Sad about friend ff newborn

[herethereandeverywhere]

I know this is a subject I'm probably going to be flamed for but I haven't shaken my upset feeling so wanted to share somewhere if that makes sense?

Friend (actually husbands friends wife) had traumatic 2nd pregnancy, baby could have been born very prem but hung on until 37 weeks and 5lb 10oz. All is well and they're home, thankfully.

She ff her first one by choice. When her milk came in she hand expressed to relieve discomfort and threw it away . She's also ff this one he hasn't even had her colostrum.

We saw them yesterday (baby is 4 days old) and she was very engorged but determined not to express a drop, much less treat the tiny little mite to any. I couldn't help but feel so sad for the vunerable little bundle, rooting away as I held him for a cuddle. She then went on to make up a bottle from room temperature water and powder .

I have minded my own business but I'm perplexed as to why she'd do this and why, if you are going to ff, you can't even follow the instructions to safely make it up. I assume she did it with her first and her DD was fine, but much heavier at birth 7lb 10oz also born at 37 weeks.

I'm also a bit confused/surprised with myself as I didn't think I'd feel so strongly!

Others know they have made the right decision to FF Leonie. It's people with completely militant view, like yours, who help to add fire to the FF supporters.

I don't really care how people choose to feed their children - it's up to them.

In your eyes I'm a failure as I had milk, struggled to BF as I felt hemmed in by the pressure to look after DS being solely on me was overwhelming and started to mix feed. I did this til 4 months when I was diagnosed with PND and made a decision to stop as the pressure to BF was making me feel worse.

FFS, Leonie, you've got ishoos.

Like being unbelievably scornful, condescending and downright nasty towards anyone who doesn't live life exactly like you.

It's unsettling.

But that's exactly how you are coming across Leonie: sanctimonious and condescending.

My friend has just had her 3rd and didn't try to BF this time as both her first two babies lost so much weight as she didn't have milk. She just didn't bother this time: she couldn't face putting herself or her new baby through the trial of trying to BF.

Hums the Looney Tunes them and shrugs, too.

But not everyone can do it. Some people really can't. Don't you believe that.

But you said ANYONE can.

'I'm talking about the ones who WONT.

huuuge difference between physically cant and deliberately WONT.'

Has it ever crossed your mind that perhaps such women have post-natal depression? Or have PTSD from their birth? Or were sexually abused in teh past? Perhaps they just make it appear they won't because they don't want to reveal stuff like that about themselves, so it's polite and courteous and decent to just mind your own business when it comes to how a woman feeds her baby.

Just a thought.

I would feel exactly the same as you...but that is because I went through a lot to breast feed my daughter and it has ended up meaning the world to me. So I would FEEL the same was as you, but of course I wouldn'#t say a word.

I don't understand why people don't like to try breastfeeding, but then maybe they don't understand why we go through the trauma of sticking with it? who knows. there are pros and cons with both and I am fully aware of that.

my best friend didn't breast feed either of hers through choice but has been very supportive of all that I have been through trying to feed my little one.

I don't, Leonie, the difference is that I don't heap scorn and disdain on you for chosing as you did.

'What goes on in their minds has FA to do with them feeding their baby the best milk, IMHO.'

Yeah, your opinion, indeed. To judge, scorn and be downright hateful towards women who don't do exactly as you do.

I rest my case! You said it all.

I do feel sad when people don't even try to breastfeed but I would never ever tell them so.

FWIW 37 weeks isn't premature and 5lb12oz isn't that small.

Prehaps the mother is on medication that is incompatible with breastfeeding. For example if the mother was taking lithium then it would be really irresponsible for the mother to give the baby the collustrum. Or maybe she is on anti eplipesy medication.

You know what, many formula fed babies do just fine. What you nourish your baby with mentally is more important than what you feed it.

I write this as someone who is passionate about breastfeeding. With my first child I was completely obcessed and it didn't do him any favours. Seven years later, being older and wiser I see things in prospective.

I love breastfeeding, but not all women feel like I do. It is OK for different women to make different decisions.

I save my anger for the parents who commit REAL child abuse.

I know hardly anyone who bf'ed. All the young mums in my social group, none of my 6 sil's.
Hardly anyone other than my best friend.
And when talked about , just minorly, they just said they didn't want to. every one of them. had no intention of bf'ing. all the way through pregnancy.
Thus, i don't think thye can fall into the category of can't. more won't.
does seem a shame.

"expat: how do you know i didnt have PND? How do you know if i did or didnt and fed anyway because it was the best I could do for my babies, despite perceiving a failing to birth them properly (which has gone through my head a hundred thousand times since they were both surgically extracted from my tummy) ? "

When I had severe postnatal depression I had some very extreme delusions views on breastfeeding. I had a lovely GP who helped through a difficult period.

Postnatal depression is wretched and things will get better. I have found that a book on CBT has helped me a lot.

I think a lot of people don't try because you only ever hear stories of how hard it is or tales of how people overcame adversity to be able to breastfeed.. never the stories of how easy it can be for some.

I can't blame women for not trying something they have already been lead to believe they will fail at, who can ?

"theres nothing wrong with FF"

IMO extreme views like that are just as damaging as 100% anti-FF statements. There are risks associated with formula, denying that is silly.