The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

Yeah I did, but I actually moved clinics... I've yet to attend new one. After she called me a whitterer I thought it was time to go somewhere else. That was because I asked about headaches and toxomolosis. She was aware that this is my fifth pregnancy and that I have one child too. She said sounds like you're going to be a whitterer the whole pregnancy

I'm pretty sure you can change midwife if you want @Frillyfarmer.

Wow, she sounds charming @Rubyroost... I've only had one midwife that I've really not liked so far. I'm obviously anxious because of my miscarriages and she basically just said I should be medicated, all the others have been really sympathetic and reassuring but she was cold and a bit of a b*tch to be honest.

@Beaglemum93 sorry to hear that you have been having pain too. My baby is engaged and my cervix has lowered but not thinned. I'm 2 weeks behind you though. Shame your midwife couldn't see you before 39 weeks. I'm now having some bleeding that I need to keep an eye on, likely just to be irritation from the swabs they did but I'd appreciate it if it stopped soon.

@Beaglemum93 you'll be fine. Just insist on an induction as early as poss. Thats what I did, good job to as five days after induction started he arrived exactly two weeks late and by c section.

Congrats @Melpops36 and welcome George!!!

@Frillyfarmer I'm sure you can change midwife if you are not happy with your current one and have had a better experience with another.

@Rubyroost I know you've mentioned that midwife before but I'm still flabbergasted that she said that to you. I would have been livid. So unprofessional.

@Beaglemum93 yours sounds pretty awful too. What is it with midwives and poor bedside manner. I'm so grateful I like mine, although my GP practice nurse said she's like Marmite lol, some love her and some really don't. Practice nurse went to school with my hubby lol so acquainted with her outside of her work.

@TwittleBee hugs!!!!!! Horrible anniversary to have. Hope you're being looked after.
What does it mean if it's not actually eroding?

@Bluebelltulip hope the pain goes away if all else seems to not have moved towards start of labour. Is that how it is though in late pregnancy? Just get period like pains? Guess I will learn more at the antenatal class next weekend but I presume they can't give you info on every single little symptom.........

Thank goodness it's now the weekend! On my way home on the tube - oh joys but at least people have been lovely and offered seats on both trains. I'm just so tired. Spoke to my manager this morning and sent email asking to take annual leave that I have left to bring forward my last day in office before mat leave actually starts. If it's agreed then I can finish at 36 weeks which right now is sounding more doable given how I'm feeling at the moment. I feel bad but I need to just look after myself and Bubsy. Bubsy is the most important person in all this. I think I need to find a way of sleeping more. I'm sure being this knackered can't be good for baby.

@Melpops36 Congratulations! He's adorable! Xxx

@Melpops36, congratulations he looks very handsome and congratulations on the quick labour to.

@KnitKitty sorry to hear about the reduced amniotic fluid. Will you get more monitoring? Is there such a thing as a safe methord to increase it?

@Twittlebee, thank you for answering that question. Hope you are well. Anniversaries are not easy.

@Beaglemum93, I have no good advice except not everyone reacts to inductions the same way. It is mostly people who have bad reactions that discuss it the loudest. Everyone else, only mention getting induced only after someone asks them directly how they gave birth/ labour started. But I might have interpreted your post wrong, hope you get an uncomplicated birth that starts on its own soon.

@Bluebelltulip, I hope you get to go home soon after that scare, but I'm thinking you are a little bit early. Now I see there been some bleeding. Have you told labour ward about it?

@frillyfarmer, not midwife but I have changed hospitals on my own accord and this time by a doctor who sent over a referral (because the hospital hadn't replaced a retired doctor or covered for another one on maternity leave & they were the only ones specialising on insulin pumps). First time around I just self referred myself to the new hospital and told my old hospital the hospital buildings were causing me anxiety (there is only so much grounding techniques can do when you fighting to remind yourself this is a different pregnancy even though you love your health care professionals).

@Rubyroost, I agree with InDreamland, that was very unprofessional of her.

@InDreamland, I hope your annual leave request is accepted swiftly.

I told my ds1 about this pregnancy after my scan. I now regret it. He got very happy on hearing the good news, but I assumed it was going to be similar to last time. He is older I must remind myself. He is 6year old going on 60 years. Yesterday he asked me if I could feel baby move. I said no. He then said I think baby is dead, don't worry mom baby will go to heaven and play with ds2. I stopped him and told him it is to soon to feel baby moving properly as it don't have a lot of strength. He then said you told daddy you felt baby move the other day. That was true as I only think I felt flutters and I told dh after bedtime. I do remember ds1 going to the toilet but I was unaware he was listening in. I know tomorrow I will have a separate conversation on not listening in on other people's conversation.
That was an unexpected conversation. I don't think I managed to convince him but only a scan can reassure him. But this conversation has got my anxiety very high. What if I book a scan and he is right? Or I have a good scan and he gets upset I left without him & he stops believing me? It's late and low sugar woke me up. I'm probably making it a bigger deal than it is. Now I need to tell dh what ds1 said before I leave for work later so he could be more aware of ds1 feelings and give him better reassurance than I could.

@InDreamland I hope you get your annual leave approved. Both of my labours have started with period pains which is why I panicked a bit yesterday, the start of labour can vary though and I'm sure it will be covered in your class.

@Notnowokay bleeding has now stopped so home and told to rest and go back if bleeding starts again or if pain gets worse. Got my next consultant appointment on Monday as well. I find it hard to manage DD"s expectations about this baby, she's younger than your DS but does worry about this baby being poorly too. Would he understand if you explained that at this stage you may feel some very small movements but that it will be a while until anyone else can and that you may not feel them all the time. I can understand that it has made you worry.

