Black men protesting BLM but exclusively dating white women

[LillyFlower1984]

I’m always confused about black men or men of colour in the media and RL who shout racism/BLM and so on yet when you look at their lifestyle they are married to white women. When you go on to find out more they only ever have dated/married white women.... what are people’s take on this?

Well said @DivineRoyalty.

I saw this video and others like it, but I never bother linking on MN.

Op - I am dual heritage my dad is black, mum is white - you think he doesn’t/shouldn’t support BLM because he is married to my mum? Seriously? 🧐 Love is Love. That’s like saying how can I support against homophobia and be straight? Should I only support against that if I am gay? The list of examples are endless, you don’t need to be black or date a black man or woman to support BLM

I don't think that was what OP was saying though?
I've read the thread
If you read the subsequent posts is more clear.
From what I can gather, more is at play

Does anybody watch The Grapevine debates? This one is a conversation about colourism in the show 'Black AF' (which caused controversy because it was anything but black af). There are three black men present. If you want to see the kind of black male being discussed here, see Jimmy. The debate starts from around the 13-14 minute mark.

(I've been watching Chrissie et al for years, and they have made me understand this whole debate a lot better from all black perspectives. I also enjoy some of the newer contributers like Khadija and Tee Noir)

I love the Grapevine. Haven't watched it in ages

I'm not understanding this thread at all. If black men 'should' only date black women, how does that help inequalities associated with black/minority ethnic groups? Surely the focus should be on making these peoples lives better through policy and other changes, not singling out black men who like to date white women and calling them racist. Lives would not be better if people could only date those of the same race. How on earth would it be possible to make changes if you segregate yourselves?

@JayDot500 I just discovered this channel not long ago. Honest black people talking on very deep issues.

@MaMaD1990 I agree

Haven’t read the whole thread but finding this very interesting. I’m white and married to a black man- recently I got in a huge argument with my husbands cousin. He too is black, huge advocate for BLM, has a daughter with a black woman but says he will never date a black woman again and lists a bunch of incorrect cruel stereotypes. Utterly disgusting and hypocritical and I made it clear to him he was in turn describing his daughter.
I think we need to also ask why black women don’t date out of their race. I remember reading that white men are the most swiped on dating apps and black women the least. Is it because they aren’t approached by non black men in which case why is that?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Thanks for your post. Can I ask what reasons might contribute to that. I'm interested in hearing your views as a white woman.

What did he say when you pointed out he was talking about his daughter?

[quote samosamo]@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Thanks for your post. Can I ask what reasons might contribute to that. I'm interested in hearing your views as a white woman.

What did he say when you pointed out he was talking about his daughter?[/quote]
He had issues with his daughters mother but regardless that doesn’t seem to put white men off white women. He seemingly repeated the sterotypes which I identify as having been put on women such as Michelle Obama or Serena Williams, namely they are aggressive. He implied all black women are after money and designer things- which I pointed out was more about the people he hangs out with in general, male or female. It was a lovely mix of racism and misogyny in one conversation. Made me so angry !

Honestly, I just think that a huge amount of men just don't see women as actual full human beings - hence why they get full autonomy when it comes to sexual partners but women don't. Black men can choose their partners, gay men can choose their partners, straight men can choose their partners for whatever reason they want but women's choices are always questions and framed around what it means for men.

Questioned

This is more of a black male issue. Despite black men dating outside their race more than black women, the black women dating outside their race are almost always married whilst the women of all races who have kids with black men are almost always single mothers.

Another factor is the weave, black women please put away the weave and embrace your natural hair. How does this affect black men dating exclusively out? Why would you want a copy of something when you can have the original. Men love to compare their women and use the woman on their arm to attract respect and status. If I was a man I would feel extremely embarrassed walking around with a woman who wants to look like another man's woman. It is a Male ego thing. You want to show off your woman's beauty. If your woman is walking around everyday with another womans hair on her head she is just screaming insecure and ugly. You are validating another woman's beauty instead of your own. Men in general will find that unattractive. I'm not talking about occasionally wanting to change your hairstyle but everyday hiding your natural hair under a weave or wig is self hate. Men do not want insecure women. Also most of the black woman i see with other race of men have natural hair . I know this will get on the nerves of some people , but I say this because I love you black women and want you to be the best of you and I am tired of people making a mockery of you. Both the black man and black woman have been dehumanised and traumatized. It's now time to acknowledge the problems and work on bettering and strengthening ourselves.

I think we need to also ask why black women don’t date out of their race. I remember reading that white men are the most swiped on dating apps and black women the least. Is it because they aren’t approached by non black men in which case why is that?

In my circle, many of us do date and have married outside of our race. I notice though that the ones that do usually grew up or hung out with different races of people and/or have degrees and met their spouses in uni or after.

I think there’s this thought that other races don’t find Black women attractive and that Black women are only attracted to Black men, neither are true. I never believed this and also have never had issue with attracting a man outside of my race regardless of how I’ve had or worn my hair, natural or otherwise.

