Black men protesting BLM but exclusively dating white women

[LillyFlower1984]

I’m always confused about black men or men of colour in the media and RL who shout racism/BLM and so on yet when you look at their lifestyle they are married to white women. When you go on to find out more they only ever have dated/married white women.... what are people’s take on this?

@yomommasmomma

It’s not you who I am talking about. I’m talking about the men who exclusively date white often who also give reasons why they don’t date black women. They then cry BLM. I most definitely have met them in real life.

The issue here surely is the double standards and that black women should be able to date white men with no issues. You can not surely be suggesting that black men shouldn't be attracted to white women and if they are they can't support Black Lives Matter? Their children will be black, they are black - they have as much right as anyone to support the movement.

This.

who also give reasons why they don’t date black women.

What reasons do they give?

I’m fairly certain majority who disagree are non-black though obviously we cannot vouch for anyone credibility on a Internet forum. I’m fairly certain from speaking to my black female friends that this has been considered.

@Satsumatrifle

Some have complained about stereotypes as well as the fact they somehow never meet black women their line of work... in my circles that is mostly professional jobs.

@LillyFlower1984

I’m fairly certain majority who disagree are non-black though obviously we cannot vouch for anyone credibility on a Internet forum. I’m fairly certain from speaking to my black female friends that this has been considered.

100%.

The issue here surely is the double standards and that black women should be able to date white men with no issues

Exactly. Which is why non-Black women shouldn't be aiming to centre themselves and make this issue about them. It's not.

I couldn't care less if a Black man dates a White woman. My dislike is when they openly and/or secretly, slate Black Women who may choose to date outside their race, and can't admit exactly why that is. We know why, though. Although I wouldn't go into detail here as it feels a bit 'spectator' at times.

What if this hypothetical black man exclusively dates white women because he is attracted to white women and isn't attracted to black women?

I know white men who exclusively date white women because they aren't attracted to black women.
I know white and black men who exclusively date black women because they aren't attracted to white women.

Some have complained about stereotypes as well as the fact they somehow never meet black women their line of work... in my circles that is mostly professional jobs.

I don't see how this is condemning?

@DeeCeeCherry

Lilyflower You are welcome.

You do know however that there won't be a proper discussion of such an issue? Because it will trigger non-Black women into centring themselves, and also pretending there isn't an issue at all; indeed, that YOU are the issue merely for asking.

However we know the true score.

Interesting post.

True. I doubt this will get a proper discussion because it will soon become exclusively about non-black women's feelings.

Two types of black men who date non-black

1. Those simply attracted to someone they love and that's that
2. Those with internalized hate who are out to "whiten" every aspect of their lives and not only write off black women for disgusting stereotypes but loudly and proudly engage in misogynistic hateful bashing of black women in everything they do, constantly want to tell black women how unattractive they are but feel extremely offended to see a black women with a non-black man when they tell black women every day they would never date them. We must be the only race of women that genuinely ask ourselves when we meet a man of our own race "I wonder if he dates black women?"

The latter group is more common that the former although most won't admit it, It's the hypocrisy from black Men who have disgusting things to say about black women and use stereotypes to justify only dating non-black women. They never just date white women, they date white women and feel the need to tell black women it is because you are Loud, unattractive, ugly, argumentative, bitter etc., why? Why can't you just date who you date and not put down an entire race of women?

How can you say BLM when you hate and despise half your race and ironically will have "black" daughters but hate black women?

I'm sure someone non-black will show this to their black DP and his response will be "You see, I told you those women were bitter". If you fall for that I really fear for you and your lack of knowledge in understanding the complexity of blackness and pray you sort this out before you bring black children into the world. Yhey won't stand a chance

@Starseeking

Black women experience Black men disparaging them, looking down on them, and belittling them every day. A lot of these same Black men support BLM FOR THEMSELVES.

I'm not here to debate lived experience, or to educate white women on the above. Black women know all about this.

I thank my lucky stars I have a (Black) DH who believes in the Black family and Black love despite his other faults lol

This

*29LillyFlower1984

I’m fairly certain majority who disagree are non-black though obviously we cannot vouch for anyone credibility on a Internet forum. I’m fairly certain from speaking to my black female friends that this has been considered*

I wouldn't be surprised if you found out that, the majority who disagree are actually male. I cannot imagine any woman white, or otherwise who would be comfortable with knowing what has been shared on this thread.
I sometimes have a nosey through this section, but I never comment. I only do it to learn and become more aware of issues other people face, without having to ask 100s of questions.
I couldn't not comment on this, though!

I'm not sure what we are supposed to do about it, if I'm honest. It's not on the same level as white people hold the power, so they need to shoulder the responsibility of fixing it. This is a MEN hold all the power, issue

Can I ask does this work both ways? The two most pivotal (Black) women to me re BLM on social media are married to white men. One of them used what I would describe as very anti-white language/rhetoric, so I was surprised by her choice of spouse. Do black women also hold negative stereotypes of black men?

