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Due April 2009 - Farewell nausea and all things ghastly, our boobs and bumps are growing vastly.

1000 replies

PuzzleRocks · 29/10/2008 15:01

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
NuttyTaff · 20/11/2008 18:53

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SpringySunshine · 20/11/2008 18:59

Thank you Nutty

Sorry to hear you're in pain - are you being well looked after?

& it doesn't sound awful at all. It's rubbish being restricted in what we can do / wear / eat / drink - especially when the weather's so crap, the days are so short & everyone else is buying gorgeous party dresses & Christmas parties are about to get into full swing. Gutted.

At least we'll have lovely spring babies, won't be too huge & sweaty like we would be in the summer & will feel more able to leave our little ones with someone else for a few hours by next Christmas

BoffinMum · 20/11/2008 19:00

Just wanted to send you a special champagne chocolate truffle, from my new box. I am not sharing them with anyone else.

It's hard being pregnant sometimes. Really hard. The advertising is misleading. However I know for a fact that things get better when you see your little baby, and having kids brings satisfaction and pride, and a warm fuzzy feeling inside. I know in my bones you will feel this too.

Hang in there, Frekkles xx

NuttyTaff · 20/11/2008 19:09

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SpringySunshine · 20/11/2008 19:11

I know - I make myself sound like an alcoholic & I'm really not. I don't even know anybody to properly go out drinking & dancing with within 2 hours of here, but the fact that I can't makes me really want to

Gemzooks · 20/11/2008 19:13

frekkles, I think babybolat and springy's advice is good. You have got a lot to deal with and you are doing very well, don't beat yourself up. It sounds like you've done a lot for your ex, and you're clearly a caring person, but he's not your responsibility. You and the baby are the number one priority now. Do you have a nice sister or cousin you could just go out for a drink with and have a good old chat about it all? You have us, of course!! Being pregnant is hard even in the most easy circumstances, so you are doing really well!

Nutty, hope you recover soon, poor you!

boffinmum, can I have just one truffle?

on the seasonal thing, I have to say it was probably better being pregnant at the opposite time of year, (conceived Jan, birth in October), I never found the heat too bad and you had the benefit of being able to wear most ordinary summer dresses, whereas in winter you have to have actual maternity clothes. Also seem to have got all the winter colds and bugs going this time, last time spring was coming and felt more energetic. Oh well. Determined to enjoy every second because this will be the last time, it's all very short when you think about it..

I feel a bit confused about how to clean a girl's bits after having DS. I suppose it's what you're used to.

AuldAlliance · 20/11/2008 19:29

Frekkles, I have got DS off to bed at last.

I just wanted to echo what others have said.

Don't give yourself a hard time about your ex. You have to work through your own grief at that relationship not working, have to establish some kind of new, distant relationship with your ex, and have to try and adjust to an unexpected pregnancy. That's more than enough for one person to cope with. You cannot shoulder someone else's grief, no matter how much you might feel you should.

What I was trying to say earlier was that maybe hiding the pregnancy is contributing to your distress; I know that actual events are often far less terrible than I think they're going to be,and after putting them off for ages I think I should have got on and done them sooner.

People will have to know, your bump will show and so will your beautiful baby when (s)he arrives, so you might as well tell them now than later. If you're usually a gin and fags person, they may well have noticed. Loads of my friends smirked when I said I was pregnant, as they'd spotted my inhabitual teetotalling.

Will your housemates throw you out when they discover your pregnant? If they do, they're not worth sharing with. That's the very worst scenario, and even then you can find other accommodation, alone or with more helpful housemates.

Pregnancy is always a time of huge uncertainty and questioning, even if it's planned and takes place in a settled relationship, and to have all these question marks about other people's feelings and reactions can only make that ten times worse. What's vital now is that you get yourself into a position where you have settled, happy accommodation at least until the baby is a few months old, with supportive people around you, and you can then focus on you, your wants and needs. Once you've worked them out, then you can build on your relationships with others. This isn't selfishness, it's the minimum requirement for you to ensure that your baby and you start things off in the best possible environment.

