Never thought BF counld be so hard

[Gina1981]

DD is over 8 weeks now and EBF, but I never thought it was going to be this hard!

Ive been to bf clinic twice this week as I've been so close to giving up! I've started many threads on here re feeding as its been so difficult!

After 8 weeks of question re poo colour, being unsettled bla bla I've now come to the conclusion that she isn't getting a full feed and snacking instead! Sol I'm now on a journey to resolve this! If I'm being honest in so tired and fed up I'm now thinking is any of this worth it!

I don't know how long to keep going until I lose my mind! I have 2 other DC and I hardly have any time for them!

Advice please xxx

Feeling much better today thank you! Dc are too but dd2 is at home with me today!! Must have been a 24hr bug! Was awful! Paracetamol seems to have done the trick! Could do with some more sleep!!

gina I'm just going to say what I think is the only thing you need to hear. Your baby loves you no matter how you feed them so long as you do it. If you genuinely feel terrible then go to formula. It's very easy to be told to crack on with it but let's be honest happy mum equals happy baby. Don't feel pressured to carry on, I gave up BF after LO became seriously ill and I have never looked back. I felt very guilty at the time but I really don't care what anyone's opinion is of it now. You have to do what's best for your well-being xx

Ps you have already done an AMAZING job and should be so so proud x

Gina, how you getting on? I am feeling exactly the same as you and going to see lactation person next week and feeling exhausted and close to giving up bfeeding.

Tell me about it. Ds was born a week ago and happily took the breast when he was born, until he had jaundice and low sodium levels and we had to top up with a bottle since then it is a struggle to get him to suck from my breast and i am at my wits end.

I am expressing regularly and topping up with formula so that he gets enough fluids.

piglet, sorry to hear you are still struggling :(

In your other thread, you said you were advised to top up 'for a few days' ....what's the update on this?

Gem I've been very close to giving up many of times! I'm glad I haven't as I have noticed things get better week after week! Still not perfect but who knows what perfect is??

I'm suffering with flu at the mo, thought I was getting better but had an awful night and am feeling worst today!! DD isn't 100% either so I'm praying that bf is helping her!

How old is your LO? Everyone has been great on here! Ive found alot of support and great advice!

I'm feeling so ill that paracetamol isn't helping at all! Does anyone know of anything I can take to help me breathe, sleep or make me feel slightly human!??? Brandy maybe??

Olbas oil great to help you breath - you can put it on a tissue so it's not on you (as the smell might put your DD off her milk!). If your DD sleeps in the same room as you, not sure you can use it though - best ask a pharmacist. A hot toddy of lemon juice, honey, hot water and splash of whisky makes me feel better if I feel rough. A small one a few hours before a feed would be OK. Early, early night probably the best bet.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Have just come back from the GP and she is worried that all I do is breastfeed all day!! She suggested that I try and space out DD feeds a bit more!! She said that DD needs structure to get day and that I should be in charge and not her!

I am struggling to get anything done these days as I'm so exhausted with feeding etc! The other dc are still not getting my time and am getting quite upset about this!

Any suggestions?? Should I stick to a schedule or stay on demand?

But if you try to get her on a schedule what will you do with her when she wants feeding but the clock says no?

Hold her, leave her to cry in a bouncer/cot, jiggle her up and down, take her for a walk in the pram, distract her with toys?

Apart from leaving her to cry all of the ways to stretch out the gap between feeds involve you doing something with the baby. You might as well feed her then as otherwise you'll be distracting and then feeding so twice the work.

You can do other things with your older children while bfing, sit at the table and do homework/do jigsaws/draw/craft/board games, snuggle on the sofa and watch a favourite film/read stories/chat, cuddle up in bed in the morning (prob weekends only though) and talk about dreams.

Bfing only occupies a breast and an arm/lap (and only a breast if you can crack bfing in a sling) and you can still talk, use the other arm and walk while bfing.

Gina, perhaps ask your doctor why she is worried.

If she is concerned about your mental and emotional well-being you need to explain to her that you feel better responding to your baby's needs than making her wait for feeds, and that (as TruthSweet says) imposing a structure and creating gaps between feeds is likely to be more exhausting than simply feeding :)

No one can tell you to schedule your breastfeeding, or to feed in response to your dd's cues (not 'demands' - it's not 'demand feeding' , but simply responding to what babies indicate they need :) )

But I can suggest that this is again about your confidence to make up your own mind about what works best for you and what you prefer to do....without other people making you feel you cannot decide yourself.

We know that responsive feeding generally works best for most mothers and babies, and that breastfeeding is likely to be sustained for longer. But only individual mothers can decide what is 'right' for them in their own situation - and for that you need to feel good about your 'power' to do this.

12 weeks on and I'm still very much struggling to do anything! Im still not doing the morning school run, I still haven't cooked, cleaned, just about put washing on!! Hygiene has complelety gone out the window! I just about bath the kids and am too exhausted to have one myself!!

DD isn't sleeping much therefore I get hardly any sleep! I'm so tired all the time I still feel like I'm always catching up! DD naps very little during the day and if she does it's for very little time! I spend all day figuring out what she wants and what to do with her! I'm just so exhausted and unfortunately DH has been away for January and now he is back hasn't a clue what to do!!

