DH wants me to stop bf

[TheBigZing]

He has been very supportive of my decision to bf, even when I found it extremely difficult in the early days. He was supportive when I didn't want to stop at 6 months.

He made faces when I continued after one year, but soon got used to it, although he is very uncomfortable about me bf a toddler in public.

Now dd is 2.3 years and I can still see no reason to stop. I'm back at work full time now, dh is a sahd. The first thing my dd wants when I get home from work is bf. It's how we reconnect after a day apart. I love it; she loves it. It also helps her to fall asleep, comforts her when she is upset / hurt / off colour, and helps stave off hunger when she is waiting for a meal. And all that's apart from the nutritional benefits that I still believe she gets from it.

Apparently she never asks for bf when I'm at work so it doesn't cause dh any problems when I'm not around.

But dh keeps asking when I'm going to stop and says he thinks 'it's time'. He says she doesn't need it and it's wrong that it's the first thing she wants when I walk through the door after work - he says it's as if she doesnt see me, just my breasts- and I must be mad not to see that's a problem.

She has been very whiney the last couple of days and I have been off work so she has asked for milk a lot. He says he's sick of hearing her ask for it.

I do think about it from time to time but in truth don't feel it's time to stop - mainly because dd is soooo not ready to stop.

Dh is her main carer just now and i don't think I should just totally disregard his opinion. But it's me doing the bf, and I basically want to tell him to fuck off (but haven't of course) What would you do?

Because "we're breastfeeding" doesn't make any sense, unless "we" refers to a woman and her child/children.

But "I think my 2 year old daughter, that I know and love and care for, might be better off if she was weaned from breastfeeding" is a perfectly reasonable thing for either parent to say.

The woman obviously gets more of a say, but it's not an unreasonable thing for a father to suggest if that's what the thinks.

I think saying "no" is fine. But the OP wants to tell him to "fuck off", which seems a little OTT, even to me.

I know it doesn't make any sense, that was my point. On the other thread people said things like a dad saying "we're not having an epidural" and as far as I'm concerned this is no different.

Her body, her choice.

But's not just her body. Her DH isn't asking her to stop breastfeeding herself.

It's her body AND her 2 year old's body, and emotions, and development, and independence.

Are you really saying that the fact that her breasts are one half of the equation means her husband has nothing to say about his child that is the other?

In our house, me, Mr Toddlerwrangler and Alf are a team (well, me and Mr T are, Alf is more of a lone worker at the minuite!!).

This means we work together to keep all members of the family happy. We do thigs we know each other likes, we try to avoid doing things the others dont like and so an.

If I was doing something that made Mr T unhappy, hurt or upset, I'd sure as hell want to know. Importantly, if Mr T was doing something that hurt or upset me, I'd like to think I could speak to him about it, and that he would 'give a fuck' when I did .

This covers anything, from not putting caps on the toothpaste to, shock, horror, BF.

OP says her husband was supportive in the beginning - he is clearly not some opressive ogre who wants her body to himself for his own sexual desire, as many here would have Op believe.

But it has got to the stage that OPs husband is, for whatever reason, uncomfortable with it. His views count too - sorry ladies, but they do!!

NOONE should 'make' thier parnter stop doing something they want to do, but in a partnership noone should merrily carry on doing what they want to do at the expense of thier partners feelings.

If my husband was the only one of us who could offer our DC something they loved, something that was full of good things for them and helped to keep them healthy, and something which they both enjoyed, I would only be delighted to see it happen. If at the same time it reduced his chance of getting various cancers then I would be encouraging him to carry on just as long as he could.

Personally.

BUT OP husbands feelsings count too , surely.

Mr Toddlerwrangler would love to live on beans. They are cheap, good for him, and he loves them (and, 100000:1 I can find story in the mail that they beat concer somehow). He would also fart the house to high heaven and as such I don't condone OTT bean consumption. I am his wife and expect that he take my views into account, even when doing something he 'loves'.

God no. If my DH would eat more pulses I wouldn't care if it had "side effects" as I would just be happy with him having a healthier diet.

For me, him and my kids being as healthy as possible is the most important thing.

Like I said, personally.

Mixed news for Mr T - baked beans do ward off cancer but canned food can cause cancer as well as causing him to grow lady bits (in which case he could presumably help with bfing himself - case solved )

at comparing breastmilk to baked beans.

Scrapping the barrel to make your point maybe?

Neither if them are "qualified" to make the decision. They're parents. Every decision they make is ultimately a stab in the dark, where you hope love will guide you to make the right choices.

Raising a 2 year old is a complicated process of taking a relatively simple being and helping them negotiate massive emotional and cognitive development. The whole process is about weaning - from cot to bed, from nappies to toilet, from bottle to cup, from soother to none, from buggy to walking, from physically and emotionally dependent 1 year old to independent and confident 3 year old.

It is as reasonable to see weaning from the breast as part of that development as it is to see it as something that eases a child's way through it.

Some parents are happy for their children to do some or all if these things for years longer than I'm suggesting, eg 6 year olds in buggies. There's no right or wrong, just negotiation, guesswork and responding to thd individual child.

