December 2010 any one? Come keep me company

[OnlyWantsOne]

well... this is scary

Jodie, I really do understand where you're coming from, and god knows, you've suffered more from MC than I have! I feel very unreal about this pregnancy too. Now I've seen a heartbeat, I'm having to come to terms all over again with a christmas baby - before, I think I was just assuming it wouldn't happen, so it was all a bit hazy and unrealistic. I was so unhinged at the start of my third pregnancy (DS), following two mcs, that I booked myself a course of CBT, which helped me to come to terms with uncertainty and to examine the way in which I catastrophise things. It got me through the first trimester with sanity intact!

Sorry, this is not in any way suggesting that you're unhinged , only that early pregnancy really screws with your mind and your emotions, especially when you've suffered loss at this stage before. It's up and down all the time - so exhausting, mentally. And I know just what you mean about being relieved, but still anxious, after your scan. I was reassured for about 6 hours (!), and now I'm back to doubting my symptoms and wondering if things have changed since yesterday morning. I'm sure things are still fine for both of us, but I understand why you're feeling doubt. Try to do something distracting when you feel like that - I'm finding that helps a bit.

walk thanks

little thanks, I'm tring to, feeling a bit better this morning too. Hope you're not too tired today. Congrats to dh on the new job, are you moving soon?

QoD I hope so too. Hope your mum can come and help you out some.

Dueling I've only had a few waves of feeling sick, but am very tired still hehe. Really glad your scan went well, how many weeks are you now?

mumatron I agree, it does bring it all home more doesn't it. Do you know what the appt is for? I'm under cons care again this time.

Racey Glad your appt with the midwife went well. Do you know if it's twins or waiting for a scan? You do have a very pronounced bump for so early on!

Persnickety hopefully the tiredness will ease off soon, I'm hoping the same

Reshape I know exactly what you mean, I'm hoping the coming weeks pass quickly so that we can all enjoy pregnancy a bit more! The kids usually keep me quite busy but at night when they've gone to bed it all gets a bit quiet. Heading to the allotment this morning after dropping the older 2 at school and my youngest at pre-school so hopefully get a couple of hours done before I have to pick him up.

Anyone know what that message was further up that was deleted?

OWO how are you this morning?

Lovely day here today, hope it continues. Off to make some tea and toast now, see you later.

morning all. woke feeling more sick than i did yesterday, yay! never been so glad to feel rough.

jodie its a follow up appointment for my recurrent miscarriage tests. complete waste of time as he isn't interested in offering even the most basic tests as dp has poor sperm morphology. very frustrating.

sun is out today, womder how long it will last though

OWO how are you feeling this morning? hope you're OK, you sound very calm - thinking of you.

QoD no, don't worry, I've not had a cig , just been sorely tempted.

Very embarrassing thing happened yesterday, a colleague came over to my desk and asked me straight out if I was pg! I am not even 8 weeks yet so had to say 'no' which is basically just like admitting I am really fat with no excuse . He was mortified but then I thought, what an idiot to ask such a thing! as if I could confirm or deny either way?! I have not told anyone yet except my mum and definitely won't be mentioning it at work til after the scan. But I am really gaining weight even though I am eating pretty healthily. Damn second pregnancies, the weight just pops on about 10 mins after conception

Morning all,

OWO how are you today?

JodieO really feel for you, I reallt hope everything is ok this time.
Was also wondering about the deleted post, strange!

LittleSnoo Great news with the job. You made me laugh with the swoon, I had a similar moment in hobbycraft yesterday.

QoD Mums are great aren't they? Mine is coming to the rescue to help with the cakes today, and she has made me three meals for this weekend because Dh is going away and I won't be able to cook without him.

Racey when will you find out if there is more than one in there?

Reshape hope you are managing to keep busy and this stage goes quickly for you.