So I've had an eventful night. My waters started to go at about 2:30am but I wasn't 100% sure. I started having irregular contractions then too (ranging from 3-8 minutes apart). At about 4:45am I got up and was sure my waters had gone (and they were tinged with pink). I went into the PAU and they've confirmed it and they're pretty sure the tiny amount of blood is from my cervix because since the first gush they've been normal coloured. I'm home now but I have to go back at 4pm if nothing is happening on it's own.

Wow @Beaglemum93 good luck!

Good luck @Beaglemum93 !

@Melpops36 beautiful boy! Congrats!
@frillyfarmer I thought you could change midwives because I’ve had a different midwife at every appointment. Surely they won’t know exactly when you give birth and who will be on shift, so it doesn’t matter who you have? Could you request this other midwife by name and say you feel anxious and found her very reassuring? I’ve seen other ladies at reception say “could I book in with someone different next time” and it hasn’t been a problem. Maybe it’s different if it’s done through your surgery.
@knitkitty sorry you have this to deal with. To reassure you my friend had low fluid levels. She rested and drank lots of water and the fluid did recover and all was well. I don’t think it’s uncommon but it’s good they’ve picked it up and will monitor.
@Notnowokay that sounds very difficult. I would say get your DH to field all those tricky questions and reassure him, as that will be stressful for you.
@Beaglemum93 eek all the best for a safe arrival, soon you will meet your little one! xx

Wow, so much happening at once! Good luck @Beaglemum93!!

@Beaglemum93, good luck.

Thank you for the advice ladies. I was just feeling low this moring but better now. After I scared dh (He needed reassurance to lool, but that is because of how I phrased it). Need to be more considerate to dh he, himself had temporary forgotten I was early and not feeling baby continually at this stage is normal. All he heard was baby and no movements and got scared. He was fine after catching his breath and I will see later how their talk went. I'm 15weeks +5 right now and I believe I felt flutters few days ago. This is the fourth pregnancy I reached this far, which I think is made it possible to feel very small flutter which is similar to a spider walking inside of me at the same spot. Light but definite movements I felt one night. I'm sure there are no spiders in my tummy and I get gas but they are stronger.

@Beaglemum93 good luck. x
@Notnowokay kids are so much hardier than we realise, explain the movements thing and I'm sure he'll be fine.

I'm getting hiccups (25) already, I don't really like the hiccuping and sure started later with my little one.

Mil came over today asking me for a date, told her I don't have one as not sure when c section will be. Apparently she needs to know as people are asking and want to know a date. . I know I'm going to have to tell her when my c section is as she'll have to look after toddler, but I'm not sure why the need to tell every Tom dicj and Harry. It really irritated me last time everyone messaging every day asking when baby will be here (14 days late) so this time I won't be sharing.

Also don't know what I'm goinf to do about the fact she'll expect to visit every other day to cuddle baby, no helping, just cuddling baby and then wandering off for a fag and then making a noise when she goes to wake baby up so she can say goodbye. 😡 I've started to think about these things now and how irritating it was in the early days when I just wanted to be left alone. She also invited her mates over and got funny when I said it wasn't convenient. 🙄

Sorry, super busy and will reply properly later but couldn't not say good luck @Beaglemum93!!!

@Rubyroost no way - I wouldn't be having that! Can you have a frank word with her, or just lock the doors and hide upstairs until she gets the message?! The smoking would send me over the edge by itself but the frequent visits would also piss me off!

Complete selfish post. Bleeding is getting worse, I'm 11+4 and I'm sure this has to be a bad sign now? How can it get this bad?

@Twittlebee I'm really sorry you're going through this. I don't know how bad bleeding can get and still be alright, though I have heard of women bleeding quite a bit in pregnancy and all still okay. I have my fingers crossed that the bleeding will stop and your baby will be okay. When is your 12 week scan, get to the epu on Monday if it isnt then?!

Hi @Twittlebee I'm so sorry you're still having to deal with this. I bled all the way through DD pregnancy (was horrible) and some of those were big gushes of bright red. They never really found a reason, cervical ectropian was bandied about, but I am proof that it can happen. I want to make you feel better but I don't want to patronise you. How bad is the bleeding? Are there clots or are you cramping? You're not alone. We are here with you xxxxxxx

Thank you both.

I've text my MW, hoping she can squeeze me in Monday but tbh I reckon she will just tell me to wait till Thursday - tbf, what can they do anyway?

It's big chunks of pink and red, really does seem like flesh (oh sorry so TMI!)

@Notnowokay I've got another growth scan on 17th. They said they'll be keeping a close eye on me. I don't think there are methods in particular to increase the fluid. From a quick Google it looks like I may need to rest more, but the consultant didn't say anything about it at the appointment. (I'm not doing an awful lot anyway...)
That sounds like a really tricky situation with DS1. Conversations with kids can really throw you off guard sometimes and this sounds like one of those. I think you probably just need to keep reassuring him as much/often as possible.

@Beaglemum93 Hope everything is going okay! Thinking of you.

@Mistymeow Thanks hun, that is reassuring.

@Rubyroost Urgh! What is it with people not understanding that everything should be the parent's (and most importantly, mum's) decision/choice how things happen before/during/after birth. Tell DH to sort her out...

@Twittlebee Hand holding and supportive hugs. xxxx

Big hugs @Twittlebee. That sounds horrible. Obviously we can't say whether it will be ok but I am sure I have read that Hemotomas can cause bleeding like that. Whatever the cause you must be going out of your mind. I hope the midwife gets back in touch and that they can see you sooner than Thursday. You could also look to book a private scan? I know you say they can't do anything but the not knowing is just shit. Hand holding and sending hugs. Is your husband with you? xxxxx

Thanks everyone, I'm heading to A&E as MW told me to just head straight there