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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Tandem feeding support thread

328 replies

EauRouge · 30/09/2011 10:09

In anticipation of some graduates from the BF and pregnant thread, here's a shiny new thread for tandem feeders to laugh, moan and puzzle over the ins and outs of BF a baby and toddler.

Things are going pretty well for us, we are having a bit of hair-pulling at the moment though. DD2 is 7 mo and loves grabbing hair. DD1 (3 in just over a week!) is not so keen and sometimes wraps her arms around her head.

Another issue is DD1's latch. She's not even close to self-weaning but her latch has been really lazy the last few months. I googled and found this which has been really helpful.

Aside from that, things are brilliant and I'm really glad I'm still BF DD1. It's my one-stop parenting tool for fixing everything Grin

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EauRouge · 06/01/2012 09:43

MBJ :( Sorry to hear things are tough at the moment. Please don't feel bad about your DD. I used to feel guilty that DD2 just got stuff in the sling all the time and never got any attention but that's all they need at such a young age. She will soon let you know if she needs more!

I remember reading something about breastfeeding toddlers (it might have been in Mothering your nursing toddler) about how a compromise can be better than being a martyr or quitting altogether- it's amazing that you're still going and that you're still striving to give him the best and you should be high-fiving yourself for that :)

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EauRouge · 06/01/2012 09:45
  • got stuffed in the sling.
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TheRealMBJ · 06/01/2012 13:24

Thank you for understanding Smile

I'm welling up a bit at the moment cause other's just don't get it. You know they think it's 'for me' that I carry on feeding him or that I'm just not 'strong' enough and that I'm spoiling him by letting him have whatever he wants nurse.

Actually I am quite strict and set limits but just do so gently and continue to feed him as it is clearly something he needs.

EauRouge · 06/01/2012 14:04

I think if people could spend the afternoon with someone that's breastfeeding a toddler then they'd soon see that they weren't doing it for themselves! At times it can be bloody annoying and you wish they'd leave you alone for 5 minutes, other times it's lovely to have them sit still so you can cuddle them. It's a complex relationship that's different for everyone.

I think this is so that when they do self-wean, you end up relieved as well Grin if you loved every minute then you'd be gutted when they finally stopped.

Have you got any LLL friends or anything that you can go for tea and sympathy with?

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DitaVonCheese · 06/01/2012 23:45

Ah okay, I didn't realise your DD was so little as well. I felt exactly the same at that stage! DS is now 23 weeks and I'm not feeling nearly as guilty, so either I've just got used to ignoring him or I think we've just naturally increased the amount of attention he gets as he needs it more. He probably still doesn't get loads 1:1 (when DD is at preschool I tend to get on wtih the things I can't do when she's here Blush) but tbh one of his favourite things is just watching DD, he finds her hilarious :)

This: "He is soooooooooo demanding and so distressed when I don't let him nurse that I feel a bit like I am a prisoner to his desires IYKWIM." really resonates with me. When DD gets upset when I don't want to feed her, it feels as though she thinks I'm rejecting her. I've found myself trying to explain that love and boob aren't the same thing and I still love her even when I don't want to nurse her and then wondered if I was insane trying to explain something like that to a toddler. And you do feel resentful as well. Argh.

On the plus side, you might find that he naturally stops asking so much - it's such early days, your milk's just come in and presumably the baby's feeding all the time. DD definitely wanted milk more than DS did when he was tiny and I've read lots of accounts of TN saying the same.

Anyone who ever dares to suggest that I'm doing this for me will get a hollow laugh in reply at my very politest Wink I also find myself wondering if I'm just being a martyr though. (There's a lot of arguing in my head - I blame Mumsnet Wink)

Soooo, our nightweaning ... woke up this morning to find DD in our bed, my bra undone and my vest up around my armpits, so I assume she'd been helping herself Hmm How can I be consistent when I'm not even conscious?! Felt vaguely violated by that one. Wonder what tonight will bring.

Babieseverywhere · 07/01/2012 21:29

Ooo, tandem feeding thread :)

I am finally down from three to two nurslings after trandem feeding for a year or so. Finally convinced my 5 yo that she was old enough to not need milk :( :)

Now I'm back to tandem feeding my 3 yo and 15 month old and working on introducing the concept of 'thinking about weaning' to my 3 yo. Currently he does not believe this is relevant to him. He is a bit of a milk monster, so this may take a while to sink in.

I am also trying to get him to spend the entire night in his own bed, whilst persuading the little 15 month old to start the evening off in her own bed before joining us for the reminder of the night. So everyone moving on a stage IYSWIM.

