To ask where the self rightoueus bf/ff thread has gone

[pigletmania]

It was here this morning, but not now.

I doubt they ever will but these threads need to stop. What the fuck are people getting from this?

Wankers IMO. Piss off.

lenak sorry but we will have to agree to disagree

I think if an individual woman feels she can't BF, then that's a private matter, to be discussed with her HV or BF consultants or whoever. I really don't think it's anyone else's business and women shouldn't have to justify or provide details to anyone else.

If I say I can't BF, then for someone else to say 'oh but maybe you can' is judgy, to me, because it's basically saying 'I think you could if you tried harder' or 'I think your reasons aren't good enough.'

And just because my reasons are physiological, I'm not interested in being a guinea pig so that a 'cure' can be found.

I just think feeding is a private matter, not a societal one. I understand not everyone feels that way though.

Yy to Howling. Why does anyone else give a shit.
And that is the last word I shall ever say on the subject.

I agree with ladyevileyes. There are plenty of women who just prefer not to as well as the ones who say they physically couldn't feed.

But tbh I think that, if asked in real life about their choices, most women probably say they couldnt as they may feel like they are being judged if they say they just didn't fancy it (when they probably actually arnt most of the time as most people genuinely don't care really I think?!).

Well that's just my theory anyway! Im hiding this thread now!

I didn't mean Piglet btw. I don't think you are a wanker. Just the sanctimonious prats.

in RL i had never come across this bf/ff thing, i couldn't b/f i felt a tinge of sadness at the time but just got on with things... PND set in then i came across a harem of what i call extreme b/f's on another site who really jumped on me ridiculed the reasons behind me not breast feeding i mean what difference does it make to anyone how i've fed my ds? what the hell does it matter?

if someone says they can't breast feed it's because they can't breastfeed but what does it matter anyway?

Oh I just wanted to add, I'm one of the ones who just preferred not to bf and I'm honest if anyone asks me.

God I don't even know why I'm adding that really ! Must hide thread!

I don't particularly care whether someone can't for medical reasons, from preference, or because little green aliens came to them and told them they mustn't.

The majority of posters here are in UK or elsewhere in the developed world where there is a safe water supply, ready access to sterilising equipment and plenty of information on the proper preparation of feeds. Babies will do just fine as long as you get whichever milk you like into them.

It doesn't salad and no one will come to you door with a pitchfork and lantern MrsPenny.

We are all doing are best and that's what matters. When you stop trying to do your best it's a problem but even then there is help. I hate to sound like some sort of Mumsnet pamphlet but who gives a shit? People are here and -most of us we listen.

Fuck the perfect fuckers.

A reminder of our talk guidelines, specifically
If a thread is deleted, please resist the temptation to start a new one repeating and rehashing everything that has been deleted
We'll leave this one for now but just a gentle reminder.
Thanks
M Towers

Thanks Olivia.

Didn't read this morning's thread and haven't read all of this thread.

Would want to say though that I think there is a huge gulf in attitude between those people who see the bf/ff subject as being primarily about a private parenting decision (and therefore not being a suitable topic for debate) and those who see it as primarily about the health and welfare of children (who also tend to bring in to the argument their thoughts on the role of commercial interests which they believe have a big input).

I wish there was a way of discussing the wider issues without people being judgemental or defensive. IMO defensiveness is much more common. If people stopped rising to the bait in response to silly judgemental comments we might be able to have a sensible and useful discussion about the subject more often.

One thing that always mildly pisses me off worries me is that in all these talks about women struggling to breastfeed the assumption is that the only conceivable problems will lie with the woman and as long as the woman is in good shape//producing plenty of milk/maintaining the right attitude everything will be hunky dory. Because all babies are, like, perfect

I could have physically fed half the post-natal ward. But dd was pretty useless.

Just wish they'd hooked me up to the milk bank instead, I would have done a lot more good.

Medina - it's comments like that that cause arguments to erupt on this subject.

You are free to ignore the medical evidence on this subject in relation to your own choices, but it's unfair to expect everyone else to.

I did read some of the thread before it went and have to say for a bf/ff thread it seemed pretty unanimous against the OP really, even the bf were saying she was giving them a bad name. No fight there so a first for this type of thread I thought, but I didn't see what happened after that.

And Hiss "There is no way everyone i've come across 'can't' do it! and would like to hear actual reasons why people chose not to." - does "because I didn't want to" answer your question?

Isn't parenting difficult enough without all this - why oh why does it have to be a competition? Every other week I'm made to feel I've failed at something and I've not even been doing it a year yet. As long as your baby is loved and healthy, who cares what or how they're fed?

But the health and welfare of children, shagmund, is also something that might require individual consideration as well as general consideration of the statistically most positive outcomes.

I confused the two and put my dd in hospital because I failed to see that what is statistically the healthiest option was not the healthiest option in this individual case.

So whilst carrying on to push for a more breast-feeding friendly society I would be very hesitant to tell any individual mother what is best for her or her baby.

shagmund: the problem on threads like this is unfounded assumptions. I did not post how I fed my DCs, only that I don't care how people choose to feed their children because it's none of my business.

i just don't like those hardcore breast feeders, i haven't come across anyone on MN who was as nasty as those on another common parenting site, it started off similar to this thread, questioning the reasons behind why people can't breast feed. because i imo had a pretty valid reason not to they hunted out more and more details out of me until then my circumstances where a sob story, i think its pathetic that a select few cannot see that formula as a place in society eve if it isn't their choice

With the 5% thing, correct me if I'm wrong but that statistic only includes the number of mothers who can't breastfeed. There are a lot of babies who can't breastfeed, due to SN or prematurity for example.

'As long as your baby is loved and healthy, who cares what or how they're fed?'

if those are your priorities, Albertofrog, then you haven't failed at anything.
Mine are loved and healthy, and that's what has turned them into loving and responsible near-adults.

you know what? i have spent the last 2 years answering that question with all the reasons why i didnt BF, reasons which have nothing to do with anyone. this thread has given me the confidence to simply answer with 'i FF'd DS because I chose to'

wow - thanks MN!

here we go again. hiss, there is nothing to understand. as i said to this morning's poster, you worry about your baby and let everyone else worry about their babies. dh was ff, i was ff. our academic and career achievements are pretty identical and we are both equally healthy. when i was struggling to establish breastfeeding dc1, mil reminded me that dh was ff. that's when i realised....it.does.not.matter....one.jot.

Bloody hell can't we have a decent discussion without MN towers deleting every interesting thread.

Anyway i only asked where the other thread had gone