'Due in the new year the next generation - who ate all the pies'

[Bettymamma]

I hope you all find this. I'll write a proper message once I see it works!xx

Ooh sailing sounds like fun - lovely day for it as well - I'm very jealous!!

Sorry you've been going through so much hell with your PILs Mixedmama - I think all of that would have made me have a nervous breakdown. My parents and my sister all live in Wales and are a minimum of a 2 hour drive away which is a blessing in a way, but less good for babysitting! DH's dad lives nearby but him and his girlfriend (between me and DH we have about 12 broken marriages in the family) are an absolute nightmare - he until very recently smoked 60 a day, he drinks like a fish eats the most unhealthy food, and is very crude and coarse. His gf is a Hyacinth Bucket clone but much much much worse - however she is matriarch of a large clan and has about 6 grandchildren. She has already claimed all babysitting rights and I just know she will be a very regular visitor after the birth - I just don't know how much I can cope with that.

Beller - have you considered choosing your own surname, changing by deed-poll and giving babybel this surname? Maybe it would give you and babybel a sense of your own identities a bit more? Other than that I would be very tempted to stay with Bell if you like that - not least because it is easy to spell and say. I have endless trouble with my surname (Thackray) mainly because people in this country can't spell phonetically! When booking tables in restaurants it usually takes at least 3 attempts for them to even get the name down right, let alone spell it! Me and DH (and obviously LO by then) are thinking of moving to Canada in the next ten years or so, and I dread to think how much trouble we will have with our surname over there. At least round here its a Yorkshire name and most people have at least heard it, or heard of W M Thackeray (even if its spelt differently!).

Anyway, I'm sorry I've rambled again! I'm terrible for losing my train of thought at the moment! I have no idea how MrsMac can do her big round-ups without writing it all down on a piece of paper!

MotherofZ - I just typed a whole massive essay and just thought what am i doing. They are from bangladesh and yes some of it is cultural, having said that I have always dressed in Asian clothes in their company, tried to learn bengali and been told what is the point in counting 1-10 when making a real effort to learn. They are of the opinion that my son is Bengali and he is not. I will give him everyb opportunity to see them as they will teach him Bengali and their culture but they dont want him to be British or Turkish at all. And she asked if my mum takes drugs for fgs.... and you know i said nothing.

I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown when we moved. i cried myself to sleep every single night for a year - thats not just culltural difference that is complete indifference from them.

Nobody has even asked how I am in my pregancy and my DH didnt want to tell them even.

Hey ladies feeling very and Just got into trouble due to nasty HR woman. I got a meeting invite for a trainee coffee reception just at the time of our scan on 4/9. I declined it and explained the reason. She then complained to my divisional manager I keep pulling out of things and saying that I can't do things and used the fact that I couldn't go to a training course as an example (which I missed due to the miscarriage). Manager was lovely about it and said that we just had to manage perception and she'd help me and that she?d explained to the woman that I had been through a miscarriage and was now in a high risk pregnancy and that came first. How insensitive can someone be though! upset me even though it was smoothed over What annoys me the most is that I am at everything I can be at and there is a lot of things at night that I have to go to and end up knackered after but all people see is what you can?t do rant over!!

Mixedmama - how awful! I couldn?t stand it. How dare they assume that your child is just another one of their own and that they know better? you must have much more patience than me, I?d have read them the riot act by now. It must be hard having to cope with the cultural differences too. I do really feel for you. What happens if you have a girl? Will there be trouble ahead in the values you instil etc? I was at school with a lot of Muslim girls and their parents were so strict.

Louisesj ? I think parents think that is the last thing they can wield over you, the fact that they are parents and you are new to the game. I know it?s going to be hard, I?ve seen what my sis has been through and she?s much stronger than me!

Hello Mummy2tolittleprincesses

MotherofZ ? not me!

Morning Beller I shall try to stand my ground re Xmas but I do hate upsetting people but on this occasion, I might not care! That?s nice that you and XH get on so well Enjoy Cowes! watch your balance, might start failing! Must be nice to have good friends at work, I?ve not developed any since I?ve been at this job really.

Naetha ? loved the description of your family my secret is that I do my response on a word document and then cut and paste it

Sorry for the ramble people. No more messages about IL's I promise.

MrsMc - my family are Muslim too so in terms of family values etc in essence we are the same. DH and I have very similar views to bringing up children and my dad was very strict and DH and my dad are very similar characters. Our daughter will have it quite hard as i did, but my DH is much more westernised than my dad was when i was younger.

DH has actually bought up the possiblilty of us moving to Istanbul in the next few years, which is something I have wanted to do for a very long time and we both really like the balance of solid family values, education and individual religion.

MrsMcjnr - that is awful about your work, at least your manager is standing by you. Some people are just gits arent they, presumably they ahve never been pregnant before.

Mixedmam your outlaws sound as bad as mine!! My dp went round to tell them about the baby and that we where happy, excited ext ext, then 4 days later a letter arrives addressed to DP from them suggesting I have an abortion. Ok we are young and it was unplanned but who in there right mind does that totally out of order! I have decided that when baby goes round to visit them he is taking all his noisiest toys with him and will be allowed skittles before hand! I try to not think about their nasty comments but it is hard sometimes especially when all you want is support and acceptance.

Beller ? have fun over in Cows my dad lives in Cowes and said it verybusy this week and great atmosphere im sure you?ll have fun!

Lol at Naetha?s comments about Hyacinth Bucket!!

MrsMcJnr sorry to hear about nasty HR lady, does she by any chance live on her own with lots of cats??

Question to all how often are you seeing midwife?? I went yesterday (16 wks) and she doesn?t want to see me again until 24 weeks seems like ages!