Where are you? I have a vague feeling you're in Edinburgh, but don't know why. I'm from there, will be there over the Christmas period if you want a chat over a Ribena (!). (If you're in Hertfordshire and I've got it all wrong, ignore me!)

mathsmummy27 · 20/11/2008 19:32

Thanks for the truffle - lovely

Frekkles, lots of good advice here. You are not alone, and you will get through this and be a great mum. Don't be a stranger

frekkles · 20/11/2008 19:43

thank you all so much for your kindness, I'm really touched.Everyone, you are lovely to support me. I agree, lots of good advice. All stuff i know and am trying to act on, just wobbling big time today. feel a bit like Im going mad here, trying so hard to keep things together and falling apart all the time. Such a weird thing to not feel as strong and capable as I usually do. Find it difficult to deal with the feeling shitty all the time, when i'm trying so hard to be strong and positive. Today was full of plans, and then just felt so wiped out and sick and my back and tummy hurted. does everyone else still feel rubbish or is it just me? I thought we were in the good trimester?

puzzlerocks, nice to hear that someone has got out of the other side. I keep doubting it's possible, but I'm continuing to work on it. in my head, my plan says that i've to tell my ex and my housemates at the end of the month. how and when i don;t know.

I do know I want this baby very much. I've spent most of my ife thinking I'd never be a mum, and when I left my ex at 33 years old I thought that I'd blown my last chance of kids. So i know i'm lucky. makes me feel so guilty for spending the first half of my pregnancy feeling so bad.

Yes I am usually a gin and fags and more kind of girl. I've completely withdrawn from my social circle since I've been pregnant, as I didn't want anyone to know before my ex and couldn't think of how to explain my abstinence. Everything feels very new and strange. I want to tell my friends, but I'm also scared. My housemates are lovely people. I hope so much that they are supportive and nice to me. I really want to be able to relax soon and have a nice christmas. This year has been so so difficult. I just want some peace.

would love a ribena AA xx

gingersarah · 20/11/2008 20:09

frekkles, you are such a hero dealing with all this.
many wiser than me on on this thread, but i just want to say that i really understand how hard it is to come out and say you are pregnant and it can feel like a mountain. people say, "just tell them" and they really don't get it - it can feel physically impossible. all the same, it is true that telling people will make everything easier and lighter, even the sickness and the tiredness is easier if you aren't carrying the secret. even if they hate to hear it as much as you imagine (most won't) you will feel a thousand times better. so here is what I had to do. practise. make the sentence, "I am having a baby" (or whatever words you choose). say it. aloud. in the mirror. again. even though you can't stop crying. say it 20 times, then give yourself a break, go for a walk, forget the whole thing, then ambush yourself by not telling yourself that you are going to pick the phone up and do it. don't think twice, speeddial the number and when he picks up say, "i have to tell you something" as quick as you can before you are in a conversation about him. then tell him without giving yourself a choice. The hard part is over. best of best of best of luck.

conkertree · 20/11/2008 20:14

freckles - read your post and was ready with a reply, and then babybolat, springy and the others pretty much said everything I would have said only better.

I really do agree though that its inevitable that people will know soon, so why not just break the misery and tell them asap? obviously i dont know your friends, but I cant imagine turning my back on a friend because she's pg - would hope they would be supportive and help you get back to being excited by it.

echo all thats been said about your ex - hard though it is to not feel some responsibilty, it really isnt up to you to make him happy - you can support him in any way you can, but you cant be his partner just to make his life easier.

things always work out in the end - and this will too whether its with the new partner or not - as others said, we are always here for a chat.

I'm a gin girl too. And wine and the odd whisky now you come to mention it.

conkertree · 20/11/2008 20:16

ok sorry - just did what gingersarah said not to sorry - I know it will be very hard, but you never know - maybe they've already guessed? I know some people have noticed my bump when I;ve thought it wasnt very obvious.

conkertree · 20/11/2008 21:18

sorry again - i have competely killed the conversation [crawls off to hide behind the sofa]

SpringySunshine · 20/11/2008 21:33

Oh conker, come out. I'm so sleepy. Come & sit on the sofa with me & watch naff tv until other people come back to chat.

conkertree · 20/11/2008 21:54

thanks springy - my legs were getting sore for crouching down there for so long.

am watching i'm a celebrity - trashy tv if ever there was some.

lo is kicking lots after a very quiet week though so that's nice.

Why are you so tired? usual pregnancy tiredness or extra?

SpringySunshine · 20/11/2008 22:27

DP won't let me watch that, even though Kilroy's on it. I wanted to see him without his too-perfect hair.

I'm watching 8 Out Of 10 Cats now.

