Due Jan 2010...the month our bumps become babes!!!

[mistletoekisses]

Getting us started with our new thread!

Will cut and paste the most up to date list so we know where we are.

crumpette you can't put up with Dp treating you like this

Sorry for the frightfully long post! skidoodle just realised you are having CS today!!! Good luck!!!! how exciting!

To anyone else having babies, good luck!

re co-sleeping, I have moses basket next to the bed this time and a cot in another room.. really want a bedside cot.. alas, baby screams the instant he's put down so have done the lazy thing and have been co-sleeping the last few nights. He feeds when he wants it and sleeps much better like it. I co-slept with DD.. was so set against it initially I kept worrying I'd squash her or she'd suffocate and kept persevering with her cot but I think it works for me, in the end we co-slept all the time. There is a theory that as long as you are very careful and you aren't a deep sleeper or drinking or on drugs of any description that it can be very safe, being close to mummy regulates breathing and body temperature in baby. I would prefer to have my bed to myself though and am still going to try a bedside cot which would be the best of both worlds in theory..

crumpette moan away that is what we are all here for I seem to open up more on here than in real life.
I'm just worried about you you have been through so much and need the support of a loving partner and I know he has been through alot too but its no excuse to the way he seems to be treating you
I'm so glad you are enjoying baby crumpette and that he is growing send some growing vibes my way to Jacob lol

could it all be over now for skidoodle how exciting!

thanks ampster for the encouragement. unfortunately have PGP (SPD) so have to be watching stair climbing and anything to do with opening knees - although I think I'm going to give the polar bear thing a go with my knees as open as is painfree. also sitting on birth ball more.

more periodlike cramping today. doing stuff (anything) seems to bring it on. unfortunately instinct is to take to my bed does not bode well for cultivating 'active labour' attitude... at the moment i feel too lazy to be bothered to give birth!!

Crumpette - am so so sorry that your DP is putting you through this. You sound like such a lovely lady and you simply do not need this. Can I ask - do you have any friends/ family around to help you through this time? You really honestly do not deserve to be treated / spoken to in this way at all. Am so very to be reading your post.

Re. the painkillers - get thee to your GP asap. If you are not able to - then a doctor or a midwife should come to the house. I am taking diclofenac three times a day, which is a form of painkiller/ anti inflammatory alongside paracetamol. So you can take stronger stuff, you just need a doctor to prescribe it. You shouldnt be suffering like this.

Did your midwife leave a number for you to call?

Ski - hope you are having lovely baby cuddles!

Mama2b - so glad you love the Stokke. It is great isnt it!! Which colour did you go for?

Sock - I dont blame you for keeping kids home, the roads here are clearer today so mum has been able to drive DS to his nursery. But am the same as CTFN - darent venture out because of the pavements, mind you am probably not quite up to a long walk yet.

Those with older DC's, how are your older DC's adpating to the bub. DS1 (2.4) has started acting out. He told my mum this morning that 'mummy hit him'. Totally untrue. Had to call the nursery manager and tell her about it; she was lovely and very understanding and gave some very good advice on how to deal with his emotions. Has made me a little sad for him though. My poor boy is obviously very confused and upset.

Crumpette - really don't know what to say anymore. Like MK am really very to be reading your post. Your DP deserves a lot more than a slap, but far from just being angry at him on your behalf now, I just feel v v sad for you. Please try to raise your self esteem a little and do something about this awful situation. You don't deserve it - nobody does. Also, second MK's comments on painkillers. I am also taking diclofenec (standard painkiller after c/s) as its strong and importantly long lasting. GP really should do something to help you.

MistletoeKisses - older DC's... aaah, your poor little DS. Makes your heart break doesn't it? Completely understandable though. My two are much older (10 and 6) and about to have their birthdays making them older still! So they have been just fine, although my 6 yr old DD has been a little bit of a madam and being naughty to DS. Not sure if this is coincidence or her just being a madam IYKWIM!

Sorry - no real advice there just empathising.

Had my second bout of the swine flu jab just now and I can tell you I was ECSTATIC to be out! I ventured very carefully to the car and then from the car to the hospital building BUT BUT BUT I got to push my little angel in her pram .

Now want to go out more! Just little walks at a time as I'm sure I will get tired if I do too much too soon - but oh, the joy!

crumpette I feel very sad to read your post.

You are one person who needs support, TLC and instead you have that monster.

I don't think you realise just how bad a person he is for the way he treats you. He isn't a normal person - he has a personality disorder like narcicism or something.

I dont know what else to say. I hope you and your little cherub are ok. xx

Oh, and peeing - ouch. Does it feel like your uretha has collapsed into a bruised pile and can't handle a simple pee....Yes thats normal!!

I feel fine now. Just incase though, mention to MW incase there's another problem.

wmdo glad I may be normal! I keep telling myself it's only day 4... it's only one small area that hurts like hell, hoping it will get better soon!

