Thursday so will ask her to weigh DD!!

I was very angry with the GP when she suggested to give up bf! I thought she would encourage it despite everything!!

I will try to become more confident and trust that I am doing everything accordingly! 11 weeks of a hell of alot of information has really frazzled my brain!

Breast should have been designed to be transparent and with measurement lines! Lol!!

I am still at the number of officials who advocate formula feeding over BFing - when I had my tour of the maternity services at our local hospital, one of their uniformed auxiliaries turned round and said - with a wink - that they could get hold of formula for us if we didn't 'swallow all that breast is best stuff'. I vividly remember this and was shocked then. Even my very nice HV suggested mixed feeding around 10wks, even though she knew how passionately I wanted to successfully BF. I suppose if you don't know much about it, you can't offer practical help on how to overcome the difficulties. It was one of the reasons I relied on MN and www.kellymom.com for information.

It sounds like you've coped with a really hard month, with your DH up to his neck at work. Hopefully February will be a better one for you. And you have done brilliantly so far, so take heart

Was very much looking forward to the 1st feb as I finally get DH back and more help! Well dd1 woke up this morning vomiting and have just picked up dd2 from school as she has high temp! To top it all off DH has been given 2 extra days to finish tax returns so won't have him back now till Friday!! At least I'm more confident with bf after all the advice from yesterday! And breathe!!

These things have been sent to try us!! I guess it comes with having kids!! Not the best start to the year!! Let's stay positive as there are 11 more months to the year!

I must say I feel alot more chilled today re bf! I've disregarded alot of rubbish that I've been fed over the last weeks and am listening to DD now rather than what she should be doing and trying to get her to do something that she just won't do!! Fingers crossed!!

Good for you. Sounds like today has been a bit of nightmare. Hope the older DCs are feeling better soon, and fingers crossed you stay well. Glad to hear you sounding so positive, despite all your tribulations. Raising kids, especially little babies, is such hard graft. You are doing brilliantly. Hold on till the weekend - sounds like the cavalry will be returning then

I thought today couldn't get any worst! I'm now running high temp and feel like I've got flu! I'm assuming I can still breastfeed?

You assume right - why would you not? :)

Important that you do, as your breastmilk has antibodies that will protect your baby from whatever bug you have.

Hope you feel better soon.

Thank you tiktok! I can't remember the last time I felt so ill. I'm hoping DD won't catch it. It hurts to even move my head!

Thinking of you. What a sh*tty time you're having - it has to get better soon

I keep thinking that too! It's been one thing after another! Well I still feel sane so I'm guessing that's a good thing! I keep telling myself that there is always someone worst off!

Do you know if there is anything else I can take apart from paracetamol?