It's mostly pregnancy, I think. Thursdays are always my busiest days uni-wise, but I helped DP do his Christmas shopping in town earlier & missed my nap (yes, I usually have a 2-3 hour nap ) so I'm really suffering now. I usually sleep about 12+ hours a day & still can't wait to get to bed each night. I'm terrified of how huge this baby is going to be with the amount it makes me eat & sleep.

How much are you all sleeping? I'd not really considered it until I realised how tired I am without my nap

tristaleejac · 20/11/2008 22:54

frekkles - I feel for you I really do. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. Please remember that however bad it gets, we are all here. I am going this alone, my ex has only been my ex for just over a month. He has decided cannabis is more appealing than a family. Every day I get more angry at him. Anyway what I'm saying is, it's terrifying for me to. I'm alone too and scared. How about we all help each other out? I know that at the end of every day, whether it has been good or bad, I can come on here and there are lots of people, all around the same stage of pregnancy as me, all with very different lives, who will be willing to listen, or share what has happened to them. It's a lovely little bit of sanity that lets me know that I'm not totally alone, and I will get through this.
Your ex is fighting a personal battle right now. Please don't feel guilty for this. You are not responsible for his actions.
I'm not saying you have to do this but I am a big supporter of Samaritans. They do not judge, they don't offer advice, they just listen. It's a chance to let you talk through all your worries and fears with a confidential, anonymous person. I find it helps people to gather their thoughts better in their own head, which gives them a bit more control, which in turn gives them a bit more strength. You can phone them and they do not judge. Forgive me if that is wrong advice but from personal experience, I know they can be amazing.

NuttyTaff · 21/11/2008 11:23

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SpringySunshine · 21/11/2008 11:55

I think that might be it for me as well, to be honest. I do spend a lot of time in bed, but it's mostly snoozing rather than proper sleep. It's uncomfortable & DP is awful to share a bed with. He's also taken to waking us both up at about 6am with 15-20 very loud sneezes in quick succession. It's not at all irritating

OddEyes · 21/11/2008 13:20

me again! hope all well!

freckles - sorry for your worries. ditto advise of girls; talk it out with ex, flatmates, friends and us - there are lots positives you and you are missing out on some of them until you are open with folk. praying you feel lighter and less anxious soon and able to enjoy your miraculous lo

I am still in bed, have to get out to docs this afternoon with ds after week of bed rest. MIL went home this morning and dh meant to be home early. have to get to docs though as need note for next week's absence. my lungs are still full of gunk.

just found this article

have a facing me quinny but the next is going to have to be in a p&t - oh well guess that is where 2nd child syndrome starts!

NuttyTaff · 21/11/2008 14:25

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OddEyes · 21/11/2008 14:32

no dh asked for me this morn, have to be seen, got proper appt now though rather than having to sit in the horrid emergency que, at 7pm so dh home.
welcome by the way NuttyTaff.
we are all going to have to say where our names came from when this is all over!

gingersarah · 21/11/2008 14:55

conkertree - I didn't mean "don't say that!" at all!
Frekkles - hope you are ok, come back and tell us how you are feeling. maybe you need to talk if you haven't told anyone IRL.

Trivial moan: I HATE people telling me what I can and can't have - workmates in the pizza place saying, "no wine for you, then" gleefully. NOT YOUR CALL. Also, while I'm at it, stop analysing my figure; I don't talk about yours. I'm pregnant, not on a rotating plinth in a display case with a feeding tube marked "viewers, please select what the preggers woman gets - she no longer has a choice".

GRRR. That is all.

BoffinMum · 21/11/2008 15:57

Springy, I have been in a jacuzzi with Kilroy. Twice. It was very pleasant. Luckily he was wearing shortish surfer style trunks rather than Speedos. That would have been altogether too scary.

Gingersarah, I had a half of IPA this lunchtime and intend to have a further unit tonight when we're out, probably in wine form. People should mind their own business when it comes to pregnant ladies drinking lightly. Coca cola is surely worse for us?

frekkles · 21/11/2008 16:36

hello, i feel a bit better today. saw my midwife this afternoon and was able to listen to bambino's heartbeat, which was reassuring that despite my denial and sadness that the little one is doing away fine in there. I had a really early night and then slept unitl midday today too so feel more rested. The midwife said that i'm probably having a hormone surge this week, as I'm so tired, sick, over emotional and really spotty. It's like PMT every day! wahey!

thanks so much for all your kindness. I'm likely going to tell my ex next weekend, and the flatmates the week after, so shall be trying to build up strength meantimes. May be around a fair bit to rant and moan at you if that's OK.

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