All change here :)

TheRealMBJ · 07/01/2012 22:23

Hi babies Grin

I'm in London for the weekend but will get back to this properly on Monday.

DitaVonCheese · 09/01/2012 23:25

Wow, babies, that is proper hardcore. I salute you! My 3 yo similarly doesn't seem to be able to apply thoughts of weaning to herself, though we do talk about the other babies we know who are younger than her but don't have milk any more. Sigh.

Last couple of days have been quite horrible - DD has had a stinking cold (the child is a snot machine, if we could sell it we'd be millionaires) so a blocked nose so when she has boob she latches on and off and on and off and on and off and ARGH! Horrible. But does feel as though she hasn't asked too much recently, which makes it easier. Maybe we're getting somewhere, slowly.

Also just wanted to share things which I can't share on Facebook Wink I taught my first antenatal class yesterday, which involved leaving DD and DS with DH for the first time ever. Eep. So on Saturday I expressed some milk to leave for DS even though I was fairly sure that he wouldn't take a bottle anyway, but it makes DH feel better to have it in case. DD was convinced that I was stealing her milk and cried, which I'm afraid I found funny Then DS did refuse to take it, as suspected, so I tipped it into a cup for DD to drink and she also refused to go anywhere near it. FFS! So I bunged it in the freezer in the vague thought of making boob icecream.

Tonight DS was yowling in his highchair as we were having dinner - thought his teeth were bothering him and that some frozen milk might help so got it out and tried feeding it to him by spoon, which he did eat but looked unbelievably surprised by the whole thing. DD had a quick taste and still refused to go anywhere near it (FFS again! She loves boob, loves icecream.) Then I thought I might as well have a taste - I'm always hearing that bm tastes like melted icecream, so frozen bm should just taste like icecream, right? WRONG. OMG it was disgusting. Trying to work out what I ate on Friday but blegh, it was really sharp-tasting, just vile. Then DD burst into tears again as she seemed to think that boob milk had been ruined forever.

Exasperated and amused in equal measure here and, as I say, unable to share on Facebook. Defrosted milk has now, of course, been tipped down the sink. Sigh again.

(As a side note, there is a big pale blotch on our rug and I've been wondering what it was - typing this has reminded me that that's where I spilt some milk while I was expressing. So that means that my milk is either a brilliant carpet cleaner or capable of dissolving dye, both of which are very disconcerting indeed. At least next week when they both turn it down again I can finish off my cleaning though.)

Will stop wittering and go to bed shortly but just also wanted to share about DD going to bed tonight. I went up to feed her to sleep as usual and we had such a nice cuddle and chat - she did keep latching on and off to talk to me but it wasn't too toe-curling and eventually we just fell asleep together (Blush DH has to come and wake me up most nights) and it was just lovely. I think it would have been equally lovely from my POV without the bfing as well, but for tonight at least it was fine, and since it isn't often fine atm I just wanted to write it down :)

TheRealMBJ · 10/01/2012 06:08

Oh Dita, that's lovely. The bedtime. Thanks for sharing. Smile

MJinSparklyStockings · 10/01/2012 06:13

Wow how did I not spot this thread.

We have a family crisis going on which means dd (2) and ds (3.10) are vert unsettled.

The pair of them are both feeding loads, ds had almost self weaned, immvery glad I have fed them for so long because it means I am easily able to provide with with an easy source of comfort.

I see them running around and they have an amazing bond, almost twin like and I am sure it down to the bond they formed while at the breast.

DitaVonCheese · 11/01/2012 15:56

hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it

TheRealMBJ · 11/01/2012 16:03
Sad

((Hugs))

KellyKettle · 11/01/2012 17:07

Oh Dita, I hope you're ok. I had a moment like that the other night. It's horrid. I don't know what to say except that I understand x

EauRouge · 11/01/2012 17:52

Dita I hope you are OK and that tomorrow is a better day.

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MJinBlack · 11/01/2012 17:57

I gave up on expressing years ago, DD just had to thirst if I was out, who can cope with long term breast feeding, tandem feeding and expressing.

DitaVonCheese · 11/01/2012 21:47

Blush Sorry about that. Was tandemming and had limited typing abilities, but that about summed it up. Long day. DD has been pestering for boob since about 5.30. Actually, that's not true - she seems to have accepted (amazingly) that DS can have milk in bed any time (she helps him latch on! which is sweet, though also a bit annoying) but she has to wait until the alarm goes off. She was awake, in our bed and talking about boob from half five though. Sigh. Also earlier - probably the feed when I typed my last message - I got panicky and couldn't bear it and made them both stop and she clamped down instead. OW.

