Did That Just Happen?

I can't and am not going to get drawn into explaining why
-your post was offensive

• why it is not my responsibility to explain what is and isn't racist and how that behaviour is entitled and gas lighting to black people
• why you policing my tone is offensive

@Umberllasye

It is not the job of the people on this thread to educate you or engage in a discussion or debate with you. This is a safe space for people to discuss their own experience and have some solidarity. The women on jere regularly defend their life experiences on Chat and AIBU. This topic is not here for that, so what you're asking for (demanding and being snarky about) is not OK.

You are currently using a device with an internet connection. If you want to be educated on this stuff then the internet is fill of essays on the subject. Go read about it.

Your wide eyed "oh, but I just dont understand" innocent little girl act isnt cure or even a new way to act. It's boring, offensive and so over done that people are sick of it. There is an internet full of all the information you want, but you wont go look for it. You just come on here and demand it, then call people aggressive and storm off in a huff when you dont get what you want. Even when I explained 2 things to you, you came back to tell me I was wrong in your very innocent "I just dont understand" act.

I was crossing the road in my local town centre today holding the hand of a very chatty five year old. We were a bit slow. The driver pulled down the window and shouted - hurry up you black bitch - I had a ‘did that just happen’ moment. I know it did. A white couple heard and looked at me then hurried on. I prayed the little girl I was with didn’t hear. When I noticed she didn’t (maybe she wouldn’t know that that meant anyway) I had to hold back tears. The look of pure evil in the mans face when I looked at him. I’m still thinking about it hours later. I’m too ashamed to tell my husband (who is black and would have had to be bailed out tonight if he’d been there - he isn’t an aggressive man; just would not have been able to sit back and see me being treated that way)- it’s also unlike me to have let someone get away with that. But I had a five year old with me to protect first and foremost. Maybe she saved me from myself. I think I may have run down his car or something stupid. I’m ashamed that I’m upset. Why. Because I’m born and bred British and should be made of tougher skin. I was caught off guard and unable to react due to having a little one with me. I’m trying to rationalise it. I’m hurt. I’m hurst for her - even though she didn’t hear/understand.......I hate I’m still affected. It’s been a while. Usually these days it’s mainly micro aggressions. I’m rambling....

I'm sorry you went through that.

That is not okay.

I know why you didn't cry when you were with a young child, but I hope you allowed yourself to cry. The last time I had a public interaction like that I just allowed myself to cry so people could see it was hurtful, and wrong. I'm done living by this "strong black woman" narrative.

I am exhausted. I genuinely am. The constant fighting back and calling out people for what they have said or done. And then dealing with the hostility back when you do and the expectation that you apologise because somehow even though you have been wronged - they are the victim. I am tired. I honestly need a break. I'm rambling as well. I'm sorry I made it about me.

You shouldn't ever have to deal with something like that. Next time if you can, get his registration number or any identifying info and report it. You shouldn't have to deal with that aggression and hatred. Noone should.

Umber for god sake are you serious? I have no place commenting here (I'm white) but seeing as you have- I've read every comment on this thread and can completely understand where every poster is coming from. Your first post in particular seemed passive aggressive, you framed it nicely but really it was a horrible post and only shows your ignorance. You seem almost defensive. After reading through all the comments here, I'm only left fucking disgusted at how others have been treated, whereas you seem personally offended somehow?

Thank you @goldielockdown2 and @WhereverIGoddamnLike.for just seeing what I see.

It's utterly exhausting. We deal with these "faux innocent" questions which are just a rabbit hole into "but I don't understand" and "it really isn't racist because ..." and "yes, but I still disagree it's racist". You wouldnt go to a rape support forum and argue how you disagree why it isn't sexual assault. Why come to a safe space for black people and do the same, then berate the person who calls you out for it.

No matter how politely framed it's nasty. I also wish to remind posters that the primary objective is that this space is safe for black posters to share their experiences. It is not to educate people. It can do both as long as "educating" does not interfere or drown out the safe space. Which means if your question or need to debate no matter how "innocent" is triggering or gas lighting people - this is not the place to post it.

Making out you are the victim or calling posters aggressive is a common racist tactic used to silence black people.

And also maybe try listening a bit more instead of trying to impose your views or make the entire thread about your need to understand. And just because people don't call out everyone who does it, doesn't mean it's okay. We also get tired of constantly explaining and defending our humanity.

Just be mindful of that please

Yes I should have got his license plate and reported - I had time as he was caught at the lights. I was stunned into inaction and a sense of over protectiveness. The little girl was not one my my own children and you know how you go that extra mile when you’re with someone else’s child as you want to make sure their safe. Anyway feel better now I wrote it down. Thanks.

Oh stop digging Umber. Read another thread.

And Umberllasye, give it a rest with your faux outrage, you're pissing me off.

I'm done living by this "strong black woman" narrative.

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Interesting thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4099077-Constant-accusations-of-racism?msgid=102374881

(I would have made a new thread but that would have been a TAAT.)

Just been lurking here and recognising some of my own experiences, I wasn't going to comment as I am mixed race not black andI don't want to derail as my exeperiences are slightly different, but wow, that thread!!!

So depressing, it reminds me of when PP were trying to set up this board and the abuse they received. The racism and ignorance towards race on Mumsnet does depress me.

I wouldnt be surprised if that thread was genuine and OP was a real manager.

When someone like that asks you as a black person your opinion you either keep quiet or tend t just give a brief answer to get them to leave you alone as you know they genuinely don't want to know and will get into a long protracted argument telling you why you are wrong. Then they take that answer as "proof" that other black people are overreacting and try and use it to silence them. It's exhausting.

This is why people don't report this stuff - then people use it as an example that you are a troublemaker when someone finally does complain because noone else has before🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

I'm not sure what to make of it. There is a post further up thread here, I'm on my phone so I can't quote that shares almost identical incidents but from the unnamed black colleagues perspective that makes me doubt the veracity of that thread.

Then they are clearly on a windup. We have had many posters come here, with the same MO pretending not to understand and just wanting an explanation - then insisting they still don't understand and black people are the ones with a problem, racist, oversensitive, they are the real victims etc.. they are some very sick and bored people out there

This is what I don't get, if I don't understand something I make the effort to learn. I've learned a lot from MN and it has changed my attitude to lots of things. If someone created a thread saying "This is my experience" I would not deny that, I wouldn't play devils advocate. I would not say "you are the problem" but it seems okay to do this about race. I don't know why, well I do, we all do. Its just exhausting isn't it?

Writing every question off as "faux innocent" and insisting any question is due to underlying racism is a fast track to the questioner shutting down, then to resentment followed by apathy and finally ending in just not GAF and purposeful turning away from the problem. I am seeing this over and over again amongst by extremely diverse community and work colleagues. This will be deleted I have no doubt of that but it's the truth sadly.

And that's what you got from this thread?