Is Breast Best?

[ADaddy]

First of all I want to say that my heart goes out to all the women out there that are struggling trying to breastfeed their child and feeling the pressure to continue.

My wife gave birth nearly 3 weeks ago and since then has had a really rough time with breastfeeding. I just wanted to share some words with women in a similar situation. I'll put them in points to be more concise.

1. There is so much more to being a mother than just being a milk supply. Don't ever forget this!

1. This is about feeding your baby. It is too bad that they don't have "Feeding councillors" rather than just "Breastfeeding councillors".

1. Your baby's nutrition and hydration is vital. Don't feel guilty for making sure your baby has both of these.

1. The well-being of the mother is also vital. You need to be there for your baby, does your experience with breastfeeding enhance your well-being or make you feel like the contents of your babies nappies?

1. Unless there is imminent danger, Healthcare professionals will put breastfeeding above things such as sleep, washing, bonding, jaundice. It pains them to say the word "formula" so don't expect them too.

1. Healthcare professionals are mainly interested in the colour of poo, if wee is coming out and if the baby is at least gaining some weight. In that case all is well, forget the rest. This is NOT a holistic approach and one of my main bug-bears with breastfeeding promotion. There is a much bigger, far more complicated picture to consider to determine if breastfeeding really is working for you.

1. If you have a latch problem then they like that, they can help solve that. It's different when it is a supply problem, that is not always solvable and they tend to be in denial about it (mainly because it is far more difficult to solve).

1. Demand feeding:

a. Is lack or sleep good for mother or milk supply or to that end baby?
b. Is not being able to find time to eat good for anyone?
c. Is no time to wash good?
d. Does baby sleep a lot and forget to demand only to wake up ravenous and too fractious to feed?  Can't be possible, this does not fit in the ideal world of demand feeding :)
e. No routine, no structure, no way for an adult human to live?
f. Are you told, don't worry, keep going your milk supply will come through soon?
g. Feels like it is driving you insane?  Maybe it is!

1. Is the difficulty of breastfeeding affecting your bond with your baby? It is hard enough, healing, hormones, baby blues and worse, don't be pressurised into sacrificing this important step under some misguided notion that your baby will suffer by not being breastfed. He/She is likely to suffer more if you are not able to nuture this all important bond.

Of course, these questions and statements come from our personal experiences, although from what I have read on the internet, we are not alone.

If you read through my points and breastfeeding is still the right approach for you, great! If not, then do the best thing for you and the baby (yes, that is YOU too) and consider alternative approaches.

And before you ask, the only vested interest I have is in the health of my wife and baby and doing what is best for them.

Comments welcome.

IMO/IME a medical inability to produce enough milk is rare. Problems with supply, because of bad advice and lack of support, are very common.

With DD, she was feeding almost all the time and i was topping her up with ebm as well, but she was still losing weight. Neither of us was getting enough sleep. The infant feeding specialist MW we saw, quite by chance at a clinic, got me feeding DD in a firm cradle hold that enabled her to get a deep latch. I still had to take 2 days off bfing to express regularly and up my supply. And it took a month before DD was off top-ups (though we only used formula for a few days when home). But we had a very tricky start as DD was in SCBU and didn't breastfeed until day 3.

Feeding all the time and still having weight issues can mean that the baby is struggling to get enough calorific enough milk in. A deep latch and good positioning is required for them to get the fattier milk. Unfortunately, what looks like a fine latch to most professionals may not be good enough for some babies, as I found with DD - and this is often missed.

WRT infant feeding specialists, as I said we saw one by sheer chance and where then unable to get another full appointment with her despite having real issues and specifically requesting we could see her. I'm still shocked that this was so. When we have another baby, I'll be finding a private lactation consultant before the birth and putting money aside to see one. We were both horrified that properly specialised support is not available even if you are in real need.

OP - don't know why people think you're brave posting this. MN is the least pro-BFing (and most BF- bashing site) there is. It's bad that your wife has had a hard time but I think blaming every possible problem that comes with a newborn on how you feed him/ her is a total nonsense.

It does get easier, and however you feed will just be a part of that.

TCOB I've found people to be very supportive about bfing actually.

