Due In Fab Feb 2009 - The Secret Is Out - Third Thread Already

[Singingintherain]

Hi thought I might start a new thread for us all. Hope you like the new title

Feel free to join us.

I'm procrastinating(sp) from the packing at the mo, so still ahveing a look around here.

Secretsmile, it is hard isn't it when there are all these worries about this.
Don't really know what to say, I was in a state last night about the possibility of a mmc again. To share too much, I kept a towel by the bed and kept waking up for a quick wipe checking for bleeding.
Our bodies are working very hard to grow this little person and it leaves us not really knowing what's going on or how we're feeling. And when we're told not to worry until we get negative symptoms, doesn't really help does it?

Quick poll! (By the way I have just spent £35 on foundation since my last post)

Who dyes their hair and who is going to continue doing so? Is there any truth in the rumour it is BAD?

hi all - feeling better today - stuffing my face with food at least. Have the lingering feeling of sick, but it's bearable - today at least.

DT1 announced he wanted a Sister yesterday - it's been a brother up til now, but he does now understand that mummy is only having one baby (well we HOPE we are), so him and DT2 will have to share.

aargh, hospital still hasnt got my referral (the one "sent" 2 weeks ago, refaxed on Monday and resent again today allegedly) Am giving up on trying to sort out the whole huge mess and taking it as a sign from above that am meant to have a homebirth and avoid the hospital at all costs

Markstretch - dont dye my hair (though should do as have a gazillion grey hairs which DS loves pulling on and going "what that?") but have heard conflicting reports on whether is safe or not (as with pretty much everything). Apparently highlights are safer as less dye comes into contact with your skin.

Ihaveasecretsmile dont worry your not the only one having a rubbishy hormonal day ... me too. Cant bear the thought of having any tests done as am pretty sure i wouldnt do anything if lo had downs anyway but can understand if someone feels like they couldnt cope. I got up with such good intentions today and was overcome by tiredness at 10 ish then slept through till 2.45 this afternoon - cannot believe how long i slept for. I guess its a good job ive not not little ones around and i have that luxury because i can completely understand how everyone else is dead on their feet. Mind you that said the girls have been total nightmares since they got home from school so i could quite happily ensconse myself away from all that rowing if im honest! Markstretch I think its ok to dye your hair as long as its not every other week - i was reading Lesley Regan's pregnancy book and she said basically that everyone had been doing it for decades before and didnt seem to have harmed their babies so that it was probably ok. I dont dye my hair to the root as have highlights but i would be miserable if i couldnt so im going to keep on doing it - mind you its only the hair shaft not the root or scalp so i dont know if it matters or not - i think they give us plenty enough to be worrying about when pregnant without that to
Tink sounds like you have to go through a tremendous amount to keep your lo's in there for as long as poss - what do your specialists reckon is a safe (ish) estimate for this one to stay in there in terms of weeks? Now they know that you are at risk and indeed were after the birth of your first DD do they have a better pronosis in terms of how far you could carry for?

Well done markstretch- feels good to buy stuff. Maybe this is the mental beauty consumer in me or maybe i just want a partner in crime to buy cosmetics with!! I was talking nonsense before. In my haste to purchase, i totally got the name all muddled- its Dr Sebagh not seabum(thats what comes out your pores, so i'm told!) total idiot that i am.
And i still dye my hair.. cant face the cluster of grey hairs that taunt me as well as, spots, a big fat face, swollen ankles, waddling, varicose veins and a 14 hour labour. Call me vain- but i'm slapping that dye on my head!i could be perceived as irresponsible as i've just spent over a hundred squid on face cream( which by the way you can get at most John Lewis and Space NK)

on a different note- i never had the tests with ds as it was only me and i didnt really care or indeed think seriously about the implications. Is it wrong to consider the blood tests now i have ds? i just think, is it irresponsible of me to NOT do it as the implications of any complications affect my sons life too. Not that i would do anything or..i dunno.. i'm a bit confused.

I think that im fairly philosophical in that ill get a boy or girl so thats what i wanted. It makes me sad to think that the diversity may be taken out of the world because of genetic testing and engineering - we all want healthy babies when alls said and done but there is always the percentage which has to bear the anomoly. That said i can completely understand why someone would not want to go forward with a pregnancy which would result in a the birth of a DC that they or their family could not cope with but i know mine could as could my DP - well i hope so but there again none of us could say so until we were in that position. I just know that i spent two weeks waiting for DD's amnio results to come back and during that time read up everything i could about downs and decided that whilst being there was a certainty that if DD2 had had downs she would have enriched our life regardless. It is possible to find out in advance if our DC have a range of genetic abnormalities but i wonder how many lives would have been enriched by a child who far from being perfect may well have been perfect for that family. As i said i totally respect everyones view on testing and feel terribly sorry for ihaveasecretsmile's friend who felt they had to terminate but i just couldnt consider it and because ill be 37 by the time i have this lo i know there is a real increased risk compared to the last time i had a baby - im torn between wanting to know so i am forewarned or just waiting and seeing iyswim ... hmmm bit of a dilemma really

