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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To ask where the self rightoueus bf/ff thread has gone

289 replies

pigletmania · 24/10/2011 17:35

It was here this morning, but not now.

OP posts:
HowlingWereWolfBitch · 24/10/2011 22:55

It is awful you had to resort to a sob story to defend yourself salad

I'm sure it isn't a 'sob story' to you. In future just say Snout out I have my reasons and you objections just continue to validate me.

HowlingWereWolfBitch · 24/10/2011 22:57

your*

screamingbohemian · 24/10/2011 23:05

piglet Grin

I know everyone moans about these threads but I have such a terrible compulsion to read them.

saladsandwich · 24/10/2011 23:07

howling it was definitely more than a sob story, i couldn't breast feed because i had to have a certain kind of drug in labour, my mum died the week before i had my ds of a brain heamorhage(Sp?) i have a 50% chance of having the condition that caused it which causes weak blood vessels, i went into labour early and it wasn't in my green notes so they had to ring a specialist to decide the best way to deliver ds, they treated me as having the condition so i had drugs that prevent breast feeding but prevent bleeding, not breast feeding is a small price to pay.

MNHQ
OliviaMumsnet · 24/10/2011 23:07

@pigletmania

Bloody hell can't we have a decent discussion without MN towers deleting every interesting thread.

@OliviaMumsnet

We'll leave this one for now but just a gentle reminder.

Hope this clears this up.

runningwilde · 24/10/2011 23:08

I think what hiss is trying to say is that many people who stop bf say they could not do it when it was that they did not - for whatever reason - want to carry on doing it. Why are people so defensive about that?! Being unable to bf is actually quite rare and even though it can come with problems, most bf issues can be overcome with perseverance - what is wrong with saying that? And what is wrong with being proud of breastfeeding, especially when it is so damn hard in the beginning? It doesn't mean it is putting others who stopped down!

usualsuspect · 24/10/2011 23:10

on and on and on it goes

Original poster
pigletmania · 24/10/2011 23:13

I know screaming Grin, I think this threads quite tame in comparison to others that I have come across.

OP posts:
DownbytheRiverside · 24/10/2011 23:13

Why are people defensive?
Because they are under attack of course.
Back in the early 90s, I regularly got expressions of disgust at bf, questions as to how I knew my baby was getting enough, wondering why I was cutting my DH out of the relationship and bewilderment as to how often my children chose to feed.
Made me fairly defensive I can tell you.
Now many BF seem to be loading the guilt onto the FF in the same way, instead of being supportive of other mothers.

Maryz · 24/10/2011 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shagmundfreud · 24/10/2011 23:15

Cory - but why is it the case that 'individual consideration' seems to lead a much higher proportion of working class and young mothers in the uk to the belief that ff is better for them and their babies than middle-class and older mothers (who are also incidentally much more likely to return to work in the year after giving birth)? And why do British mothers choose not to breastfeed or stop breastfeeding very quickly compared to - say - Norweigan mothers? It really is about much, much more than the individual circumstances or physiology of mothers and babies or you wouldn't find such vast disparities in bf initiation rates between national and social groups. (before anyone jumps in and points out that uk mums and w/c women may give up bf to go back to work, actually the majority of mums have stopped bf by the time their baby is a few weeks old in the uk, and those women who are the least likely to bf are also those least likely to ever have worked.)

IMO this is a public health issue and we should be able to discuss it in a rational way here.

And as far as your own experience goes Cory, I don't know the details so I can't comment directly. However I do know that when new mothers are provided with highly skilled and timely support it's highly unusual for babies to end up back in hospital ill from failed bf, and that 'hard to latch' babies are more likely to get their mothers milk, even when they've had a very difficult start.