Just can't bear the feel of it sometimes. And the panickyness. Meh :( I have not been a particularly brilliant mum over the last two days I don't think - impressively, since DD has been at preschool for most of them. Doesn't help that she's going through a major clingy phase (might have mentioned this already) atm, keeps telling DH that she doesn't like him, wants me to do everything for her etc and I know I just need to meet her needs and ride it out but I just want to run for the hills.

MJ the twins thing did make me smile :) They are very cute when they are both nursing together - they hold hands and DD helps DS as I mentioned. And so far they love each other - DD is always kissing him, he can't take his eyes off her - but still time for that to change of course Wink I hate expressing too, never do it except was leaving DH with both of them and DS is only 24 weeks so limited options.

MJinBlack · 11/01/2012 21:51

Ive been doing it for 2 whole years in a few days!!

DS is nearly 4, he loves to smooth them, and stroke them, and sleep on my booby pillows.

Drives me insane tbh!

Leave me alone DC, I am just cuddling your booby mummy argh!

MJinBlack · 11/01/2012 21:53

oh and the clingy .....

DS is the older, he says, DD missed daddy, she doesnt miss you, only I miss you and I dont miss daddy.

TheRealMBJ · 11/01/2012 22:25

Sometimes I feel like I am just a walking boob Sad DH can read to DS and talk to him and play with him. From me he just wants boon

KellyKettle · 12/01/2012 20:31

DD asks me for "quick milks, 20 seconds". If she's tired she doesn't stop at 20 and says "no, I will stop by myself!". She was saying it in her sleep last night.

Clingy - check
Walking boob - check

Dita - I meant to say that I gave struck a deal with DD. Only milk in bed before going to sleep at night and then on the sofa during the day. This was to stop her waking me for milk in the morning - her idea of morning differing to mine.

My bigger problem is DD2. She doesn't settle for the night until about 1am. It's killing me. She wakes happily at 8pm when we need to get up with DD1 but then sleeps all day until early evening when she just catnaps. She also generally doesn't feed to sleep in the evening, she fusses/snuggles until she falls asleep. If I offer milk she goes crazy.

KellyKettle · 12/01/2012 20:34

*8am sorry! Blush

KellyKettle · 15/01/2012 21:14

DD1 asked to call my stepdad on Friday so I rang him for and the cheeky monkey asked him to pick her up for a sleep over. He was thrilled and so she stayed on Friday night.

Not wanting to waste the opportunity, DH & I decided to get her room organised so she's got somewhere to put her toys (sick of them being in the living room). We assembled her bed but she's never slept in it so it's mainly decorative. I did think it might be useful when my sister visits with her 2 year old.

Anyway DD called me on Saturday crying. I got a bit worried until she said "mummy can I have another sleep over? I don't want to come home".

She eventually changed her mind and came home. She was so thrilled with her bedroom that she declared she was going to sleep there.

So we had milk on the sofa and she cuddled DH to sleep and he put her into bed. DH was really sad but I kept saying "she'll be in our bed in an hour!". It was 5am when she got into our bed. She woke for the day at 8am and was really annoyed to find herself in our bed! She stormed off to her own bed.

She's in her bed again tonight except she was so excited she even forgot about having milk. So I have fed her once since Thursday night...but weird..bit sad.

Never happy am I? Grin

TheRealMBJ · 15/01/2012 21:36

Wow Kelly looks like you might be on the road to weaning. It's nit strange to have conflicting emotions about it though. Seems to me, it is quite normal to want them to stop yet enjoy the bond.

((Hugs))

TheRealMBJ · 19/01/2012 17:27

Hi all. Just popping in to say that we are weaning Sad. I really can't cope with the constant demands and we are now down to 3 times a day. I hope to get it down to twice and would be happy to keep it at that level until he naturally drops them.

EauRouge · 21/01/2012 20:41

MBJ, don't feel bad. You can't carry on feeding on demand if you hate it, it wouldn't be fair on either one of you. A compromise like 2 feeds a day is a great idea and it's lovely that you're balancing your needs and your DS's needs :)

No news here, things are still going OK. DD2 is very nearly 11 months old Shock I don't know where it's gone.

Still constantly starving. DD1 offered me some of her bagel earlier and I said I wasn't hungry. DH replied "who are you?" Grin

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