Pregnancy after loss - Autumn Babies 2021 - Thread 3

[Pancakes7]

Hello! We're on thread 3 already!!

@PumpkinEverything
@ahuss
@Bellabubble
@Strawberry08
@marplemead
@MrsTD88
@Cafeaulait27
@ELMcg
@NatJ24
@JRH4622
@vitaminb33
@imisscoffee
@Firevie
@lamby12
@smarty4
@Smurf123

I hope that's everyone! If not please tag people if you think of any x

@HereWeGoooo we were going to stop at 1 until DD started asking for a sibling. And then we started to warm to the idea. It's funny how quickly you forget how hard it is.

@lamby12 Agree! Baby tiredness is on a whole new level. I'm actually a bit terrified of doing the newborn stage again. DD was an awful sleeper, and I really struggled. I hope this one loves sleeping!

@HereWeGoooo Haha I said that when DS was born. But then after a year you think aw I'd love another... lol

@lamby12 it's definitely harder! But get all the help you can! If you can. We use my Mum a lot to help. Now that I'll be working 3 days that's 3 days just sat at a desk lol. So might be easier in a way. But I will need to come home and look after DS getting home sorted with dinner, bath & bed. So the days might feel long. I'm not sure.

I mainly worry about the newborn stage of no sleep with toddler 🙈 it's going to be interesting! I joke my Mum will need to move in lol.

Is it this week @Pancakes7 you go back to work? Hope it goes ok, if so. And you'll be fine. It's always daunting but sure you'll be back in the swing of things.

Can I ask a pregnancy question, I’ve forgotten everything since my son nearly 5 years ago!?

At your dating scan (mine is tomorrow) I’ll opt for the screening but do they do the ultrasound (nuchal test) and blood test for the (combined test) or just the scan? My midwife seemed to say they only do the scan and I get bloods done at 16 weeks. But I thought bloods done at 14-20 weeks were called the quadruple test and aren’t as accurate?

@smarty4 I had my bloods done right after the scan. I don't actually remember this with DD, bit I'm guessing it was the same then.

@smarty4 I had both scan and blood at the same time - that is the combined test. Maybe your midwife got confused? It is annoying when they give out incorrect information!

I actually wasn’t sure what to expect from my combined screening so had to google as the letter they sent only mentioned the scan and wasn’t very clear.

I’m feeling really tense this week - waiting for the combined screening results 😑 it’s a bit delayed due to Easter so if it’s high risk I’ll get a call Thursday/Friday and if it’s not get a letter which may not arrive till next week.

I’ve already booked a private scan for 16 weeks as I know I’m going to want to check everything is ok before the 20 week scan xx

Thanks @marplemead and @Cafeaulait27 I was pretty sure they should do both (scan and bloods). Re/reading the leaflets they've given me it does say I'll have bloods done after the scan if I opt too. Just frustrating the midwife didn't say that. I even asked about screening tests as I'm 35 next week but she just dismissed me and said we'd discuss it at 16 weeks. She was a trainee though and covering so maybe still learning and had a lot on. I should get my permanent midwife at 16 week appt.

The wait must be anxious for you @Cafeaulait27. Fingers crossed for you

@smarty4 Here you get scan and bloods all done at the same time. I suppose it might differ depending where you are.

Thanks. I go back tomorrow 🙈 it's going to be so strange. DS has a cold too. The first time he has been ill in over a year thanks to lockdown. I think he must've caught it from the settling in sessions last week. I just hope he gets on okay.

@Cafeaulait27 I'm going to book a 16 weeks Scan privately too. We were going to book this to find out the gender as DH couldn't come to the 20 week scan. They've now said you can take your partner to the 20 wk scan but we've decided to keep with the 16 week one as well anyway. I'm glad as I can't wait to find out the gender! I feel like that's when I start to really feel a bond with baby. Plus it will be nice for the extra reassurance.