I think omitting to give a context for the hundreds and thousands of difficult bf stories on these boards is a big problem - it leads women to the conclusion that bf is intrinsically unreliable and problematic. Evidence from other cultures reveals this to be overwhelmingly untrue.

screamingbohemian · 24/10/2011 23:17

piglet well it is a thread about a thread (shhh) doesn't have the same momentum as a really dirty BF/FF OP Grin

531800000008 · 24/10/2011 23:17

runningwild the problem with saying oh most bf issues can be overcome with perseverance totally ignores the WOEFUL support available in some areas of the UK

eg in my area there is ONE NCT phone-only bf advisor, for a patch that covers about 50 miles square

EricNorthmansMistress · 24/10/2011 23:18

runningwilde

The point is that 'can't' is a subjective word. I physically can't EBF. I will never produce enough milk. A friend of mine couldn't continue because she had mastitis and an abcess. I guess you'd say I genuinely 'can't' and she only 'wouldn't'. To her - she couldn't breastfeed any longer. Someone in her position doesn't need to be told she could have persevered - if someone can't do something, for whatever reason they may have, they can't do it. It's nobody else's business or place to decree whose reasons are valid and genuine.

usualsuspect · 24/10/2011 23:19

can this be moved to the bf topic?

DownbytheRiverside · 24/10/2011 23:19

Skilled and timely support yes.
Cat's bum mouth from other mothers who have their judgypants hitched up to their nursing bras, less helpful.

shagmundfreud · 24/10/2011 23:21

Downby - I think it's fair to say that unfortunately discussion of the evidence relating to this subject is often interpreted as a personal attack or criticism of ff. We should be able to talk about the known facts on baby feeding and health/development without accusations of persecution no?

Original poster
pigletmania · 24/10/2011 23:21

he he yes screaming Grin its one of those topics that will be discussed until the cows come home e.g benefit cheats, MIL/FIL, Party etiquette, Wedding etiquette lol

OP posts:
SurprisEs · 24/10/2011 23:23

I haven't read the other thread so am just commenting on this one.

I really don't care how other people feed their children.

BUT

Bf DD was really really tough during the first 4 months. She just fed all the bloody time. She was in hospital with gastroentritis at 3 weeks old and that was really a point where I could've turned into formula but didn't.

SIL mentioned on every single bloody family occasion that she couldn't bf, didn't have enough milk, baby cried all the time etc. When the truth was she wanted to feed formula because it was more structured, she wanted to go out (and did, got very drunk and had to be carried home, baby was 4 weeks old), and she had mastitis right after going onto formula (baby was one week old) so she had milk.

Her comment to me fom her and all her family was always "how lucky were you bf was so natural an easy". No it wasn't. Cried a lot, exhausted for the first 6 weeks. But her failure to just be honest and say " I FF because I wanted to" made my effort seem worthless.

No, I wasn't looking for admiration but turning my hard work into luck wasn't very nice either.

Who cares if you choose to FF? Just be honest about it.

I'm aware some people can't, so please don't jump on my throat. Just sharing my experience.

DownbytheRiverside · 24/10/2011 23:23

Yes we should, but rational and academic discussions are not a forte of this website.

HowlingWereWolfBitch · 24/10/2011 23:23

......
..
...............

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

DownbytheRiverside · 24/10/2011 23:24

Doesn't morse code include some dashes as well?

Minus273 · 24/10/2011 23:30

'And what is wrong with being proud of breastfeeding, especially when it is so damn hard in the beginning? It doesn't mean it is putting others who stopped down!'

The problem is there are some people who cannot separate being proud of their own achievements from putting other down. There have been posts on MN threads that have been downright nasty and occasionally personally insulting against individual posters. That is why so many of these threads ends up deleted.

cory · 24/10/2011 23:30

shagmund, to give a bit of personal context, I am Swedish so was totally brought up to believe in breastfeeding, I gave birth in a very pro-breastfeeding hospital in the UK and had expert (and very sympathetic support) during the early weeks, I loved the idea of breastfeeding, the latch was fine and I was lactating like an old cow - this is why precisely I was so shattered and refused to accept that things were going wrong though the weight was manifestly dropping off dd.

I found out many years later that dd has a medical problem which would have caused it; she is now disabled, but it was many years before I knew what was going on.

So unfortunately, there was a case for separating my public pro-breastfeeding attitude from the needs of my individual child. I was very late in being able to do that: looking at the photos of dd as a baby I can see her ribs sticking out and I can't understand how I didn't see it at the time.

Of course my case is an unusual one-but that was precisely where I went wrong, I couldn't get it into my head that the one-off could happen to me.

HowlingWereWolfBitch · 24/10/2011 23:31

Sorry, They were dots of awe.