Due November 2009: Second trimester thread!

[turtle23]

New thread for you as it was geting a bit big...

grace congratulations on your lovely scan. How wonderful and you must be so relieved everything is ok!!
erika poor you, sweetie, but try not to feel too alone, we are all here! I think you have self-confidence issues - you will be amazed at how strong you are inside, especially when you are carrying a baby. It is also difficult for your partner so he is bound to need to "escape" with his mates every now and then - try not to be too clingy / demanding (Ha! Pot calling kettle black...) Men are funny, the more you try to get them to communicate and be suportive the more they withdraw. You are not alone, but many many mums and pregnant ladies are alone, and you need to remember that you CAN cope. When your tiny little new born is lying in yr arms looking up at you, all he will know is that his mummy will take care of him - and you will. We all will - to the best that we can do - we will all love our babies and give them what we have. You will not be "tested" beyond your capabilities - fate works like that.

erika although having said that, there are places you can get additional support and it does not mean you are a bad /weak / incompetent person if you ask for help - actually it is the opposite, it is very brave.

easyeggs awwwwww! I want a video!

Grace, congrats on your scan!

I had another Parma ham and Stinking Bishop sandwich today, so I expect to hear the wailing sirens of the pregnancy police at the door any minute... I am feeling a bit sick at the moment, but I expect that was the two huge slices of coffee cake I had before lunch (it's my birthday, hurrah!)

Am really, really pleased as I finally got a call from the midwife yesterday afternoon with my bloodwork results (including the chickenpox draw I've been worrying about) and she ALSO asked if I still wanted to meet with midwives for a debriefing over DS's horrible birth and the neglect which occurred then. I'm so frightened that the birth of this one will go the same way - I asked for this debriefing at the booking-in and again at the sixteen-week, and hadn't heard anything!

So I rang DH, delighted, to say that the midwife seemed to be getting stuff organised, and he sounded really smug. I finally clicked and asked if he'd called the hospital, and he said 'Well, I'm tired of listening to my wife waking up screaming from nightmares and then crying herself back to sleep. So yes, I rang up the hospital and bollocked them out thoroughly on my lunch break today. They said that there was a note on your file saying that a meeting needed to be arranged, but that nobody could do anything until the midwife finally sent off the official referral letter. So I shouted a bit, and they said they'd see what they could do.'

Seems ridiculous that it takes DH having a strop for stuff to get done, but apparently it does! Now, if only I could get that SPD physio appointment I asked for at the booking-in...

Oooh another birthday - Happy Birthday Tamlin!

Great news about having a midwife debriefing. I hope they can provide you with some reassurance. Well done your DH for his rant!!! It does work sometimes!!

I'm fighting the urge to sleep right now. DS2 is in bed and I am doing work but struggling.

Happy birthday Tamlin and well done on your DH for his rant. Sorry to hear you've been auffering nightmares about it all though, hopefully you can talk it through with them and get some resolution to your issues and concerns.

Glad it's not just me that eats from the forbidden list!

Happy birthday tamlin and that's great news you've finally got the debriefing thanks to your lovely hubby. I'm sure this will help you feel better about this lo's birth. sounds like you have been really traumatised and i'm sure they will not let anything like that happen this time.

becky i am struggling with tiredness today too, think it must be all the stress and excitement from yesterday catching up with me!

thanks dorisdaily wish i could have 12 weeks off work! i am 19 weeks so hopefully would be ok if did catch it

happy birthday Tamlin! Aren't we having a lovely celebratory week on here? Sorry you've been so stressed about the birth though. Hopefully the debriefing will put your mind at rest and allow you some closure on what happened last time. And well done to your DH for getting it sorted (I can't imagine mine thinking to do that in a million years!)

grace Hurray for the good scan and another little girl to add to our list! Yay.

erika I wouldn't hesitate to tell them that you want to keep up your therapy sessions. On the one hand, it's great that they have judged you're coping so well, but on the other hand, FFS, being pregnant must be the biggest period of upheaval a woman can go through, and I'm sure we all feel like we need a bit more, not less, help at the moment. I don't really know your circumstances, but to take away anyone's support during pregnancy just seems incredibly counterproductive to me!

Thanks everyone. I had a physcotic episode because I worked myself up so much but had a sleep and am just feeling numb now. I know the doctors say thats never a good way to feel, but its always a releif for me. My family are all home, which s good I guess in that all the times I've done some serious damage to myself I've been home alone, but my mother drives me bonkers. She'll ask me to talk about whats wrong, and if I'm honest - talk about the hallucinations, the voices, the paranoia - it just freaks her out!

