Sleepless in Newcastle...please help!

[popsycalindisguise]

Technically I suppose this ought to be in sleep but it si so instrinsically tied up with breast feeding that I thought it might be better suited here.

DS2 will be 9 months this week and has not yet slept in his cot for more than a few hours at a time. Actually, he has not ever slept for more than a few hours at a time.

He is fully breastfed and, of course, on solids too now. During the early days, I was persuaded that the easiest way to deal with the 2 hour feeding day and night was co-sleeping and reluctantly brought him into bed with me. Now I cant get him out.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against co-sleeping and night feeding but it is getting ridiculous. FIVE TIMES between 12 and 5 he woke last night. He still wakes for a 10pm feed. Even if I put him in his cot, I wake later and he is in bed with me and I have my top around my neck and can't remember when or how he got in the bed.

DS1 wakes between 5 and 6 most days.

Last night I got 1 hour and 20 minutes sleep.

I know what I can do, but I work full time and dont have the energy to make a stand.

Any advice/support/sympathy may help!

Seriously though.
I need help.

You poor thing!

I don't know if I can really help, I'll just tell you about me. I found that the key for me was to stress as little as possible about it. The more I managed to go with the flow, not ever to look at the clock when the dd's woke up, to just consider it as a phase that would pass, the easier it became. I could then just put them on the breast while half asleep and in the morning I wouldn't even remember how often they woke up. And then all of a sudden they would start to sleep much, much better, just like that.

I think it's the wrong time to worry about getting him in his own cot, get through this phase, wait till he's a bit older and then it will be easy.
That's just me though, because I just couldn't do controlled crying. I really hope things will get better for you soon.

Oh Your poor thing.

have no advise, but thinking of you. Look after yourself Popsy.

Forgot to add,..he settles himself to sleep in his buggy during the day.

Also, I am not up to controlled crying.

Emkana.....I was being pretty relaxed about it.....but a 3am 'conversation' with DH last night is spurring me on to try to get this sorted....

What does ds1 do when he wakes up? How old is he?

My dd's are four and two. They are in their own beds now. When they wake up early they can come in with us on the understanding that they won't disturb us. They have actually learnt to just lie there quietly in the dark so we can carry on sleeping.

Pops, I have no advice but just wanted to say how great it is to see you and I can't believe your DS2 is 9 months now!

ds1 is just turned 3.
he shouts, comes in the room, demands daddy goes in his bed...
afew times we have let him scream,,,,,and he literally does just that until 6am

What was the gist of the conversation?

I can totally understand if you want to change things. I just always found that in the end things sorted themselves out really.

The gist of the conversation was that our relationship is going down the pan......it is my fault that he doesn't sleep (perhaps so.....but I know I wouldnt be breast feeding now if I hadn't co-slept initially) and it needs sorted.

I know he is right....
But I just don't have the energy
oh and i got thrush in my boobs today

popsy i dont think he is right

yes its a sleep problem and they are hard but its not your 'fault'

popsy i dont think he is right

yes its a sleep problem and they are hard but its not your 'fault'

popsy i dont think he is right

yes its a sleep problem and they are hard but its not your 'fault'

oops! damn keyboard

I know...
It ist my fault as such....but it is my doing....iyswim

theres nothing to say if he was bottle fed he would be better or that indeed he would have ever settled in a cot if you hadnt of decided to co sleep

I have said that.....but I really think it is a lot to do with the easy accessible boob/////

anyway
off to epress
will check in tmorrow

Popsycal, don' t know if I have any advice, but you definitely have my sympathy & support I know exactly how you feel about not having the energy to make a stand.