KadyDarcy Everything you've said💯

One of them used what I would describe as very anti-white language/rhetoric, so I was surprised by her choice of spouse

Maybe she doesn't discriminate on the basis of skin colour when choosing a life partner? Can we remember this is a good thing?

Satsuma of course its a good thing, but if I heard a white woman use derogatory anti-Black language I would be equally surprised to discover that she was married to a Black man. Unless it's a case of ".. Black/white men are but you are different?".

@jamesfailedmarshmallows

Can I ask does this work both ways? The two most pivotal (Black) women to me re BLM on social media are married to white men. One of them used what I would describe as very anti-white language/rhetoric, so I was surprised by her choice of spouse. Do black women also hold negative stereotypes of black men?

No they don't. Black women fight for black men at their own expense. BLM was so centre's on the male victims but women were out there on the frontlines everyday protesting since Fergueson. Thesame violence is perpetuated against black women, but rarely do they get the same outpouring of supoort from black Men who just come out in numbers for other black men. That is why Breonna Taylor and #sayhername got so much traction because balck women were tired of being overlooked too. Rarely have I ever heard the anti-black sentiments expressed by black women that are so freely expressed by black men.

A poster here a while ago said she did not date black men because of quite a number of stereotypes. Every black woman posted speaking out against her and saying just because she had a bad experience does not make that universally true about all black men. Nalck women married to white, black, insert every other ethnicity here spoke out against this anti-blackness immediately.

Had that comment been made on a forum for black men, about black women, I would argue the majority of Black men would have agreed with the poster and added on whatever stereotype and any other negativity and only one or a few would have spoken out against it.

Juju that is so sad to hear, and thank you for answering. Several years ago I had a visiting colleague who was Nigerian, both him and his wife were tertiary sector workers so highly educated. He went to great lengths explaining to us the "differences" between black and white women, such as black women being very obedient and "knowing their place", being great in the kitchen and great mothers. In his eyes white women were "second hand goods" and had no knowledge of seasonings or childrearing. It was horribly embarrassing but we just sat there 😳, but it gave me the impression that black men really revered and respected black women in comparison to their white "trashy" counterparts.
Is this anti-black women narrative a UK thing only?

There is a very specific form of discrimination that is faced by Black women. Black men very rarely face racism/dicrimination from Black women. Black women are known for coming to the defense of Black men AND Black women - in fact often other POC too! HOWEVER! there are many Black men who do not care about Black women and show this by dating outside of their race. This is entirely fine. What is not fine is when in conversation they slate Black women and use this as a reason for being with White women. Many Black men have indeed absorbed the negative stereotypes about Black women, and decided that they want nothing to do with us, and will go for any woman that isn't Black.

Now saying all of that, there are many Black men who are happily committed to Black women. That is what I am here for and I love to see that.

I still believe that any Black men can support BLM, but their voices are so much quieter on social media when BLM starts relating to Black women, issues of colourism, Black women dying in chilldbirth, Black women calling out Black men for being paedos (this happened with a well known UK rapper recently). Time and time again we see that many Black men (regardless of who they date) do not stand up for us. It hurts to see tbh, especially when it involves young Black girls (children!)

Someone asked about whether it works the other way...I am actually torn on this. If we are talking about the same social media person, she comes across as though she despises white people altogether and has a specific hatred reserved for white men (who she believes benefit from white supremacy), however she is married to a white man as well. I actually love her content, but some of the things she says I wonder if she is also referring to her husband or is he some how exempt? I really don't know.

I know white and black men who exclusively date black women because they aren't attracted to white women.

In most cases, the white man in this scenario would not give you a list of generic/stereotypical/ridiculous reasons why they don't date white women.

@jamesfailedmarshmallows it's not just a UK thing. If you look at a lot of the men in the limelight both here and the US, most of them are with racially ambigious or White women. I am actually shocked when I see a Black man with a Black (esp dark skinned Black) woman. I shouldnt be but I really am.

Are you seriously suggesting that because they support BLM they can't be with a white woman ? Wow

Of course anyone black or white should support BLM, it's like me as a person with one white parent saying 'but all lives matter too'

I still believe that any Black men can support BLM, but their voices are so much quieter on social media when BLM starts relating to Black women, issues of colourism, Black women dying in chilldbirth, Black women calling out Black men for being paedos (this happened with a well known UK rapper recently). Time and time again we see that many Black men (regardless of who they date) do not stand up for us. It hurts to see tbh, especially when it involves young Black girls (children!)

This! For me, it's all of this! @newyearisnewtome

@JayDot500

I still believe that any Black men can support BLM, but their voices are so much quieter on social media when BLM starts relating to Black women, issues of colourism, Black women dying in chilldbirth, Black women calling out Black men for being paedos (this happened with a well known UK rapper recently). Time and time again we see that many Black men (regardless of who they date) do not stand up for us. It hurts to see tbh, especially when it involves young Black girls (children!)

This! For me, it's all of this! @newyearisnewtome

Exactly...

What bothers me about this is you have children, you have daughters who are half black and will share these same struggles albeit not all of them and not all to the same degree but really? SILENCE...wow!!!