Tandem feeding support thread

[EauRouge]

In anticipation of some graduates from the BF and pregnant thread, here's a shiny new thread for tandem feeders to laugh, moan and puzzle over the ins and outs of BF a baby and toddler.

Things are going pretty well for us, we are having a bit of hair-pulling at the moment though. DD2 is 7 mo and loves grabbing hair. DD1 (3 in just over a week!) is not so keen and sometimes wraps her arms around her head.

Another issue is DD1's latch. She's not even close to self-weaning but her latch has been really lazy the last few months. I googled and found this which has been really helpful.

Aside from that, things are brilliant and I'm really glad I'm still BF DD1. It's my one-stop parenting tool for fixing everything

Hi any one still about?

DD did have a TT (posterior) which was snipped last Sun. Seen minor improvement so far. How is everyone else doing?

Hello...sorry haven't been around agai for ages All just a bit hectic...ds not going down till really late so getting no computer time.

Glad tt is sorted MBJ. Hows things generally?

I didn't bf both at same time in public Kelly...thst would be a bit much. But I was nervous about swicthing between the two when out (even though I have no prob bfing ds in public when pg....just felt nervous about it now )

ANy way I tried to put him off in a pub when I had just bf dd to sleep while waiting for our meal. He was getting upset so I decided to just do it, and it lasted ten secs and NO ONE noticed. Then he was all fine and calm.

the following week we had our first trip to AandE with DS (can't believe we made it this long tbh). It got late while we were waiting and I bf him to sleep. People definatly noticed the swap but no one batted an eye lid. They were more interested about me bf in a sling while chasing ds round waiting room.

We are all well here. All goes smoothly most of the time bar the odd time when they both want feeding in the middle of thew night as I can't do this in bed yet. On the sofa we are sorted.

It is abit hectic, but tbh I don't mind that.

Any one else around?

hi, I'm still here.

I am busy putting together a presentation type thing for the docs about ds1.

Seems his tongue tie is causing more than gastric problems. He also has a high palate (see the pics on my profile).

this makes the connection between high palates and sleep apnea. Sleep apnea leads to insufficient oxygen which explains EVERYTHING about ds1.

It's a very long list

He needs his tongue tie done, he needs therapy to correct his swallow, he needs his palate expanded with orthodontics and he maybe needs his tonsils out. And I need to persuade the docs to do it!!

We night weaned ds2 about 2 weeks ago. It involved him sleeping with dh instead of me. There was no fuss, no crying, no nothing. He just accepted it and now he sleeps all night.

Compare this with ds1 who is the worst sleeper in the world. As my friend put it (you know who your are ) it's like sharing a bed with Jackie Chan. . And no sign of weaning in sight. I do wonder if the tongue tie op will spell the end. And if that doesn't then the palate expander definitely will. Not sure whether to be [happy] or to think of it ending like this.

Wow, mawbroon, that's quite a list. :( I do hope the doctors are sympathetic.

That's amazing about DS2 - good for him.

(Apologies for jumping right in here, I was lurking and wondering how your DS had got on with the endoscopy.)

However it ends, you should feel flippin' proud of having met your DS's needs for so long. He's a lucky boy to have you as his mum. :)

We've got thrush

Mawbroon, I DH has a tt and terrible snoring and sleep apnoea as a result but the GP doesn't think it is a factor

Glad to hear things are going well Moon.

Anyone still about?

It's busy having and feeding 2, isn't it?

DH wants me to wean DS . I just say we aren't having the most enjoyable tandem relationship. DS wants to feed ALL the time, sometimes trying to pull DD's head away from the breast. I don't enjoy feeding them together etc, etc.

But... DS is not ready to wean (we've managed re-nightweaning which has made a difference) and although I am limiting and delaying feeds (so on the weaning path) he's not ready to stop cold turkey (and neither am I)

Perhaps I should be stricter about when he does get to feed? Morning, once in the afternoon and evening only? Perhaps?

