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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Sleepless in Newcastle...please help!

163 replies

popsycalindisguise · 28/11/2005 21:05

Technically I suppose this ought to be in sleep but it si so instrinsically tied up with breast feeding that I thought it might be better suited here.

DS2 will be 9 months this week and has not yet slept in his cot for more than a few hours at a time. Actually, he has not ever slept for more than a few hours at a time.

He is fully breastfed and, of course, on solids too now. During the early days, I was persuaded that the easiest way to deal with the 2 hour feeding day and night was co-sleeping and reluctantly brought him into bed with me. Now I cant get him out.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against co-sleeping and night feeding but it is getting ridiculous. FIVE TIMES between 12 and 5 he woke last night. He still wakes for a 10pm feed. Even if I put him in his cot, I wake later and he is in bed with me and I have my top around my neck and can't remember when or how he got in the bed.

DS1 wakes between 5 and 6 most days.

Last night I got 1 hour and 20 minutes sleep.

I know what I can do, but I work full time and dont have the energy to make a stand.

Any advice/support/sympathy may help!

Seriously though.
I need help.

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Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 22/12/2005 19:38

BTW CorrieDale - who did you used to be??

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Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 22/12/2005 19:39

just notcied on my wed 21st post I said ds2 woke at 4:15...it was DS1
for some reason, in the last week he has wanted to between 4 and 5 grrr

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busywizzy · 22/12/2005 20:15

Popsy, I'm really glad for you that things seem to be getting better with DS2 settling well at night and sleeping in his own cot I always felt inspired when my DS made a tiny improvement in his sleeping habits.

Aren't DH's useless. Mine has frequently forgotten to feed DS on the rare occasion he's looked after him during the day

Hope DS1's ummmmmm bowel settles soon

CorrieDale · 23/12/2005 08:36

Popsycal, I used to be Kathryn1967, but I became embarrassed by how unimaginative it was in comparison to everybody else's! (OK, so CorrieDale isn't that imaginative either but at least I'm entering into the spirit!) Glad to hear things are getting better for you. And frankly, after the grief your DH has given you about DS2, I'd be inclined to give him a swift kick in the arse for last night!!!! (Your DH not DS2, of course)

Alas! After two weeks of things getting better here, DS has had two poor nights (last night we were up at 12, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...). Fed each time briefly. Think he could be teething, or growth spurting, or cross because he didn't see much of me yesterday, or unsettled because my sis and her DS came around yesterday at his wind-down time... or any or all of the above! Fingers crossed for tonight (hopes not high though)!

Pollyannainexcelsis · 23/12/2005 13:05

Can I just ask, how do you know whether your baby is hungry or just feeding for comfort/habit? We have the same problem, but my dd3 (11mo) goes to bed on her own, wakes up for a feed 3 or 4 times a night and always goes back down awake. So I know she doesn't need to suck to get to sleep, but don't know whether it is because she is hungry or through habit.

Last night I was out and my sister gave her a bottle of formula at 11pm and she slept all the way through from then. the first time ever! so perhaps she is hungry normally?

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 23/12/2005 18:25

I firmly believe now that with my ds2 it isnt hunger at all....he wakes up and thinks he will give it a try. If mummy comes, then he knows he can get the boob which he loves more than anything in the world. the two nights that ds2 has slept best were when dh put him to bed......maybe that is the same theory as you sister having him!

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trinityrocks · 27/12/2005 11:06

Oh, I have never felt soooooo tired in all my life. I regularly cry into my little ones shoulder at 4 in the morning.I can't get my dh to help thought as he works away in the week

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 30/12/2005 11:20

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
we even shipped out ds1 to my parents last night (his first ever night away from me apart from when i was in hospital with ds2)....he slept til 7:30!!!!

As for ds2, we are back to the old routine!
Woke at: 8:30 11:45, 2:20, 3:40 at which point i had had enough and he came into bed.

What is wrong with me!!!!
I have to go back to work on wednesday after a month of sick leave. please help

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busywizzy · 30/12/2005 19:14

Oh Popsy I'm sorry things have gone a bit pear-shaped. Any chance he could be cutting a tooth? My DS seemed to be making really good progress but last night he woke at 9.30, 12.30, 3.00 and didn't go back to sleep until almost 5, then woke again at 6.15. Today though, his cheeck is bright red and I can see a tooth just about to cut through the gum.

I also think all the comings and goings of Xmas affect them so maybe if you have another bad night, you need to put things on hold until DS1 is back to school and everyone's back into thier normal routine.

Sorry, not much help but just wanted to send sympathies really.

CorrieDale · 31/12/2005 19:00

Poor you! It just feels even worse when you've had a bit of reprieve. I was wondering - could he be cold? It always affects DS badly, and we've had a bit of a cold snap for the last few days.

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 31/12/2005 19:48

possibly.....the nights he slept better. he was warmer......

need to get over the whole SIDS thing and put another blanket on

last night was awful, though ds1 slept through until 7:15

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Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 01/01/2006 19:43

last night update
woke at 10, 1 and 4 and then ouldnt go off to sleep til 5:30 (but kept grabbig my ears and planting big kisses on my lips so slighty forgiven )

But he was in his cot all night......until ds1 stormed in in his usual whirlwind fashion at 6am

WHY DOES HE WAKE EVERY THREE HOURS!!!!
He can settle himslef obviously....he does it to get to sleep on a evening, and in the three hour stretches that he sleeps he must come into light sleep at least a couple of times and obviously can settle himself ...
ONLY THREE NIGHT THEN I AM BACK AT WORK

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CorrieDale · 01/01/2006 20:16

Is your DH still putting him to bed/getting up to him in the night? Might be worth going back to that, if not. The every three hours thing makes me think it might be a habit, rather than hunger (I don't normally say that - I generally give babies the benefit of the doubt when it's a question of hunger v habit.)

