Due April 2009: Episode 23 -There's no business like show business!!!

[SmuttyNuttyTaff]

Here we go

Show business may be good business but can we get on with some birthing business now please!!

I'm now going to have a mini-rant.

DH got something out of his bag & I glimpsed the corner of a copy of 'Nuts'. Now, assume that I'm being totally light-hearted & fine until I say otherwise. Nearly all of my friends are blokes & I find lads mags quite entertaining in an 'oh my God, she's so ugly, why does she get paid to get her boobs out just because she put plastic in them? Can nobody see that they're fake / CAN NOBODY SEE HER HEAD? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HER HEAD?!' sort of way. & over the years of sitting in pubs / hanging around the boys dorms on school trips (not like that ), I've seen quite a few. I'm not offended by them on principle.

Actually, I find it strange that people still pay for these things when there are countless boobs for free on the internet, but that's just me being boring I think

You know what? I can't really be bothered to rant. I just ranted at my sister & feel much cheered. The main point is that he kept lying to me about when he bought it (he said January last year, but when I said that I wanted to read it because I was bored & he was doing stuff on his laptop, & he very reluctantly gave it to me without the cover which I then asked for, I saw that it said January 2009.

& then he lied about it, even when I was saying things like 'Do you really think that I'm going to believe that you bought this less than 3 months ago, yet don't remember buying it? & you really thought that it could've been in your bag for 15 months, not 3? & that it's pure coincidence that you didn't want to give me the magazine? Then tried to give it to me without the cover?'

& after about half an hour of on / off debating, he's admitted that he was lying. Which proves my previous suspicions that he can really very easily lie to my face. Persistently. Despite overwhelming evidence stacked against him.

So whilst I can now see the funny side of the incident itself (& have casually cast the magazine aside, cover up, after I'd finished reading it - I think he can feel it burning a hole of shame into his face where it's staring at him ) I'm left with serious trust issues. That I've known existed for a while, but I always had an element of doubt.

AIBU? Is it really not a big thing? I mean I know that he was probably just embarrassed & it's not like he's slept with any of these women or whatever. But he can KEEP lying to me without any difficulty. I don't like that at all

(I'm really much happier than I was - I'm not upset anymore & not all , I just don't know if I'm being stupid or not.)

Trista, if I ever try to make things I end up in a sobbing heap on the floor because I get so frustrated & disheartened by my own inability to function as a normal human being, never mind one with any sort of creativity or skill

The lying would upset me, but the magazine wouldn't. There are trust issues here which you 2 should maybe have a talk about just to stop things blowing up out of control.

The main problem I have with the magazine is that he bought it the weekend he spent the night with his awful ExGF - when they went to the pub together & he went back to her house. I don't know if you all remember that, but I wasn't at all happy about it.

I don't like the combination of that & the purchase of a wank mag.

The magazine itself I wouldn't have a problem with, although my own body-confidence is obviously not exactly sky-high at the moment & it makes me a little bit uncomfortable in that respect, when it wouldn't normally. I found it really quite funny until the lying.

Darn it, I missed a thread end. I have been out all day.

I finally got a HIP grant form. Woohoo. The receptionist was laughing at how happy I was.

Off to catch up.

Thank God for that & yay for the HiP form! They really are like gold dust!

Springy - why did he lie about it - did you resolve that? such a silly thing to lie about tho seems bizarre!!

He said he was embarrassed & was trying to save face. He has apologised & stuff, but I just feel really let down. I wasn't shouting at him, saying ' Why do you have that?' or anything. I was laughing & joking with him about it, right up until he denied all knowledge when I had the cover in my hand. Even when I had to ask for the cover separately & I knew it must be more recent, I was still just laughing & teasing him. He had no reason to lie. & yet he did. For ages. & tried to make me feel stupid about it by consistently claiming not to know what I meant.

& it really proves that it doesn't matter how much evidence I have - he can still sit & look me in the eye & without so much as blinking tell me a pack of lies.

Boff - A show, how excitng.

