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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

DH wants me to stop bf

197 replies

TheBigZing · 01/12/2010 23:41

He has been very supportive of my decision to bf, even when I found it extremely difficult in the early days. He was supportive when I didn't want to stop at 6 months.

He made Hmm faces when I continued after one year, but soon got used to it, although he is very uncomfortable about me bf a toddler in public.

Now dd is 2.3 years and I can still see no reason to stop. I'm back at work full time now, dh is a sahd. The first thing my dd wants when I get home from work is bf. It's how we reconnect after a day apart. I love it; she loves it. It also helps her to fall asleep, comforts her when she is upset / hurt / off colour, and helps stave off hunger when she is waiting for a meal. And all that's apart from the nutritional benefits that I still believe she gets from it.

Apparently she never asks for bf when I'm at work so it doesn't cause dh any problems when I'm not around.

But dh keeps asking when I'm going to stop and says he thinks 'it's time'. He says she doesn't need it and it's wrong that it's the first thing she wants when I walk through the door after work - he says it's as if she doesnt see me, just my breasts- and I must be mad not to see that's a problem.

She has been very whiney the last couple of days and I have been off work so she has asked for milk a lot. He says he's sick of hearing her ask for it.

I do think about it from time to time but in truth don't feel it's time to stop - mainly because dd is soooo not ready to stop.

Dh is her main carer just now and i don't think I should just totally disregard his opinion. But it's me doing the bf, and I basically want to tell him to fuck off (but haven't of course) What would you do?

OP posts:
pooka · 02/12/2010 22:10

No - he ran away when she talked about it.

From what I read, he tried to feed to sleep again, having been weaned, but had lost the ability to latch, so no longer has the bf as a nighttime sleep cue.

pooka · 02/12/2010 22:11

x posts. I'm too slow

FanjolinaJolie · 02/12/2010 22:25

Have you really talked to your DH and asked why he feels like 'it's time' to give up?

What are his reasons for feeling this way?

I don't think he should pressure you into stopping if you really don't want to.

How is your relationship with him? Are you happy together/in love/good sex life?

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/12/2010 22:25

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confuddledDOTcom · 02/12/2010 22:29

I believe Leonie was giving her view.

ItIsILeclerc · 02/12/2010 22:29

To be fair though, shine, iirc you didn't want to bf at all, so not surprising you'd be happy to give up if asked!

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/12/2010 22:36

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ItIsILeclerc · 02/12/2010 22:40

Grin Sadly there are too few FFers who have no guilt as a result :( so you stood out (I am pro-choice as well as pro-bfing, so a happy FFer makes me as happy as a happy BFer :)).

OP, I wouldn't give up based on what you've said so far but I would be having more chats with DH, not just ignoring the issue.

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/12/2010 22:43

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thesecondcoming · 02/12/2010 22:51

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RobynLou · 02/12/2010 23:04

bfing doesn't case the same tooth problems, but actually I don't see what's wrong with a toddler having a dummy to help them sleep - it's just a fake nipple imo.

thesecondcoming · 02/12/2010 23:05

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RobynLou · 02/12/2010 23:09

Oh I don't know, I've never used a dummy so haven't ever really thought about them tbh.

it's crap when you see a child walking around with one in 24/7, but it really gives them comfort at specific times then fine.

but I think a cuddle with a parent is more comparable to bfing in those instances really.

belgo · 03/12/2010 06:40

I think most men are like this, they are supportive up to a point - and that may be one year, two years etc.

I stopped bfing dd2 a little bit earlier then I wanted to because dh wanted me to stop, but with ds, it isn't yet much of an issue. DS is now 2years and 2 months, and he is a mummy's boy, but I don't think that is due to bfing.

WoTmania · 03/12/2010 08:29

only got to page 4 and gave up.

My Experience:
I'm a SAHM to 3, DS2 and DD are still nursing. WHen DH gets home it is all about him. They've had me all day and he is new and fun. Weekends are a big competition to get his attention and he never gets a lay-in as DS1 always wants 'daddy to do me breakfast. Mummy! let Daddy do my breakfast' Grin

Has your DH considered that if you stop BF 1)your DD could well regress a little and become even more whiney and clingy, and 2) would probably still ruch to you for cuddles as soon as you got in the door and 'whine' for cuddles all day when you were at hoime so she could get her time with you.

RobynLou · 03/12/2010 09:12

Oh and the whole, it's magical and awe inspiring/it's not it's just what we as animals do thing...

Firstly everyone in my family and Dh's family bf, so I'm not divorced from the generational down to earth-ness, and I just assumed it was what I'd do.

