Sad about friend ff newborn

[herethereandeverywhere]

I know this is a subject I'm probably going to be flamed for but I haven't shaken my upset feeling so wanted to share somewhere if that makes sense?

Friend (actually husbands friends wife) had traumatic 2nd pregnancy, baby could have been born very prem but hung on until 37 weeks and 5lb 10oz. All is well and they're home, thankfully.

She ff her first one by choice. When her milk came in she hand expressed to relieve discomfort and threw it away . She's also ff this one he hasn't even had her colostrum.

We saw them yesterday (baby is 4 days old) and she was very engorged but determined not to express a drop, much less treat the tiny little mite to any. I couldn't help but feel so sad for the vunerable little bundle, rooting away as I held him for a cuddle. She then went on to make up a bottle from room temperature water and powder .

I have minded my own business but I'm perplexed as to why she'd do this and why, if you are going to ff, you can't even follow the instructions to safely make it up. I assume she did it with her first and her DD was fine, but much heavier at birth 7lb 10oz also born at 37 weeks.

I'm also a bit confused/surprised with myself as I didn't think I'd feel so strongly!

OT ...bebebelge and sophie formula powder is not sterile. That is why uk pack instructions say to make with hot water. It should be over 70 degrees but the manufacturers choose to omit this info. There have been several threads about this and the mner tabouhle (Sp?) has begun a campaigne re it. See under mn campaigns (sorry on phone so can't link)

oh ffs bf ing mums think they re great dont they!!!

(not all of u!!!) but there are quite a few of u out there arnt there,
what would have happend if ur milk didnt come in properly etc or had some other bf problem??? oh yeah u would be bottle feeding like the rest of us, just as well there is an alturnative!!!!

bebebelge - the guidance on using water at 70c to mix the formula comes because of a baby in Belguim who died as a result of a bottle being mixed with room temp water.

link

However, the baby concerned was a newborn, and this bacteria - Enterobacter sakazakii is present in most non sterile food including infant formula.

I would probably mix formula for an older baby (eg > 6 months) with room temp previously boiled water (although others wouldn't) but am that anyone would consider doing this for a newborn regardless of what country they are in. PIF is not sterile so there is no point pretending that it is.

I'm coming late to this thread, which I have read all of and I see has gone off on a negative tack in places .

Going right back to the OP, I wonder if there is any hormonal component to your reaction? Are you still lactating yourself? There has never been a point so far since I became a mother when I've not been lactating. As such, my physiology is different than a woman who is not. Breastfeeding women are physiologically different from those who are not. My hormone levels are different etc. Could it be that the feelings -the urge to breastfeed the baby in response to what you recognise instantly as feeding cues (rooting etc), the sadness at not seeing these being addressed in the manner you would expect (albeit that of course the baby was fed from a bottle, comforted and did not go hungry or wanting for affection) -could it be that these feelings are actually a normal part of a hormonal response in a lactating woman to a hungry baby? In terms of evolution, it is beneficial to the society at large if newborns get breastfed when that needs to happen, and if not by their own mother, another lactating woman would be good. Nature knows nothing about formula. So perhaps the feelings reflect an instinct to protect and nurture the newborn? Maybe this might even extend to a woman who has previously established breastfeeding (and hence could perhaps more easily relactate), even if not currently lactating?

Gah, perhaps I am talking bollocks. I don't want to inflame the debate. Just trying to explore what the OP actually posted about, which was the intensity of her feelings and how this surprised her. I am not suggesting anyone actually breastfeeds anyone else's baby (unless all 3 parties want this of course!), just trying to find a plausible mechanism to explain such intense feelings.

sophie i'm not trying to have a go. I certainly don't have anything against ff mums. But i do take issue with formula manufacturors refusing to be explicit in their instructions. In fact it's because i respect ff mums that it angers me.

Apologies that this post is so off topic and late.

Mind your own bloody business. Nothing to do with you how others feed their baby.

I hate this "we are so much better as we breastfed our babies" crap.

Formula isn't poison. We are not giving our babies a bottle of bleach FFS.

And there is nothing wrong with making it up from room temp water and adding the powder. How the hell is a baby suppose to wait while you boil the kettle, wait for it to cool for half an hour, then cool it some more to give it to a hungry baby? My midwife told me it is perfectly acceptable to have the cooled boiled water ready on the side then add the powder when baby needs it, as long as it is used within 24 hours. DS was never ill from this and neither were any of my friends babies.

Detective Potato - no of course formula is not poison and of course its each woman's right to decide how to feed baby .....

BUT formula does carry inherent risks that BM does not carry. Its therefore important to make it up correctly. Your midwife has not given you correct advice regarding the preparation formula. Formula is not sterile, and there have been babies who have died from formula being prepared in this way. Of course the number of babies that will be hospitalised or die from incorrect formula preparation is small, but your midwife was not right to give this advise. If you HAVE to prepare formula in advance prepare it with the 70c water, quickly cool it and leave in the fridge. Warm up when needed.

link

If you choose to make up formula with cold water thats up to you to decide whether YOU want to take this risk in respect of your baby but its irresponsible for a HCP to give this advice.