September 2019 #7

[easterbuns1]

I get nervous when it's so close to post 999..:

Ah the leg cramps stroan I remember those well from my last pregnancy, but touch wood I haven't had any so far.

DS is still being crap with his sleep, so I'm up several times a night and I'm feel pretty shit tbh. Not feeling very supported by DH and it's just causing me more anxiety wondering how the hell I'm going to deal with 3 of them. Also started to worry about money, if I can't afford to pay nursery fees then I won't return to work. I've always been massively independent, had my own money for things and really worries me that I'll have to rely on DH. I guess I can already feel the lack of support and isolation setting in and that's before the babies are even here!

I have got impressive cankles!

No other symptoms so I think it is just the heat - seeing MW on Monday though so will mention it.
I am vigilant for pre-eclampia as my friend had a crash EMCS at 30 wks due to a severe case last year (they both survived thank God!) but I genuinely think it is just fluid and nothing sinister. I feel really, really well.

Oh leg cramps are horrible. They were actually worse than labour pains for me! Really scared to get them again this pregnancy.

Crap sleeping is getting to me so I'm sorry to see a few others are suffering too with it.

Argh need to vent - my boss has been an absolute knob ☹️

So yesterday went into work, vommed at 9:30am (I've had no morning sickness throughout, there have been 2 others with d&s bug in the office in the last week) by 10am stomach cramps were so painful and I could feel I was going to be sick again so went home. I took work with me as I'm on holiday Friday and Monday and I'm seriously far behind with my own work as I'm always being sidelined to help others with their crap, as well as attempting to write a job manual for my role. I assumed I wouldn't go in today as you know, enough of us have had it in the office as it is, plus after a day of throwing up who feels great?

So, boss wasn't in on Monday as he had to take his dog to the vets as his wife (SAHM) was out and about (lovely lunch photo on fb!) so couldn't take him, Tuesday and yesterday he was off as he had a cold which has progressed into an ear infection- sounds like what I had over bank holiday weekend) now he's being all grumpy because I didn't tell him I was in holiday on Friday and Monday - he authorises the holidays!! Plus I actually am working from home, despite actually not feeling up to it, just to try and catch myself up, and getting far more done as I'm not being constantly interrupted.

He sent another email saying he "needed" something of HIS - not at all in my role - doing by Tuesday so I said I'd have to come in Monday as I have my own stuff to do by Tuesday (payroll etc.) which is a hard deadline, so if Tuesday was a hard deadline then I'll need to come in on Monday. He's said not to come in on Monday but it does need doing by Tuesday - impossible to do that and what I need to do.

We've also just had a chat about cvs I sent him on Monday for my cover - and one of the people he doesn't want to see as they have young children, and you know, hmmm young children, it'll be a problem. Riiight, so despite the 16 years I've worked there am I going to be considered a problem now too because all mothers with young children cause issues?

I've tried not to let it get to me but I've just sat crying for half an hour, I'm tired and ache and clearly nothing is good enough. I've had no pregnancy related time off sick but I did have a day in January, and went home early one day last month and yesterday. I don't know what to do. Sorry for long rambling post but he's made me feel really shitty about everything, I'm really trying and I can't help that I've gotten sick a few times 😪

@kyles101 none of that is ok. I'm sorry he's being so difficult. Has his approach changed since you've been pregnant?

He can't refuse to interview someone on the basis of having kids! That's discrimination, although how does he know?!

Unfortunately, many people do find that they are treated differently when they go back. So wrong, but so common. Hopefully he's just in a bad mood!

Ugh he sounds like a turd kyles101. And this person with young children, are they a woman? Or do men with young children become a problem as well?

Oh no Lavellan, don't be silly. Men couldn't possibly be impacted by having small children at home, that's for the women to worry about....

I honestly despair of the working world. My husband got a promotion after we had DD and during the process he was congratulated for managing to do so well after having a child. Meanwhile, I was being demoted and made redundant.

I seriously hope that no-one here is ever affected by pregnancy or maternity discrimination but Pregnant Then Screwed is a wonderful charity who offer fantastic advice and support.

Oh gosh - that is so awful on so many levels @kyles101

I really don't know how I'd react to that! I am so grateful to work in public sector where nothing quite so awful occurs (it is not perfect by any means but nothing like this). I could earn much more in private sector but it would not be worth it!

I can imagine this makes you very wary for yourself when you return. Is it just your line manger or is this symptomatic of the wider organisation?

Don't work through your leave - it really isn't your problem, and take all the time off sick you want. Why should you be trying to accommodate when he behaves like that?

No, it's always been like that to be fair @Stroan - a consultant working with him once asked me if I was planning I'm starting a family any time soon as if I was I couldn't be part of the management team, and his attitude towards women with kids has always been the same. Older ladies and men are fine to employ but not women of a child bearing age - it's a good job I got in whilst I was young and he wasn't the boss!! Sorry to hear about how you were treated too - it's honestly not fair and makes my blood boil. What do these people think will happen to the human race if women collectively refuse to reproduce??

@Megan2018 it's the md who is also the owner and the only person I'd consider my line manager if you like. It's so frustrating because he can genuinely be so kind and considerate in other ways, but only if it doesn't particularly affect him - my going off is going to mean he's going to have to pick up a lot of the slack, because a good proportion of what I do isn't typical of my "role" hence constantly juggling and being so far behind.

