why do people judge us young mums?

[youngmumtobe]

im 19 and due to have my first baby on the 24th march but im being induced on the 12th. i always get judged by people as i dont look my age. wheneva i go out people stare and make comments it realy makes me paranoid.i dont get why people judge without knowing our situation i mean im still living at home and plan on stayin here for a good few years. im going back to college and work after iv had baby as i hate being on benifits.i just dont get why we are judged we make good mums aswell just coz we are young it dont mean we not gna be as good as a older mum.

Ok hate to point this out again but the spelling comments were rude and not called for. It was also very childish and nasty. The op came on looking for advice and to talk, and what a lovely reception some of you gave her. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

OP, I was 20 when I had my dd. I wont lie, it's hard. It's also hard for a 30 or 40 year old mum though. Age has nothing to do with how.... prepared you can be for motherhood imo. You have to experience it to get to know the 'how' if that makes sense.

When I was pregnant I was aware of the fact that people looked at me, I was 19 at the time. It bothered me, it upset me. Then I had dd and got on with things, and now if anybody is looking - I don't notice lol.

Dd will be 2 in May, it's flown by! I'm doing the second year of my degree at the minute with the hope of going into teaching in a few years. It's tough but managable. Having a baby should never stop you from doing things, it just takes a bit longer to get stuff done.

If you ever need to chat give me a shout. Best of luck, you'll do fab.

I remember when i was pregnant with dd1, the midwife had a student in with her - she made some comment to me about contraception after the birth - i said i wasn't in a relationship - she turned to her student said, "oh, another one who will turn up in a few years time pregnant by a different bloke" I couldn't speak i was so shocked.

Now of course, considering the underside of my personality, i would have had her up against the wall and throttled her - well no actually, i would have made a formal complaint and made sure she was disciplined.

Yeah, i did get pregnant again by another man - 15 years later!!! Just after i finished my PhD!!

youngmumtobe, I'm glad you were brave enough to come back here after last night (LEM, I thought you were great, btw ) and you did absolutely the right thing to ditch your baby's dad when he got violent. If only more women had your sense!

I'm away again now, but may drop in later. All the best. xoxoxo

One of the things i noticed when i was pregnant with DD1 was the other mums who were much older didn't talk to me, that was at ante-natal groups. I stopped going and got a bit of a chip on my shoulder about it. But to be entirely fair, it was probably because as a 38 (OMG im nearly fucking 40) woman, i have a DD of 18 and i just don't have that much in common with 18 year olds so probably wouldn't find that much to talk about and i imagine it is vice verse.

They didn't have groups for young mums back then - but they do now, maybe you could get involved in something like this.

Thanks oldlady! Stock cubes are the work of Satan

some nice supportive threads from young mums.nothing like experiential knowledge.

Youngmumtobe - I have just read the whole thread and i think its disgusting what people have said to you! I have only just discovered this website and i hope not all the people on here are so judgemental. I am also a young mum, I had my first DS when I was 18 and my second DD when i was 20. i am now 21. I have been with my husband for nearly 6 years now and i still get nasty looks and comments thrown my way even though im married and my husband works fulltime. It is hard being a young mum especialy as alot of my friends don't have children, but i can honestly say its the best thing i have ever done! With regards to people judging you, they're not worth even thinking about. It is hard to ignor it sometimes, but you're not the only young mum out there and im sure you'll do a great job, congratulations in advance hope it all goes smoothly!

hiya, i dont get dirty looks or refused the right to buy disposable razor blades although im 22 with 2 kids (dd at 20, ds at 22) so just be grateful that you obv dont look as old and haggard as i do!!

and to all those criticising im a sahm through choice as i feel its important for kids to have a mum caring for them in their home and my dh works hard, sometimes very hard to make sure that we can afford to do that

ewe i didnt realise you were 21, you looked so sophisticated and classy when you were pg!

hi ymtb i was a teenage mum and this is my story ,

i was pg at 16 had dd just after my 17 bday i was with dd father for 4 yrs but spilt with him when dd was 18 months as he was a drug addict and was spending all our money .

i then went to college to train as a firefighter which i completed (yes for all you out there i was on benifits as i had no gcse because my mum kicked me out while i was at school and i was living in hostals and had all my school books nicked).

i then meet and fell inlove with my dp and and now we have a 21 month dd and were engaged and he has took on my first dd on as his own.
ymtb good luck on the birth of your baby and congratulations on finding a good man to support you and your baby theres not alot out there xxx

oh yeah its not just teenage mums on benifits i know alot of 30 + mums on them to .