(anyone reading this, sorry, I didn't have it with my first delivery.. don't panic!!! )

crumpette . Even with reasonable DPs around I think we all need a female presence at times like these. Is there anyone you can call upon, you need looking after as much as baby. If there's no one could you consider hiring yourself a postnatal doula for a few hours a week? Re Painkillers and BF, I was given paracetamol, some form of codeine and ibuprofen after my csection. Ibuprofen good as anti-inflammatory. But agree you shouldn't have to go and sort out your own pain relief right now, a prescription should be sorted for you via midwife/GP. I also took arnica tablets, good for bruising. I'm glad your baby is feeding well, and the bf side of things is going well for you.

Crumpette - North or South London? I'm North if of any use to you at all by way of "friend" nearby....

Co-sleeping, we have a bedside cot too. Sometimes did feed DS lying down in bed, slept whilst he fed, and I'd always wake up at some point and settle him back over in the cot. I never had him under the duvet though, always on top in his swaddle or later on in his grobag. I'm short so could lie halfway down the bed away from the pillows without feet sticking out in the cold! Same here ampster, slingwearing, fullterm BF, but alongside a routine. I have a feeling I'll be more indulgent with this baby though as it will probably be my last, and I'm having longer of work, so won't feel the need to get a stricter routine in place for nursery.... not that you need to do this- I just stressed alot about it first time round as in DS must take a bottle of ebm, must nap at precise times, self settling etc!

Well after 2 days of wallowing in self pity, tearful and hormonal over impending vbac, I've braved driving and got out and about and done loads this morning, including an a daytime aerobics class with some retired ladies!! They were all quite excited/concerned I might deliver during the class, I can't see the problem myself, if I could pop this baby out during a 1hr class it would be a good thing in my book!!!
Feel so much better for getting out.

maygirl-- aerobics!!!?? I have visions of a baby flying out mid lunge... well done you! I am in my PJs eating cookies!

Crumpette - re. the pain, please dont wait until the MW appt on Monday. They should have given you a number which you can call and they should be out to see you asap. Failing that, please contact your GP's. I know ours does do home visits for those not able to venture out.

Re. the DP, I was going to ask if his behaviour had caused you to be isolated from your friends. He sounds very similar to an ex boyfriend of mine - whom I dated for a year, which in hindsight was about 51 weeks 6 days longer than I should have done! But in that year, he totally hammered my confidence. Accused me of affairs at work (if I did something simple like take a shower as soon as I came in from work). Put me down constantly. And in the end, it was easier to not do things with my friends/ or see them, simply to avoid the fall out that would occur when I headed home after.
It took a lot for me to leave him. If your DP is similar - he totally made me believe that no one else would have me and that at the grand age of 28, no one else would want to marry me as I would me an 'old maid'. I sadly really believed him for a long time.

But my most loyal friends rallied round me when I needed them most and made sure the break up stayed broken up. (Does that make sense)

I know it is probably too soon after the birth to try and process all of this, but you have to believe in yourself. You can get through this. You will be fine without him. I am not saying it will be easy (I became sadistically addicted to his treatment of me, the highs were amazing in contrast to the lows). I was so scared of being without him. But as someone who came through this and has subsequently met and married the most amazing man - it can be done!!

to you my lovely. Focus on you and your little one.

Everyone still here? Hope Bethoo is doing well so positive vibes to her wherever she is.

Just back from my 40+3 MW appointment and had a sweep. Good news is that with all the moving and work DH and I have done this morning, baby's now 3/5th palpable which is 1/5 further down than last evening (it wasn't budging the last few days). As we're having the flooring done today in the bathroom, sod's law is such that I am spending the whole day thinking I need to go. Hey ho, can't complain coz I wanted baby to engage so badly.

Sweep was not very successful - bloody uncomfy plus I felt I needed to go to the loo so could not really relax into it. She said the cervix was too posterior - not too thick but she disturbed it a bit so some of the plug's come out. I am hoping that is enough to set it off labour soon. But then again, someone said hospital admissions rise on a new moon (tomorrow night) and our second closest hospital has reported Norovirus so are closed to visitors. Hoping situation does not worsen or else it will innundate my nearest hospital.

MK I love the Amby... they are very similar to the sarongs that we used growing up. this is similar to the ones we used except mine was hung from the ceiling. I don't have any memories from early childhood except I remember the feeling of sleeping in a sarong and it was wonderful. It works like swaddling, only last longer so works even if the baby fidgits.

showmethemummy The only other thing I have heard is to lean forward on say the kitchen counter top and let your bump hang. You can rest on your forearms coz I have bad carpal tunnel too and find it ok doing that either in the kitchen or over the back of the sofa. Actually, come to think of it if you can't rest your weight on your hands/wrists, you can also do all-4s but resting on your elbows/forearms, bum in the air. We used to do that at yoga class so it will be safe.