I also notice that many Black men seem to have an issue with it yet don’t have the same for themselves. Black women are also told they need to wait around for a good Black man and to always support and be there for black men when that doesn’t always seem to be reciprocated. In my experience, I found that some black men don’t know how to approach women or handle rejection no matter how politely you put it. If it isn’t that, they don’t trust you to have male friends but want you to be ok with them having female friends. They trust their boys more than they trust their girlfriends but don’t notice that those same boys are hitting on their girlfriends. It’s baffling to me.

I've said it before and will say it again: in my experience, white men are attracted to black women. There are those fetish men, which I believe you might find on dating apps (I read that thread). I find that whenever there is a black woman / white man couple in the public spotlight white men gain some kind of confidence and approach black women resulting in a kind of flurry. This leads me to think it can be one of many reasons why white man /black woman couples aren't yet as commonplace as white woman / black man, including that some white men might need to see the possibility that the black woman will be happy to date them (such as past white boyfriends, white friends, or the black woman making an approach to them), they might fear rejection (which is normal) or just not take the chance for whatever reason, maybe because there are so many white women in the UK after all. But it is not, from my own personal experience or that of my friends/family, that white men don't go for black women. I'm sure I've said all of this before.

About swiping on dating apps. If you think black girls don't date out of their race, but white men are the most swiped, the logical corollary is that white women are swiping the white men. Given white women significantly outnumber black women on the regular dating apps, I don't find it surprising that white men are popular. And actually if black women are swiping white men (i expect they are) white men will be even more popular. Why are black women swiped the least? I think what I write above about white men might in part answer that question. Swioing on dating apps and pursuing serious relationships are not one in the same though. I find that white black women / white men get together it doesn't stay so casual. But my sample could be biased (I expect it is in some direction).

An interesting question is how come white women aren't the most swiped? Or rather, how come they're less swiped than white men? That's what I find interesting. If expect this not to be the case if dating apps are split fairly equally between straight men and women and also that black men are swiping white women more than white men are swiping black women.

I think sexual preferences are nobody else's business. I support LGBT rights but would never date another man.

@DuaneAgain

I think sexual preferences are nobody else's business. I support LGBT rights but would never date another man.

Not what the OPs point is. It’s about (black men) ruling out dating an entire race (black women) based on false Stereotypes yet campaigning against stereotypes placed on them - Also having an issue when others (black women) date outside their race.

Not what the OPs point is.
It’s about (black men) ruling out dating an entire race (black women) based on false stereotypes

I'd imagine that's more her perception of why they don't date black women though as I'm sceptical that she interrogates these men and they're happy to give detailed breakdown of their dating preferences to a stranger.

I don't think you can really dictate who people should date or expect them to justify their choices. Most middle class women would claim not to be classist but I know a lot that I'm pretty certain wouldn't dream of dating a very working class guy.

@DuaneAgain

Not what the OPs point is. It’s about (black men) ruling out dating an entire race (black women) based on false stereotypes

I'd imagine that's more her perception of why they don't date black women though as I'm sceptical that she interrogates these men and they're happy to give detailed breakdown of their dating preferences to a stranger.

I don't think you can really dictate who people should date or expect them to justify their choices. Most middle class women would claim not to be classist but I know a lot that I'm pretty certain wouldn't dream of dating a very working class guy.

With all due respect the examples you give aren’t the same as the argument:

I as a woman wouldn’t date a woman, not because of stereotypes but because anatomically they aren’t what I’m interested in.

Middle class women may not date a working class man because they have less in common/ because they cannot financially bring to the table what they can etc.

Black men not dating black women is based on race and sweeping judgements.

Also no one is saying people cannot date outside their race it’s insisting on only dating outside your race yet campaigning for non judgement of themselves

I see your point and I'm a bit conflicted. If it is genuinely based on sweeping judgements then I agree with you, but I'm also not convinced that you can force yourself to fancy people based on ideological decisions. Usually you just do or you don't.

Also no one is saying people cannot date outside their race it’s insisting on only dating outside your race yet campaigning for non judgement of themselves

Thank you.

Personally I don't buy the concept that it is genuinely impossible for a black man to find ALL black women unattractive. What did we do before international travel existed and you could only mate with someone of your own race ? It is definitely a product of western centric beauty standards being imposed everywhere .

Or genuinely possible , rather

Precisely.

Your father and probably all those before him had babies with black women, maybe going back to when time began. Same for all of your foremothers, except perhaps those who were raped during enslavement, yet suddenly it's 'innate' that you can't stand black women. Genetic scientists would be all over that if there was a modicum of possibility there.

Zzzzzzzzz

@DivineRoyalty

This is more of a black male issue. Despite black men dating outside their race more than black women, the black women dating outside their race are almost always married whilst the women of all races who have kids with black men are almost always single mothers

Interesting that you write this

I’m black my husband is white
In my friend group and family group I’m the only one married .
All my white friends / black friends, family members and my husband sisters have kids with black men - none of them are married
I’m talking maybe 20 -30 women that I know personally similar age groups of late twenties to early forties
They are all single parents none have ever been married or engaged
So I do agree that it’s more of a black male thing in that black men don’t tend to get married