Black men protesting BLM but exclusively dating white women

[LillyFlower1984]

I’m always confused about black men or men of colour in the media and RL who shout racism/BLM and so on yet when you look at their lifestyle they are married to white women. When you go on to find out more they only ever have dated/married white women.... what are people’s take on this?

@C130

My take on this is that it does not matter to me who they are married to. They are black or a person of colour, who is not immune from the effects or acts of racism against them. They have every right to "shout" about it if they wish to.

This.

I think we're on the same page, carrot.

lilly The problem is the lists of reasons and excuses you alluded to didn't materialise. That would be crucial to the validity of what you're saying. If they're excluding women on the colour of the skin due to preconceptions and assumptions, I agree that's racist. I don't agree you've given any evidence of that. In fact, you pointed out that one reason given is just who they meet in their line of work - that seems entirely understandable and isn't their fault. Your OP reads like you think a black man, to be properly devoted to the cause and promote BLM without hypocrisy, should go find himself a black partner. If anyone has a problem with the clear racism in that view, you resort to complaining that the black men in question have racist reasons for dating white women, without giving specifics of any kind. You then talk about double standards and how black women are expected to marry black men - but if this is true for black women, it shouldn't be, and it shouldn't be true for black men either.

I don't know who you're hoping to help, but dragging other minority groups down with you is not the answer.

Well actually carrot I think it does affect the validity of your support for BLM... sorry that’s my opinion and as a non-black woman (I’m fairly certain you are) I’m not expecting you to understand that.

Satsuma- I gave those examples to avoid perpetuating more hatred towards black women. I’ve actually heard a lot worse- hell just have a look at online forums...

which you think are "gotcha" moments

You seem to be very, very good at mind-reading. Is there any group in society you can't see into, judge and discard?

I am a stranger on the internet. You have no idea if I think I 'have' anyone.

as a non-black woman (I’m fairly certain you are)

There is the prejudice.

I gave those examples to avoid perpetuating more hatred towards black women.

You gave no examples, actually.

Satsuma- are you a black woman?

Well actually carrot I think it does affect the validity of your support for BLM

Is this solely for black men dating white women? What about black women dating white men? Or black men dating Asian women? (or any other interracial combination).

Having relationships with white people doesn't make you white yourself - you still experience all of the oppression and struggle that comes with being black (obviously). So I don't understand why supporting a movement like BLM, which centres the protection and anti-marginalisation of black people, requires you to have solely dated other black people. It's a sexual preference, you have very little choice in the matter.

And no, to be candid I'm not black (though I'm not sure what you thought "gave it away"?). I am Jewish though, and I have a bit of background in multi-cultural studies.

LillyFlower1984

IIt is so easy to incite your judgement and dislike, simply by belonging to a particular group and not behaving in a pre-determined way, that I would not dream of giving you details about my gender, race or anything else. It's pretty clear you dislike everyone for some reason or another.

No Satsuma- your answer proves what I am saying- non-black women rushing to discuss issues that don’t affect them. They usually validate this by saying they are married to someone black.

No, Lilly, it doesn't, actually.

You're clearly in an echo chamber of your own making.

Satsuma (to my knowledge) has not defined their race or sex. Are you considering her to be a non-black woman?

non-black women rushing to discuss issues that don’t affect them.

You mention white women specifically in the thread title, OP.

I mentioned later on that these men give lists of reasons and excuses they have never been attracted to black women. I’m not going to name any one obviously and actually I’m talking of many men I have come across in RL Why do they need to give you reasons or excuses about who they date.

I've been married twice, one white one black. So bloody what.

I think this thread was not a great idea and not ultimately helpful to BLM or women of any colour.

C130
My take on this is that it does not matter to me who they are married to. They are black or a person of colour, who is not immune from the effects or acts of racism against them. They have every right to "shout" about it if they wish to.

I agree. I think when a black man 'exclusively' dates every race but his own, it is problematic but for different reasons. it has not really got any link whatsoever to BLM and how passionate they should feel about it. I think your argument is flawed OP, and quite frankly wrong and troubling.

How can someone's romantic interest mean they are not able to protest for the equality of black people?

It is a silly argument sorry.

@Satsumatrifle completely agree.

As a NON-mixed black woman, here is my opinion. (I'm in my early 40s btw).

I can't work out if this is a real phenomenon or a social media trend that is basically fueling itself. Basically, social media is full of black men saying hateful things about black women and vice versa. But in real life, I've never seen it. I've never had black men say colourist things to me or talk about how they prefer white women.