LOL @ taking to bed vs active labour... up till my due date I was the same. Last few days, I got to the stage where the discomfort outweighed the anxiety about LO's arrival and I started doing the things I should do.

crumpette I ate some cookies after to recover . Vent away. This thread may be useful for you to look back on and recall exactly how you're feeling now, after it all becomes a blur... may help you find the strength you need if you decide to end the relationship in the future. For now focus on you, getting healed down below and bonding with your precious baby
xx

flyingma good luck, hope the sweep kicks things off for you!

maygirl glad to meet another AP type! sometimes i fantasise that i'll be completely non-AP with the new baby, like formula feeding, own room from birth, cry it out every night, just so i can compare how they turn out!but obviously that's just an idle fantasy and i'll indulge her just as much as i have him. he certainly seems happy and lovely for it!

also v. jealous of the aerobics, i love aerobics and step but haven't been since early pregnancy. maybe i should. be happy to bring this baby on through music and dancing!

crumpette, you can add my DP to the list of people prepared to clock your DH, lol. i read him snippets of this thread sometimes (hope nobody minds!) and he was getting v. irate at your DH's behaviour. my long-term ex (14 years) was v. jealous and possessive, and you do end up just ditching your friends because it's just not worth the hassle. if you're in london maybe in a few months we could all have a london meet-up? be good to build a support network for if you are thinking of kicking him out...

showmethemummy i know what you mean about just wanting to spend all the time in bed. i'm trying to take it easy on myself re: going out of the house - just want to hibernate! but am also trying to make sure i don't spend all the time sitting on my backside - so i'm doing things like playing guitar hero (you have to stand!) and making cakes and clearing out cupboards. i also stand when on the internet most of the time - stops me staying on there for hours, and helps her get into the right position. i'm so scared she'll unengage and turn again!

today has been entirely about laundry. we already had a huge laundry mountain, and that was before DS started puking all over the bedsheets, waiting till i changed the bed, then puking all over the new ones, then all over the towels i put down to cover the now bare mattress.... so we're four loads in already and nowhere near done. may have to visit the launderette tomorrow - is it decadent to have a service wash?

we had an amby nature's nest for DS and will use it for DP. as i said we co-slept and will again, but it was great for naps or early bedtime till he came in with us. very soothing for him.

oops, i mean we will use the nature's nest for DD, not DP. he's quite skinny but he's certainly not that small!

Q:could it all be over now for skidoodle how exciting!

A: No! Not even close

Reported to Day Obstetrics at 8am this morning. Was second on the list for ELCS and two emergencies came in, so was waiting around until past noon.

Finally things were starting to move and a doctor came to scan me and guess what? The baby is head down! In the perfect position for a vaginal delivery!

So I then had to decide whether to just go ahead with the section or go home and wait to see if I would go into spontaneous labour.

It was a hard decision to make when I was weak with hunger and thirst after fasting from 10pm the previous night, and I tried not to let my desire for immediate lunch sway me too much

Anyway, in the end I decided, with help from DH, that since I had been so disappointed not to get to try for a VBAC, and since I had been so nervous about the ELCS, that I should go for what I seem to really want.

So home I went, to tell everyone I know that in fact, despite my assurances, there would be no baby today

I've agreed with the hospital that I won't be induced, and that if I get to 28th Jan and haven't gone into labour at that point, that will have an ELCS that day.

Thanks so much for all your support and good wishes. They mean a lot, even if given in vain.

crumpette I've not been on this thread much for months and I don't really know much of the problems going on between you and your DH, but this:

"and after she died I kind of stayed with him just incase having another baby would somehow bring her back because I missed her so much.."

might be the saddest things I"ve ever read on MN

I'm not sure it really stands up as a reason to stay with someone who sounds abusive.

Evening all - so much to catch up on and can only manage to retain a little bit of what I have read in my head
Crumpette You sound like a strong woman who has had to go through a hell of a lot to get to this point. I have no words to describe what I think of your DP. My heart goes out to you.

skidoodle yay on baby being in the right position to try for a VBAC - hope you get what you want - even though it must feel like a bit of anti climax tonight after working up to your ELCS today.

Hello everyone else. Am 38+4 today and went to see MW this am. All good - baby about 4/5ths. Occasional twinges but no other signs. Not sure if I will get as far as my ELCS on 27th Jan - what will be will be.

DH, DS and I went off to soft play after the hosp and then out for lunch. It was a really nice day. Still have loads to do to prepare -finish packing bags, make a few birthday cards (including one for DS who is 2 next Weds), wrap DS gifts (including the one from the baby for him), do some cooking for the freezer etc etc Just waiting for the nesting energy to kick in as feel like a giant slug at the moment and little energy to get much done.

p.s Ampster and Maygirl - I am far along the AP spectrum as well with baby wearing, occasional co sleeping and long term BF for DS. We never did cry it out or anything like that and it took him 12 months before he slept through. He is a lovely, affectionate little boy and I am pretty sure we won't do a lot different with number 2