I dunno

DH, has wanted me to wean ddd1 for ages but I tell him that's something that's between me and her and he now knows not to interfere.

I do limit her to certain times of the day (more our less) and I do find that helps our nursing relationship as we both know where we stand. I'm not sure I could have limited her so easily when dd2 was tiny though as there ous just do much feeding going on then. Much easier now they're both toddlers.

Oh MBJ I know exactly where you are now. We're going through the same thing.

I still cant stand feeding DD1 but also have guilt. Night weaning took 5 weeks but helped massively. I have also limited her in the day but by delaying and distraction and if she won't then I'll feed her.

My GP prescribed anti-depressants for PND but I opted not to take them and asked DH to stay home for a while to help.

I hit a horrible low point when DH was in Scotland, DD2 had kept me up until the early hours with colic and then DD1 started and was a awful all day. I lost it, shouting at her, she begged for milk, I fed her but sobbed & ranted as I did. I called DH who was in Inverness and he said I should go cold turkey. I said I couldnt, it was too mean and he said "how is that any worse than what you're doing now".

I felt awful and it took a while to convince DH that I should carry on but like you said, it's between me & DD.

She has cut back her feeds a lot and the big one is before bed. I play a game on my phone for distraction. I hate it but I lie there thinking I may not have to do it again for 24 hours.

Do you want to be stricter? If you do that's fine. I often find it easier to just agree to feed DD1 but limit feeds to 20 seconds. She accepts this now and happily goes off afterwards.

Would that work for you?

Hmmm....

I think I do actually. I really don't want to stop feeding him but I can't carry I as is, so I have decided to limit him to 4 feeds a day. Once in the morning after breakfast, mid-morning, mid-afternoon and evening

Sorry still no Internet here. I owe Eau a message - sorry I will reply ASAP.

How are you MBJ?

My DD1 is almost 3 so it's been easier to distract her from bf. She feeds maybe twice a day now.

Snails countdown works now too and I do feel guilty but it had definitely helped me so I hope the limits have helped you too,

Made the mistake of telling HV I was tandem feeding. Apparently their is no nutritional value in it - did you all know breastmilk turns to water or coke or something when when your toddler latches on?

She also told me off for cosleeping with DD1 - didn't dare say I was with Dd2 too.

Apparently it makes children clingy. Felt like shit when she left.

HVs are idiots. Fact. We're well. Limiting to 4 feeds a day, which is tough but doable.

Hello, can I join?

FFS kelly. Not what you need :(

(But didn't you know a toddler's mouth switches the boob output from milk to water?)

I've not yet had a bad HV. Can't wait for the first time someone tells me not to bedshare/Bf a toddler etc.

Just popping in to wave. 20 weeks now and milk dropped a lot :( Even boob fiend isn't so bothered anymore :( Hoping that 2-3 feeds a day is enough to keep him interested when new milk arrives. Can really see a difference in his nappies - so not all bad!!

Considering having a screen done on milk in right boob which is causing pain when feeding (always has due to poor latch that side) but with virtually no feeding that side is still a problem which seems odd. Wondering whether there is a lingering staph infection. Anyone done this?

kelly do you have both DC in bed at the same time? How does that work for you?

Looking at options you see as DS2 (18 months) sleeps snuggled up to us or not at all. As DC3 will be in bed with us I'm a tad worried about overlaying by said DS2 and trying to work out logistics options.

We are considering bed-weaning TBH but not sure it's going to be an option. Will be trying the toddler bed next to our bed first to see if no-bars works better (cots are the work of the devil, apparently).

(even 3 sided ones next to the bed - we are absolutely trying to murder him when we try to move him into it)

It's so, so hard, isn't it?

(Welcome by the way )

I'm finding things a lot easier mentally now that I am limiting feeds, both coping with the tantrums when I say no and not hating hither whole experience including poor DS when feeding. It's so difficult to explain to people who haven't been/aren't in the same situation either. They just say 'Well, why don't you wean then' and can't understand when you tell them that it isn't that easy.