with DS my triple test came back as 1:38 which I was v surprised at as my Nuchal had been excellent and I wasn't in a high risk group. ANyway, i decided to have the amnio so that I knew one way or the other. I had already decided that I wouldn't terminate for Down's...I really couldn't justify it to myself. All you can do is be true to yourself and do what is right for you and your family...easier said than done

Yeah def chilledmama - its a quandry and its such a shame so many people have to go through it all, pregnancy is enough of a worry without all of that added to it. I have heard so many people getting high risk results through triple tests and god forbid i heard of one poor lady who had an amnio only to miscarry a perfectly healthy baby. I knew the risk with the amnio and im not saying if there was enough reason this time that i wouldnt take it again just to be informed but im hoping that if they just do the nuchal as part of the scan at 12 weeks it will be ok and i wont bother with a triple test as i didnt last time. However if i get an adverse result through the nuchal scan i probably would want to know so will have further testing - tell you what... ill be bloody glad when all the testing shmesting is over and i can settle down and enjoy this pregnancy !!!

this is all so depressing...

All this talk of mmc and mc is making me so paranoid. I have booked an early scan at local private clinic. My appointment is tomorrow at lunch time so hopefully they'll be able to see bean and bean's heartbeat. I fully expect it to be a transvaginal scan as I am only 7 weeks so am ready for that. It made my lol with DS as they put a condom on the sensor...wasn't ready for that

Awww im sure it will be lovely to see your lo's heartbeat chilledmama. I had one on Monday (NHS one this time) and i was only 7 weeks 2 days and they did it with an abdominal one so you never know you might be able to escape the condom lol - anyway good luck with it - will cheer you up and spur you on!

thank you rosie...will let you all know how it goes tomorrow.

there's spina bifida in my family. my uncle is seriously mentally and physically handicapped with it . he's paralysed from the chest down and has the mental age of an 8 year old.

but he's had a good life, my grandparents never deprived him anything, they brought him on holidays, sent him to school, did everything they could to make his life somewhat normal. he lived with them til he was in his 30's and has lived in a fantastic care home for about 15 years now. he has a job there, they take him on fantastic holidays, he has friends and fabulous carers. he's in his 50's and is possibly one of the oldest people ever with his severity of the disese.

i asked my dad years ago when we were discussing it whether having seeen first hand what my uncles life was like, would they have still had me if i'd had SB. he said without a doubt they would have (my dad is fairly blunt and he was drunk... he would have told the truth even if it was the other answer)

my kids are at high risk because of the family history, ds was born with a dimple in his back that suggests his spine didn't close as fast as it should have (i didn't know i was pregnant so wasn't taking folic acid). i'm triple dosing on FA to protect this baby but even so if an ultrasound showed SB i couldn't imagine wanting this baby any less.

there are circumstances in which i can understand termination..... but surely terminating because the baby was SN would haunt you for the rest of your life?

sorry done ranting now

PT - fully agree, but you'd be surprised by Jo Public

IHaveASecretLittleSmile when Mum was my age a doctor asked her how her Spina Bifida affected her. She said ?My what???? it was the first she heard about it. I take a high dose of Folic Acid because of it but I have refused the test because I always think what if my grandparents had that option to them and had terminated Mum who is actually really healthy and was a hurdler at school? You?ve got both ends with PinkTulip?s post too.

I always said I wanted to find out the sex when the baby was born, but there is a condition in some of the males on TBD?s side and it can make pregnancy difficult (his mother nearly died of blood poisoning and was in hospital for six months, he says with a ?I nearly killed my mum when I was born? ? he?s lovely really!) they can?t see the problem on a scan, but they have to know if it?s a boy so they can monitor it more (is that possible with me?) to make sure that it?s not causing a problem to the mother and as an indication of whether they will need an ambulance on standby for a transfer to The Children?s. Knowing much beyond that isn?t important ? not if it is something that becomes a case of to keep or not to keep. I?d only want to be sure that knowing anything meant the baby would be looked-after after birth.

