High need baby support thread

[LittleWaveyLines]

Does this sound like your baby?

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

If so - join the club! :)

How old is he Queenkong?

With ours, he used to sleep on our laps or in his bouncy chair (only time he'd sleep in it was in the evening and he'd wake every 1/2 hour or so). He came to bed when we did. We came to enjoy his company and appreciate him being with us rather than resenting no "just us" time. We made him, after all, so that was that.

Came to around a year or so and he'd go to bed alone from sometime between 7.30 to 8.30 and he sleeps to around 10.30. If we're ready to go to bed that's fine, and if not he comes down for snuggles and boobs (he's 17 months now).

HN babies will really suffer from CIO because they NEED us.

It certainly will get better. Apparently, giving a HN baby what they need (ie us) means that they learn that the world is safe from a safe place, and become adventurous, independent little things in their own time. Denying them that security means that they are in a permanent state of fear of the world. Independence comes from a base of security.

But I think you know all of this, it's just you've been undermined by the s - am I right?

He's 5 months. Thank you everyone. You're right OCC, I think deep down I know I'm doing the right thing by not letting him cry. And my parents are very supportive and lovely to me. It's just that, at home in our little bubble everything seems normal. Now I'm away from home from the first time, it's obvious how far from 'normal' our ridiculous sleep routines are! I might try just keeping him downstairs with me tonight and letting him sleep on me til my bedtime, which probably won't be much later than 9pm, given how knackered I am!

Well why not. Just because babies are "expected" to be in bed by a certain time doesn't mean that bed has to be upstairs :)

My hubby's chest makes a perfectly acceptable bed according to DS2 :)

My parents gave me the "that child should be in bed by now" routine to start with. Then my mother started with the "He's just like you. You were awful, you cried for 6 months. I was at the end of my tether and didn't know what to do" and I pointed out that he doesn't cry, and he would if I forced him to be alone, which is why I don't. I think she realised. :)

Oh wow can I join too! DS1 (and only at this rate) is 22 weeks today. I am hitting a full 6/6 from the OP and can add a TT (undiagnosed until 3 months) and very low weight gain to the mix.

We have no routine - I keep trying but there's no point it just stresses me out! We co-sleep and I love my slings so much I have my third on the way! (if you'd have asked me before I had DS if I'd co-sleep I'd have laughed at you.

Anyway my DS will only nap on my lap or in the sling - unless we go back to bed!

So glad to have found you all.

And another thing....
My DS is fine if we're out and about and he has loads to keep him entertained and people to look at and coo at him. However he's going through a phase where he won't feed properly when we're out ( too much to look at) and as he's already on the 0.4% I panic if we have lots of days where he doesn't feed well. So we either stay in and feed and be miserable or go out and he doesn't feed. Gah!!

So far I'm ticking all 6 of the OP's points plus carrotcake's additional ones. I'm exhausted and feel like I can't do this for much longer :(

Well we took an hour of boob/cuddles to go to sleep, whereupon he stayed down in his cot for 2 and now he's on boob again until bedtime.

I'm kinda dreading Christmas. My DM has The Cot ready

Oh WOW! I am soooo amazed at how well this thread has taken off! I'm a little apprehensive of my high needs DD turning into a high needs toddler though - the heads up was appreciated.

My little darling has needed to be constantly jiggled, walked, thrown up in the air etc all afternoon, and cried when I put her down on the loo floor next to me so I could wee..... otherwise she's been utterly charming and gorgrous - when I've given her my utmost attention....

organiccarrotcake you are so right with the feeling judged... my mother and PIL and the other ladies in my antenatal group all think I've made her this way by always carrying her around - when in fact I've HAD to carry her around.

TitaniaP I'm the same - if anyone had told me I'd be a babywearing cosleeper I'd have eaten my hat!

fraktious my DM had The Cot ready at our last visit - I thanked her kindly, told DP to blow up his inflatable mattress, and took the bed for me and DD!

I am now avoiding car journeys, which is starting to be a problem... anyone cracked that one?

Oh Fraktious, you just made me laugh. Which, considering the day I have had, is impressive. DS eyes The Cot with extreme suspicion, it's set up at my mum's house (my niece is a little angel baby who sleeps anywhere - am so jealous). I put him in it once. Never made that mistake again.

TitaniaP, really feel for you. I hate not getting out in the day and although I've never had weight-worries (DS is humongous) he won't sleep if we are out, so I know what you mean about making the choice between 'out and miserable' or 'in but insane munmy'.