I hope you get your letter soon for the combined screening results. It's so annoying because i know you want to just get that letter and then you can relax and enjoy your pregnancy ❤️

Good luck for tomorrow @Pancakes7. Oh your poor son but nursery will do wonders for his immune system. I always think mine had probably caught most things now so hopefully means he won't be off ill much once he starts school in September.

I know things are different for everyone - but if it helps anyone who might be worrying - without exception, all my friends who have had second/third children said that it was weirdly easier the next time round. I often used to ask them why they thought it was, and most said that even though there was a period of adjustment for the firstborn, because you can’t physically do more than one thing at once, at some point one of the children has to wait until you are free - so they found that even their newborns were learning from much earlier on that Mummy and Daddy couldn’t get there instantly. They said most of the time the youngest took priority, but there were even times they had to wait (2 of my friends had 2 close together so both were in nappies at same time etc, and they said if I was changing one and the one needed her, there wasn’t an option but to wait. Hopefully that gives some of you a little comfort (not that I can help - first time mum here!) Although teaching my class of 5-7 year olds has definitely been a bit more challenging this year 😂 apart from anything, they are such a windy class after lunch that my pregnancy sense of smell has definitely been testing my stomach strength!

@Pancakes7 yeah I think 16 week scans are a good option!

Thank you ❤️ Hope it comes around quick.

I’m also nearly 13 weeks now and nausea seems to only be getting worse! Doesn’t seem to matter what I do I still feel sick. Working is a struggle but at least I’m WFH. Xxx

@Cafeaulait27 my constant nausea went about 14 and a half weeks, about a week later I now just get the odd wave - but they waves seem stronger (maybe because I have gotten used to not feeling sock all the time) I still don’t enjoy most food though :( anything greasy or sweet still turns my stomach. Didn’t stop me trying to hoover down an easter egg though 😂🙄

@Bellabubble Thanks that's good to know about having 2.

Argh I was just saying to a friend I can't wait to have my scan and be able to relax and tell people. Then they said yeah it'll be a big relief hopefully 🤞🏻. I know it's silly but I have just been thinking positive as my last scan was good and measuring ahead. I feel like that comment sort of shocked me. Like oh I just assume all is ok. Eugh I don't want to get anxious again. I don't have the energy!

Ok I'm all feeling sick which anxiety now. How can such a tiny thing set me off 🙈

I know what you mean @Pancakes7 I feel like
I’m the only one allowed to say hopefully, and my friends and family have to just only be positive 😂 thankfully mine are all okay, but I’m pretty sure the midwife at my booking appointment said hopefully and that spooked me!
Good luck for going back to work 😊

@Bellabubble you make me laugh 😂 I feel so bad for you and your windy class after lunch haha.

@Pancakes7 sorry you're feeling anxious now. It can be the littlest thing. I told a good friend yesterday (I'm only 7 weeks) and she said 'oh fingers crossed I really hope this works out, the early weeks are so hard'. She knows my
history.
Even though I've been super nervy I was feeling much more positive as I've had 2 good scans, and by my standards now 7 weeks I was feeling like it's not the 'early weeks' any more. I was expecting her to say congratulations maybe!?
I know she was saying it with the best intentions but it made me think other people are expecting it to go wrong and the last few days I'd been feeling much more positive. It brought me back down!

@lamby12 & @PumpkinEverything Yes exactly! Like only I can be nervous not anyone else! I need to stay in my positive mind frame. I've been feeling really excited for my scan. This has just thrown me. To her it was probably what she thought was the right thing to say. But for me it's like aaahh don't say that.

@PumpkinEverything @pancakes7 @bellabubble and others (sorry my @tags don't come up so can only take people I've tagged previously! V annoying)

Interesting what you are saying, I feel like I've kept my pregnancy to myself for that exact reason. I kind of don't feel comfortable until 12 weeks anyway, just due to me finding out about my MC at that point last time. But I feel mostly like I don't want to tell people incase they pity me. I feel there's so much fingers crossed chat from people. My step mum said 'don't worry plenty time to give me a grandchild one day, you are still young' no pressure 😂.