TMI alert now but can anyone tell me if this is normal, had really good sex last night but after orgasm, I had really strong and quite painful tightening sensations and shooting pains down both sides of my abdomen, I remember having Braxton hicks after sex with the other two but not when I actually had a bump not so early on. Worried now that we were a bit vigarous

Managed to eat toast this morning, and I've got washing on the line, feeling good so far.

hello everyone,

i hope you don't mind, but i just need to vent for a bit - i'm feeling so low today.
it's not like me at all - i'm normally so cheerful and happy. everything is just getting on top of me.
it's not just the sickness, the exhaustion and the massive sore boobs, my mood has just plummeted.
really worried about money and being a burden to DH. this is my first pg - really wanted and planned - but happened just as i had left work to be self employed. work has been slow, although i have had some, but today is the first day where i have none and i've just had a lightbulb moment - what if it never picks up? what if i have this baby and can't find work again? i have always worked (even when i was 16 i had three jobs as well as a levels) not because i needed the money, just because i loved working.
dh is so supportive but i just feel like a useless fat lump who can't even get a haircut at the moment because i haven't got any spare money. we can survive on dh's income, but i don't want to be dependent.
i just feel like lying on the sofa crying when a few months ago when i was working full time, a day off was a major luxury and i would have relished every minute.
how can i pull myself out of this? i know i am lucky but just feel shit
sorry for the rant and long post

chloesbaby poor you, sorry you are feeling low, this is a really up and down few months and a lot of what you are feeling maybe because of hormones and tiredness.

I can't comment too much on not working I was out of work for pretty much 8 years after DD was born, and although have been full time for two years will be giving up work to look after this baby.

I can sympathise with feeling useless though, I can't even cook a basic meal at the moment and the house is a tip because I have zero energy. I'm just trying to concentrate on the reason for feeling so crap, the third child I have longed for for nearly five years.
Hope you feel better soon.

OWO How are things? Hope you have had an ok night?

mumatron your docor sounds really unhelpful, the git.

JodieO how are you feeling today. Have you managed to pass any significant milestiones with this pregnancy (compared to your miscarriages) - hopefully the further you get the better you will feel? Although I completely understand the worry. I am 9 weeks now and despite 2 scans I still feel a bit scared something bad might happen.

novicemama I work with an irritating man who knew I wanted kids and has now gone from calling me barren all the time (Thanks mate) to asking me every day if I am pregnant. Hrmph. I just lie but am sure I go pink when he asks!

notso not sure about the sex thing. Though I have read that people feel much more up for it when they are first pregnant. DH and I haven't had anything more than a bit of a fumble since I had the IVF as I have been too scared! Am on a promise for Friday night though.

chloesbaby - so sorry to hear you are feeling down. You may be feeling worse because of the hormones rushing about but I know financial worries can be horrible. I guess as women we do kind of get a bit lost when we get pregnant and have children and it's hard for those of us who have always worked and had our 'own' money - it's the loss of indepedence that it might bring which is hard to get my head around. Can you get your DH to start saving a bit now so that you'll have some financial back-up when you are off on maternity leave?

Can you get out and about a bit, in the fresh air? Sorry if I am being unhelpful and hope it gets better.

chloesbaby you poor thing I didn't want you to go unanswered because you sound really down.

When I first had DD I really worried about how we would manage for money, one income, mortgage etc. You will be surprised how you will cope between you, and the things you used to treat yourself to will not matter as much any more. Are you worried about affording stuff for the baby? have you got any friends / relations who can lend you stuff? have you looked at your local freecycle? I got all our baby stuff completely for free on freecycle, probs saved myself about £500

Massively on your side is that you say you love work and have always worked. The thought of doing A levels and holding down 3 jobs?! wow! I don't know anyone who has done that, you clearly have amazing amounts of energy and drive and IMO that means you will always find work of one kind or another - you're not scared of hard work and so many people are. One day without work is not the disaster it seems, it will pick up. It will.

Just on another note, don't underestimate the incredible power of the crazy pregnant-lady hormones which are coursing through your body. I have spent the last 2 weeks alternately crying hysterically and yelling at DH for no reason whatsoever. You'll have days when you feel appalling, fat, knackered, useless - and other days when life couldn't be better, you have lots of energy, you feel utterly alive. All part of the hormonal rollercoaster we have now signed up to (it goes on even post-birth IME) so don't worry too much about feeling low. It will pass.