Titania - I have trouble with feeding DS out and about too, he's far too interested in anything and everything else! I have had some success with throwing a muslin over his head so he can't see though!

SpannerPants Sorry I sort of ignored you - what are you doing currently to cope? There are some wise heads on this thread you might be able to help... (not me - I'm just fumbling in the dark!)

LittleWavey - I have a 2 hour journey (each way) to do next week and I'm dreading it. I've been wavering on cancelling but keep telling myself that I can't put my entire life on hold... I'm not sure I am convincing myself though!

Oh no poor you JeewizzJen I feel for you. Are you doing the journey alone? I've found DD is not so bad if I'm sat in the back next to her, but hell if I'm driving alone...

I'm just about to cancel my christmas do - no way can I leave her for 3 hours....

I think we just have to weigh up if these things are worth the stress....

Car journeys are getting slightly better. As long as they are no longer than 20 minutes and I belt out a variety of nursery rhymes at full blast for the duration of the trip.

LWL I'm not going to DHs best friend's wedding (who I'm also pretty close too) because I can't leave DS in a strange hotel with a strange person. Not happening

I hear you on the 1 and only at this rate. Anyone with more than 1 how are you coping?! DH keeps saying how nice it would be for DS to have a sibling and how close he and his brother (14 month gap) are

Yep, just me! I'll have to time it near a nap time so he'll sleep (after crying) for at least a bit of it. I anticipate stopping several times end route to comfort/feed though, and have even planned a (longer!) route which avoids the motorway so I know I'll be able to stop somewhere quite quickly when I need to.

I swear I have to plan things in so much more detail than some of my other mum friends, to avoid the screaming monster! Do you find that?

fraktious - I'm also interested to hear about those with more than one....DP and were originally talking about TTC early next year...!!

are you sure you haven't just got a baby, and that other parents are being a bit economical with the truth about theirs? Just a thought.....

I'd be willing to believe there's some truth in that sometimes. But it seems to me that most of my friends only experience these things occasionally whereas for me it's constant. I guess other people are perhaps more willing to let their babies cry too? I don't know...

Just to possibly offer you a bit of light at the end of the tunnel, DS was Bloody Hard Work, very high needs and basically lived on me/attached to me, but is now a very happy secure independent nearly two year old. He is fabulous and sooooo much easier.

I've noticed that other mothers who did the judging comments when he was
little and needy are now completely at sea with two year old tantrums and difficult behaviour, whereas I can just take it in my stride. I don't gloat or make "helpful" little comments to them at all except in my head

I have 2 DDs, 2.4 years apart. I did wonder how I was going to cope with two but DD2 is much more laid back and is fine with being put down every once in a while. She's a much better sleeper than DD1 even though she is 8 mo and DD1 is 3 yo. It was eye-opening when she was born and I saw the difference! I used to worry that I'd done something wrong but now I know that DD1 is just the way she is.

They are currently rolling around the floor giggling They are crazy about each other, it's very sweet.

Thanks LWL - I'm ok, just feeling sorry for myself! I was at my local postnatal group and was told I was looking tired, so explained that DS is awake for half the night, to be met with pitying faces and "oooh my DD slept for 11hrs last night"

I'm going to my mums tomorrow, which is great because she understands completely. 28yrs ago apparently I didn't sleep and had to be constantly carried around everywhere...

Mum takes DS off me at 5am when she wakes up and plays with him and takes him for a walk while I have a lie in until 7am. I can't wait already, just not looking forward to the hour of hysterical crying in the car!

seeker yes they are just babies - but at one end of the normal spectrum. My 20 week DD feeds every 2 hours at night AND ALWAYS HAS DONE, for example. Yes normal, but the exhausting end of normal. Also screams in the car seat - wont sleep on car journeys, ever. Wont be put down, only naps for 30mins at a time etc....

I have had a thought however, that maybe this thread would be better in the parenting forum? What do people think?

EauRouge that's so lovely (not about the sleeping bit though! )

SpannerPants the other mums don't get it do they? I could cope with a week or 2 of sleep like this, but months, years even? It's good that your mum gets it. I wonder how many of us were high needs as babies, if it's inherited? I was awful too apparently, but my mother used to shut the bedroom door on me - what she was advising me to do....

I know, I'm starting to dread nighttime already, the thought of this going on for years makes me want to cry!

I'm very lucky with my parents, in fact my dad takes DS for walks in the same sling he carried me in as a baby - a piece of cloth that his mum wove to carry him with! So maybe it does run in families!