I think from the OP's first post that the baby has had jaundice, they are sleepy, they are difficult to feed, they do perhaps need feeding every 2.5 hours if under phototherapy, my DS was fracticious (and still is aged 5 sometimes ) but this will pass. The supply worries may stem from the fact that the baby was too sleepy to feed initially and then ebm top ups had to be introduced which means that you are feeding and then perhaps expressing and perhaps adding a bit of formula too, that can be truly be overcome as everyone here says. I just want to say that this is probably the hardest thing your wife will ever do, it was for me anyway, but actually it is very worth it. At about 6 weeks my son hit the bottle out of my hand, I'm not joking, he refused point blank to entertain the idea again and would probably be feeding now aged 5 if he could. It was as if he thought, I'm over this jaundice thing now, I don't need this vile tasting stuff anymore, let me have the real stuff.

Saying that you don't think breast is best to your wife won't help her, saying that you all will take one day at a time and doing everything you can to support her to rest when she can will. Having faith that the milk is enough when the baby is feeding constantly will help, the baby knows they have to do that to build up supply.

You sound like you like structure and routine and to have a plan and be in control but actually if you think about it this time in your lives is very short and for once it's okay to chug along without either routine or structure.

You could be right, ohno, as this sort of cascade of events is not uncommon.

Trouble is, despite several requests, the OP seems dead set on not actually saying what the problem is, bar the fact his wife is upset, and low supply is suspected (without any real evidence it is low supply - it might be, who knows? Not us, 'cos he ain't telling).

He wants a consensus saying 'breastfeeding is not that important, tell your wife to switch to formula' and he's not getting it!

I know someone who works in marketing who posts this site (and others) to promote products.

Luckily the OP has told us that this isnt the case here

World Health Organization information [Butte 2002, p. 29 ] states,

"...although there is abundant evidence suggesting that breastfed infants often receive less vitamin D than is required, most studies fail to find rickets in breastfed infants less than 6 months of age..."

www.kellymom.com/nutrition/vitamins/vitamin-d.html

I suspect this is because the human body is quite capable of making more vitamin D simply through regular exposure to daylight - breastmilk is not 'short' on vitamin D simply because you don't get 100% of your supplies from it.

And artificially supplementing foodstuffs with vitamins and minerals carries no guarantee that they will be used efficiently by the body - formula is full of iron but less than 30% is absorbed in the gut whereas breastmilk has much less iron in it but over 70% is absorbed. In addition, the iron in breastmilk is present in a form called lactoferrin, which means it's bound to a protein and therefore can only be absorbed by the baby and cannot be utilised by various micro-organisms thus lowering the risk of various infections.

ADaddy I obviously don't know you and your wife and what is right for her and for your baby will be a personal decision.

BUT I found breastfeeding very hard at first. My daughter was very slow to gain weight. The advice from healthcare professionals was very inconsistent and we had lots of family and friends saying 'Oh just give her a bottle' and telling us that frequent feeding must indicate poor supply.

My DH read up on breastfeeding and knew that wasn't true. He called our local breastfeeding counsellor when I was too tearful to. He encouraged me every step of the way and did everything else bar the feeding to help me stay sane, including pacing the floor with DD last thing at night and first thing in the morning so I could catch up on a little sleep. He even spoke sternly to his mum and to my dad when they said things like 'She should only be feeding every 4 hours' or 'there are no benefits to breastfeeding after the first month or so'.

It got dramatically easier very quickly and we are still breastfeeding happily at 13m. I'm so grateful that DH was supportive. I know that if I had felt formula feeding was the way to go he would have supported that too, but knowing that breastfeeding mattered to me and to DD he was willing to do whatever it took to make it happen.

Maybe bottlefeeding will be right for your wife and your baby. Without hearing her perspective it is hard to say. But please don't assume that because she is finding it hard what she wants to hear is 'just give him a bottle'.

so ADaddy have you given up yet? Your common sense post outlining how most people who struggle with BF feel, has been analysed to death with a good measure of WHO stats thrown in together with the odd assumption that you may be working for Aptamil.

If you want a sensible and reasoned discussion on why Bottle Feeding may be the best for your little family, I would suggest a visit to the Formula feeding support thread. I will find it and bump for you. Just in case, you know.

Many of us have been in your DW's situation and all the blah about BF really doesn't help.

Hope you are both OK tonight and managing to cope with your tiny baby.