Love the new thread title.

BB - I only had a show right before I was in established labour.

Nice one Schulte, Bepanthan, of course. They recommend that for looking after new tattoos.

Dungungirl - Hi. Good to hear from you. Good luck for the next scan.

Ju - I'll take the biggest baby slot if you like. It would mean that of the 38 pounds I have gained, more is baby and not fat arse.

Posting for now, more catch up later.

Springy - you need to sit him down for a chat, I think... really sorry, but if you don't address this issue now it's going to keep cropping up and will drive you mad. I know - was in the same boat for a while...

Springy, loads of blokes look at lads mags and porn. They are biologically programmed to seek out visual variety and pneumatic breasts. If you put them in a room with any of these bimbos they would be scared to death most probably. So it's best to be amused rather than self-conscious or angry about soft porn and tit related pictures IMO. It's like women and chocolate on the psychological level, blokes getting off on silly girls prancing about in the nuddie. It doesn't mean they fancy us any the less.

However the trust/lying thing is getting to be a habit so it's time for a stern word along the lines of the following.

1. You are married.
2. He can tell you anything, and indeed he is supposed to tell you everything.
3. You are a safe environment for him to tell things to and you will not be too shocked or rollock him.
4. You promise to be honest with him too. It's a two-way street.
5. He can ask you anything about your life, eg what is going on on MN, and you promise to tell him.
6. If he is dishonest or less than straightforward he might lose you, because this cripples relationships in the end.

PS I ditched a bf of some years standing because he lied like this all the time. He must have thought I was a total idiot - he would forever tell me any old thing, even if there was no need to lie at all. He lives with an ugly hag of a woman now and has no assets. Ha.

Oh springy it just seems so bizarre and silly to lie about but you are right, it is the blatant deception and ease of it that is an issue. (nuts isn't even porn, it's just funny!)

Maybe just bring it up a bit later and say you don't want to row about it but you are concerned at the fact that he lied to you about something so silly so easily and it makes you question what else he is lying to you about. You understand that you are hormonal etc but the little lies make things worse. Boys are rubbish and will go for the easy option but you need to make him realise that you can be nothing but honest with each other.

me and DH had a similar conversation quite early on because of stupid little white lies and after a phenomenal row it just resolved itself - to the point where we are probably now too honest with each other!

My point is I don't think you are being unreasonable but I do think you need to solve the problem asap as these small things are building up and making you more silly - by themselves they are silly and insignificant but culminate to a bigger issue that needs to be resolved!

not you more silly, you more suspicious!

I'm really not that bothered about the magazine in itself (the only thing is the possible link to him spending the night with his ex, which is a bit uncomfortable, but not disastrous).

& I have said those things to him, Boff. I don't keep things from him at all. I always say that I'm his wife & that I won't judge him for stuff because I love him & blah blah blah. That he has no reason to be embarrassed about things with me & so on. & he always says he understands & apologises & says he won't do it again. & lo & behold...

& it really is that he seems to think that I'm stupid! He doesn't seem to be able to hear himself & realise how daft he sounds. A child wouldn't believe half of what he says.

& at the ugly hag & no assets.

They're probably making me more silly too

Well, Springy, then it's ultimatum time IMO. Would you go that far?

Not at the moment... But potentially, yes. I can't live with him & not trust him to tell the truth about little things. I'm hoping he'll grow up & stop being stupid about it...

Well, you never know.

Hi all

Quick one as DD is here wanting attention. Do you remember what Boff's advice was re. chickenpox? I know I had them when I was very little but now there's been a case in DD's nursery and not entirely sure whether me and LO are safe if she gets it? Any ideas? If she DOES get it it will be just around the birth as well - such bad timing!

Avoid like the plague, I think was boff's advice! or at least seek medical advice - you will need to keep new baby away from them!

Around the birth you need very special medical advice and attention, and the baby may need anti-virals (bf does not protect sufficiently well). Always tell your GP if you are in this position.

Give your me a call in the morning and see what they say.