Black men protesting BLM but exclusively dating white women

[LillyFlower1984]

I’m always confused about black men or men of colour in the media and RL who shout racism/BLM and so on yet when you look at their lifestyle they are married to white women. When you go on to find out more they only ever have dated/married white women.... what are people’s take on this?

@DualHeritage

I don’t understand the OP’s stance on this at all and some of the other posts too. So a black man or man of colour is not able to support the BLM movement if he is attracted to and dates/lives with/marries a woman who is white? This view is offensive and racist IMO. It is extremely narrow minded.

All black men and men of colour are highly likely to have experienced racism of some kind, I think we can all agree on that. But if they dare to date or marry a white woman your train of thought is that they cannot stand up against racism? That is such flawed ‘logic’ I really can’t believe what I’m reading.

I suppose because I am of dual heritage - black Caribbean and white, my views aren’t valid either and I can’t support the BLM movement?

Omg this. I am dual heritage and often feel I’m excluded. I may start a new thread about it . I think that who you exclusively choose to date is besides the point of BLM movement or perhaps part of the point. Depending on perception.

When you start your thread I hope people actually read it. Pity that hasn't been the case for OP, as evidenced by your comment. I'm not going to rehash this whole thread, but suffice to say, your parents may, or may not, fall into category which is the subject of the thread. We don't know that so WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR DADDY!

Wow.

This thread is very interesting and it's particularly interesting that it can be observed in some circles that black men don't tend to get married as often.

As for people with mixed parents feeling offended, I think it's obvious from the OP that the issue as seen by the OP was black men who repeatedly date white women and only white women and who are involved in protesting BLM. I can see the incongruity there.

I wonder why it is that fewer black men get married? social contagion (not). Less shaming from parents ? The average white guy from an Irish/polish/italian background is going to be shamed by his parents and grandparents for having children ''out of wedlock''. I hate typing that. My own children's parents aren't married. ie, me, I never married! I was very embarrassed about that for a long while.

80%?

Have a recent study to back this up? Can you also say how many Black men are overweight?

@phoenixrosehere

80%?

Have a recent study to back this up? Can you also say how many Black men are overweight?

I don’t support that comment but to be fair, people aren’t exactly providing the studies that prove the massive stereotyping of black men happening on this thread either. Where is the peer reviewed evidence that they are mostly unmarried? Feckless? Internally racist?

If you are going to allow some stereotyping, you have to allow all of it.

*I don’t support that comment but to be fair, people aren’t exactly providing the studies that prove the massive stereotyping of black men happening on this thread either. Where is the peer reviewed evidence that they are mostly unmarried? Feckless? Internally racist?

If you are going to allow some stereotyping, you have to allow all of it.*

True. I don’t agree with the stereotyping on either side.

Buffet shark
I don’t support that comment but to be fair, people aren’t exactly providing the studies that prove the massive stereotyping of black men happening on this thread either. Where is the peer reviewed evidence that they are mostly unmarried? Feckless? Internally racist?

You supported that nasty comnent at the end of your statement.

Peer reviewed evidence? - you clearly think Black Women don't know Black men.

It's a shame this thread has become warped, mostly because people neither read the OP, or start of thread.
.
The post is about a particular type of Black man - It really shouldn't be so hard to fathom that.

Banging on about BLM yet not dating Black Women. & Often dissing the White women they're with behind her back. Not dating Black women yet always talking about Black Women is what causes the eye-rolling.

Men like that are 10 a penny and we mostly swerve them. Unfortunately in their arrogance they feel that it's entirely reasonable to approach a Black Woman either socially or at work, out of the blue - & spout their views. When we don't want to know, we are "aggressive" or "bitches".

A Black Woman with a White man annoys them. I've been with my DH for years, he's mixed race and even that's caused comment.

If they would mind their own business, focus on their own relationships and preferences instead of telling the world that Black Women are "no good", then there wouldn't be posts like this.

Misogynoir is just another strand of patriarchy whereby some men are a pain in the ass, assuming the right to dictate women's life choices.

I understand OP's post perfectly - as many Black women do.

As an aside - I saw that old chestnut about Black Women and online dating. It's an untruth that's somehow become a 'truth'. Yes, White men do approach Black Women. Online, socially etc.

Disgusting anyone would play false equivalence with an entire race of women being called animals, in the name of "being fair".

Yes because peer reviewed studies for likening black women to animals exist.

DuaneAgain

80%(?!) of Black Women are overweight. You don't date White Women. Presumably you don't date Black Women either since you somehow only manage to notice those that are overweight.

So I guess your preference lies elsewhere. Albeit you've proved a point of the post "Black Women are overweight" so you're not attracted.

New one on me.

Dastardlythefriendlymutt

Disgusting anyone would play false equivalence with an entire race of women being called animals, in the name of "being fair"

Yes because peer reviewed studies for likening black women to animals exist

Yes disgusting but not surprising. Still, we know the game. Non-Black women landing here to mock. & Shut down Black women's voices. Inevitable really.

Can you imagine if we landed elsewhere on MN and agreed with likening White Women to some kind of animal?

I really need to remember to stick to ignoring the thread derailment games.

