High need baby support thread

[LittleWaveyLines]

Does this sound like your baby?

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

If so - join the club! :)

Hey TickleMe - I hear you. I frequently have days like this where I feel like I just can't bear it. I spend the whole day just counting down to DP coming home so I can't get a break and some adult company. Even that only lasts around 2 hours as then I have to go to bed when DS does. DP is abroad with work this week so I don't even have that just now. Being lonely is a horrible thing - I really had a hard time with this too. I've only lived here for a few years so don't have that many friends and most of those I do have don't have kids. I can't see them much as they work in the day and I can't go anywhere in the evening, or even invite them over due to the early bed time. My family all live abroad. This is definitely not how I envisaged my maternity leave. One thing that worked for me was the meet a mum board on netmums (sorry!!! it's the only thing i used it for - honest!). I met a few mums just for coffee, some of them were nice but we didn't majorly click; but I've met one mum who I get on brilliantly with and she has been a godsend! We see each other quite frequently now, and she knows DS and is always easy going about how he is and what I need to do. I can text when I'm having a nightmare and she listens. She really has made a huge difference. Might it be worth taking a look?

When it comes to going out, well, my Mom came to the UK for a few weeks when DS was born and her mantra was "what's the worst that can happen?". She's right - if we go out in the car and DS starts to cry, well, I'll just have to stop and calm him down. No biggie. If we're out for a walk and he goes nuts, well, I'll just have to turn round and go home - that's ok. I think it's been about managing my expectations. Sometimes, I think, right - I need to get out today, I'll go to the local retail park for a wander. I'll take the sling and the pushchair and judge which he needs. If he needs food, or just calming down, there's lots of places there to stop, or even the car. If it's just not working, I'll just come home. I try not to stress about - if the trip doesn't work out, we'll just try again another day. And sometimes we even end up having a lovely time :-)

There are days when I can't follow my own advice, believe me, especially when DS is having a particularly fussy time and I feel like I desperately want to get out but he's having none of it. Days like that are taken on an hour by hour basis.

Sorry for the big ramble, but I wanted you to know I know how you feel. I'm sure many on this thread do.

tickle I hear you and everyone else who says it?s exhausting, it?s hard work, I don?t feel that I can go out much because people stare, I want to hand him back. If you want to return to work then do, though. I went back at 4 months and I don?t care how horrible this makes me sound because I?m so over it now but I?m glad. We?re lucky that we have a nanny and I only teach 15 hours a week but if I?d been at home all this time I?d have felt so trapped. Plus there just aren?t any mother & baby activities here anyway because maternity leave is 10 weeks long as standard

Jeewizz I wish I could take that attitude but a bad trip out knocks my confidence for 6. I?m going to emulate you!

This thread is such a huge help. I wish I?d had it last week when I broke down in tears on DH (who was useless btw) because I couldn?t see myself doing this any more.

Hey tickleme, just wanted to offer cyber-hugs. You're not alone, I get like that too. My 'baby circle' is full of easy babies and I get fed up of listening to their advice - I sit there feeling so alone and thinking 'you just have no idea.' This morning I had a lecture about letting him cry it out. Made me feel so inept as a mother. My DH is also abroad at the moment with work, can't wait for him to come home and share the load a bit. Don't have too much advice, I'm sorry but wanted to offer solidarity!

awww. You know what DD is 21 months old and I got nostalgic looking at the thread title and reading the first few posts.

Hope that helps someone :)

I think for us, the corner turned when she started sleeping through the night the majority of the time. Having to ignore everyone who said, she needs her own room, you have to CC, you have to night wean...

Thank you for your kind words. So glad it's not just me that feels like this at times. Feeling a bit better now - ended up taking DS for a walk to the local town centre and he fussed when I put him in his pram, but then fell asleep for 20 minutes while I had a little window shop. Despite the fact that on the way home he decided he'd had enough, I actually enjoyed it. Maybe next time I'll be brave enough to go in some shops :)

So happy to have this thread, thanks ladies.

Fraktious, the hope is for me to stay at home until he is 7 months to help start him on solids and then DH will take a couple of months off to take care of him, and then start him at nursery at 9 months... Luckily Hubby works at a childrens centre that houses a nursery so he will always be on site should the little one need him. It's weird thinking that 7 months is not far away at all and yet here I am some days, wishing it away. I suck.

Need to sort myself out... Am sure my DS is being much less smiley with me the last few days... I hate that my mood will be picked up on by him, poor little fella...

Tickle: don't worry about him picking up your mood- there is no one on this planet who is happy and full of joy every day in life!

I know what you mean Tickle. DS has been beaming at everyone but me over the last couple of days. Am sure it's because he can sense I'm being a moody cahhh.

God it really is hard isn't it. I don't think my DH truly understands either, when I want to moan of have a rant he makes me feel even worse by saying things like 'maybe you should see someone if you aren't coping' I do not have PND I have a HN baby and for your information I am coping absolutely fucking wonderfully given what I have to endure!

Ok, now something more useful - things that work for my DD...

Going to groups or anywhere with other babies/children to watch
Music and singing
Going swimming - she loves it and it tires her out for a bit!
She always hated the car but is better now she is forward facing.
Naps, after ages of only sleeping on me and being fed to sleep she will now nap in the buggy and will actually stay asleep if the buggy stops or I go into a shop (I don't know what changed this, I think she just changed herself)
As mentioned before she was tonnes happier after she learnt to crawl and I think it will be the same with walking.

