Black men protesting BLM but exclusively dating white women

[LillyFlower1984]

I’m always confused about black men or men of colour in the media and RL who shout racism/BLM and so on yet when you look at their lifestyle they are married to white women. When you go on to find out more they only ever have dated/married white women.... what are people’s take on this?

Thats well put @DeeCeeCherry and exactly the point many posters have been painstakingly trying to make. The feeling of ownership over black women's choices completely unsolicited while simultaneously rejecting black women and telling them and all and sundry why, relying on anti-blackness and stereotypes to do so while lauding eurocentric beauty ideals.

80%(?!) of Black Women are overweight. You don't date White Women. Presumably you don't date Black Women either since you somehow only manage to notice those that are overweight.

I only date black women because I don't fancy many white women, but all my partners have been fairly athletically built as I'm very into fitness and wouldn't get on well with a partner who couldn't manage a long walk up a hill etc.

The study I saw was actually from the US, but it found 4/5 Black women to be overweight and similar results have been found in many other studies - e.g. 78%. As we're close behind America in this area, I have no reason to believe the UK to be much different.

I don't fancy white women in general, but if I did I'd probably have ended up predominantly dating them as there are more slim white women. It's just a fact and I really don't care if other people don't share my preferences.

The most judgemental group by far in my experience are black men, who seem really not to like black women dating white guys. I think this thread is just the reverse of that. My sister once briefly dated a white guy and the prejudice she got was disgusting IMO. I won't support that kind of mentality.

@DeeCeeCherry
I completely agree. On two different occasions I have experienced a black man passing a red light to try and run me over, possibly just wanted to scare me. Either way it was an act of hate just because I was with a white man. These same type of men would tell me that they prefer light skinned women. I also havent met one black man who didnt tell me they prefer lighter skinned women, even those who claimed to love me. My own dark skinned brother like to play in his white girlfriend's hair to try and make me jealous when I come around 😂, projecting his self hate on me. He is also always crying RACISM. I only had a one time positive experience of a black man who defended me a complete stranger over his racist white girlfriend. we were going down the escalator, me in front of the black man and white woman. I had my natural hair in twists(very thick beautiful clean hair). The girl/woman proceeded to laugh at my hair, the guy got angry with her and asked her what was she laughing at and then walked away from her and left her right on the spot. She went running behind him. In other times I've experienced black men egging on their white woman to be racist towards us. I have many stories...

I am honestly struggling to understand how

1. Something negative happens to black women
2. Black women notice this and discuss it because it is a) demonstrable with many examples b) their experience c)rooted in bias
3. Black women are blamed for being a) racist b)prejudiced and bigots relying on stereotypes c) equivalent or worse than the Black men perpetuating the anti-blackness towards Black women and intentionally accused of having interracial relationships despite many Black women pointing out they are in interracial relationships themselves

So must Black women just not discuss it? Bury their feelings and experiences to avoid upsetting Black men.

It's important in relation to BLM because of the support Black men get from Black women, always regardless of their relationship status (BLM founded by Black women, one even in an interracial relationship). The point is not one's choice of partner, it's how spewing this hateful bile also affects BLM. Even BLM being founded by women didn't stop it having a blind spot to failing Black women. That is why Breonna Taylor gained so much traction because she stood for all the forgotten women who died due to police brutality and were scarcely mentioned while BLM was actively campaigning for men like George Floyd, Eric Garner etc. Outside of Breonna I struggle to remember the women's names because they did not gain as much attention despite have similar atrocities committed against them.

If you take the opportunity to put Black women down (unsolicited) at every turn, how can I trust you to care about the dismal maternal care Black women receive, the adultification of Black girls, the exclusion and disenfranchisement of black immigrant women from social care in this country thus affecting the outcomes of Black British children etc., and advocate on these issues.

Maybe I'm really dumb, but please explain to me how DISCUSSING this is racist or the equivalent of Black men putting down Black women? Especially when posters have painstakingly stated over and over again that "not all Black men" and noone cares about who they date/marry

And the only reason the topic keeps going back to the superficial point of dating is because non-black posters keep popping up and saying how disgusting it is to draw stereotypes, calling Black women bitter and love is love, so we keep addressing the same point over and over again, losing momentum and the topic not progressing.