Hope I didn?t offend you, I didn?t mean to I think I assumed you were English when you said your mother was and therefore thought that that must make it hard at times My Dad was very, very strict with me so I know what it?s like too! (My Dad?s got Latin roots!) Exciting thoughts about the move to Istanbul!

Re work ? now I?m going to be really bitchy but the woman in question is about 45 dresses like she is 16 and is always outside gossiping and smoking, she is single with no kids and is pretty harsh in character, I guess it?s hardly surprising that she reported me but still totally unacceptable and bordering on discrimination in my book!

Cazzybaby ? I am sorry to hear that about your PIL. That will be impossible to forget and hard to forgive I imagine. Don?t worry though, they?ll feel very guilty about that when they fall in love with the baby Now HR does live alone probably but cats would be too good for her (I have 3!)

Cazzy - that is awful. You just need to rise above it. I try to just make sure DS has his time with them, so i can never be asked why i didnt liet him see his GPs and make a point of NEVER EVER talking about them in front of him, altho I have seen them talk about me to guests when i am in the room.

Re: Midwife. Yeah i am hardly seeing mine either. Saw her at 17 weeks and not seeing her till 23 weeks uust before my scan. She is horrid and quite pleased about this.

If you are low risk you probably wont see them that much. Even towards the end of my last pregancy i only saw midwfie every two weeks not every week as all my books suggested.

Mixedmama -
I think it is good that you've made an effort to integrate with your family - speaking from experience it is hard! I've had to learn a new language after getting married too and it take so much effort!

You haven't said if your husband will back you up or does he agree with his family? You defo need the support of your hubby before discussing with your in laws.

God, dont be silly, of course I am not offended...

LOL about your description of the HR woman. I always find HR people really unhelpful (sorry to any of you working in HR).

Agree with you Mixedmama - a lot of people in HR seem completely unsuited to the job - I think if you're in Personnel, you should be personable, but I've had loads of run-ins with bitchy HR ladies in the past.

Awful stories about in-laws. It must be so hard to deal with on top of everything else. DH only has a father so I won't have any MIL troubles (though I'll miss the potential help as well!)

the thing is with HR is i always mistakenly thought they were about the employees whereas they are actually mainly about making sure the employers are ok.

Naetha - I am happy with Bell...so maybe just stick with that? Would have only changed it to a "blood" name so choosing one dosnt really appeal, and the name Bell dosnt have any bad memories for me, just didnt work out.

Mixedmama- sounds an absolute nightmare!! HOw does your DH feel about it all, and does he say anyhting to his family?

Mrsmcjnr - Thats terrible about HR, they should know you are allowed time off for Ante natal , and thats written in most contracts? Should know better!

Cazzybaby- Thats disgusting..im sat he literally with mouth wide open!
Im the same with midwife...saw her at 16 weeks for blood results only..then again at 25 weeks, which is the first time i will actually meet the midwife! I have a scan at 23 weeks in between, but just with sonographer. I am also thinking of a home birth and have not even spoken to anyone about it yet! I phone the docs surgery yesturday and they said its ok to speak to the midwife about it at 25 weeks?!

I got the impression from my midwife that they are very overstrached and busy busy busy, maybe hense if not high risk dont really need to be seen that much, I'm not sure what is the normal as this is baby number 1!

Also has anyone else been offered an antenatal class run by NHS? And is anyone planning on going to NTC antenatal classes? (quite a long way off yet I know but I'm sure it will be here before we know it)

Cazzybaby- Havnt been offered by NHS, and i called NCT 2 weeks ago and fully booked!!! Im on a waiting list!

cazzy - i think until a problem crops up (which hopefully it wont) you are considered low risk. most seem to be overstretched to be honest. i am actually quite happy not to see her so much, she isnt very helpful when i do see her.

it is weird as i live din a different borough when i had DS and the midwife gave me her mobile number... this time i have a number for the community midwives at the hospital, incidentally my own midwife is rarely there as they sort of come in in the morning and then go off to appointments. having said that when i go to the hospital and things i find them all very helpful.

There must be a mass baby boom expected for the new year!! I was told NHS one would prob be full by now!

They do say that Christmas and New year is a busy time... I wonder why???

Cazzybaby,
We're offered a one-day antenatal course by the local hospital which I didn't think was enough (I'm a first timer with absolutely no experience of babies), so have booked onto NCT after it was recommended by a friend.
We haven't been in the area long and I know no-one apart from the people I work with, so I'm hoping it will provide a bit of a support network as well.

My antenatal classes were abit poo considering all the info available online these days. But, I did meet people out of it, one of whom i am still really good friends with, so certainly worth it on that basis. Our classes also included a tour of the units as well which meant we didnt need to do it seprately.

Dont know much about the NCT ones.... i think they are very pricey but I have heard they advocate natural birth, which is great as i think generally that is what most people want really isnt it, but i think NHS classes present the options in a less biased way. Having said that of course i have not attended NCT so this may be complete rubbish, but just the impression i got.

Mrsbiscuit- Thats what i was hoping for as wel, to meet people too, as I will be on my own..so would be god. Hope they find a place! They told me they might add another course, so fingers crossed. think they are £130 a course in my area. So no, not cheap?! x

the great thing about any friends that you make is that all your kids will be the same age as well.... my friend has a DS aswell so we have play dates and stuff.

I would also like to go to meet people in the same boat as none of my friends are even close to the having babies stage yet!!

My mum has booked me and DP into an antenatel class run privately by a group of midwifes in the area, as a christmas present!

Might be worth maybe googling to see if anything like that available in your areas??

I have also heard that NCT nearly new sales are a great place to pick up bargins!