And lots of lovely HUGS for you, look after yourself, don't beat yourself up

thank you for being supportive. i feel ungrateful because this pg is so wanted. dh has been away with work all week, so maybe that is making things worse - as i work from home (and i haven't had much to do this week) i haven't really been able to discuss how i feel and have prob been thinking too much.
he is home tonight so will talk through it all then - i think it is the feared loss of independece dueling - me and dh are so used to living fairly independent busy lives, catching up in the evening, going out loads, having fun basically - that i think i'm worried about how we will cope looking after (this very longed for) baby AND me having no income (at least for a while).
i hope i don't sound like a spoilt brat. it's good to know others feel similarly crap (i too haven't cooked a meal for weeks notso - just opening the fridge makes me retch.
think i will drag myself out for a walk soon - fresh air is prob a good idea

thank you novicemama just seen your message too -really appreciated

Hello everyone! Have you got room for another one? By my calculations I'm due on 21 Dec so 8+2 today. I already have a DS - 13 months - so heading for a small age gap!

Looking forward to getting to know you all x

chloesbaby after I had my DD the loss of independence was a really big deal for me, so I understand your fears. Suddenly you are no longer autonomous, not only in terms of money but also in terms of not being able to just sling your handbag over your shoulder and head out of the house to work / socialise on your own. For the first few months you always have a baby attached to you, it's a very strange and sudden change. TBH (and not to put any first-timers off) I suffered from mild PND at around 7mo post-birth I think as a direct result of not coping with this loss of independence, it can be a hard thing to get used to when you are a western woman used to making your own decisions and doing whatever you want.

HOWEVER (and I WISH someone had said this to me at the time) it doesn't last forever. It really only lasts a short time, and then, if you want to, you get your independence back to some extent. My DD is almost 2 - I work fulltime as does DH, DD is in fulltime nursery which she absolutely loves, DH and I share the nursery duties and weekend childcare between us, which means there are always a few nights a week when I can go out with mates, go drinking (not any more obvs!), even stay away overnight. We have managed about 4 or 5 weekends away just the 2 of us while DD is spoiled by various grandparents. Obviously life is completely different but the independence does come back I PROMISE!! Only better than before because you have a wonderful amazing DC as well!

hi there SpangleMaker congratulations, I LOVE your name

chloesbaby, I've ecome more and more of a homebody in the last couple of years and am worrying about not being social enough and it having a bad effect on my baby. I guess there's always going to be something to worry us. Hopefully the sickness will pass soon and you'll start feeling yourself again.

Wise words from novicemama, I hope that once my baby is here I do managed to get out and about. My good frined who gave birth 8 months ago says after the first couple of months it is possible to get back something resembling a normal life.

Hey all yes Im still calm, spoke to MW, she has booked me in to EPAU for a scan tomorrow at 11.40

Bleeding stopped, just brown stuff now.

Hows everyone doing? Ive got soooo much work to do its unreal!!

Congratulations SpangleMaker I am due on the 22nd. How are you so far.

I second novicemama, the lack of independance doesn't last and personally I didn't miss a lot of my old ways when DD was very tiny, friends used to come round hungover looking worse than I did on two hours sleep a night.

I'm totally with you with the fridge thing, it smells so foody, even though I've cleaned it loads of times.

chloesbaby - I think feeling rubbish all the time just saps your spirit. This is my first pregnancy and although I was prepared to feel bad I didn't realise I would spend every second of the day feeling like an invalid - I think this taps into feelings of helplessness and feeling dependent and even like a burden on DH. It's so hard to go from busy, healthy and independent to vulnerable and desperately exhausted. I'm in a simmilar situation as I am taking redundancy and will be going from main bread-winner to house-wife. I've always worked as well (my first job was at 15 doing odd jobs in an old people's home) and when we were first together I supported DH while he paid off massive student debts and got his career sorted out. Now I'm going to let him look after me. It feels a bit disempowering but I remind myself that we're still pulling together as a team, just in a different way. In the future who knows, your DH might want to take a career change or other circumstance and you'll be there for him. Also remember that even if you're feeling a bit useless you - all of us - are doing something amazing: growing a human being from scratch !