By 2 I think telling a father who would like his child weaned off the breast to fuck off is like telling him to fuck off if he expresses an opinion about when to toilet train. By that age they are similarly important decisions.

You could just as well argue that his lack of breasts, and thus emotional involvement in the breastfeeding, makes him more objective a judge as to what is best for the child.

Not that I think that. I think both are equally unqualified and should just talk about it and listen to each other.

Wise words, Spidookly

Having happily formula fed my DCs I cant quite get the whole extended BFing thing. By the age of two mine were all confirmed tea drinkers. Given that they are all now at secondary school age I dont think it did them any harm.

The difficulty with all the advice from WHO is that it is statistical. It isnt possible to do full double blind testing which means that the statistics have to be adjusted for many factors on the basis of assumptions. The result is that BFing is probably better than formula feeding when that is the only nutrition for the baby. Once that stage is passed and other foods come in then the nutritional value of BFing is reduced. What other benefits does BFing offer if not nutritional? My DCs all seem to be normal, sane with healthy relationships between themselves and with us.

In nineteen years of marriage I have never told my DH to fuck off about anything. I would be ashamed of myself to do so in connection with the care of our DCs. He has an equal responsibility and equal rights.

belgo Passive agressive :o right back at you for choosing to competely ignore my point. How pathetic.

In a relationship, the views and feelings of BOTH parties should count. A persons feelings about breastmilk is no more or less valid then anything else, hance the bakedbean comparison.

Did that make it clear?

Dita - thank you for the links. The ladybots iformation maywell swing the beans debate in my favour. Heres hoping I can find similar information on brussel sprouts...

"In nineteen years of marriage I have never told my DH to fuck off about anything. I would be ashamed of myself to do so in connection with the care of our DCs. He has an equal responsibility and equal rights."

Suziehomemaker I couldn't agree more.

100% agree also Suziehomemaker

I would totally tell my DH to fuck off if he asked me to stop breastfeeding before 6 months. Well, maybe not the first time he suggested it, but if he pushed.

If he asked me to stop now (10 months) I'd say - in DECEMBER?! Are you insane? In the middle of teething? You have got to be joking. Come back to me when it's sunny and her molars are through.

If we're still going when she's 2, then I'd think about it. Especially if the reason was that he thought it made her into a whiny PITA when I was around.

I agree that OP's DH gets a say, but there are three people involved and by my count the vote currently stands 2-1 for carrying on.

I have limited experience of extended/term feeding and the OP's DD may be very different from my 2.2 yo, but I know that she would be devastated if I suddenly stopped bfing on another adult's say so. In our particular case I really think it would be very cruel (and DH did use to make noises about us stopping at some point in the future when she was around 9-12 months but is now fine with us continuing, so I'm guessing he feels something similar).

(We've only been married 3 years and I've told DH to fuck off several times )

Forgot to say - how are you doing, OP?

"I know that she would be devastated if I suddenly stopped bfing on another adult's say so."

How would she know it was another adult's say so?

Although I guess once they're two you do have to have some kind of explanation that makes sense.

Not like at 14 months where you can just cut down gradually so they don't notice.

If I were still feeding my 2 yo she'd be all "Mommy, you certainly will be feeding me." :o

Well, I know that she would be devastated if I suddenly stopped bfing for any reason other than her choosing to stop, so from that I can extrapolate that this would also be the case if it was on another adult's say so

Yep, I would have to have a very good reason and I still think she'd struggle to understand why I was taking away her favourite thing. (Cutting down gradually doesn't work with her either - I would have been delighted if she'd weaned a year or so ago, just hasn't happened.)

Whoa - just caught up with my thread after two days: I had no idea it had turned into such a bunfight.

Dita - thanks for asking. We are fine but the issue is as yet unresolved. DH apologised the next morning for the argument in very general terms. This morning I tried to bring up the subject at breakfast but it didn't really get off the ground: he didn't seem to want to talk and I didn't want to push it.

Weasel - your story really struck a chord with me. Thanks for raking over what must be still very raw feelings for the sake of my very similar problem. I will be thinking of the problems forced weaning has caused you when further considering my own position.

I agree with many posters' opinion that there is probably more to the issue than bf. Dd is a real mummy's girl and won't usually be comforted, cuddled or even played with much by daddy if I am available. When I was a SAHM he could understand that, but now he is the SAHP I think it makes him feel rather rejected / underappreciated. Especially as he really has no problems with her during the day while I'm at work - she will happily take all her comfort and cuddles from him then.

I will certainly make sure we have a serious dialogue about it very soon. Right now we have been overtaken by some serious financial difficulties and this is a big enough issue to deal with on its own for now. He knows I'm willing to talk it through soon.

Just to clarify something - I would never actually tell my DH to fuck off. I only said I felt like it. Doing so would be abhorrent to me and the great respect and love I feel for him.

And to clarify something else - it's not about him wanting my body back for himself. We have a healthy sex life and he really isn't so childish to think of himself as the 'owner' of my body, or to be squeamish about my breasts' dual purpose.

Thank you everybody for taking the time to share your opinions.

Hope the financial worries sort themselves out.

The other thing will for sure whenever you get around to talking about it.