Due in Dec 2007. Enough already, bring on the babies!

[suey2]

hellloooooo?

Skid - I've been completely relaxed about the childbirth part, in a wierd way I am actually looking forward to it - I've taught myself to think that the whole process will bring me closer to my baby, rather than focussing on the pain part, which I was panicking about last time.

Read your comment on Friday about the maternity cover - yes will have to be devious and ensure that people think there is only me that can do the job properly

I just re-read my last paragraph and realised I came across as a bit mean - not the case by the way!!! Am trying to help her, but as she was pushed to go for my job rather than choosing to forward herself for it, the entusiasm (and the relevant skills) are not there.

Buzzy - Hope you're coping. Must be an agonising wait until the results come in. I'll be thinking about you.

Insy - I know what you mean about hating the house. DH and I spent the rainy weekend turning out cupboards and trying to make space. Soo much extra stuff around because of the baby and a small London flat. It doesn't really make for happy living arrangements. I really hope we can convert our roof space in the spring.

Fifi - Hope the iron treatments kick in for you soon. I've started an iron rich diet and lots of Spatone. Am hoping it will make me feel less tired.

lol skiddale - I think I'll be fine until the first contraction when it'll come flooding back! first antenatal class (refresher) on Wed so that'll probably make me remember about it too!

I admire any of you that know you won't have anymore - dh only wants 2 but I can't bring myself to admit it yet.... I get too emotional, 2 doesn't seem like enough, trying to keep an open mind but I'd love a brother for ds and know I'd love a daughter too so thinking 3 would be great... in laws bugged me all weekend by telling me bump was def boy shaped and I was having a boy - what on earth is it about the sex of a baby that makes your bump a different shape!?!! about how they just kept saying it with authority like they were def right (they are basing this on the shape of my bump last time and the fact SIL was diff shape and had a girl - so effectively a sample of 2) think also upset because they said they couldn't imagine me with a daughter as I'm not 'girlie' where as it really 'suits' SIL

all emotional today for no reason... need some time for me and dh and ds rather than entertaining people all weekend and then going to work....

Hello everyone. Have to admit I've been lying on the sofa feeling rather low. Although its not a complete shock, I realise there's still a fair amount of grieving that I'm going to have to go through.
Having all your thoughts and best wishes is really comforting, even though its through cyberspace!!
I'm going to go to bed now and hope that I can get to sleep.
My midwife came over and spent an hour with me tonight just chatting. Feel very lucky to have her. Wishing now that I did have a significant other to share this with.
I know its not definitive yet but the consultant seemed very certain.
I know in my heart that there are very many things worse than a child with Down's Syndrome and that she will enrich our lives in many ways but having been through a divorce I also understand a bit about grief process associated with letting go of the images you build up in your mind of how your expected your life to be.I guess part of the problem is that I've never known anyone with D/S so its very hard to know what to expect.
I have read a number of the Special Needs threads and they are wonderful and (mostly) reassuring. I get the impression though that the women on those threads who have kids with D/S are a bit tired of offering support to people in my situation. Anyway I have put a post up there and will see what happens.

buzzy - just read your message in the health forum - it is so lovely and whoever replied to you is right - you will be a fantastic mum to your little girl. There must be so many thoughts rushing through your head at the moment and I hope you manage to get some rest and tomorrow you can look at it all through new refreshed eyes.

I'm sure the mums with children with DS will be supportive and sympathetic if you decide to post there too. Thinking of you and hope you get some rest

xx

Hi Skidaddle - I don't think I could cope with more than two children to be honest and couldn't bear going through another pregnancy! I am 39 now so would be over 40 if we did it again - besides which I think my DH would almost certainly leave me if I insisted on another child! No I am perfectly happy with two, in fact would have been happy with one but as we are both "older" parents thought it would be nice for dd to have a sibling when we are elderly/not around anymore.
But there is something about the finality of never doing it again that is sad. Although as I didn't meet DH until I was about 35 and even then had to do a lot of pursuading to get him to agree to have children at all (although ironically he is now a fantastic dad), I feel extremely "blessed" to have any children at all!
Are you planning more?

insy at your ILs for all their comments. People are always telling me I'm having a boy as well because my belly sticks straight out (God knows if there is any scientific basis to this story - probably not) but saying that they can't imagine you having a girl because you're not girly especially as you have always wanted a little girl (do they know this?).

I can't say this is it after two either as I don't think the broodiness will suddenly disappear just because I've got two. I shocked everyone last time by saying I wanted another baby when DD was only 2 months old!! DH and lack of periods managed to hold me back for a year or so though...

