Due April 2009 - Farewell nausea and all things ghastly, our boobs and bumps are growing vastly.

[PuzzleRocks]

Ha ha NuttyTaff- my reservations about having a boy are in a similar vein. I think DH would expect his son to be circumcised but I prefer not to tamper. As far as I can see if there is nothing wrong with it then leave it alone. I'm sure it was built like that for a good reason.

i think now that i have a ds - it would be harder with a girl cause as far as I understand you have to clean in one direction to avoid spreading bacteria - with a boy you can just wipe away in any old direction and its pretty easy.

I had very strong feelings that it was a girl this time (although again not sure if its wishful thinking) - although a boy would be great too of course.

Definite lines on face, greasy hair this time and not much sickness whereas great hair and skin, lots of sickness last time - so again will be interesting if it is a dd as will show some signs of being different from last time at least.

Yes Conkertree it's probably a little trickier ensuring you get it all clean, but there is no projectile weeing when you change a girl's nappy .

thats true - and no averting your eyes when you take off the nappy and find that ds has been having a very pleasant dream -that was certainly a surprise to the system.

LuLu - weirdly, I can't imagine that I am growing a little willy inside me (if it is a boy!) it really freaks me out - having had two very young cousins, I find boy bits easier to clean than girls (as there are less bits for it to sneak in to!!!)

Hmmm roll on 16/17 weeks and I can finally find out!

LuLu - DH also wants boys circumcised - I have agreed but point blank refuse to go and do it - if he wants it done, he can take the poor child and deal with the tears - I just couldn't look at my little boy's face when they do that to him!!!

BabyBolat - you had better get your DH to take the baby to its innoculations too. The look of reproach and horror on DD's face the first time was awful (now I turn her so that she is facing the nurse instead of me).

And LOL at BabyConkerTree's pleasant dreams. My friends say their little boys were all v. quick to become 'better aquainted' with their willies in the bath.

I still haven't decided whether or not to find out what this one is. I think I prefer the surprise, but at the same time I am enormously curious!

I didn't find out at my 20 week scan and while it is driving me crazy now, I am kind of looking forward to the surprise!

LuLu - I think I will have to!

With DD I had to have lots of scans right up to the end and each time I managed NOT to ask what the baby was. Can't understand why I am so impatient this time! Because honestly I don't have a preference (I can't think of a name for either gender at the moment!)

hello, not been around for a while, but thought i'd pop in as i realy need some sympathy.

feeling really crappy today, feeling really sick and tired and achey back and the pressure of not having told hardly anyone that I'm pregnant yet is really getting to me. It's getting harder and harder to hold my bump in and i'm feeling a bit worried that I'm pyschologicaly messing myself up by keeping it secret. But also I'm utterly terrified about telling people. it's going to cause so much stress and upset and hurt that I can't quite get my head round it all. feel so alone though

having a good old cry

Oh frekkles -don't cry! {Baby Bolat is sending you hugs and brownies!!}

Really sorry if you have said before but why will it upset people?

Don't feel alone - you have us!!!

Frekkles, I'm so sorry to read your post.

I don't know either why you're not telling people, but that decision is yours, like so many (or indeed all) aspects of your pregnancy.

Maybe the consequences won't be as dire as you imagine? And if they are, maybe they won't get lighter by being postponed, and once you have got over that hurdle you can really live your pregnancy.
It sounds as if you are putting real pressure on yourself... We're all behind you if you need support and help.

I don't usually do online hugs, but am sending one all the way from the South of France to you.

because...because...

sorry this is going to be long..... i'm such a mess

I split up with my fiancee of 8 years a year ago. It was my choice and one that i found very difficult to come to terms with. I'd been unhappy for years as although I love my ex deeply , we had many problems. He was more my best friend than my lover, we had no sex life, no social life and his recurrent problems with self confidence and depression meant I was often his only support emotionally and sometimes financially too. I did and still do really love him, but i realised that although I really wanted marriage and children, i couldn't do it with him. I needed more

I moved out of our shared house for three months when we split. These months were very dark as I beat myself up for hurting him and he tried to persuade me to come back . I ended up having a breakdown and on seroxat and in counselling. in january my exes mother was diagnosed with a brain tumour and i couldn;t cope with his unhappiness anymore and so moved back in, as a friend and flatmate as he didn;t have anyone else. i tried to be his friend and have continued to try to be his friend all year. . i tried to move out again in may, but he persuaded me not to, saying he would only be my friend if i stayed. I didn't want to lose his friendship, partly because i love him still, partly because i'm scared for him how he cope on his own. so i stayed all summer.