I think most mothers coping with children inc a young baby on their own for a month would find it utterly exhausting, Gina - a lot of what you are experiencing is a normal result of your situation.

In your case, you also have a baby who is at the 'high needs' end of the spectrum, and for whom feeding has been a physical challenge (over supply is no picnic and you had a difficult start for other reasons).

Even so, at 12 weeks your baby still doesn't need anything 'done' with her - she still needs the same as any other young baby: feeding, chatting, interacting when she is awake, and comforting when she is grumpy and grizzly.

Maybe you have high standards and feel bad when you cannot meet them?

Now your DH is back, can you discuss how he can help? It may be that something dead easy but vital like making sure the older kids' shoes and clean clothes are ready the night before could help. 10 mins quick wipe round the kitchen and bathroom area every morning prob keeps most dirt at bay, and if he could have a tidy up blitz of 10 mins every evening as well, round the living areas, that would be even better.

Hoovering at weekends.

That's half an hour practical help every day - not a huge amount and if he hasn't a clue what to do to help, he has now :)

A bit left field but have you had your iron, folate and B12 levels checked?

Anaemia (in all it's forms) can be quite common during pg/post-birth.

I had B12 anaemia during DD3's pg, I felt so tired, breathless and my heart pounded, I also felt confused, lethargic and a bit depressed - kind of in a fug I guess. It went away with B12 injections but I got folate anaemia when DD3 was about 18m and felt the same (I am at risk of folate anaemia due to anti-epileptic drugs) - that went away with some folate tablets.

Just a thought.

Sorry should have said 'not uncommon' not quite common

Good thinking, Truth :)

I use to very organised and always on top of everything. Since dd3 came along I can barely do anything! Dd2 had dress up day at school a few weeks back and I completely forgot! She was heart broken that she went to school in uniform! Luckily there was one other child that had forgotten too!!

I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel! Dd1 and dd2 weren't like this at all and enabled me to do everything!

I wouldn't say I have high standards but I was expecting to be doing alot more by now!

Tbh I keep thinking about how I can make my life easier and all that I keep thinking about is formula!! But will it??? Deep down I dont want to give up bf!!!

Hi gina. I am feeling the same as you. My dd is 4 weeks old but she was 7 weeks prem, her due date is end of feb. I am bf on demand ever since she came out of scbu. I previously bf my older daughter for 3 months before combining feeds for a month and then stopping altogether at 4 months.

It is seeming like ages away and I keep wondering whether I should start combination feeding sooner! Not having massive probs feeding in itself, but struggling to get anything else done, going anywhere, having time for other dd, not sleeping in same bed as DH because she is feeding in our bed all night and we are both too scared of him being in with us as she is so small we might squash her. My day is basically breakfast, then lay on bed feeding all day and running round to get her fed enough so I can do school run in afternoon. Then back to feeding all evening. Other people can claim its "high standards" but we are all different and I am not coping so well with not getting anything done!

Must add that my DH is very supportive of bf and does not want me to stop at all, he wants me to do it as long as possible, especially since she is premature. I agree on that score but I feel tearful and ashamed I will let him down if I say I want to stop.feel like I need to reprogram myself to stop feeling like a lazy Cow for sitting and just feeding all day. DH is wonderful and does a lot round the house but I am normally so on top of things, it's a big change for me.

I'd just like to put up my hand and say Gina, Wretched, you both have BF for far longer than I managed - hat off to both of you. I felt very strongly about EBF but it went quite badly... in the end I FF exclusively and it was an enormous relief. It meant I could feel confident about feeding my baby and get on with all the things I needed to do. All I needed was to let go of the idea that FF equalled failure. It was the right choice for me and I didn't look back. Do whatever is right for you. You don't need permission from anyone (be it people on this site, or your spouse or friends or anyone) to sit and BF all day or to mix feed or to exclusively FF. Just do what works for you. Your baby will be fine regardless.

BlackSwan, you are right - these are not 'feeding issues' but confidence ones! When you have the confidence to work out that X, or Y, or Z is right for you and your family, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks.

I don't really understand the idea that formula feeding allows a mother to get on and do other things because of all the saved time - formula and bottles and other equipment has to be bought, equipment has to be washed/sterilised, formula has to be made....and the baby still has to be fed with it :)

Breastfeeding, for some babies, can be more unpredictable in terms of time taken, but overall, it doesn't usually take up more time, especially after the first weeks.

Babies who feed frequently as breastfed babies are often the same when they are formula fed. It doesn't change babies' underlying preferences that much!

This is the reason tiktok that I continue to bf as I can't take the risk that DD will be like this on formula too! If she were then ive doubled my work load!

Wretched, it sounds like you've had a tough time yourself! Are you enjoying bf?? Don't be hard on yourself, you LO Is so tiny still! There are nights that DH ends up in a different room too as DD won't settle in her cot so I end up co sleeping!

Blackswan, if I'm being honest Im scared to put DD on formula incase things don't improve! Then I've only gone and made things harder for myself!!

Surely there is another way round this! There are some days that I physically can't function! I'm getting over flu and woke up feeling sick!

Tiktok do you think it's ok to express or with my oversupply issues I've had, and still think I've got a problem with, might make things worst?