Due Jan 2010 - we're all bump now !

[sazlocks]

Hi all - a new thread for all our new chat as teh old one is nearly full. No idea how to do a link though !

thanks, once i get used to the idea of never being wiht him again i will be fine, just the other night he said he would never leave me! so a bit of a shock, i personally think he has been feelign like this about me for a long time and i guess he was just waiting for an opportunity to show itself before getting rid of me so he can tell his friends and family that it was me. i dont mind and i have been thinking alot and i know i am not the easiest person to live with as i have lived alone for a while so am quite independant and like my own space and do find it hard adjusting to a man moving in and not living like i do ie putting dirty clothes in the wash basket and being pregnant has turned me into a miserable moody mad woman so i only hope he finds his ideal woman as it obviously is not me.

thanks annie, i know you are right and i have tried to not respond to his accusations and when i tell him to shut up i am not listening to this crap he then starts creating stories which he regales to me all night til i am so angry i retaliate nad it is hard not to when they are ranting in your face in bed. i told him last night that if that was what he really believed then to feck off. of which he packed his bags and left mumbling something about not being made a fool of anymore!!
i thought the last time he left when i said that would be it if he ever did it again but he obviously thinks he can walk away then when he feels i have suffered enough he takes me back (how lucky for me).
i already have forms filled out so will stick them in post for a house up north where my parents and family live.
i hate bringing this up as part of me knows he will convince me he has had another talk to himself and seen the error of his ways. i took my last partner back for 2 years but when i realised he would never change in that take father hood responsibly i decided enough was enough and tbh i dont think i could handle anohter year of this!

bethoo - a mistake you may have made in the past does NOT mean that you should be unhappy for the rest of your life. Please don't let him, or you punish yourself for it over & again.
If your children make mistakes or do bad things, you do not punish them forever about it, it's all part of the growing process. You are sad for the thing they did, but you love them and you move on. Please allow yourself the same courtesy. anniemac is giving excellent advise. Very un-MN ((hugs))

bethoo there is some really good advice on here.

My earlier post was referring to you having a bad night with your dd, I think we x-posted I hadn't meant to sound flippant.

I hope you sort this out in whatever way is best for you. I agree with anniemac that if he does come back you need to think carefully what you want to do. Be strong and make sure you and your children are sorted out as your first priority.

Bethoo - coming into this a little late but AnnieMac has given fantastic advice here and probably speaks for most of us.

FWIW, your DP sounds the mirror of my first husband! Trouble was, his jealousy also turned him violent and I can recall many episodes of actual fisticuffs between the two of us in the street... I wasn't one to give in and be beaten. He was a complete girl!!! Once I thought I was pregnant and he continually punched me in the stomach because I had obviously trapped him and it was probably some other bloke's anyway (!!). We were married for 10 months and I was 19 years old.

Think v v v carefully about your situation and FWIW I do not believe pregnancy is making you emotional over this. Its probably just the straw that broke the camel's back. Whatever happens and whatever you decide, you can still come here and rant to us!

x

Bethoo - he sounds very messed up and he is the one with a problem.

Everyone makes mistakes in life and the fact he brings it up all the time is to cover his own ongoing issues!

Right now you need to think about you, your children and unborn child. I would not waste any breath on him right now. He is a selfish " * b*..." for putting you through this right now. He can only be thinking about himself!

Find out what your options are, build a network of support and disconnect from him for now totally. He will be known as the one who desesrted you! If and when he comes to his senses then you can lay it on the line and tell him you are no longer going to allow his mental abuse to drag you down and constantly make you feel bad for your past. You and you children dont need this and derserve stability and love.

If he wanted to try again and you were up for it then it should be on your terms and only if he seeks help with his issues. Jealousy is a nasty illness and eats people up, he soundsed like he's twisted with jealousy and I'm not feeling sorry for him at all but that cant be nice either for him to live each day feeling so insecure about his partner... but remember that is NOT your fault or your problem. Its his and you can not change that only him.

So right now wipe him off your priority list and look after you and your growing family.

X x x X

thanks ladies and you are all so right, i guess i was starting to beleive hiim in that i am sneaky and untrustworthy! he says i have not changed but i have, i wanted to settle and give my children the stability they deserve. i guess i figured that at 32 withe 3 kids to 2 different dads will limit my own chance of a mate but i have got used to the idea and can focus on my kids as hopoing ot home educate depending on where i end up so will have to research that. when we met he said how his ex mentally abused him and sadly he has become the abuser in our relationship but does not see it.
i love him but know that he wopnt change as too set in his ways and beleifs!
oh well a new beginning for me, it is always exciting starting again though still frightening til you sort yourself out.
i have told my parents so they are ok and agree getitng on the council list is best and like annie and several others including rl it is best i dont move in anyway as i will be trapped there if it does not solve itself.
i have always worked so i think that will be my biggest challenge staying at home and being dependant on something else for money1 if i move near my parents i could even go to college or get a weekend or evening job.
sorry ladies jsut thinking aoud so to speak!
i am a tad depressed as feel as though my world has been ripped from under my feet but like i told my mum i will manage.
anyway hope everyone is ok, baby is moving alot and can feel body parts, probably bottom as she has been head down for a while now.
hopefully my water has heated up so gong ot have a hot bath!!!