In this time i have been seeing another man. this man has been a friend of mine for 5 years. Prior to me spltting up with my fiancee i knew he had feelings for me, and reciprocated secretly but didn't do anything about it. Last march, 5 months after me and my ex split i started seeing him and we've enjoyed a passionate and fun summer. My ex knows about this, i haven't hidden it from him, although i haven't gone into detail.

I found out at the beginning of sept that i was pregnant by my new man. it properly shocked me. I didn't know I could have children, have PCOS and have always been told I'd need fertility treatment. He is a good man, very happy and supportive and wants me to move in with him and be a family but i'm in shock. i was just having fun, and although i do love him, i wasn't planning on all this happening and feel like i need time to myself, since i've been pregnant i've been doubting him and the relationship. i feel totally unsure of everything and so scared

I haven't told my ex yet. I was still living with him up until a week ago and felt i needed to move out before i told him as it was already stressful enough. I had to fight him daily to try and make him accept that i was going to move out, and up until last week he was still trying to convince me i'm wrong to move. his mum's taken a big turn for the worse the last month too and is has just started chemotherapy and he's in bits. he's in a deep depression now. i feel so responsible.

I'm in my new place now. Moving was so so hard physically and emotionally. I'm glad I've moved but I'm consumed by guilt and sadness for the end of an era. I'm also stressed because my new flatmates don;t know I'm pregnant yet and I'm scared they'll be angry. They are nice people, but I feel so guilty and stressed, I don;t think they'll want me to stay when they find out I've kept this from them.

i miss my ex and worry about him too. i scared he'll hate me and it'll finish him off when i tell him i'm pregnant. He's already talking about suicide as it is. i'm worried about new bloke too, worried he'll lose patience with me, worried he's not the one and i'll be unhappy, worried it's such a young relationship and now we'll be parents. i'm so scared and emotionally exhausted and guilty and full of fear. i don't feel like i can become a mother. the pregnancy feels so unreal. the next few weeks are going to be so hard.. i have to tell my ex and new flatmates because the stress of keeping it all secret is to much and i can't hold this bump in much longer

i want to enjoy being pregnant, but there's too much stress and fear and sadness. i'm scared i'm going to miscarry daily because i'm crying all the time . i hope i don;t hurt this baby

anyone still reading?

I'm here; am juggling bathing DS and cooking supper. Will be able to post more when evening rush is over....

Stay strong.
AA

Still reading and before I say anything else, I just want to say one thing.

You have to do what is best for you. Now is the only time in your life you can and have to be really selfish.

Firstly, telling your flatmates - just get it over with, yes it's not perfect and if they aren't happy about it, then that is horrible but at least you know where you stand and can start looking for somewhere more suitable.

Secondly, you're new guy - take time with him, you don't have to move in and automatically become a family to be happy with him and the baby. You will still be a family even if you live apart. If things work out, great, if not, that is ok too! Take your time, and see what happens, if in six months or a years time you are still together and happy with the baby then move in if that feels right. - I think now more than ever you have to take time for yourself to sort yourself out without trying to please other people.

So for your ex. This is going to sound really really harsh but he is not your responsibility. You can be there for him as a friend, you can support him through this tough time and you can help him get the help he needs but you are not responsible for his mental state or well-being. I have a very very dear friend who is in a similar situation (minus the pregnancy) and you can't stay with someone for fear of them hurting themselves. He needs to get himself through it. It sounds like he needs professional help that you just can't give him - so in short, give him the support but don't take on his burden.

As for telling him, that is your call. Whatever feels right for you.

Finally as for the baby - do not make yourself sick by this - if it's any consolation, I am married and settled down and still don't feel ready to be a mum (in fact the idea petrifies me) but at the end of the day, I know I can do it when it comes and so can you!