I also haves few 'ulterior' motives for continuing to bf DS, over and above the fact that he clearly still needs it emotionally . They are as follows:

1. immune benefits for DS - because he had a run of severe viral infections and 2 admissions with febrile convulsions, I would like to keep any illness to a minimum.

2. supply - DD had a tt (released now) and a poor latch. It has improved but I still don't think it is great. Feeding DS will ensure I maintain a good milk supply.

3. nutrition -DS is a terrible eater and at least milk is nutritious and not empty, crappy calories.

carrot we have two DC in bed with us fairly often (). We have a fab bedguard from www.purpledaisies.co.uk on my side. I'm happy that DS is safe next to it so he goes on the outside as DH sometimes has a glass of wine in the evening. Me in the middle, DH on other side. When DD comes in, she goes between me and DH, though she wants nothing to do with DH and kicks him I have to lie on my back with an arm around each DC and often with both latched on as well ... not v comfy but I am a sleep ninja thses days and can sleep under almost any conditions. Bed is not really big enough for four, despite being king.

OCC

We have both in bed with us for most of the night. DS goes to bed in his own room but comes in with us when he wakes around midnight. DD comes to. Bed with us.

DD is on my side, DS in between DH and I. We tried him on DH's side but he wouldn't have it.

We have a king size bed with a single pushed against it. (We have an odd shaped room and the one side is just wide enough to accommodate the width and for a sort of headboard.) DH's 'side' is the single and the kids and I are on the King.

DS is night weaned despite a brief regression straight after DD's birth.

Thanks MBJ :)

I feel like such a fraud, I'm training to be a BFC and totally hate it atm! I'm all in favour of other people doing it if they want, just not me

I think tantrums/anger I could deal with, but it's the bereft sobbing :( I've found myself trying to explain that bfing does not = love but how do you explain that to a 3 yo?! Or she gets me first thing in the am when I just want to go back to sleep and for her not to wake DS/DH so feed her to shut her up.

Slightly annoyed/surprised DH has just suggested weaning DD - would have thought he of all people would understand how hard that would be.

Kelly, I had HV like that where I used to live.she told me I would get mastitis if I carried on tandem feeding as I would be producing too much milk . It is amazing how much they knock your confidence even though you know they're talking crap. I have a fantastic HV now though who didn't bay afn eyelid when I said I was feeding them both, so they do exist!

DitaVonCheese, I think if dd is going through a clingy phase then it is probably the worst time to think about weaning even though I'm sure it makes you want to. Would it help you to have a date in mind that you can plan towards I.e.say to yourself I'm hating feeding at the moment but dd really needs it at the moment, but I can consider weaning in 3 months if I'm still hating it then.

I've set myself the target of dd2's 2nd birthday in may and if I'm still hating feeding dd1 then, then I'll start to wean them both. I feel so much better now I have afn end in sight and can cope with the difficult feeds much more easily now.

Hi everyone, I haven't posted on this thread for ages Been trying to catch up.

Kelly- sorry your HV wasn't more supportive. Could you politely ask her for evidence? That's usually a winner, it's non-confrontational if you do the old "I'd be really interested to read more about that" trick.

Re: tandem co-sleeping- we've done it since DD2 arrived and this is how it works for us- We have a cot-bed with one side taken off at the same level. DD1 is in here and often is half-in that and half-in our bed. DD2 is in the middle. As Dr Sears so wisely says, the best sleeping arrangement is the one where everyone gets the most sleep. Or something.

Dita- My DD1 is 3.2yo and goes through super-clingy phases. Some days I wish she would wean and others I wonder how I would sort her out when she falls over. I just have to remind myself that it's normal to have days where I hate it, it's a normal process of weaning. If we loved it all the time then imagine how gutted we'd be when they self-weaned, there'd be no sense of relief at all. Have you read Mothering Your Nursing Toddler? Anyway, I think this kind of experience will make you a better BFC because you'll be full of empathy if a mother comes to you with the same problem :)