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 02/01/2006 13:11

Last night: 10pm, 1am, 4am.
Up for 30 mins first two times then 1 hour 30 mins thirdy time!!

Was also in with ds1 between 2 and 4
Hmmm
2 and a half hours sleep
Pretty standard
How will i survive work on wednesday

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BibBabBob · 02/01/2006 19:20

Don't have any words of advice, just empathy. My ds (five months) is also up approx 6 times a night for feeds/ cuddles and I'm pooped. fortunately still on maternity leave and not due back til april.

Hulababy · 02/01/2006 19:24

Sorry it isn't any better Popsy Wish I could think of something that night work.

Do you have a sleep clinic round you or connected to your hospital at all?

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 02/01/2006 19:46

I am fed up of the number of people who are now saying a) let him cry b) dont you think you have breast fed long enough c)I didnt like to say ir at the ime, but bringing him in your bed was a rod for your own back

like I have caused it all so it is my fault

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busywizzy · 02/01/2006 21:28

Popsy, I know easier said than done, but just don't take any notice. Babies sleep how THEY want to and not how you or any book dictates. My DD slept 8-8 when she was 12 weeks old and I thought THAT WAS NORMAL Also have a horrible feeling I was very smug about what an excellent mother I must have been. DS soon put a stop to all that as at 12 weeks, I was still getting up loads and just didn't know what had hit me. He's only just started sleeping through now at 9 months and even then, he often wakes at 5ish. I'll never, ever say anything other than kind words of sympathy to anyone with a non-sleeping baby again.

Really, really hope things turn for you soon, particularly with you going back to work.

leogaela · 02/01/2006 21:47

Popsy, sorry to hear that things are still not really improving. I can't imagine how exhausted you must be feeling !

I guess in time things will improve naturally wihtout any letting him cry it out. If ds2 needs something for comfort at night to resettle have you tried just giving him water? Its taken some time but seems to work with my ds (although not breastfed anymore and always a better sleeper than your ds2). Otherwise the only advice I can give now is to go to bed as early as possible.

fellowzumbi · 02/01/2006 21:54

I so understand where you are coming from!
DS has been a nightmare too! Tomorrow i'm going back to work full time so I had to decide he needs to learn to sleep in his own. I just can't do it anymore. I startedthree days ago to give him 10minutes to settle himself. Learned he will do that until 1 Am. So I gave him water at ! Am and had to deal with him crying for an hour. It was awful! I compromise by sleeping by him, and hold his hand but did not give the magic booby.
I totally respect your decision of not letting him cry, but after following your threads for a while I would like to suggest very gently that you may need to decide how important it is for you that he sleeps. This obviously not your fault, but it seems clear to me that he does not know how to sleep on his own. Thus, there aretwo choices. You keep helping him or you don't.
There is asolutely nothing wrong with feeding him at night. Co-sleeping in this situation will make your life much easier. The other way is to let him find out a way to fall asleep on his own...

I know you just said that you are very upset at people suggesting you let him cry... I am not saying that you should do that. I am just trying to suggest that crying might be the only thing you haven't tried yet to make him learn to sleep. So it might be worth a try.... Or, perhaps you should just decide that you are fine with him being helped to sleep and try not to get stressed by it.
Hope you find some workable resolution soon!

CorrieDale · 03/01/2006 08:33

Sorry Popsycal! I hope you don't think I was advocating "let him cry" - wouldn't do that to my own DS, so can hardly expect anybody else to do it to theirs. Dr Sears, in his latest book, recommends that when the child is about 10 months and if his night-feeding is becoming a problem, you get your DH to go to the baby. Sears started the attachment parenting thing, and has never believed in letting a baby cry but he feels that there is a big difference between leaving a baby to cry alone in a cot, and having DH holding him in his arms, comforting him as he cries. Not much fun for DH and I'd want to be sure that DS was waking up out of habit rather than hunger. But once DS is on three square meals a day with four to five BFs, if he's still feeding more than once a night, that is what I/my DH shall be doing. A link to Dr Sears website is this . Although the book is better - the Baby Sleep Book by Dr William Sears and Martha Sears. I have it from the library (having already spent a bloody fortune on baby sleep books, but still having a non-sleeping baby).

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 03/01/2006 11:34

Well
Last night, after thinking about the whole thing and posts on here.....I decided to let ds2 sleep in bed with me all night to try to decide how bothered I was abotu it all (if that mkes any sense)

He woke up LOADS!!!! Latched himself on then fell asleep within about 30 seconds. I got more sleep but got woken more if that makes any sense. But I do feel less tired today.

Oh I don't know.
My brain is mush.
Think I will leave this thread for a bit and have a good think.

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Tipex · 03/01/2006 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

busywizzy · 04/01/2006 09:16

Popsy, have you seen the post from Nannyme on Aloha's thread (anyone hired a sleep expert). She is trying to set up a parenting advice thing and is offering her services free of charge to help with sleep issues.

Not sure if you would be interested but didn't want you to miss out if you were.

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 08/01/2006 15:30

back to gettign him in his cot last night........
fed at 10:15 straight back in cot....
woke at 3:15 () fed LOADS and staright back in cot.
woke at 5:20 wide awake, fed and awake for the day

does this count as only waking once in the night?!?!?!?!?!?!?

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