What I've said has been echoed 10 pages earlier and at the start of the post, but always gets derailed by this false equivalence, racist, bitter black women crap

The only people who have natural gaps between their thighs are men.

If you want a gap thigh you are making yourself less feminine. Beautiful feminine bodies have lush voluptuous thighs.

DuaneAgain

Thanks for explanation. I do see where you're coming from.

In terms of America, when over there I saw that all races had a number of larger women actually. No surprise as food portions are huge over there, particularly fast food. I don't find UK comparable at all in that way. I had to stop myself looking (but no 'sizeist' judgement from me, it was just surprise)

The most judgemental group by far in my experience are black men, who seem really not to like black women dating white guys. I think this thread is just the reverse of that

More so Diaspora Black Men. Although I'd better highlight the NAMALT. Because of course, Black Men do date and marry Black Women but the voice of Misogynoir is loud, particularly since the advent of social media. Hence there's a lot of belief in what they say, and that they represent all Black men.

This thread I would say is a consequence of their race and gender based Anti-Blackness, not a reverse.

Re your Sister (sorry she experienced that) alas, no surprise. I was once collectively verbally abused on a bus, for being with a White man; he wasn't even my partner, he was a work colleague who lived near me so we travelled home together.

I recall him being totally baffled initially, then incredulous. An awakening..

BMI was based purely on white European males anyway and doesn't take into account muscle mass or bone density. Developed by a non-physician who didn't study medicine and was in search of the ideal man. According to BMI, Serena Williams is obese despite being obviously healthy and working out intensively with low body fat.

I'm not dismissing a weight problem in any community but this needs pointing out. Being grossly overweight or obese is a different kettle of fish to someone with a BMI of 27/28 and a waist to hop ratio of 0.7.

Similar measurements to Divine myself and my GP as a teen made me aware BMI was flawed because I was well on my way to developing an eating disorder and could barely hold my head up because despite playing every sport and eating well I struggled to maintain a "healthy BMI". He chose to take body fat and my waist to hip ratio instead and I was not overweight nor did I have fat in the wrong places.

www.google.com/amp/s/elemental.medium.com/amp/p/7d8dc2aa33bb

@BuffetShark, adios!

@BuffetShark, I take issue with generalisations too and I hear you but didn't see DivineRoyalty's post as such. The fact she wrote 'most, not all' is enough for me to not declare it a generalisation but I understand what you mean.

One thing I always laugh at is skinny = beautiful, when it's really not automatically so. There's more to attractiveness/beauty than just if you have more flesh/more bones.

As someone who grew up seeing BEAUTIFUL women of all shades, shapes and sizes (and seeing men with/loving these women, not that it matters if men are with them or not), as well as not so pretty women of all shades, shapes and sizes (and men with/loving them), the 'slim/lightskinned, therefore attractive' brigade just makes me chuckle, especially as they declare this preference in a 'read em and weep, girls' manner.

I feel the same way about the 'male muscular body = automatically attractive' brigade. Some men forget that women also have 'preference' and they in all their preferential glory may not be the woman's preference either.

But honestly who cares? It's fine whatever anyone prefers, as long as it's from a healthy place.

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder anyway, although it can depend on what the beholder has been conditioned to see beauty as. Some are genuinely more drawn to a particular type of beauty, regardless of the beauty standards they've been raised in/are accustomed to.

Well, more fleshy or boney, rather than more flesh/more bones.

[quote Dastardlythefriendlymutt]BMI was based purely on white European males anyway and doesn't take into account muscle mass or bone density. Developed by a non-physician who didn't study medicine and was in search of the ideal man. According to BMI, Serena Williams is obese despite being obviously healthy and working out intensively with low body fat.

I'm not dismissing a weight problem in any community but this needs pointing out. Being grossly overweight or obese is a different kettle of fish to someone with a BMI of 27/28 and a waist to hop ratio of 0.7.

