BFP - Anyone else feb 2020? Continued 2

[Dweebette]

Hey everyone, our last thread is full so tagging as many as I can remember to bring us all back together! @lovesT @Ginny1234 @45andfine @Quirkyquichie @LolaLollypop @doublebarrellednurse @hazandduck

Something annoying just happened. I was reading through my notes to update my pregnancy journal and saw that the consultant included the sex. We had wanted a surprise. I'm so gutted, we were so looking forward to finding out at the birth, it feels like we've been robbed off something really special. I imagined that it would be this overwhelmingly happy moment finding out if we had a son or a daughter and instead we were both just really upset that the surprise has been taken from us so now it's tainted. We had absolutely no preference and just want a healthy baby but now I'm struggling with not being able to feel happy about knowing because we didn't find out together at that time. I'm just honestly so upset.

Oh Dweebette I feel your upset ❤️ that is so careless of the consultant. I'm totally with you on the waiting until it's delivered to find out what it is.

I don't suppose there's any chance it was a generic use of the gender?

You're right to feel gutted and have your special moment taken away, BUT I promise, in the excitement of the delivery, it really won't matter, and in years to come it will become part of family history ❤️

Aw that sucks @Dweebette I'd be very annoyed too! We know the sex as my other half couldn't cope with not knowing. It hasn't taken the shine off it, if anything it's been lovely to prepare for our little girl

Thanks ladies, I know we won't even think about it once baby is here, it was just a gut punch on a Saturday morning. Silly, careless consultant. We specifically told him we didn't want to know. Unfortunately there's no doubt as it's printed "sex: xxxx" (not putting it on here just in case someone knows who we are!). We've decided to keep it to ourselves so it'll still be a surprise for family and friends and we've talked a lot this morning so feeling less upset now but I do think I'm going to raise it with the trust as it was an upset I could have done without!

@Dweebette that's so annoying, sorry that happened 🙁 hopefully as you come to enjoy knowing you can start to get excited in preparing. I didn't think i wanted to find out before i was pregnant but husband really wanted to know so we found out and it has been really special imagining who our little girl is and when we found out we went out to buy something together. We kept it secret and have continued that apart from a few close family members but it's a surprise for everyone else. I know it's rubbish because you didn't want to know but maybe you could turn it around and think about the exciting things of knowing, and maybe buy something for baby that you really love together?

Oh I would feel exactly the same @Dweebette that must have been gutting so close to meeting little one. I don’t understand why they’d need to even have that info on your file?! Is it relevant? But it has happened now :( I would buy a really nice baby gro specifically for the sex it is “baby girl/boy” to announce the arrival to your family and look up all your favourite names of that sex, it will still be such an epic moment to meet your baby! I would feel just like you though and would probably give my consultant an earful 😬 x

I keep needing to wee and literally a dribble comes out!! At my last midwife appointment I couldn’t even fill the tiny sample pot before! Hmm yes I think you’re right @lovesT I reckon it is late pregnancy discharge! My waters never did the dramatic burst thing they were more like a drippy tap type thing. I didn’t even realise they’d fully gone until I was examined by the midwife the next morning and she said “so your waters have gone then!”

@hazandduck yeah I think I'll need to be more aware of that in the last few weeks, as one day it could be my waters breaking! Baby is feeling nice and low down today, I'm feeling movement much lower down so I'm glad that baby is doing what is needed! Apparently eating pineapple can soften the cervix which is good for eventually bringing in labour so I bought one today haha 🤷‍♀️ 🍍

Ooh I love pineapple and have some tins in the cupboard! May have to eat that for pudding then! I’ve got raspberry leaf tea for when I’m desperate. My mate who’s a chef has said he’ll come and make me a curry next week as well but I am such a spice wimp I think it’ll probably just give me heartburn and possibly a dodgy gut more than anything lol.

Interesting fact I just remembered from my baby shower which will remind us all why we are all feeling so uncomfortable now...the uterus has grown to 500 times it’s original size by this stage of pregnancy! How incredible are our bodies?? X

Oh @Dweebette that is annoying! At our last scan the consultant said "can you see HER face" then backtracked and said she was just using a generic term. At the scan before I'm sure the sonographer said "i don't think HE'S going to move" so I'm consoling myself that it's still 50/50! OH thinks it's a girl though based on the last scan...

Maybe now you know you can go and look at the beautiful little outfits and choose your little ones going home costume! That will be really special too. I'm just going with a yellow babygro at the moment!

@hazandduck I have no idea why he included it, especially since we specifically said we didn't want to know.

We've just decided to continue as we were before, baby is still just "baby" and we're not using him or her. Have bought all neutral clothes and that's what we're sticking with. It's disappointing but focusing on having a healthy baby so we'll get over the annoyance. This is baby no 1 so hopefully next time we'll get to have a surprise!