Hope you do have a girl just so you can tell them they were wrong!!

amani - you didn't sound mean at all and if the woman covering your job isn't even into it then you should feel no guilt at all about her incompetencies making you look good!! She'll be as pleased as everyone else when you do come back..

Buzzy - can't offer much more than already said but once you know the result (Wed?) and if your little girl does have d/s then definitely get in touch with a local d/s group or assocation. I think they will be the best people to offer you the sort of support you will need - in any situation like this, the best people to speak to are others who are going through or have been through what you are. And if they live locally it will be a good way to meet other mums too.
Sorry have just re-read that and it sounds really bossy and as if I know what I am talking about!

Hi claraq - crossed posts (see answer in previous!). Two will be lovely but I am probably not as good as you at repressing slight maternal urges and feel I have to give into the slightest twinge.. therefore if I feel remotely broody after this baby I will 'have to' have another! DH would love four so he is no obstacle.

You are very thoughtful and longsighted having two for when you are old! Had never even thought of that

Hey there, just came on and saw your news buzzy, sorry for the shock you must be feeling but as you quite rightly say, your amazing little girl will enrich all your lives so much in ways you can't imagine just yet...
Take care

Buzzy, just wanted to send you a huge {{{hug}}} and tell you that I think your little girl is very lucky to have you as her Mum. It must be devestating to be told that she has a problem with her heart and bowel but good that they picked it up before she was born so you can be armed with all the facts and know what you are facing. Hopefully the results of your amnio won't take too long and you will be able to prepare for her arrival. FWIW my friend has a little girl with DS and she is a lovely, affectionate and gorgeous child and my friend would never swap her for a 'normal' child as she brings so much to her life. She was slightly slower to develop than her brother but goes to a mainstream school and is doing very well. I know it is not the same as having someone there with you but you will never be alone in this while you have us so keep talking to us and keep us updated x

Insy at your insensitive family! Why do you have to be girly to want a girl??? I don't think bump shape has a great deal to do with sex of baby really. I do have some friends who carried boys out front and girls all around but have others for whom it was the other way round. My Mum carried myself and my brothers all exactly the same - out front! I was all out front with the boys and the same again this time, only difference is that I am carrying baby very high this time. TBH I look pretty daft!

Buzzy - here for you hun and make sure you surround yourself with people who can offer support and advice.
xxx

Off home now - really not feeling good: sickness and extreme tirdness getting me to today.

Buzzy - your little girl will be gorgeous whether she has d/s or not, and she will love her mummy and bring you so much joy. Lovely post Beckle by the way.

Am a bit nervous at the moment. Management at work have started calling people into the office for a chat. My colleague is there at the moment, they've been a bit down on him since he asked to go part time as he's just had a little boy. Yikes. I know we've had a bad year at the gallery. At least I know I've got a temp, so they're not about to get rid of my post.

Buzzy, big hugs to you. So sorry you've had this news now, but as you say at least you can be prepared for it. Am sure you will be a fantastic mum to your little girl no matter what, and will have so much pride in her. You seem to be coping amazingly well with the news but please don't feel you have to for our sakes-if you need to come on here and have a rant or a cry then do-that's what we are here for.

Insy, I'm in the same situation as you. I've always wanted 4 but dh is very firm that this will be our last. I can't bring myself to talk about it with him cos I get so upset. He said he was going to get the snip after this one and I told him if he did I'd divorce him- obviously I want us both to want more before we do, and I'd also want us to be in a better financial situation so we could look after them all properly etc but sterilisation is just too final. Who knows how we'll feel in 5 or even 10 years time and I want us to at least have the option. Am definitely in denial that this is our last!

Think bump shape is completely irrelevant. With dd I carried high and out front, and only put on weight anywhere else in the last 2 weeks. This time I'm carrying low and slightly more around the sides but still mainly out front-everyone keeps telling me this must mean it's a boy but I think it's just more to do with second pregnancy. I also get comments re the sex, with me almost everyone says they can't imagine me with a boy-don't see why not!

thanks beckle and skiddale - I know I should just ignore them but they do know how much I want a daughter, they know dh only wants 2 children but will be prepared to have 3 or 4 if we have a boy (not that I wouldn't love to have a boy - sooo much easier than girls as i know I was a nightmare at times and my mum and me fought like cat and dog but now have a most fantastic relationship, we're just so similar) MIL had 2 boys and obviously thinks ds will mis out if he doesn't have a brother - she pretty much said she'd prefer another grandson... yep just for that reason it'd be nice to have a girl a bit of speculation is fun but taking old wives tales as fact is taking it too far

amani - hope you feel better soon x

buzzy - claraq's idea of finding your local support group is a good idea, especially if you are worried about not knowing anyone with DS children, the spectrum is so wide I guess it would be good to hear others experiences and support where you live and like you say have a chance to go through that greiving process - hope you get some sleep x

Firstly, Buzzy sorry to hear your news, but pleased that you seem to undserstand how you need to cope with it for yourself... does that make sense. Keep us posted and so pleased you have an understanding MW.