MarkStretch, the reason dying your hair is bad during pregnancy is because your hair changes and there is no guarantee how it will turn out. Colour can be totally wrong and perms can go flat straight away. It doesn?t do anything to you or your baby, but it?s best to leave it unless you are sure you can live with the results.

dinkystinky you could always have an ?outlaw? birth

rosieposey I can?t get them to talk about the baby being early (same stupid doctor who insists on explaining to me why she is writing miscarriage) it?s like they?re treating it so we plan for a 38 week section (grrr I would like to discuss my birth options as I would like to know why they want to give me major abdominal surgery before they just write it down as ?elective?!) I?m going to get this discussed better later on by someone I trust more than her. She did say something though about the gel will stop it but baby will come when it?s ready.

Tink its terrible that your doctor uses the terminology 'miscarriage' to describe your little girl that you lost - its also surprising that they wont discuss another possible premature birth with this lo considering that there is a degree of chance involved. The medical profession has to adhere to the terminology that they have to use in order to write about things i suppose but it seems really sad that she doesnt have enough sense nor tact to refer to your first birth as a something other than a miscarriage when it is clear that she was born and lived too albeit for only a short while

Yeah i realise that there are various degrees of SB just as there are of Downs and similar genetic disorders hence why for me termination isnt an option. Seems to me that they will probably look at the nuchal fold when i get my 12 week scan and if thats ok then thats fine by me - if they dont do it thats fine too. Nuchal scans seem to be a really good idea even if its just to give you an initial heads up and i find it quite surprising that not everywhere does it.

Sun is shining here in Wiltshire this morning and im getting ahead of myself thinking about bbq's and sunny days again. This summers been rubbish so far and were not that far from the end of it! Mind you am glad not to be heavy with child in the heat as i was with dd1 and 3 and i hated it - swollen everything!

She obviously knows that I'm a high risk for another premature birth because they're giving me this gel from 16 weeks, but when I asked what will happen if I do go into labour again all she said was "We'll take you seriously this time" (love the "this time", so you ignored me before? Brushed me off as a worried mum complaining about BH?) I'd like to know what they will do, take me in and start drugs straight away (OK, so maybe not straight away because it could be BH, but when) would be the answer I'd expect really and I'd just like to be told that so I can be happy that it won't be ignored again.

She's going to be told off about what she said and the junior doctors who were in antenatal when PALS lady went in were given a talking to in how to talk to women who've lost a baby. Best bit is she's a lecturer! I really hope she's not passing on her bedside manner!

Morning all, trying not to think too much about SN or m/c or anything at the moment! I'll wait and worry if something comes back high risk I think.

I dye my hair. Haven't since before pregnant bt did so last time and it looked fine. I've got it highlighted and there's no way I'm getting married with massive dark roots!

Hmm, like the sound of an "outlaw birth" Tink... actually a friend of mine (bit like an adopted grandmother to my DS) is a doula and she was assisting at a homebirth last year when she almost got arrested (as the husband didnt call the midwives when she told him to and so there was no midwife present when the baby arrived and the midwives kicked up a huge fuss and called the police) - bet the poor woman who'd just given birth was delighted - Not! And bet her hubby was in alot of trouble with her

Lol Littlesarah ditto! i would feel sooo depressed if i couldnt do my hair - and it would look bloody awful for the photos. Trying really hard to find a coat ( full length and satin or something similar ) in ivory to go over my dress - its going to be cold in mid nov i think and i know the reception venues not overly warm either but i think i might have to have one made as im not having much luck! When are you getting married Littlesarah?

They were actually saying last night that the law doesn't mean that it's illegal to give birth without medical help. I think it's protecting mothers from unqualified people. I think Douala's shouldn't come under the law because they're not assisting the delivery, they're just being a birth partner. There has never been a conviction from an outlaw birth though.

Did anyone see the programme last night?

what programme? I missed it.

Outlaw Births, was on Five last night at 9pm. It was about women who give birth without any medical help.

I was told to try not to dye my hair in the first three months and at all if possible. Although this is so, I was told that you can have highlight as they dye does not cover the entire scalp and just the lengths of the hair. Please forgive me if I am wrong, but I was also told that the hair is dead anyway. I know that does not sound right, but I beleive it.

I did dye my hair at 13 weeks and had a MC two weeks later. I am not risking it, but that is my opinion. This time I was ready to dye my hair black again just before I got my bfp, but I never got time to do it. I have decided to get it cut shorter and it looks loads better so I now have a very short bob. They put me some short layers in and so I can give it some volume and height. This has disguised my little white hairs. I do not have many but I am totally freaked out by them.

If you decide to dye your hair, just go to a really good hairdresser. They should know all there is to know about it if they are a good one.

The dye won't get to your baby, I'm sure that you would have found something else to blame if you hadn't dyed your hair (you wouldn't believe the things that caused my losses!)

The main reason is that your hair changes in pregnancy so it can react differently to dye or perming.