I had that @LolaLollypop at my 20 week scan with DD, the scanner said “she just needs to move.” When we got out of the scan I turned to DH and said “did you hear her say ‘she?’” And DH said “No, but she said ‘his arm!’” So we each thought we heard a giveaway but I think it was just her not wanting to say ‘it.’

Ahh @Dweebette that's rubbish that they wrote it down. You would think they would be used to being discrete about it as they must have parents saying the same thing day in, day out.
I'm also not sure why they need it anyway, surely it's not relevant to anything medical until the baby is born at least??

I'm also dribbling a bit when I go for a wee, but going every ten minutes because it feels like I need too. Had a few occasions where I've thought maybe my waters have started but there doesn't seem to be enough for that. Mentioned it to the midwife and she wasn't at all bothered - didn't even examine me which I thought she would because can't you get an infection once they start to go?

No cramps, brackston hicks or anything for me so doesn't look like anything is going to happen soon.

@hazandduck my midwife said pineapple but the best thing is to get the colostrum pumping- I've been trying as I'm being induced early and worried it won't be ready when the baby is here. She said the contractions in the boobs to get the milk out also make the uterus contract so often brings on labour - apparently that's how the uterus contracts back to its original size quicker if you choose to breastfeed.
Only managed a couple of drops from one boob though so far. Boobs have gone noticeably massive since I started though so something's going on in there!

@hazandduck aparently fresh is best! Something to do with the enzymes :) but yeah why not try it?!

@Ginny1234 I've also only managed to get a few tiny drops, and my left doesn't want to give anything at the moment! Will keep trying, even if it's just to get things going :)

Oh dweebette that's so annoying! Why would they even need to write that down? Its not relevant information that even needs recording until baby has arrived in the flesh. Imagine though if they had just used a generic he in a sentence in your notes and then you ended up birthing a girl. Id just stick to being ignorant of the fact id seen it just in case.
We haven't told anyone the sex of baby except my mum and a close friend. Im going with we don't want to find out to stop all the questions. we have a name picked out but not sharing that yet either.
Had my last mw appointment yesterday, also only managed a dribble of wee. She said there was A trace of protein in there, although it was such a small sample i bet there was more protein than wee. She said keep an eye on it in case it turns into water infection. 6 days to go, and i just packed the bag!

apparently that's how the uterus contracts back to its original size quicker if you choose to breastfeed.

Oh God... I actually completely forgot about this! Just when you think the pain is over... these are almost as bad as childbirth contractions
Thankfully they don't last too long!

@LolaLollypop I feel like so long as I don't feel sick or have acid reflux any more after birth then I can cope with anything. Contractions after can't be as bad as during surely??

Just about to try out my new tens machine on my aching back so I know what I'm doing in labour - either stupidly or naively, I've agreed with my consultant it's best to just try tens and water bath for pain relief as all meds tend to make me throw up and the anti sickness meds never work either. Kind of got myself whipped up in to a state about being or feeling sick the whole time before it's even started so thought, if I can be relaxed knowing I'm not having any of that stuff and just Hypnobirth, tens and pool then that would be better!?!?!

Guess I won't know until it's too late so I'm trying to be chill and just go with it.

I'm in a similar position @ginny1234 - am allergic to morphine which rules out pethidine, most labour drugs are opiate based 😭

@Ginny1234 no, they're not as bad but they came as a bit of a surprise for me first time as I didn't know anything about them. I think I was expressing for my daughter (she was poorly so couldn't BF at first) and remember feeling like WOAH what is happening down there!! It's a strange feeling but as I said, it does pass quickly

I am emetophobic @Ginny1234 and it was only my fear of vomiting that made me refuse all pain relief with DD, until I was literally about to push and felt like I couldn’t go on (they told me I would have hours left when I actually was ready to push so they gave me pethidine just before she was born.) They kept me topped up with anti sickness drugs throughout labour which also act like a kind of sedative. I never tried gas and air because I was so scared it’d make me feel sick!

My midwife and GP have signed off tablets and an injectable antiemetic, they are in my bathroom ready to go for homebirth! Promethazine teoclate and prochlorezapine are the two you can have I believe. Maybe if you start on those immediately in labour? Are you scared of being sick? I found the tens fantastic and it got me through, but remember when you get in the water you have to take it off, I hated it I had a bath and immediately regretted it because I still felt the contraction and couldn’t get out quick enough to put my tens back on!

Omg yes I really hated the after contractions, I naively had no idea I’d have to push out the placenta 😂 it was bloody massive, bigger than the baby. And they push on your tummy to help you deliver it which just feels so weird after the baby is out!

I found the uterus contracting back down after birth lasted for a long time when breastfeeding, probably a couple of weeks, until my postpartum bleeding slowed down, it didn’t hurt but (sorry TMI) it made it gush more when she was feeding, like a really heavy period. Although by 4 weeks bleeding had completely stopped and I do think breastfeeding helped with that.