My DH is very supportive but he doesn't quite get it. I keep threatening to make DH spend a day in the life of Queenkong and look after DS all day. Obviously, I'd have to feed him (as typically he won't take a bottle) but DH would have to sit right next to me on the sofa while I did it - no slipping off for a coffee/shower/poo. DH does look after DS, but with lots of 'can you just hold him while I shower?' or 'can you get me a coffee?'' I feel like yelling 'no, no-one holds him for me while I shower. Put him down, if he cries then you just don't get a wash today. Deal with it, I have to!' Sorry, mini-vent over!

Ha queenkong we have exactly the same conversations :) A particularly good one was when DH had been holding DD for about 2 minutes, he said that he had to go and talk to the neighbours about some work we were having done on our roof, he went to hand her back to me and I said something like surely you can take her with you. He looked panicked and said no I can't hold her I might have to point at the roof I mean ffs! I then demonstrated how I could hold a baby and still perform any number of hand gestures

DH became a SAHD when DD was 4 months, he soon got it then

Now we have DS he feels guilty for going to work as he knows it's easier option.

I haven't heard the term high needs baby before. I can easily answer yes to all 6. Ds will sit in his chair for about ten minutes and play on his mat for about 15 minutes (on a good day). Only once a day on each though. This is when I shower and make something to eat.

I use a baby carrier when I'm out as he hates his pram/car seat. Hates being in the car. Only sleeps if it's my sisters old Peugeot which has poor suspension

For the past few days he has been taking naps if I walk him in the pram with the hood down. Have been walking him for about 90 minutes a day.

I don't know if this means he isn't high needs enough for this thread, but he is adorable and a joy if being entertained. Dh and I keep him amused as much as possible. He will rest if he is being rocked or I bounce on my exercise ball with him able to see the tv 12 weeks old and all my parenting thoughts are out the window.

I am very envious of my friends babies who wake up and just sit relaxed. It's a nightmare when mil tries to sit and cuddle him and sings sleepy nursery rhymes. He needs full on entertainment and gets bored super quickly.

Longest post ever. This feels like a confession.

Queenkong, I could have written your post.

Just realised I have contradicted myself on the being out and about. Ds only naps in the pram (this week) if I'm outside and don't stop. Baby groups/meeting friends requires carrier.

Today I have been a crap mum. She just wouldn't stop whinging! At times I have had to ignore her and go into a different room - nothing I did was right for her for more than 5 minutes at a time. She even started whinging 30 mins into a walk - and normally that's good for a good hour!

DP is now home and on baby-entertaining duty for 30 mins to give me a break...

:(

Ditto DH on baby entertainment duty for me too, he worked through lunch today to come home a bit early as he saw how sad I was this morning. Bless him...

Oh balls... He wants a feed... That didn't last long!

Lol! Yeah my break has just finished - feeding now... today she has wanted feeding every hour or hour and a half....

I don't have a HN baby really - he has reflux though so displays many HN symptoms.

I have noticed though that for the last month he cries if I go out of sight and has recently started crying if I turn my back on him. He's 18wks for goodness sake!

button we've had that from ridiculously early too.

Last night was the worst in a long time constantly needing cuddles and feeds, grand total of 20mins in his crib where he usually stays for a few hours even if we have to go pat/cuddle/feed a couple of times.

On the plus side we managed 3 short car journeys with no meltdowns yesterday!

Morning all, sorry to hear about your bad night fraktious. We are back to the more normal two-hourly wakings - a big improvement in the 45-60 mins we've had for the previous few days.

I'm going to attempt a walk to the library today - has anyone read Dr Sears' "The Fussy Baby"? I might get that out for a read.

DP gets back from abroad tomorrow - I'm pretty much counting the hours!!

hi everyone mind if i join?

to be honest i thought this was kinda normal, that most babies were like this! i thought it was just me that was not coping very well with it all! do most babies sleep on their own and play on their own etc? my baby is 7 weeks old, i have had to get a sling otherwise i am stuck to the chair all day or walking her about the house, i have severe back pain now, i get a shower every other day before hubby leaves work if its possible, when she goes to sleep as soon as she finds out she is left alone (with a cushion pretending to be me - after 3 minutes) she wakes again! she had bad reflux too but now that that is sorted she is generally content as long as she is being held which is really good, but still....
it is exhausting! i just thought it was me not coping. as i am so tired and run down and don't get much help as hubby works saturdays too. i found having a bath with her is something nice to do, i feed her there and we both get washed and relaxed and she loves it. i feel quite blessed as she does sleep through the night already, but it doesn't seem to make a difference to my tiredness! maybe our babies just need more comfort and because they are getting more attention and comfort now they will feel very loved, be very secure and independent when older - who knows

oh just to add - my friend lent me a dvd by dr phil about settling babies, and it talking about the 5 s's
swaddling really tight (this has been the key to mine sleeping through the night)
shusshing sounds (look up white noise on utube)
swinging or shaking them - he shows lots of techniques which i couldn't really do very well
soothing - with a dummy
and i can't remember the last one, maybe someone else will! x

Hello everyone! Feeling very refreshed today as I went to bed (with ds) at 6.30! Last night. I was just sooo tired that I was nearly trembling with it!!! So dh took over with the other kids (not easy btw as my 3 other children are under 7), but had to be done. Ds fed his normal 2 hrly thru the night but stayed settled in between times. Up for the day at 6, but as dh leaves for work at 7, I got my shower and hair washed in peace- was bliss!!! It's the little things that make such a difference!!
LittleWavy- how u feeling today (hugs for last night!)

Feeling much better today thanks. She fed every two hours again, but settled really easily and didn't really wake until 8 so I had a good rest allbeit broken!

Glad you're feeling better as well Mampig

She was trying to crawl yesterday and getting really frustrated, so that might have explained her clinginess.