Never thought BF counld be so hard

[Gina1981]

DD is over 8 weeks now and EBF, but I never thought it was going to be this hard!

Ive been to bf clinic twice this week as I've been so close to giving up! I've started many threads on here re feeding as its been so difficult!

After 8 weeks of question re poo colour, being unsettled bla bla I've now come to the conclusion that she isn't getting a full feed and snacking instead! Sol I'm now on a journey to resolve this! If I'm being honest in so tired and fed up I'm now thinking is any of this worth it!

I don't know how long to keep going until I lose my mind! I have 2 other DC and I hardly have any time for them!

Advice please xxx

Gina, yes, if you start expressing on top of bf, you will make more milk which is not what you want....it's also time consuming as you have the equipment to haul out and keep clean and the bottles, and the baby still needs to be fed with it!

I suppose you are thinking 'I can express and DH can take the baby and feed while I have a shower/wash my hair/play with the other kids/ have a nap' is that it?

Think about it logically. You will not manage to express an entire feed in one go so you are talking about two sessions of 20 mins (guessing - some people need more, some less) with the pump (when are you going to do that? When dd is napping? and wouldn't you rather do anything else?!). DH then gives it to dd, but you have breasts that feel uncomfortable because they are missing that feed - so you express which rather negates the time off, and stops you doing the planned stuff you had in mind above. In addition dd is not that thrilled or settled after the bottle and DH comes to you saying 'I think you will have to feed her'.

I mean....try it for a day or so and see if it works for you, as you don't lose anything but time and effort in trying :) But don't expect much!

This is exactly what I was thinking and why I haven't done! Also when I've done it in the past I've resented all the work that goes into it!

Any suggestions on how I can feel a little more Human or do anything else but feed?? I can't talk to any other hcp as all the advice given is to space feeds and to do so I'll have to let her cry or like my GP suggested today was to express and let DH feed her! And of course "give up bf, it's not working for you, just put DD on formula"! This suggestion goes through one eat and out the other!

I wad expecting by 12 weeks that things would have fallen into place by now but I'm all over the place still and so is the rest of the family! It's really had a bad effect on dd2 and am scared she will get worst the longer this goes on for!! I think dd2 has middle child sydrome! She has become very difficult and at times it's unbearable! I then start to feel guilty of having dd3!

Gina - two good suggestions already today:

• get doc to check thyroid/anaemia etc
• discuss tasks you can delegate to DH now he is back home

Watching with interest gina to see if you get any other advice about managing to structure the day a bit more when ebf! I can't see it happening myself until I start building bottles in. I wish I was the sort of person who was happy sat endlessly breastfeeding but I'm just not. I need to get moving and out and about as well. That said, I will feel so guilty if I stop now so I'm going to carry on for the foreseeable future.

I've had my thyroid checked and that's all fine! Havent had any other blood tests! I take vitamins every day! I need to get some sleep but there just aren't enough hours in the day!!

I will suggest ideas to DH and already have suggested that something needs to be done about it!! I just didn't expect it all to turn out like this and finding it hard to come to dealing with it! I keep telling myself that it will be much better in a months time and the month goes and there isn't much improvement! I don't want to wish the year away!!

I'm thinkin of early weaning but again Im not too sure!!

Sympathise with the need for structure. Your dh can come on board. He can help supply it with guarenteed practical help you can rely on.

I am still at a loss to understand why bottles = structure = more time to do other things :)

This is a bit of a myth, IMO.

Wretched, your baby is not even term yet - it's wonderful you are bf because it can be hard with prems. There is nothing more important to your baby than you sitting on the sofa for hours, loving your baby and feeding her :) Why would that make you feel guilty????

Sorry, wretched - it wasn't making you feel guilty, it was making you feel like 'a lazy cow' :( :( :(

You are not one of those - you are doing great work :)

Wretched hang on in there! I'm getting DD weighed tomorrow so am looking fowaed to see if its been all worth it!! I can see that DD is putting on weight!! I'd be surprised if she hasn't considering how much she eats!!

I wish someone would come along and wave their magic wand!

I've avoided caffeine since bf, is this a must?

www.kellymom.com/health/lifestyle/caffeine.html

If you want to drink coffee, drink it.....IMO :)

gina I find it strange that you would rather wean early than FF, surely you ant think formula is that bad? I can't say that FF will solve all your problems but I can say that reading all this you are seem really low and that can't be good for anyone. Someone once said to me once you have LO you become 100% mum for a while and you have to work to get some of who YOU are back. With FF you will know exactly how much dd is eating and I think it will help you feel a lot more human and less milk machine. I am so jealous you have fed for so long I wish I could of breast fed, I now think that my LO just didn't want BF and was happier with a bottle. For me it simply came down to the question "who am i breastfeeding for?", although we all do it to give babies the best start changing to formula really doesn't any harm. Otherwise there would be entire generations written of as FF was all the rage.

It's true that FF also has cons and isn't the easy option as people who BF seen to think. There are issues with sterilising, washing up, cost, etc but I'm sure those are nothing compared with your situation. Although breast is best its also important to actually be happy and for this time to be special. It seems to me the only way to break the cycle is to try formula but this is totally my opinion. Whatever decision you make you are not letting anyone down x x

Morning gina, hope you are feeling good today. I am braving a trip to town, going to get baby dd all wrapped up like a glow worm! Don't really want to take her out in the cold but have some errands to do. Plus it will make me feel better I think.

Tiktok, I am so lucky dd is a good efficient little feeder for her early age, and I really want to carry on as long as I can. I just hate the feeling that I have achieved nothing much in a day, apart from feed dd, get dressed and do school run and maybe tea!

