September 2019 #7

[easterbuns1]

I get nervous when it's so close to post 999..:

They have a phone number that you can call for specific advice, but it looks like it's only open 10-1 every weekday. Definitely worth giving them a ring though!

DHs work (same company as mine) have announced a big restructure today. DH will have to reapply for his current job or another and possibly at risk of redundancy. They do this every 2-3 years so it's not completely unexpected but not exactly great timing. I know they usually don't just make people redundant for the sake of it and will find you an alternative position if the current one isn't available. But he will find out mid August what's happening, right around the time I expect twins to arrive!!
Trying not to worry but easier said than done really.

Not what you need @boodles101 as you say probably nothing to worry about but it's easier said than done.

That is a good link knobjockey!

The MA application sounds awful, the whole system is dreadfully unfair.
I am still waiting for my employer to confirm my pay - I qualify for SMP and the enhanced package and gave them everything on time - but they are crap and still not got back to me.

I want to know when my holiday pay will kick in during my 12 months off (I will accrue 7 weeks and 1 day paid) so I can work out more accurately how huge the income deficit is!

I have roughly worked out that we need £10k of savings to see us through our minimum outgoings (that's cutting all luxuries). We've got £6.5k so need to find the rest by September. We've already cut out what we can so not sure that's possible as we still have baby crap to get.
My back up plan is to ask Bank of Dad for a payment holiday (I have a loan from him for my car which I pay back monthly) - this would cover the difference. I feel dreadful asking though as they have already given us so much help towards the baby costs! But obviously of all our outgoings, the one that is unofficial is the one to not pay. The alternative is sell my car - but then we would be in a pickle as no public transport where we live and we're 8 miles to a shop.
We moved house last year and blew all our savings on that, not thinking for one second we'd get pregnant!

Oh @boodles101 that is bad timing.
Hopefully it will all turn out fine - but you could do without the worry for sure.

Ah thank you so much for that link KnobJockey that's a massive relief. Wonder where I'll stand though because my contract ends 1st Sep so technically they won't KIT days, I think, if I'm being paid ad hoc?

Re KIT and MA- you can do KIT days! I have done all of mine on my last two (self employed- so I guess it could be different if employed but not eligible for SMP?).
The rules re KIT are a bit weird- working ANY time on a day counts as one of your 10. If you work an 11th that ends your mat leave completely. They cannot be compulsory, you must decide mutually, so they may not be on offer depending on your employer if you have one.

kyles101 we are honestly so trim already! Only thing I can cut back on would be my phone when contract ends in Aug but that will only be tip of an ice berg. It's because we have a stupidly high mortgage thanks to living in Essex.

DustyDoorframes can they be KIT days though if technically my contracted ends on 1st Sep?

Hah, cross posted twittle!
Ad hoc is fine I think. Just claim MA til you have done your 10.

MA application is a pile of shit though, so confused and has me to stressed. Not fair to put this on us when we are already emotional wrecks!!!

It is! I don't understand why it has to be so LONG!

PS Boodles that's grim timing!!! Hopefully all will be well, argh!

Sorry that some of you are having a shit time too. It's no fun thinking about money etc when it should be such a happy time.

Unfortunately my consultant appointment was a fucking disaster. I ended up leaving in tears and I'm hoping I can either not see them again or make sure I don't see the same one again. He was so blasé about the baby's head measurement just glossed over it. When I asked if it was ok or not he just said the baby is plotting on the 50th centile, that it was just one measurement out and there is quite a margin for error. Which is great but his attitude wasn't great.

I went armed with my list of questions (only 6 or 7) so not loads. I asked if everything was ok by 38 weeks (so no GD no high blood pressure, no pre eclampsia) could I consider using the MLU instead of delivery unit? He just went "Not going to happen... no way. You're a VBAC so MLU is out". No discussion, he didn't even want to listen to me.