I never really gave it a second thought until I met a friend when DD was 5ish months and talked about bfing, and she said whilst gesturing towards DD 'so that's all you', I had a moment of thinking what an amazing thing it was that at that point every ounce of nourishment this enormous baby had consumed had come from me alone. I felt incredibly proud, and empowered. It is an amazing feeling knowing that you can sustain life with nothing but your body.

I know rats do it, but one of the things that makes humans human is finding wonder in the physical world - the sun gives light to a rat just as it does to a human, but they don't feel the need to worship it as many humans do. Finding spiritual experiences in the physical world, whether that be bfing or a sunrise is part of being human, and there's nothing wrong with that.

spidookly · 03/12/2010 09:42

There's nothing at all wring with finding wonder in the physical world, but that isn't the same as fetishising something (and I don't mean sexual fetish) that's really no big deal is ridiculous.

The word "empowering" makes my teeth itch. It puts breastfeeding in the same basket as pole dancing.

I am very proud of my fat bfed baby. She's on solids now, so can't take all the credit, but I think she might be less fat than she was when ut was just me .

I just find the hushed tones of awe and wonderment and the insistence that it's really, really, really important even for 2 year olds who are learning to make their own way in the world, a bit hard to take. And the shouting about MY relationship with MY children is quite unappealing to me.

I mean bf until they're 7 if you want. I'll be the first one saying that it's not weird, or pervy or "all about the mother"

But it's just a thing you do with your child that has diminishing returns the older they get. A father asking a mother to stop feeding a 2 year old is not asking the same thing as one asking the same about a 3 month old.

thesecondcoming · 03/12/2010 09:44

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RobynLou · 03/12/2010 09:53

Oh believe me I don't bang on about it at all in RL, I think, apart from DH, only my mother and one friend are even aware that I still bf DD, I don't think of it in those terms (awe and wonder etc) but I think it's lovely that some people do.

But after a lifetime of body issues, constantly struggling with my weight and basicly hating my body I do think being pg, giving birth, and bfing have truly empowered me and made me realise that although it may not be pretty, my body is amazing and should be respected.

(the word empowered does rather make my teeth itch too, but I can' think of another way to express it...)

RobynLou · 03/12/2010 09:54

and my mother and my friend only know because they asked - I never bring it up!

thesecondcoming · 03/12/2010 09:57

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spidookly · 03/12/2010 10:22

DH thinks it's magic. DD will be about to put dirt from the ground outdoors in her mouth and he'll say "don't worry about it - she's breastfed" :o

Dude, she's not invincible!

Weemee · 03/12/2010 11:58

This thread just exemplifies the two polar opposites that are the breastfeeding lobbyists and everyone else. why fight about it? Each to their own. BigZing- do what feels right to you and your little one. No one elses opinion counts but yours and your little one.

Why is it that many of those who have chosen to breastfeed cannot cope with the idea that someone else may not? (btw I am a bf mum of a 10m.o).

It has struck me since I started breastfeeding that you are often made to feel a failure whatever you do. If you bottlefeed Shock you are failing your child. Expect disdainful looks all around. If you breastfeed and have problems- it is almost certainly something you are doing wrong. If you want to stop before the child does then you are a baaaaadddddd baaaaaaddd person.

It should also be noted that much of the evidence cited in support of extended breastfeeding is (in my opinion) not necessarily targeted at western society.
For example WHO are advising those who have not enought o feed their children as well as us lucky ones in the west able to offer our babies a food mountain.

All I am saying is that this issue is not just black and white.

porcamiseria · 03/12/2010 12:24

i can see where he is coming from to be honest. he is the main carer too, and has to be respected also. I know its a very emotive topic, but at 2 I think you have had a very good innings. you will get one zillion people i am sure saying the opposite, but i personally feel that its not unreasonable to want to wean her off at this age. please, dont make him into a bastard for sugessting it!

confuddledDOTcom · 03/12/2010 13:09

WHO have stated that the breastfeeding advice they give is universal. My girls don't breastfeed for nutrition, that stopped a long time ago. Yes they get some but there is far more to it that doesn't matter where you are from it is important and irreplaceable because it is more than nutrition.

I found breastfeeding amazing because I had premature babies and did everything I could to overtake their supply in pumping then to put them on the breast and you can't appreciate the feeling of "She's not been fed for 12 hours!" nurse pointed out she had, I did it but that was the point, they hadn't had to put anything in her nose!

This is reminding me of the "We're pregnant" thread. Why is it wrong for a man to say "We're pregnant" but it's OK to say "We're breastfeeding"? If he can't say "we're breastfeeding" then why can he say "we're ready to wean"?