That’s occurred to me, too. Seems to be a thing with some high profile men in particular.

No idea what conclusion to draw from it though, if any 🤷‍♀️

I am a black woman, and I was clearly referencing the ‘80% of black women are overweight’.

Not anything to do with an elephant?

But sure, turn on me. We are all human, and we are just as prone to nasty stereotyping, tribalism and predjudice as any other race. As SOME posts on this thread clearly demonstrate.

I’ve seen some awful racism normalised and excused with fancy pop psychology on both sides. Just because we face prejudice does not make us immune from it ourselves.

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet
Hello everyone. We've reinstated this thread now but can we ask that the discussion remains on track and relevant to the OP? We've had mails from a number of posters who felt that some of the points made were being deliberately misinterpreted. This is obviously an important discussion for black women to have and centres on the continuing struggle to have their voices heard. For this reason, we'd like it to remain civil and constructive. Thank you

Reminder for sock puppets, faux's, derailers at al

Reminder for sock puppets, faux's, derailers at al

If this is meant for me I am none of those things.

And my post was a reply to one asking for evidence about a pure assumption, which I pointed out was lacking in this thread in general.

It was replied to with disdain, and ‘Peer reviewed evidence? - you clearly think Black Women don't know Black men.’ as if, as black women, we have the right to stereotype, but if others do it it’s wrong.

No, you don’t know ALL black men just because you are a black woman. I certainly don’t, as far as I’m aware we aren’t a hive mind.

I have agreed with some posts on this thread and disagreed with others. I generally just read the threads here. I only felt compelled to post to point out the hypocrisy of feeling you can judge others based on anecdotes and stereotypes but feel hurt when the same is done to us.

What’s wrong with dating someone of a different skin colour and still sticking up for your beliefs? There’s nothing wrong with black people being attracted to white peoples (and vice versa), while still supporting a political cause they believe in, or wanting an end to racism. Quite frankly it’s a hell of a lot more racist to tell someone they’re not allowed to date the person they love based on their skin colour.

Sorry just saw this was in the black section, I’ll bow out.

Why are people minimising this to ' dating out of your culture '?
There is a specific, proven , deep -rooted history of systematic hatred of how black women (apparently ) look and behave. Some black men perpetuate this by consciously NEVER dating black women whilst crying BLM.
This is the issue .
*
*

@ChancesWhatChances

What’s wrong with dating someone of a different skin colour and still sticking up for your beliefs? There’s nothing wrong with black people being attracted to white peoples (and vice versa), while still supporting a political cause they believe in, or wanting an end to racism. Quite frankly it’s a hell of a lot more racist to tell someone they’re not allowed to date the person they love based on their skin colour.

The issue is ruling out an entire race, your own race based on stereotypes and the hypocrisy when campaigning against stereotyping of your race.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers but if you’re not attracted to someone then there’s nothing wrong with ruling out an entire race. I’m not attracted to Chinese men (for talking sake), so I’d never have a relationship with one. I find many white men gross (in their habits and behaviours), so I don’t date them. Who is saying all black men that date white women do so because they’re stereotyping black women? They have every right to protest racism and stereotypes, there is nothing to say all black men that date white women dislike black women and it’s extremely insulting to those in interracial relationship. And maybe, just maybe, interracial couples are sick to the back teeth of being demonised because of who they love.

[quote ChancesWhatChances]@OnlyFoolsnMothers but if you’re not attracted to someone then there’s nothing wrong with ruling out an entire race. I’m not attracted to Chinese men (for talking sake), so I’d never have a relationship with one. I find many white men gross (in their habits and behaviours), so I don’t date them. Who is saying all black men that date white women do so because they’re stereotyping black women? They have every right to protest racism and stereotypes, there is nothing to say all black men that date white women dislike black women and it’s extremely insulting to those in interracial relationship. And maybe, just maybe, interracial couples are sick to the back teeth of being demonised because of who they love.[/quote]
Firstly in white my husband is black so I really don’t need to be schooled on how interracial couples feel. Very strange to rule out an entire race in terms of dating potential.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers perhaps we need to agree to disagree at this point. Personally I’m sick to the back teeth being told my partner is only my partner because he’s racist towards black women. No one knows a damn thing about him, it is extremely offensive and hurtful to the both of us to be seeing that conversation so frequently now. You’ve clearly had a different experience and that’s fine, but we’ve been met with nothing but hostility and degradation from both sides and we’re at the point of telling everyone to go jump, whatever their race.

[quote ChancesWhatChances]@OnlyFoolsnMothers perhaps we need to agree to disagree at this point. Personally I’m sick to the back teeth being told my partner is only my partner because he’s racist towards black women. No one knows a damn thing about him, it is extremely offensive and hurtful to the both of us to be seeing that conversation so frequently now. You’ve clearly had a different experience and that’s fine, but we’ve been met with nothing but hostility and degradation from both sides and we’re at the point of telling everyone to go jump, whatever their race.[/quote]
Sorry for your experience I do think though we aren’t disagreeing on the same point- not everyone who ends up with someone outside their race is being referenced, the OP is referring to a particular type of person; ones that many of us have encountered.