My ethnicity is a Nigerian one and most men I know prefer their own culture and ethnicity generally. But they also date and marry the people they meet. I wouldn't expect someone to refuse to date a non black person if they really liked them.

I think that social media attracts narcissists and phonies of all races. It's not really fair to judge black men by the kind of person who becomes famous on twitter. I dont' think women - black or white - would come off well if judged by those standards either.

Why are people asking for lists and evidence? What are we supposed to be proving to people here? Do we not already know, or is this just me?

My thoughts.....1. I think a lot of black men are confused. Black men appear to support BLM but don't support black women even though we are the ones who consistently support them. I think they are protesting for black men lives matter!

2.There is nothing wrong with dating outside your race but we have to ask why it’s so prevalent within the African Caribbean community especially black men (dating white women). As a single black women it’s common to hear that black men don’t date black women. I don’t think happens in other races to the same extent. I’m 36 and growing up if you did see a black man in a tv show or in an advert he would ALWAYS be with a white women, when that’s constantly seen it eventually becomes what we believe is the norm. As a consequence we live in a society where black men actively seek white women who are seen as the ultimate prize and with some white women there is a fetish for mixed race babies and in these relationships I’ve witnessed white women racially abuse their black partner who says and does nothing ( despite having black children). Why are they so submissive?

1. You can still be a part of BLM if you’re in a mixed race relationship. All races need to be welcomed and protest alongside us if we are to move forward. But part BLM has to be the building up a strong black family. black parents and black children who have the same opportunities as their white counterparts, the same access to the good quality Nhs treatment, and are treated fairly in the justice system. Unfortunately this can’t happen when black men disproportionately date white women, have mixed children who date white people and before we know it it was their great great great grandad who was black, that does not help black people in the fight for equality

I've always known alot of single black women.

@PeachesBright

What if this hypothetical black man exclusively dates white women because he is attracted to white women and isn't attracted to black women?

I know white men who exclusively date white women because they aren't attracted to black women.
I know white and black men who exclusively date black women because they aren't attracted to white women.

This isn't really how attraction works though. We all have physical preferences but to rule out entire groups of people because 'I don't find X race attractive' is not about physical attraction types. There is a racialised element at play, whether conscious or not.

@JayDot500

Why are people asking for lists and evidence? What are we supposed to be proving to people here? Do we not already know, or is this just me?

Because they are trying to dismiss the lived experience of Black women on this site. As you know, we get the same questioning and disbelief in real life, so I wouldn't bother wasting my time engaging with them.

Honestly, I wish OP never started this thread. The opinions of some people on it makes me feel this is why our black community is broken in many ways. It makes me sad.

Black people seem to continuously divide each other, for one reason or another.

So many comments about black men this and black men that. It's just wrong.

Do you think there's a thread of white women bashing white men or vice versa or ever would be? Or Asians bashing Asians?

Sad. Really I find it heart breaking

@England101

My thoughts.....1. I think a lot of black men are confused. Black men appear to support BLM but don't support black women even though we are the ones who consistently support them. I think they are protesting for black men lives matter!

2.There is nothing wrong with dating outside your race but we have to ask why it’s so prevalent within the African Caribbean community especially black men (dating white women). As a single black women it’s common to hear that black men don’t date black women. I don’t think happens in other races to the same extent. I’m 36 and growing up if you did see a black man in a tv show or in an advert he would ALWAYS be with a white women, when that’s constantly seen it eventually becomes what we believe is the norm. As a consequence we live in a society where black men actively seek white women who are seen as the ultimate prize and with some white women there is a fetish for mixed race babies and in these relationships I’ve witnessed white women racially abuse their black partner who says and does nothing ( despite having black children). Why are they so submissive?

1. You can still be a part of BLM if you’re in a mixed race relationship. All races need to be welcomed and protest alongside us if we are to move forward. But part BLM has to be the building up a strong black family. black parents and black children who have the same opportunities as their white counterparts, the same access to the good quality Nhs treatment, and are treated fairly in the justice system. Unfortunately this can’t happen when black men disproportionately date white women, have mixed children who date white people and before we know it it was their great great great grandad who was black, that does not help black people in the fight for equality

Thank you, you have put all your points across wonderfully.

You don't rule out an entire racial group without something sinister at play - which is where it is important to note preferences don't happen in a vacuum, boack men are more often than not portrayed with white women's a couple on TV and print media. I don't think any other race of women sees another man of their own race and wonders "I wonder if he dates within his own race" as much as black women do.