ADaddy, why not use expressing pump, if you two are worried about supply, she could pump and then put baby on the breast, just to help it a long a little.

It would be a very god thing to try, firstly you can clearly see how much milk there exactly is and secondly baby will find it much easier to suck. Knowing the amount of milk will put your mind at rest vis a vis supply.

Loved breast feeding. Yes it is hard work , but surely not a surprise!
I never went without food, showers etc... how bizarre!!!
Yes breast is best

zlaya, I know you are trying to help, but again, you cannot give advice based on your own experience or half-understood ideas.....expressing does not give an idea of 'how much there is'. Expressing may not remove as much as the baby, or it may actually remove more. As an exercise in quantifying, it is meaningless and misleading.

Secondly, the baby may not find it 'much easier' to suck a bottle. This is by no means the certainty you imply - some babies suck well on the breast and not at all on the bottle. In any case, we don't know (because the OP has not told us, despite requests) exactly what is happening with the baby who may well be able to suck just fine :)

Expressing is sometimes an option for people who are unable to have a good experience feeding 'direct' but not for the reasons you say :(

zlaya expressing is a really, really inaccurate way to determine milk supply. Many, many women are able to feed and satisfy their babies (and even twins) but are never able to express more than a few millilitres. It is a very dangerous myth that you can 'check' your supple in this way, as it may put the odd women's mind at rest if she can express but for the overwhelming majority of women it just causes more worry and stress.

Using a bottle this early on is not recommended either, as there is still a very high risk for nipple confusion.

Moreover, the OP still has not told us why there is a concern for his wife's milk supply. It could just be because she is hearing the old, tired, demoralising phrases mentioned earlier, eg 'Is he feeding again?' or 'Surely he can't still be hungry?' or perhaps she has even tried expressing and not had much luck. There is no evidence on this thread that there is an real concern for the baby's well-being other than the OP's repeated assertions that his wife 'feels she doesn't have enough'.

X-post

But zlaya pumping is not a very good way to tell how much milk there is!

It is one way you can increase the supply, but I think from the sound of things that the OP's wife will be way too tired to pump between feeds...

Many people find it surprisingly hard to BF in the early days. The OP's wife has done really well to make it so far. She should see this poster and feel pleased with what she has achieved so far! It was hard for us in the early days too - I was ready to give up by 7 days, and eventually with real support to do what we wanted for our family I BF my DD until just after she was 2.

Congratulations on your new DD, OP and Mrs OP. The early days are hard, but you will find that things get easier.

x-post too!

TIKTOK, stop patronising me, PLEASE and don't make it as if your are some kind of expert, you clearly have no idea what is that you are talking about. And why not give advise and try to help based on my own experience? Yes when I was expressing it for my DD it worked for me just fine and showed clearly how much was actually there and of what quality, pretty useful don't you think especially in those first weeks for new mum

shall I be the first to back up Tiktok? Um, Zlaya, she is an expert....

Well, as I understand it, Tiktok is in fact a trained breastfeeding counsellor, so she's actually qualified to give up to date, relevant advice and support.

ADaddy - I've really identified with your post following a difficult first few weeks of dd's life (she's a fit strong and very active 8 month old now) and can imagine my dh saying exactly the same in those weeks. He was a huge support to me during that time but was very concerned about the effect my perceived 'failure' to succeed at breastfeeding was having on my mental health.
I expressed 8+ times daily as we had problems with latch and then further problems with supply, as obviously expressing is not as effective as a baby at increasing your supply. Looking back it was hell but I felt I had to bf - there didn't seem to be an alternative to me and although I had support and help from lactation consultants there was no real solution to my problems. I reluctantly switched to formula after about 6 weeks as I was needing more top ups despite domperidone etc. to help with supply, but even now I still carry some guilt and sadness about the whole breastfeeding episode. It certainly coloured my enjoyment of my dd as my life revolved around expressing, feeding, washing bottles, sterilising etc. accompanied by me worrying and seeming to be incapable of thinking clearly or making any rational sensible decisions. I hope I manage to successfully breastfeed subsequent babies and that I can avoid all the issues I struggled with this time.
It sounds like you are a huge support to your wife and can empathise with her situation. IMO it's a very emotive topic for most people so having solid support and an advocate who can ensure that both her and your new baby's needs are paramount is vital. Good luck.