September 2019 #9 - for Twittlebee **title edited by MNHQ**

[IVEgottheDECAF]

New thread ladies as i feel the end of the last one may fill quickly following last nights news!

Once again congratulation Twittle & family

@Stroan it's really hard- you rationalising is who you are, and the team should be able to see what is needed anyway. But yeah, being really clear about your distress and that it's real, can only help.
Have you had help with the unwanted thoughts? I get those in the newborn period, and I've learned to just notice them, and recognise them for what they are, just passing horrible thoughts that have emerged. They don't make you (or me!) a bad person. They are just there, and they go.
Your first 4 months were horrific so you'd be more "abnormal" to NOT be struggling during and after them!!!

@Megan2018 it hugely depends on where you started. I put on 10kg in the first trimester with DC1 and nobody batted an eyelid (they only weighed me for the first time at 10 weeks...) and another 12kg by the end, to no comment. I'd started out underweight (I calculated retrospectively), so it was fine and good and proper (and DC1 was a whopper as was his placenta, I'd lost 10kg by the time I left hospital!). Other friends have started out overweight and had hassle for much smaller gains (and totally healthy babies- there is weightism at work too...)
On the whole, putting on too much is better than too little, within reason in both directions.

Ooh @happydays00 someone bought me a sorting hat bath bomb once (goes the colour of the 'house' you're in). I only have to look at a bath bomb and I get thrush but thought it was a cute idea none the less! Not sure where it was from but think they have them in Etsy and Amazon.

@Megan2018 I'm pretty sure that's absolutely fine! I think NHS says average gain is about 12kg total and most of that should be in third trimester. I'm not sure how it differs with starting BMI etc but seems like you're on track. I've packed the scales now ready to move so god knows when I'll find them again!

@dustydoorframes not really, I probably rationalised them too much. They were slightly more than just fleeting thought, a bit of googling and a discussion with my midwife for example. But again, no-one seems to really take it all that seriously.

Thank you for listening and understanding by the way, it helps

My BMI was slightly over at booking in, 26 (I think it should be under 25?) but then I lost weight as had zero appetite much of first trimester.
I don’t look any bigger apart from bump so I don’t think particularly gaining (apart from the cankles which must weigh a ton ).

As long as 4.3kg doesn’t sound horrific that’s ok! No-one has commented on it so assumed if it was terrible they’d make some noises.

@stroan it sounds like you need a list of things to talk through on Tuesday, so you don't accidentally minimise your concerns. We are socialised to say it's all fine and look after other people's emotions, it's really hard to switch modes and say "no, I'm not ok and here's how". I think you are doing a brilliant job at it, bringing it up here and pushing for help. Not easy! And I think it's such an important thing for us to model for each other and for our daughters (and sons for that matter...). It's ok to wobble, and we are entitled to help! So thank you for being so open, it's really important.

@Megan2018 I've put on 6kg and am 29 weeks. The whole world and their granny have commented on how my bump is still so neat so I thought maybe it wasn't enough but I measured exactly at 28 weeks at the midwife last week and she didn't mention weight at all, in fact it was me who asked to stand on the scales! 4.3kg doesn't sound too different to me, especially if you know you lost weight to begin with.

I was about 9-10kg up too db92, and that was only from booking in, not my starting weight. Oops. And I don't feel like I've gone too crazy either, I've not had any cravings or anything. But at the beginning only food carbs!) stopped the nausea, and I have had bread every day this pregnancy.

@Stroan if the nurse doesn't listen go to your GP and ask for a referral. I wasn't getting anywhere with people. I think they found it confusing that I didn't fit the PND criteria so their questionnaires didn't pick up much of an issue because I wasn't depressed.
I found it really helpful when they explained ptsd to me. It's basically that your brain is unable to file away the traumatic memory. It sits there similarly to a short term memory and feels real as if it's happening to you know. But with some work it can become a real memory. Sounds waffly but having experienced the difference since getting cbt the difference is huge.
It's natural to be scared after a traumatic birth! But some people need a bit more attention and acknowledgement. Nothing wrong with that! Do pm me if you want to chat more!!

Just popping on quickly to let you know that sadly our little boy died just past midnight. We had him with us for 5 days but he was so tired from fighting, everyting was slowly failing and so we took him off life support to die in my arms.

I wish you all the best of luck and happiness with your babies. Lots of love xx

@Twittlebee
Just saw your facebook post, there are no words, so truly sorry for you and your family. Thinking of you all through this devastating experience, you’ve been so strong. I hope you are getting the support you need xx

I'm so so sorry TwittleBee. Thinking of you and your family x x

I am so very sorry Twittlebee, sending you so much love x

So incredibly sad for you all @TwittleBee ❤️ Always here if you need to rant, laugh or cry. It’s been an honour to have read little snippets of Roy’s journey xx

@TwittleBee wishing you all the love and strength you need to get through this. I'm so sorry, your little boy knew the most loving mummy.

Twittle you’ve been in my thoughts and my heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. Wishing you and your family all the strength you will need in the upcoming days, weeks and months.

@TwittleBee there are no words to convey how sad I am for you, or that can make this any better but I’m thinking of you and your family. I hope you are surrounded by love and support. Xxx

@TwittleBee Words cannot describe how sorry i am to read your post. You are so brave and such a special mummy to your lovely boy Roy

@TwittleBee I am so very very sorry to hear that. You and little roy will be in my thoughts today. Please look after yourself lots of love.

@TwittleBee Nothing to say but will be thinking of you and your family. Remember what an amazing mummy you are. I am so sorry.

I'm so very sorry @TwittleBee. No words will make a difference but sending lots of love.

@TwittleBee Sending you love and strength, I’m so sorry to hear such sad news. You’ll get through this a day at a time and come out stronger. When you’re ready, SANDS are really good, I joined them when we lost our little girl last year, I also follow FeatheringtheEmptyNest on Instagram who is such an inspiring mum who has also been through baby loss and has some good blogs. Will be thinking if you lots over the coming days xxxxx

I’m so very sorry @TwittleBee. You and your family are in my thoughts xxx

@twittlebee
I am so, so sorry to read of your news. I can't imagine what you are going through.
Please always know we are here to support you. Thinking of you and your family at this very sad time.

@TwittleBee I'm sure there's nothing I can say to match the emotions right now. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I hope you will always treasure the short time you all spent together. Wishing you and your family lots of love during this time.