Has the night waking got worse? I ask because my ds' night waking has definitely got worse and he is nearly 8mths. So much for all those people who told me he would sleep through once I started him on solids - yeah right! I suppose I have taken Emkana's approach really, in that these days I try not to stress about it or clockwatch, just go with the flow. But some nights it is really tough to stay calm when you are up for the nth time, you are knackered and ds just wont settle. My ds is up every 2-3 hrs at night and will only go back in his cot if he's BF back to sleep. On the nights when this doesn't work I bring him into bed with me. I would say he sleeps better when I do this, but maybe it's just that I don't notice so much when he wakes and just helps himself to my boobies

I couldn't do cc either so I am trying to accept that this is just what ds is like at the moment and I think you just have to do all the things that make night feeding easier on you, like co-sleeping, if that helps you all get a better night.
I don't think any of this is your fault/doing at all, so why is it your responsibility to get it sorted? It's a shame your dh isn't a bit more supportive. Just because you have the best method of settling your ds when he wakes in the night doesn't mean that you have caused or encouraged him to wake.

tatties - your post is exactly the same situation as mine

I was so tired/stressed/upset today after another night and my 3 year old waking at 4am and having tantrums and refusing to go to sleep that I have called in sick
I went to docs and saw the most unsupportive doctor imaginable
my mum has the boys so I am trying to catch up on things then will have a little nap

my sick record at work is dreadful (long stress of pregnanacy related sick last year)
anyway
it is forcing me to reconsider my options....

crikey popsycal, we're sleepless in the Toon in our house as well!

My DS (15mo) is also the sleeper from hell. He's at his worst when he's teething, or learning a new skill. At 10mo it was crawling and ATM, it's walking.

BIG hugs. I feel physically sick from lack of sleep.

But what to do?????

Have also developed thrush in my boobs too and expressing is killing me!

Popsy I lived through this flipping nightmare with DS3 and it nearly killed me. I was back at work for four months living through this sleep deprivation hell.

Eventually, at the age of nearly 11 months, we got DS3 sleeping through most of the night. The involvement of DH was absolutely key - and you MUST get yours involved.

Step 1 - if he's not doing this already - get him going to sleep in his cot on his own in the evening - after a feed so you know he's not hungry. Get DH to put him down and if he sits back up again, lay him down gently again. Keep doing it. No talking, no eye contact. If it helps to keep him lying down, gentle patting on the back or bottom.

Step 2 - once he's learned how to fall asleep on his own, then you have to extend the programme to subsequent wake-ups. This is where you REALLY need your DH to take the strain because (I speak from bitter experience) you will be too tired to see it through and will just bring him into bed and undo all the good that Step 1 has done. When he wakes up, get DH to go through the settling process again with him. Again, it may take a while and DH will need to be persistent, though gentle obviously.

Step 3 - gradually extend into the night the time at which you feed him. I think I started off saying, Right, not feeding him before 1 a.m., then gradually pushed it back - 2 a.m. - 3 a.m. etc. In fact, because he was learning how to get back to sleep without being fed, he did fairly quickly stop waking up during the night at all. He did for quite a while wake up about six am and I just brought him into bed with me then. We carried on like that up until about a month ago when I stopped feeding him myself.

Give it a try but you must get your DH onside!

Thanks so much dinosaur!
That sounds achievable broken down like that. I am now crying, the silly moo that I am!

I have tried to do the 'I will not feed before Xam' but I stagger to the cot and half asleep just bring him into my bed and not remember
Right.
Will try step one tonight

popsycal I would so like to be able to help as I still feel quite weepy with gratitude when I recall how sweet you were to me about DS3's jaundice!

Good luck. Just take it a step at a time.

Thanks dinosaur

I will start step 1 tonight....and once that is working then I will bribe dh to do step 2 beginning one weekend by bribing him with a lie in....

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg
ombloodyg

Step 1 (well, step 0.5...) a huge success!!!!!

DH wasnt in for bedtime (emergency with his nan...) so down to me to get both to bed....
So ds1 had story and put nursery rhyme cd on for him.
Took ds2 into bedroom and fed...he has half feed downstairs and other half on bedroom.
Anyway he was half asleep when he finished his feed and I put him over my shoulder and he woke up screaming and wouldn't settle.
Then ds1 shouted for his cd to start again (grrr) so we went in and ds2 actually calmed down but woke up fully
Put him in his cot with a few toys....he rolled around a bit and played...
I stood quietly peering into the cot....

After about 10 minutes, he started getting niggly so I sang to himand rubbed his tummy, both of which he loves, and he settled.....
Then eventually he rolled onto his side...I kept singing and patted his back......drifted off to sleep.....patted more slowly, sang more quietly anf gradually left the room

do I get a sticker??

just me who is excited then///