I got an email from DP basically telling me to get a grip. I'd quote it, but I don't want to reopen the message and upset myself again. He asked what more I want from him, saying he's an okay boyfriend and wants to be a good dad. I don't know how to answer it, as I'm not sure what I do want from him. I don't think he quite understands, although I have told him, that he is my only social time. The idea of seeing him at the weekend gets me through the week, and the hope that he'll call me in the evening gets me through the day. I hate it, but its true. I just don't have any friends - lost my state school friends by getting a scholorahip for sixth form, lost my sixth form friends by getting admitted to a physc unit and becoming disabled, and lost virtually everyone else by falling pregnant. Most of the time being so alone doesn't bother me, but I wish he'd understand why it upsets me so much when he doesn't communicate.

Anyway... Rant over. I would say this all on one of the groups I run, but my family have decided that facebook stalking me is of course the answer to everything. Fab.

Grace - Congratulations, I'm so happy for you

Tamlin - Happy birthday, I hope you have a really fantastic day. I'm jealous of the coffee cake!

Dorisdaily - Thanks for that, I might pursuade my brother to push me down to the shop if thats the case!

Happy birthday, tamlin! Glad to hear that your husband had such a useful and nice birthday present for you, hopefully the next thing on his list is this physio appointment you are waiting for.
About the forbidden food list: I've had half a glass of champagne so far. I don't think that the occasional glass is harmful but I definitely think too much of it would (we all know what it does to us) It's a bit sad but for me, it doesn't make sense to have just one glass, it's either none or probably more than one (don't worry, I'm not an alcoholic). So I prefer to not drink at all.
I would sometimes fancy some forbidden food but I do feel guilty. In most cases probably nothing would happen but to know that there is a slight chance of getting toxoplasmosis or salmonellae .... I used to really love mousse au chocolat (and to prepare it for lots of occasions) but it has raw egg in it. It is always a risk but it is a huge difference if it would just be me being sick for a couple of days or harming someone else like having a premature birth...
In general, I agree with those of you who think that we are treated like children ("nanny state" was one of the first new expressions I had learnt when I moved to the UK ) but I completely disagree with statements like "a mother knows what is best for her child" or "a woman can do whatever she wants because it is her child". It has been my decision to have this child but it doesn't belong to me. I have to take decisions what is best for him/her as long as he/she has no choice.
Anyway, I'm sure, eating forbidden food will be ok... most of the time.

Hi everyone,
Just trying to catch up...
Well, spoke to soon by saying MS was gone... Thought the days of throwing up in my classroom sink were gone, but apparently not...
Hmm... Not sure I agree about French women eating all the forbidden foods! When I lived in Paris, I stayed with a family and the mum was pregnant - she was worse than me! Certainly wouldn't touch brie/camembert/parma ham etc, and wouldn't eat salad in restaurants. I think it's probably like here, where everyone's different.
Grace congrats on the little girl!! So exciting!
Can I ask, when you feel movements, is it ever quite low down? FOr the past week I have been feeling big 'bubbles' but really low almost at my pubic bone. Surely this is too low?!?!
Oh, and Happy Birthday Tamlin!!

katster sorry to hear that you are still suffering from MS, I'm sure it will soon be over. I think it is normal that you feel the baby so low. You are due in the second half of Nov, isn't it? So you're whole uterus is still under your belly button. I felt it always on the right side (somewhere between belly button and pubic bone), I was already worried that I am not quite symmetric. But since about a week, I have felt it already everywhere and it is definitely getting stronger.

Hi all, just briefly. Spoke too soon, think Mum is attempting to stalk me on here as well. Name change to IsisNeferatri.

katster - I hope it eases off soon! Cramberry juice helped me, if thats worth anything And I second what ursigurke has said about the uterus being low down at the moment, my midwife told me the same thing. In fact the first time she caught the heart beat, she was virtually on my public bone. I'm due around the same time as you.

Katster so sorry too to hear you're still suffering. I feel it quite low as well like little bubbles.

I'm feeling sorry for myself just now: DH has been working so hard I hardly see him (he leaves at 7am, back at 7.30pm, eats his tea and then at his computer until after I've gone to bed - gone midnight). He's away this weekend with some friends and he's going to be at work next weekend for at least one of the days (as well as being at work all week). I hate his job sometimes but if I moan he takes it personally like I am moaning at him. Also I feel I can't rant about it to him as I do feel sorry for him being so busy and I don't want to add to his stress by being hostile but I sooo hate his job. Rant over now. Sorry guys!!! I should be grateful that he has a job I know and I am. But I sometimes just want to stamp my feet like a toddler and go 'its not fair!'.

Sorry you're having a bad moment Becky. Its okay to resent it and feel grateful at the same time - if it wasn't I'd be tottally buggered with the whole pregnancy situation I hope you feel a little better soon.