To those of you discussing having more children. We had sort of decided that 2 was the limit, but that we would perhaps have 3, but that would definitely be the most. Since we are having another boy (which we are very pleased about) I sort of feel like I do def want to at least try a third time to see if we do get a little girl. Having said that it is a decision we will only take if we can guarentee to be happy to have a third boy. also, we would wait until these two are at least 5 and 3.

Morning everyone.,

God that makes it even worse if they know you want a girl insy - it's so annoying the way everyone generalises based only on their own experience, isn't it? You MIl had 2 boys so your ds will miss out if he doesn't have brother?! wtf?!

do you really think boys are easier then? Tell please. I am beginning to panic at the thought of a boisterous boy who pretends to be an airplane and throws all his toys at me (although thinking about it I already have a boisterous girl who pretends to be a plane and throws toys at me ... )

claireybee - getting the snip does seem very final (although isn't it quite easily reversed these days?). It's a bit cheeky of him saying he doesn't want anymore when you do virtually everything anyway! The man of the couple across the road from me had the snip after they had their ds even though the mum wanted more children. Of course he shouldn't have to have more more when he doesn't want to but it really breaks my heart because she soo wants to have another baby and when my dd and her ds play together you can see how sad it makes her that he'll never have a little sister/brother

OMG, they've just made my colleague redundant. Now it will just be me and 2 directors working here - nobody else . Thank goodness I'm on ML soon and it will be my temp that has to deal with it.

It's a hard one when one of you wants more DCs and the other doesn't. We always said we would have 2 and I was certain I wanted no more right up until DS2 was a couple of days old and I realised that I really would like another. DH was certain he wanted no more and was going for the snip but he just kept putting off having it done so I realised he wasn't sure either. I certainly wouldn't have been upset to never have another baby but I was really pleased when DH suggested a third - this one will definitely be the last for me though whether it is a boy or a girl!

Blackcatswizzkas! Why on earth would they make an experienced colleague redundant when they are about to lose you for a while and have to employ a temp??? Would it not make more sense to keep on the person who knows how the company works? (not to mention the added workload/stress for you!). Employers! Grr...

Skidaddle - I get told that I'm definitely having a girl because i'm all out the front! Funny how that theory varies!

Insy - take no notice of your daft inlaws. Mine say ridiculous things all the time especially when it's about SIL v me - I just ignore it now.
Hmm children, well I always thought I would like 3 children but I think we'll take it one step at a time!

Amani - hope you're feeling better soon.

Blackwizzkas - totally agree with Beckle, how silly to let that other person go and employ a temp (unless you do really different jobs). Yes I agree that the best place for you right now is on ML where they wont touch you!

clairybee - it is hard when dh doesn't want as many as you - I never really had myself down as maternal at all until ds so we'd agree max 2 before we got married but now I'd love more, at least he's not saying no, I'll have some persuading to do if we do have a girl I'd be upset if he wanted to get the snip, its very final feeling... and a bit reactionary like you say his feeling may change

skiddale - I don't think boys or girls are necessarily easier its just the clash of hormones when they get into their teens I'd be worried about! I kind of imagine boys being much more chilled than girls (but thats because my mum and I clashed and my brother got on fine!) I know with ds he's climbing the walls if he doesn'yt have at least an hour a day to race round outside and run off his wild blood
its strange tho now I have a boy I can't imagine myself with a girl either... although I wish IL's wouldn't effectively tell me I wouldn't suit having a girl

loucee - def one baby at a time! thats why I tell dh we can't make a decision just yet...

Beckle - it is strange. Why couldn't he cover my ML for me instead of a temp? Also, if they're so short of cash why not let him go part time like he wanted to? I think one of the Directors has had it in for him for years - he's been here 11 years!

DH saw me on Mumsnet this weekend and has been teasing me about my halloween name am I childish? And does this mean I'll have to name change again so he won't read anything I write about him .

lol blackcatwizzkas - I have refused to tell my DH my mumsnet name because I love that I can say anything at all on here without any repercussions. i will never divulge my mn name to anyone!!

glad you still have you job at least