Want to hear the best bit - he's just booked in 3 hours of interviews in for us on TUESDAY - the same day that I was going to be struggling to get what he wanted doing by anyway. I'm going in on Monday.

It definitely makes me feel hugely anxious for when I go back.

Oh that is so shit kyles101 and would you feel confident calling him out on it? I called a previous boss out on it and although it didn't change his perspective it did give me then the motivation to quite and find a new job.

Talking of pregnancy discrimination... So I'm sure a few of you will remember me being made redundant at 12 weeks pregnant. Well 2 months since then I've seen that job now advertised! So clearly they weren't having to make cut backs at all! I'm so pissed off. Just grateful I'm happy in my new job!

Urgh twittle what a-holes. So pleased you're happier now though.

I just left a really uncomfortable silence on the phone when he said about it being because she had young kids... if he says much more then yeah, I will ask him if making me feel shit about being pregnant is his intention with these comments. I'm trying not to let it get to me, but we've worked together so long I am finding it a bit insulting. My annual review will be interesting - if I get it - he has been known just to avoid them.

Is one call in sick day and 2 go home early type sick days excessive? To be fair, it's more than I've ever had in a year before and it's only may.

Anyone know much about SSP?

So basically i was on SSP within last 8 weeks due to SPD. At that time i earnt enough to be paid by work. However because of that time on SSP in the last 8 weeks i now dont think i have earnt over the threshold. So what happens if i get signed back off? Really struggling

@IVEgottheDECAF I think they can be linked if less than 8 weeks apart so the earnings bit doesn't matter as it'll be "linked" to the first period if that makes sense?

Hopefully that is the case kyles will see how i am tomorrow i think , i am maxing out on painkillers every day, having to stand on public transport and my employer is ignoring requests about what i do not feel capable of doing

Oh and i have had 3 weeks off sick plus i think 3 random days so if you are unreasonable so am i!

It must be shit employer week ivegot. Have you put your request in writing? Don't they have to change things that are in their control if they are able? It's strange, I get so angry hearing about other people being treated unfairly but pretty much accept it when it's me...?

I've made requests verbally and in writing
Im basically being ignored

They are short staffed but you know what that isn't my problem is it! Not gonna hurt myself doing stuff i shouldn't be doing to save them a few quid!

Noooo, definitely not. Can you write again to them saying "I requested verbally on x date and in writing on y date to not do xyz as it is affecting my health / exasperating a problem etc etc. I have yet to receive a response so I'm confirming that I will no longer be doing xyz and do not consider them part of my duties (If it ever was - sounds like maybe not?) unless x changes are made and a risk assessment is carried out. I am still able to do abc. The attached link will explain health and safety in the workplace for expectant mothers more fully maternityaction.org.uk/advice/health-and-safety-during-pregnancy-and-on-return-to-work/"

It sounds like you're one of the select few picking up the slack when "short staffed" too!! Grr!

On another note, baby has been particularly boisterous at around midnight the last 2 nights... here's hoping for a quieter night tonight!!

Ty for the link kyles

Baby is kicking much stronger these days but not keeping me awake yet

Baby is also getting forceful here too! Mr excited came home last night after I had fallen asleep, put his hand on my tummy as was greeted with a forceful one! He was really surprised! I slept right through, though!

Heartburn is currently keeping me awake!

Urgh I've had heartburn a couple of times recently, mainly after consuming pastry so that's gone!!

I don't think the movements are waking me, think I just have some kind of insomnia on the go at the minute. So then because he/she is so active it's quite nice to enjoy it

Do they move about that much all throughout the day and we don't notice because we're busy or are they actually more active when we're resting?

I've always noticed they're more active when resting kyles101 and I know midwives kinda joke about it too.

This baby is keeping me awake / waking me up now with particularly strong kicks. Not surprised it's happening so early considering I've been seeing movement from the outside from around 16 weeks.

Leg cramps have started here too

24+1

Ive had heartburn since about 16 weeks but always get it really bad in pregnancy. Oh and none of my babies have been particularly hairy, no truth in that one! Think its because i am short (5ftish)

Phew, finally caught up!!!
Ugh to all the bad sleepers/crampers! Sorry to hear you are struggling. I've not hit the cramps yet, but I'm a hot sweaty mess already at night. The delights.
@boodles101 argh re DP. Can you two have a chat about it? The finances might be tighter, but what happens if he drops a day at work and you don't leave off working completely? in the longer term, preserving your earning power a bit is financially wise, even if it makes for some leaner years now. And men taking some of the career hit is what will start changing things for our daughters re maternity discrimination... Obvs doesn't work if it makes these years so lean you all keel over though.
@kyles101 re calling your boss out- "do you realise that what you just said leaves the company wide open to being sued for discrimination?" Might be an effective reply...
@TwittleBee do you have legal cover on your home insurance? I'd see if you can speak to an employment lawyer. You've left anyway so you've less to lose than most for calling them out on the fake redundancy.
I had a horrendous time going back after my mat leave the first time (they wanted to keep my cover and lose me). I was freelance so no rights. I know so many people who've been through it. We are not going to get this sorted for ourselves, but we owe it to our daughters to go down fighting!!!