I asked what the plan would be if I got to 40 weeks with no spontaneous labour. His reply... "Oh just go for a c-section, so much easier". At that point he closed my notes and kind of herded me out of the room telling me to book an appointment in 4 weeks. I barely got the appointment made before bursting into tears.

I know he's just one consultant, but the last one I saw was so encouraging about VBAC and reading up on my options etc. I've spent weeks doing research, a hypnobirthing course, I went in feeling so positive. But now I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. If that is the consultants attitude I don't feel like they will even want to consider what I want, just what is easier.

I managed to ask why I couldn't use the MLU and it's because of my BMI, plus because I'm a VBAC I will have to have a cannula inserted and I will have to have continuous monitoring. I know from what I've researched that isn't strictly true. Even the VBAC midwife said they could use intermittent monitoring. I'm just so pissed off.

@twittle i was going to start looking at mortgage repayment holidays..
@florence sorry to hear your experience, as previously said somewhere upthread I think medics have dealt with more complicated deliveries etc to tend toward caution. No one seems to get into labour ward without a cannula (dreading it and it’s my day job!)

Moraxella I asked about this when I was first made redundant and Halifax said that our household income isn't high enough to qualify for one!!!! So I asked if it's just there to help the rich then and not there at all to help those in need to which he replied that i could always sell my house!!!!

@Florencenotflo. That’s awful. I’m VBAC and I got told they do continuous monitoring but it’s all WiFi now so you don’t need to be strapped to a bed.

My VBAC appt we’ve discussed a pool birth with monitoring with the fancy gadgets as the ideal although I haven’t spoken to my consultant about it yet in fairness.

Wow, consultants and banks are being particularly helpful. Sorry for both of you going through this.

Sounds like a tough week all round. Thinking of those of you going through tough times ❤️

In an effort to distract myself from a crap week, I've been looking at changing bags and what you put in them? As a ftm I've no idea, do I need anything special or is it just clothes, nappies and wipes? 🤷 Any tips or tricks?

Clothes, nappies, wipes, cream, nappy sacks, dummy (if using), bibs / muslins, bottles and formula (if using), teething gel (when you reach that point), if you have a sicky baby a change of top for you is handy

@GemmaJen most changing bags are plenty big enough. Think about if you'll use a sling or pushchair more to start with. Dd was mostly in her sling, the bag I'd brought was a single strap/shoulder bag, which I couldn't carry easily with the sling. I used a regular backpack for a while. Once we started using the pushchair more the change bag was fine.

I've got a new one this time which is a backpack style, so it'll be easier which ever baby likes!

But yes, it generally contains everything (including the kitchen sink). Nappies, wipes, spare clothes, if bottle feeding - bottles/pots of formula/bottle warmer etc.

Ooh and get one with a compartment for your crap! Mine didn't and my phone, purse, keys would always end up lost at the bottom between the nappies and other crap!

The back pack style one I have now is great @GemmaJen as it has so many different compartments within it and on the outside so can find things easily - plus has an extra insert which can come out so I think the idea is it can be used either to keep phone, purse, keys in so they can easily go with you somewhere or (as I do) you can keep 1 change of clothes, wipes and a spare nappy/pants to easily take to changing rooms.

You'll find as they get older what you put in changes. If you do BF I strongly suggest a change of bra and top plus snacks and a bottle of water for yourself! Sure, you can always pick those up when you are out but I find I would get scarily hangry very quickly haha

When we did switch to formula I actually found it was easily to buy those pre-made bottles and take them out rather than worry about making up formula on the go - I was lucky though that DS wasnt fussy about having his formula warm or cold etc

I had a shoulder one for DD which was fine when we were mostly using the pram as it went over the handles. But impossible to use with a sling, although I mostly used the sling locally when I didn't really need a bag.

Got a Tiba & Marl backpack when DD Was about 1 which was perfect, but I've bought a new one for this baby that has more compartments. I like compartments and set places to put things! It helps me stay organised. We'll switch back to the Tiba & Marl one once we don't need as much paraphanelia.

And yes to having space for all your own stuff. It was essentially my handbag for a whole year.