Big hugs bethoo - I love your strong and positive attitude. I can tell you will be more than fine!

We're always here whenever you need to just vent or talk about it - anytime.

Enjoy your bath... if I was not so lazy I would have one myself, I just hate the hassle of drying my body - how lazy is that?

big hugs to you x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Hi bethoo how are you today?

I'm glad you have the support of your mum and also some friends in rl. I think it is good to build up your support networks and think about a birth partner then you can feel you are going forward and having some control over the situation.

As has been said before, we all make mistakes in our life, your not so dp doesn't exactly sound perfect does he? It really is a reflection on him not you that he is in a relationship that he feels is like that, he is obviously insecure.

Keep doing lovely things (like having a long, hot bath) and enjoying your children to help you realise that you are a worthwhile person and deserve better treatment.

Bethoo sounds like you are doing the right thing to me, no-one needs that kind of mental abuse. After all if you can't trust your dp to boost your self-esteem then they're probably not 'the one' iykwim. Life and society and hard enough to deal with, home should be your cave where the world can go jump.

Not really adding much to what's already been said by all but just adding my voice of support for Bethoo to try to stay positive and look after yourself and your kids.

It sounds obvious but what happened in the past is not something you have any control over now so it's pointless to beat yourself up over it and should not allow anyone to use it as a stick to beat you up with. You don't have any power over your future or your past, but you have power over how you feel here and now... so look after yourself and you will be in the right mental space to best look after your family.

Big hugs all round!!

Mama2b5 Meant to say, hon, that this isn't a competition to see who's worse than whom. You are entitled to come on here and have a moan about things coz I think it's something a lot of the DP/DHs struggle with! Little things build up and suddenly things seem emotionally unbearable. Better to vent a little at a time, methinks!!

Hi all

just thought i'd check in and see how everyone is.

sockmonkey hope your appointment went well and your arm is not too sore. Mine has only just gone down and I had jab two weeks ago. But no adverse reactions or feeling unwell and baby active as usual.

bethoo hugs

london nice to hear from you, any more thoughts on baby names.

Off to mw in an hour, so fingers crossed sugars will be back to normal.

Finally got my appointment through for my referral to new hospital on 30th Nov, its only been 3 months??. A two hour new pt assessment - what a shcok they're gonna have when I turn up 34wks for a booking appt.

thanks for the support ladies and i know that everything each of you has said is all true. i was in tears today thinking about all the things he has said and done and i think it only hits you how you have been treated with such little respect when you look at it from the outside. it was embarrassing sobbing to the ladies at the council housing office today as everytime i mentioned him i jsut welled up! i just hope they did not think it was a put on to get moved up hte council list!
had a look at shoes as that usually cheers me up but even that did not help!
but he is still standing by the ''dont want to share a bed with someone looking for ex fucks'' so the future i thought we had is looking obsolete.
hey ho....
hope everyone else is well. xx

aww Bethoo I dont know what to say im terrible at giving advice on this kind of situation, all I can say is its not good being with someone this jealous and you cant be miserable! I hope you manage to get away from him and be happy, we will all be here for you!

That saying I hardly ever pop on here well def not enough! How is everyone else?

Lottie are you out of hospital now?

Is anyone else finding their dream becomming more and more ?? Mine definately are!

aww annie whats keeping you awake? the constant trips to the loo or the not being able to get comfy with bump?

Just got back from having the SF jab (pandemrix) all fine although it doesn't fill you with confidence that the nurse tells you to wait for 10 mins in the overcrowded, over heated reception area to check you don't have any adverse reaction...so sat there feeling mildy nasueous wondering if that was an adverse reaction once I left I felt fine (think my maternity jeans are too tight).

Hi Bethoo - hope the days that pass you will just focus all your attention on your unborn child and your children and no more wasted energy on thisshall i call him a man!
Council housing is a good step you and your family are goin to need a place to live!

Flyinma - i hear what you said, i just feel bad to maoan about a sleepless night when others are going through such hard times!
on a good note my time at work is drawing to an end and i cant contain myself at all
and also my DH went out and bought me a small laptop to use while in bed its so cute and im so happy, for it was so unexpected although he did say leave it to him,when i saw adverts about laptops!its a toshiba and he has installed the software and im online and in bed!!! also not cooking he is sorting out dinner! YEHHHHHHHHHH - i really do believe im really blessed!aches and pains aside!