I feel better already for just having a rant! There's nothing like a good rant to help put things in perspective.

BBL - just wanted to say, that's what this thread is for, rant here, don't make your poor husband feel bad. And actually if he only hates his job "sometimes", that's good. So many people have to work in jobs they really hate.
Is there any chance you could have a quick lunch with him during the week sometimes? I had lunch with my husband today and it was really nice. Obviously not too much time but still an unexpected nice moment.

I don't want to make him feel bad but I did need to vent here to stop me getting upset when he got home Lunch is a lovely idea Ursigurke but sadly not really feasible as he works in B'ham and we live in Shrewsbury and DS2 is at nursery until 11.40am. I did once take the DSs down on the train to meet him during half-term on his birthday and that was really nice - we all sat and ate cake with his co-workers. He actually does hate his job most of the time (more so than he admits to me I fear) but in this climate and with a DS or DD coming along there's no point him looking for something elsewhere. Plus he has no time to look! Poor guy. Well he's getting meatballs and pasta for tea, that should cheer him up

lemontop take it from me - if your baby's not ready no amount of reflexology is going to induce labour (the voice of bitter experience)

Speaking of forbidden things in pg - I had a bit of a foray onto a bouldering wall today whilst on a school trip. I just couldn't help myself (but did sensibly draw the line at wearing a harness and going on the big wall, and going on the trampoline for that matter). Did really well, only a couple of small climbs, but my pelvis is shouting at me tonight (was fine at the time!)

I had a very watered down Bailey's last night too if it makes anyone feel any better.

Didn't realise parma ham was a no-no

LO is kicking away these days and I am HUGE compared with what I was like with DD.

BBL I sometimes hate my DH's job too. He gets in gone 7, and I am so sleepy by 8 (I know - I am truly pathetic!), we hardly seem to speak in the week. But obviously am grateful he has a job, and on the plus side, he loves his job - it's just what he wanted to do, so I should be grateful for that. I think it's 'cos I leave so early, and he gets back late, our working hours don't work too well together! Usigurke when we lived in Cheltenham DH and I worked 5 minutes away and used to meet for lunch everyday and it was soooooo nice - I loved it. Do you work close to your DH?
Ooooo am so glad everyone else is feeling bubbles lowdown - maybe I am not insane after all
Erika well done for the retort at the ignorant bit*h today - who did she think she was?!?!

Is anyone else getting fed up of personal comments made by people they don't really know?! EG, is it normal that parents of children I teach feel they can pat my tummy constantly, then laugh when I say I am not due 'til November as apparently I look like I have swallowed a watermelon?? And just people who stare at your tummy constantly?! Is that just me possibly being hyper sensitive? Grrrr, I think it probably is!

Katster that you still have ms.

Thankfully no one touches me to do so would be a weird invasion of personal space, but I do get the "you are so huge" comments...

but then I do have some lovely male work colleagues who always ask how I am in the nicest way and I am so grateful to work with them.

My rant - and this is a me me me post - a pregnancy travelling tale ... after 30 minutes of waiting for a bus I decided to cab it home (it is only a £5 ride away and I could have walked as it is probably only a 15 min walk even at my snail pace, but as it was 8pm, I had a longish day at work left walking shoes in the office so I thought I would treat myself.

I hail a cab and realise as I am travelling that I might not have enough cash, and that what I do have is all shrapnel so I ring ahead to DH and ask him to get money ready and to come out, and I explain this all to the cabbie.

When I arrive home DH has a slight delay coming out the door as he is cooking dinner and had something bubbling on stove.

The Cabbie says it is £5 quid, the meter reads £5.20. I tell my DH it is £5, before paying the money my DH also asks the cabbie how much the cab is. The cabbie says £5. DH pays and runs back inside to the stove.

As I am getting out of the cab, and I am a bit slow getting up and getting my bags, the cabbie berates me in a sarcastic manner for not paying him 20 p or any tip for the waiting time and starts going off. I feel like crying but don't, and I do offer to pay the 20p but he drives off. So now I feel like having a blanket ban on tipping black cab drivers (irrational I know). I am so annoyed that he didn't try his rubbish with my DH standing there.

Anyway I get in the door and then transfer my stress and rant at DH saying he didn't come out quick enough and left me with a weirdo , but all ok now and I realise I was being wound up by nothing.

After this very long rant I can now enjoy my pasta in peace, although I do wonder how I am going to deal with sleepless nights unless I learn how to avoid sweating the small stuff!

oops - my post was way too long over zip.

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Tamlin
Happy Birthday to you

Arrived home from work to solicitors letter from ex. Apparently I am breaking his access order. Grrrrr

I hate that he can hide behind a solicitor rather than deal with his sons needs.

happy birthday tamlin. Hope you've had a great day.