By the way another MS remedy - I've started making my own popcorn and putting curry powder on it rather than salt or butter. I actually feel normal after I've eaten it - it's the only thing that makes me feel better, atleast for an hour or so.

Welcome SpangleMaker, congratulations - join the party!

Thanks for the welcome! I'm just about coming to terms with the fact I'm actually pregnant - bit of an accident resulting from a rare co-incidence of inclination and opportunity (ie DS actually sleeping in his cot for once) coinciding. DH didn't really want a DC2 so he's still in denial but I'm coming round to the idea .

notso I'm not doing too badly, thanks - tiredness, definitely, though there are other contributory factors to that (DS mainly!), and mild queasiness when I'm hungry. Very lucky, I know!

cloesbaby I just read your posts and think your concerns are very natural and bound to feel overwhelming when you're feeling rubbish and on your own. There's plenty of time for your work to pick up, though, and depending what your work is maybe you can have some projects lined up for when the baby is a few months old? When the baby is here s/he will become your & your DH's number one priority and you'll both be working as a team to support your family, whether that means earning money or providing childcare. Hope you feel better after talking it through with your DH.

Another one for the moaning minnie club. I'm unbelievably tired, I feel like I've run a marathon and all I did was carry DS (15months) 500 yards to take him for his MMR jab. It's times like now that I really miss coffee.

I had the day off work today coz I'm tired and dizzy and couldn't face 120 teenagers but now I feel bad coz I had the day off and I haven't even done any housework either!

Is the breathlessness normal too? I'm out of puff putting the washing on!

Hi ladies

I'm afraid its all I can do to read through al the posts so won't be individually replying this time.

Just wanted to share my anxiety with you all... I'm 7+1 and am walking a flippin marathon this saturday with some girlfriends (london moonwalk) for charity. I've lost sleep over my decision to try and do it even though I'm pg - got advice from doc and read everything on the net about exercise in early preg which says if you're fit and have trained you're generally ok to exercise - just dont get too hot or heart rate too high. I did a 20 miler practice walk a couple of weeks ago and was fine after it, just knackered, so I should be ok but am very nervous of anything happening to my bean during my 8 hour walk. I have promised myself to stop immediately, feigning injury if I feel any pain in the womb area.

Worried...

Am also worried about having to pose in our decorated bras for the photos that will go everywhere - I definately have a thicker waist than usual and my boobs have gone up 2 cups already, surely someone's gonna guess!

xx

Hi all and welcome Spangles.

Velvet I dont know for sure but I think breathlessness must be normal as I am suffering from it with very little exertion - like walking to the other side of the office I work in or walking up a couple of stairs - I look so unfit!!

Feeling very queasy this afternoon and looking forward to finishing work and going home!!

just want to thank everyone for their replies again - novice - wonderful words of wisdom.
went out for walk today and treated myself to chips soaked in salt and vinegar and a can of lemonade by the sea (i'm a cheap date!) and then came back and slept all afternoon. DH has come home now and made me a cuppa and i have resolved not to be so hard on myself and sleep if my body is telling me to, even if that's at 2pm.
advice about freecycle is welcome - i had had a look on ebay at the cost of 2nd hand stuff, but hadn't thought about being able to get it free.
hugs to anyone else who has been feeling a bit rubbish

Hello everyone. Hugs to all those who need them, this part of pregnancy is really horrible. Even worse if you are trying to underplay it and keep everything secret.

I'm feeling so bad as well. And very scared of losing the baby so not allowing myself to get excited. I've jut bought a Doppler from eBay as a cheaper subsitute for a private scan. Not going to panic if I can't find anything but really hoping I might with a bit of persistence.

I have a feeling this one is a boy. But then I know four boys who've been born in the last two weeks so perhaps it's just that on my subconscious. I knew Dd was a girl from very early on though.

Absolutely true novicemama. My Dd just turned 2 and life is in many ways much easier so we have moments of thinking we must be mad to start all over again!