@AmyMaria2
Hmm it’s difficult to describe. I was fearful of certain things - mainly needing forceps to be honest - but I was lucky in that I had no underlying health conditions, baby’s position was good etc etc.
I did find labour quite difficult though. I hesitate to tell a thread full of pregnant ladies the middle bit but bear with me because it did all end positively for me! So *WARNING birth story coming up don’t read it if you don’t want to!**
I had a bit of muconeum in my waters (which just trickled, didn’t go in one big gush) so midwives wouldn’t examine me with their fingers like they usually do because of risk of infection, they used a speculum. So when I went in to hospital after about 24 hours in latent labour at home, with contractions strong and close together, they looked and said I was only 1cm dilated and sent me off to a ward to progress and said they’d keep coming to check on me. I was so disheartened because I felt I must be more than 1cm... I know my cervix is a little off to the side so I just don’t think they could see properly. I was getting desperate after a few hours on the ward. Vomited. Contractions became incredibly intense - I now realise this was the transition phase but didn’t know it at the time. Then I was using all my strength trying to stop myself pushing but the pressure was immense, and they were still saying I was only 4cm. I lost it a bit at that point because I didn’t think I could do hours more of it. Anyway after another hour or so going spare a midwife finally went “ah stuff it” and examined me in the usual way rather than with speculum - “actually you’re 9.5cm, let’s get you to delivery”. I was only pushing for 30 mins and it did hurt but not in an unbearable way. By that point it felt good to have “productive” pain.
So in the delivery room, after a while baby is crowning. Baby’s heartbeat kept dropping and midwife told me to push harder, and I was so terrified of needing intervention and specifically forceps that I took her a little too literally and pushed with all my might - dd came out all in one go, flew out to be caught by student midwife like a rugby ball! Which left me with a 3rd degree tear. So I had to be stitched up in theatre - after all that I needed an epidural anyway to be stitched! Anyway they did a marvellous job, I’ve had no lasting physical problems. Physiologically I think the “not being believed” element affected me for a bit but I have worked through that now.
Because of my 3rd degree tear they did discuss an elective c section for this baby with me, but I declined. So I am going back for another vaginal birth, it can’t have been that bad! I feel like because I know the reason I tore I can guard against it a bit more this time. Also I will feel more able to trust my body more.
I don’t think I have any advice but what I now know is that the physical side of labour and giving birth WAS painful of course but that wasn’t what made it stressful. The feeling of not being believed / not knowing what was going on with my body created the fear. I don’t know if I could have trusted what my body was saying to me more but if I had then I might not have struggled as much.
Also if anyone is still reading (and I really hope I haven’t scared you!!!) DHs biggest tip is to take one bag! As they wheeled me to delivery he was galumphing behind with 2 bags, a wheely case, my shoes and a coat. 😂
Again maybe I was lucky but don’t be afraid of tearing! It sounds horrific but I didn’t feel it at all at the time and had no pain at all while healing. My vagina is not ruined. Sex is better than before.
Trust your instincts, get your birthing partner briefed on what you want and don’t want and get them to speak up for you! You can do this.