I think it stems from the very early delivery I had. I didn't get any maternity leave as planned before the birth to mentally slow down and prepare myself for the onset of being tied to the house for a while. I went from working and horrendously busy to being very Ill and having a long hospital stay and then baby in scbu. It was all very busy and full on, and this is now the quiet after the storm. I feel a bit adrift, lonely and bored in the day, but on edge and uncomfortable if I have too many visitors as I really don't like feeding in company ( unless exclusively female). I just can't wait for next week, dh is having his paternity leave, he waited until half term so he could help with dd1. With him around I will feel like doing more stuff and getting out with more confidence.

wretched you say "I just hate the feeling that I have achieved nothing much in a day, apart from feed dd, get dressed and do school run and maybe tea!"

Um....that is a brilliant and very full day, especially considering your dd came so early. It matters not a jot that some of what you do, you do on the sofa :)

You are looking after a person (actually, persons, as you do a school run as well :) ) This particular person is tiny, vulnerable, and depends 100 per cent on your love and care. Don't trivialise what you are doing, or think you should be doing more. Don't look for drama or deadlines in it - it's not like that.

There's a great quote from Kitty Franz, a US birth educator : "Remember, you're not managing an inconvenience; you're raising a human being. "

Be proud of what you are doing - no one else in the entire world can breastfeed your baby with your milk and have your relationship with her.

:)

I'm terrible for trivialising my efforts, I do it in every area of my life, i have never done it good enough, I always think I could have don't it better etc. I know breastfeeding is the best thing and feel very proud of doing it, I value my baby's health above anything especially after being do poorly and nearly loosing her. I think I just need to lower my expectations about what else I am able to manage while doing this and really just concentrate on her and my dd1 for now. The world can wait! :)

That's more like it - at least you have insight, wretched, and can see what you are doing when you trivialise the really big, important and worthwhile stuff you achieve every day.

It's good your dh is going to be around soon :)

Wretched you Sound like u are doing really well! Don't be so hard on yourself! Your LO's are lucky to have you!

I still face problems when it comes to bf and I think this is why I never get anything done! DD still doesn't latch on very well, still have very fast let down which DD is struggling to cope with! I thought by now she would be use to it! Oversupply is still an issue and no matter how hard I try to get this under control it still causes problems!!

Had some sleep last night! Don't feel too bad! Going to get DD weighed this morning, let's see if all this hard work has paid off!!

Well we are back from town, dd was an angel and so many people stopped to look at her. She is now having a nice feed after her busy morning, and I feel so much better for braving the cold and getting out. Managed to get a valentines present for DH too. Can't find gripe water in boots or anywhere though for some reason.

:)

Well done you!! I ended up finding gripe water in wilkinsons in the end!

I had DD weighed and she is now 14lbs 7oz, put on 1lb 9oz in 3 weeks! I'm not surprised the amount of times she feeds during the day and night!! I do wish DD would take more in each feed and feed less often! I don't know how long I can do this for!! I really struggled to get out of bed this morning! So tired!!

Gina - that weight gain is great :)

This morning you said you felt a bit better as you had a bit more sleep than usual....it's normal for this feeling to wear off by afternoon, though, so hope you can have a bit of a rest now :)

Tiktok my day hasn't been too good from when I picked dd2 up. She has a uti and is being rather difficult. I'm at my wits end with her right now. I'm mentally and physically exhausted that I could happily go to sleep but of course that isn't an option. Oh well let's pray that dd3 doesnt play up!!

Ahhh, this breastfeeding malarky just doesn't get any easier!!! DD is feeding little and often and is always full of wind and spitting up all the time! There is so much clicking when feeding and I can feel her slipping off!! I've been through 3 months of Obsticals and I don't know how much more I can take!! Seriously DD will be 14 weeks next Tuesday and I honestly thought it was meant to get easier!!

I'm confused with her cues as I don't know whether she is hungry or tired! Still feeding on demand so I always offer her the breast first as I believe she would be hungry rather than tired as her feeds are so short!! There are more dirty nappies than wet so it's hard to tell how much she is weeing! I never change her nappy because it's wet as she frequently poos!!

Any advice please?? Xx

Bump

Gina, the whole thing of "snacking" vs "getting a full feed" is interesting.

Here in the West, we often base our standards with regard to infant feeding on babies who are formula fed. In other words, it is considered normal and desirable that babies have a big feed every 4 hours (which implies that mothers have lots of time in between feeds to take care of other children, do the cleaning, shopping etc).

Would you consider the possibility that this concept of a big feed every 4 hours or so is not normal or even desirable with breastfed babies. I have relatives in The Gambia where breastfeeding is seen as something very normal that every mother does without really thinking about it. Babies there feed very, very often. I have spent days with breastfeeding relatives and friends and have seen how their babies feed upto every half an hour or so - small feeds but very, very frequently. No-one clock watches or spaces feeds or says "is that baby feeding again?". I can remember having a conversation with my SIL about bf and I mentioned something about foremilk and hindmilk. She looked very bemused and said "We don't have that here in The Gambia, we just have milk".

I have read most of this thread and it seems to me that your main problem is that you have no confidence at all in your body's ability to nourish your baby. She is putting on a lot of weight. She feeds little and often which is fine. You have oversupply perhaps and this has caused problems but your baby is getting bigger and stronger every day and soon she'll be able to handle the fast flow more easily. I wish I could get you to see that you don't really have a problem and that the hardest bit is nearly over.

The way your baby feeds is normal. She sounds like my DS2 who had a terrible latch. In retrospect, DS2 has a very short underlip so couldn't get loads of aureole in his mouth. As he got older, it got better.

I have bf all my DCs to a greater or less extent and I haven't always enjoyed it. But bf an older baby is an absolute doddle except when I got thrush and it would be such a shame for you to give up now and miss out on the payback for all your hard work.