So instead I'm just sitting here WFH feeling completely nauseous most of the day and no one has a clue what's going on with me! I feel like it's a lonely place when people don't know!

I picked carefully @ELMcg and only told my mum and two best friends. Last time I only told one friend and it was awful having to tell my mum and the other friend about the pregnancy and miscarriage in one go. Thankfully my mums been great and has been positive and just recommends things like mindfulness and the calm app to help with the anxiety, but never says anything that suggests she doubts anything would be wrong. The other friend who I didn’t tell the first time only talks about it when I bring it up the majority of the time as she knows I worry and she doesn’t want to bring it to my attention, so let’s me be the one to lead the convo.
Thankfully because of lockdown I’ve not seen many other people in person so it hasn’t been too difficult to keep it a secret. I do feel glad I had those 3 to speak to though for when I was having a wobble! Even since we had the 12 week scan I’ve only extended the info to our parents and siblings, with strict instructions to not tell anyone. I’m going to book a scan for 16 weeks and all being well I’ll consider telling some others, otherwise it’ll be 20 weeks before I tell anyone else!

@ELMcg Yeah I haven't told anyone really but I told my close friend. I'm waiting to tell others though. That's why I'll be glad to have the scan and know all is ok. But I'll wait for the screening letter, then tell friends, family and work.

Hello, I'm a bit late to this thread but hoping it's still OK to join!

I had a missed miscarriage in October, picked up at early private scan at what should have been 8+3. I'm now pregnant again (9+3).

I have a 3.5 year old DS and for various reasons, including long term issues with anxiety, it had taken me a veerrrry long time to decide I was ready/willing to try for no. 2. So after the miscarriage I was very conflicted about trying again. We finally decided that trying again might help the healing process and now here we are.

My anxiety has been through the roof since I got the BFP. Thankfully I managed to get referred to emergency gynae and had a scan at 8+3 that this time showed a heartbeat and expected growth. I'm still on edge until next milestone of 12 weeks - have my booking appointment on Thursday.

Just looking for company in this weird limbo space where I can't let myself be positive at all, in case it goes tits up again.

Welcome @IJustPeedInTheMaintenanceBay, lots of us in the same boat here and it's a great thread for support. Glad you've had a private scan for reassurance.

Had my consultant appointment, she is going to scan me at 16 weeks so I don't have to fork out for a private one 😂 aside from that, there isn't really anything additional this time around. I read my notes from last time earlier (I kept a log of dates of bleeds etc on Evernote because they'd always ask whenever I went into the hospital) for the first time since it all happened and managed to read the whole thing relatively calmly. Even managed to look at the photos of my son after I had him, which I haven't managed in a while. At this point, I'd been to A&E twice and the haematoma had been found. It's so strange, this pregnancy seems to be flying compared to my last one, I thought it would be the opposite.

@pancakes7 @PumpkinEverything yes totally appreciate why you have told a few close friends as its good to have people to talk to! I know a couple of my friends would be really understanding too.

I was speaking to my husband at dinner tonight saying how rubbish it is being on a teams call and feeling like I could spew at any moment. I wish I could just say sorry I'm pregnant and feel awful 😂. But I definitely don't want to tell my work until all is OK! Currently on the couch with a banging headache chilling before an 8.30pm meeting - who does that?!

Welcome @IJustPeedInTheMaintenanceBay ❤️🌈

@ELMcg I feel the same! In a lot of teams calls I want to say ‘sorry I’m pregnant and I feel sick/I’m falling asleep/I have a headache’ etc but haven’t told them yet! Also sometimes I just want to take the afternoon off and lie down I feel so tired but I don’t feel I can. It’s really hard! Xxx

@ELMcg 8.30pm meeting?! Are they mad! I'm normally in bed by 9! 😂 today is out of the ordinary lol