At the end of the day you have a beautiful baby inside that needs you now - so the other people can sort themselves out and they will. Your priority needs to be yourself and your little bean!

i'm trying so hard to be strong, atleast i've moved now. That's the first step done. Need to cross the next bridges now. SO SCARED. don;t know how i'm going to do it. Wish it wasn't so dark outside and i didn't feel so sick and tired. Wish I could have a gin and a fag. Wish my coat would still do up. Wish I hadn't got myself into such a mess. Everything will be OK won't it?

thank you baby bolat. all good advice and i do know it. but today i don't feel strong. I just want to hide

i really really feel like i need some more support. just feel so alone. here in this new strange place. i miss my house. i miss the old me. I'm so scared

Wow, it's been a chatty day today. I've read everything & will do general chatting, but I want to talk to frekkles first.

I'm in a very similar situation to you, minus the ex thing - I know that that's kind of the bulk of it, but I guess I'm trying to say that I'm stressed out of my head with all the pressure of the other stuff (new relationship, surprise pregnancy, etc) without the (irrational but understandable) guilt & responsibility that you must feel towards your ex. When I was 18 I was with a guy whose dad was diagnosed with lung cancer & then died of it. I was also in a complete mess & in counselling & stuff & we became totally glued together because we were both so young & messed up & nobody else understood. I don't want to overtake what I'm trying to say to you with my own story (we'd be here for hours ) so I'll leave it as saying that I do understand how it is to become everything to someone that you really care about & who's having an awful time.

Anticipated grief - the awful feeling of knowing that someone you love may not make it - seems to be harder than the grief people experience after a sudden death. At least then there's a line drawn under a whole chapter & you can move on. What your ex is experiencing is the intense worry & not knowing what's going to happen. & if the worst does happen, he can't even begin to heal himself until afterwards. That just piles the pressure onto you. He's relying too heavily on you &, to be honest, he's emotionally blackmailing you. They don't mean to do it, I don't think - they're so deep in their own problems that people in this situation don't see how their actions affect the people who love them. But you have to realise that there's nothing that you can do to help him yet - there's nothing that anybody can do. You can listen to him & support him & be his friend, but none of it will really make any difference until he's ready to start healing & that's not going to be until either his mum is better or she's just not.

You're pregnant & now is the time to be selfish. You have enough on your plate trying to juggle the many other aspects of your own life without trying to be a miracle cure for your ex.

Oh Frekkles. I could have written that post two years ago. I had been trying to leave ex of 13 years for such a long time for the same reasons. I only made the break when I fell for DH which looked awful to all around. I withdrew from people initally but when I opened up to them people were really understandng. Ex took it really badly especally as I was pregnant by DH within 6 months, even then he still thought we could make it work. It took him a year to get over but now he is with someone else and very happy. He can even admit I did us both a favour. You musn't feel guilty, guilt is what kept me in a bad relationship for so long. Like BB says, at this point in your lfe you must look out for yourself.
Oh and DH was reluctant to become a father. He is now the most besotted Daddy ever and wants one more after this pregnancy so you can't second guess men. Take each day as it comes with DP.
Hope that wasn't too rambling, if we weren't bloody pregnant I would make you come out and get pissed with me and set the world to right.

Just noticed you are a gin drinker, my kind of girl!

Gemzooks I couldn't help but laugh a little at the idea that a sip of water would take away the pain of a contraction. I'm glad to hear it's so easy - I was worried for a few weeks there

My scan is on Monday afternoon - I'm 20 weeks on Saturday, so will be 20+2. Wildly efficient for the NHS, that. We're desperate to know the sex. At first, I was completely convinced that it's a girl, but am leaning the other way now. Plus I have a tummy like a chimp, which is very attractive. It's funny because I think to myself "I hope I have a boy" because I'm scared of being abandoned by a Daddy's Girl. & get all excited at the idea of a little boy. But then I think "maybe it'll be a girl, though" & get equally excited about that. I really have no preference, but just really want to know! We're a lot more certain on boys' names at the moment, though.

Having said that, I'd not really considered the 'pleasant dream' scenario.

Are any of you getting really bored of being pregnant already? I know we're more or less half way now, but it feels like I've been pregnant for about 5 years & I'm fed up of the rubbish symptoms but am mostly just too impatient to meet my gorgeous little baby. I keep wanting to steal other people's when I see them in town because mine's taking too long

Cor, I miss going out & getting pissed. I'm still mourning the loss of the simple pleasure of mulled wine this Christmas