Is anyone having any twinges? I just want it over with now!! The nerves are killing me lol x

Thanks for the warning @LolaLollypop and @hazandduck, no one has mentioned that before so better not to be a surprise. I figured it must be like period pains or something but hadn't figured on the timings or intensity.

@hazandduck that's helpful, thanks. I'm not scared of being sick in a phobia sense, just know It will feel awful - been sick the last few weeks and my whole bump massively contracts inwards and I know I'll be thinking about that and trying not to be sick rather than concentrating on whatever contraction stuff I'm supposed to be doing. Think it will also be distressing for the baby. Being sick when you're ill is different as well because once you've got up everything bad in your tummy, you tend to stop. When it's because of meds though it just goes on and on without respite and that's what I find so horrible. Also, I often pass out when being sick - it a brain/oxygen thing but I keep telling this stuff to doctors, nurses,paramedics etc. And they never believe me! I think they all just think I'm being overly dramatic- until I'm throwing up and passing out all over the place then they suddenly leap in to action when it's too late.

To be fair, those experiences were during miscarriages so maybe it's different, I don't know.

Placenta: what's better, injection or natural? I'm thinking natural just because less meds but I don't know 🤷🏼‍♀️

Placenta: what's better, injection or natural? I'm thinking natural just because less meds but I don't know 🤷🏼‍♀️*

Also just following on from this.. anyone thinking of doing delayed cord clamping? I didn't get a chance to with DD and said to the midwife this time around I just wanted the placenta out and everything finished asap but she suggested this is good for baby as they get lots more blood, oxygen and nutrients whilst the cord is still clamping.

I have an extra lobe on my placenta which one midwife helpfully said can cause more bleeding (why did she tell me that!!) So feeling a bit nervous about everything again. Part of me just wants them to whip it out as quickly as possible but then into want baby to get those extra nutrients if possible...

I guess maybe I'll just wait and see how the labour/birth goes.

I wanted to make a recommendation for everyone who listens to podcasts. One of my fav ones is called "the dream" which is about MLM and Wellness type scams.

Anyway there was a recent episode on pregnancy, labour and birth and it's reaLly really worth a listen.

It talks about delayed cord clamping in that and the evidence of benefits is limited apparently. I'm having a managed 3rd stage as I haemorrhaged last time and would rather avoid this time ! I don't see meds as a bad thing though, so it's personal preference I guess.

I'm not anti meds either @doublebarrellednurse - whatever means to an end we need!

Just intrigued about the benefits for the baby. I'll check out that podcast, thanks.

May also do a separate post on the general pregnancy board to see what people think.

I had the injection to deliver it as quick as possible, I just wanted it over with! And I’ve opted for it again. I know what you mean about cord clamping I’ve read of the benefits but to be honest after giving birth I just want it all to be over quickly, get the placenta out and start my recovery. I know it is personal preference but especially where I’m hopefully going to be at home I’d rather not delay the placenta coming out and risk having to transfer to hospital.

That sounds awful @Ginny1234 :( One thing I hate about pregnancy and childbirth etc is how your concerns are so often dismissed or belittled if you get a bad doctor or midwife. I’m guessing it’s for another thread but I was treated like a child almost when in labour at the hospital with midwives I didn’t know, as if I just couldn’t handle the pain when really I was actually ready to push! My midwife is amazing thankfully and I feel so much better knowing she will be with me this time. You have to tell your birth partner to be assertive and stick up for you and what you want, in case you don’t feel like you can coherently express it at the time. I too had a traumatising miscarriage before DD I’ve never lost so much blood, more than when I actually had my daughter. I’m really sorry you went through that but I will tell you now, the moment your full term baby is in your arms you realise all that suffering was worth it x

Thanks @hazandduck , sorry you went through that too. I definitely do have my eyes on the prize and will do anything to get him safe on my arms. I think that's probably why I'm a bit overthinking about things, I just couldn't bare for anything to go wrong now.

Yeah, I hate it when they assume you're thick because you're not a medical professional. I like to think I'm fully read up on things that happen to my body and also know my own body enough to speak up. I'm a biological scientist for my job so have a few times felt I had to tell them that so they know I'm not retarded and get what's happening to me. That usually helps but I feel like a dick then though 🙄

@LolaLollypop I've been thinking the same thing about just getting it over with. I had thought though that the delayed cord cutting was really important so thought, well if I'm waiting for that, then I may as well wait for the placenta because the midwife said the injection doesn't do as good a job at getting it all out as your body does, so there is more blood/clots and longer recovery afterwards. I'm still it two minds really so might just leave that one to see how I feel at the time.

I'm all for empowerment and choose and everything but sometimes wish it was all just done for me! It's hard making decisions when you're up the duff!