Similar measurements to Divine myself and my GP as a teen made me aware BMI was flawed because I was well on my way to developing an eating disorder and could barely hold my head up because despite playing every sport and eating well I struggled to maintain a "healthy BMI". He chose to take body fat and my waist to hip ratio instead and I was not overweight nor did I have fat in the wrong places.

www.google.com/amp/s/elemental.medium.com/amp/p/7d8dc2aa33bb[/quote]
Exactly! I really didnt need a research to tell me this. As a very nosey observant person I have eyes and I can see. I came up with my own conclusion which is good enough. Having thigh gaps is not a problem, but according to European standard of beauty a thigh gap equates to being skinny at a healthy weight, "feminine and beautiful". Many white women try to get one. These are" beauty" standards that black women shouldn't be trying to live up to, especially our young black girls. It is unnatural to us though some black women may have a thigh gap it is not something we should be dying to get and define our beauty by.

@im5050 Just acknowledging your response to me much earlier on this thread. I missed it, sorry.

@DivineRoyalty

The only people who have natural gaps between their thighs are men. If you want a gap thigh you are making yourself less feminine. Beautiful feminine bodies have lush voluptuous thighs.

Totally untrue and pretty offensive IMHO.

This is just as bad as the 'Kate Moss white standard of beauty' and I'm sure lots of posters would be up in arms at a white women claiming that femininity is about being slim and anybody with extra cushioning is less feminine.

@DeeCeeCherry

DuaneAgain

Thanks for explanation. I do see where you're coming from.

In terms of America, when over there I saw that all races had a number of larger women actually. No surprise as food portions are huge over there, particularly fast food. I don't find UK comparable at all in that way. I had to stop myself looking (but no 'sizeist' judgement from me, it was just surprise)

The most judgemental group by far in my experience are black men, who seem really not to like black women dating white guys. I think this thread is just the reverse of that

More so Diaspora Black Men. Although I'd better highlight the NAMALT. Because of course, Black Men do date and marry Black Women but the voice of Misogynoir is loud, particularly since the advent of social media. Hence there's a lot of belief in what they say, and that they represent all Black men.

This thread I would say is a consequence of their race and gender based Anti-Blackness, not a reverse.

Re your Sister (sorry she experienced that) alas, no surprise. I was once collectively verbally abused on a bus, for being with a White man; he wasn't even my partner, he was a work colleague who lived near me so we travelled home together.

I recall him being totally baffled initially, then incredulous. An awakening..

I hope I didn't come across as being too offensive. I like debating with people of opposing views and am quite stubborn but I'm under no illusions that I'm 'right' about everything. I am 100% sure of my own personal views though so maybe that's why I can come across strongly to some.

I'm honestly a bit conflicted still. If said black men are genuinely stereotyping/dismissing black women (which I'm still a bit sceptical whether we can truly know) then this is a point for consideration, but ultimately they still have the right to lick the romantic partner of their choice without derision from strangers (or anyone for that matter).

Pick not lick!

IMO flipping racism around never works.

You'd have to somehow load onto it 400 years of oppression including the stealing of land, lives, sex trafficking, abduction, imprisonment, rape, pillage, starvation, brutality, political silencing etc.

Also, the scenario in your example is real life. That is the beauty industry, so meh. We probably wouldn't be.

You also called black women elephants.... I personally love elephants, wonderful matriarchal creatures. So many characteristics I admire and wish I could manifest in my life. I don't think you meant it that way, though.

You also called black women elephants.... I personally love elephants, wonderful matriarchal creatures. So many characteristics I admire and wish I could manifest in my life. I don't think you meant it that way, though.

I didn't quite call them elephants. It was a tongue in cheek pun.

A ha. Yup

I actually remember reading a study of online dating recently and all races of women were more likely to respond to a message from a white guy, including black women.

It's my opinion and observation. It is true to me.

Fascinating how this thread has turned.... I started it hoping for honest views from black people but yet the amount of infiltration from non-black detailing the thread is shocking.

This was supposed to be our safe space! MN is predominantly white website with lots of traffic through the most popular boards yet when you look at the rest of BMN not much in the way of posts except this thread.

Once again this discussion for me was targeted at at black community. I was not really interested in the countless white/non-black women who flocked here to tell us how it should be based on their relationship to a black man.

*derailing